Monthly Archives: May 2009

watch and learn

How to take over the world, one big dick at a time:


bibliotheque online TV

creepy, but it made me watch it 3 times.


one of history’s greatest entertainers

Lady Gaga continues to blow my mind. Here’s her latest video for song Paparazzi. And for those of you chasing fame (you know who you are) let this be a warning.

get your money for nothing and your clicks for free

How agency-client negotiations would sound in real life:

got this little gem from JontyFisher (who’s being quoted all over the world these days..ahem ahem New York Times) . thanks dude. funny stuff. speaking of wanting something for nothing, i got the following email this morning (i kid you not):

Hey Alix.

Found your blog on 2oceans and I can dig it. My name’s Jonah* and I’m studying Marketing at Rhodes. What I really dig about your blog is the real-world insight it gives me into advertising and it has made me set that this is the career for me. I loved your article on trendspotters – classic! I have even come across trendspotters in Rhodes.

The reason I’m writing is I’m doing my thesis on How The Conversation Killed Advertising and was wondering if you could give me some pointers. I’m basically looking for businesses that are been using alternative media for their advertising campaigns rather than TV, radio, billboards etc. Basically businesses using facebook or youtube and such. Could you send me a write-up of your XXXXXXX Campaign? I heard it was a great success from reading some other marketing blogs, and one of my course tutors said he saw you speak at a short course he did. It doesn’t have to be long, point-form is fine, and include any relevant pictures. Thanks I’d appreciate it very much if you could oblige me. The first draft of my thesis is due at the end of June so if you could basically get it to me by the end of next week it would be fine.

Jonah*

*Name has been changed to prevent extreme ridicule.


~~~~~ He actually gave me a deadline. It’s too good. When I received this, I printed it out and rubbed it all over my face, letting the ink seep into my skin in an attempt to become *one* with the email. My reply: ~~~~~

Dear Jonah

Thank you so much for contacting me. I have heard about you – in fact, we as an industry have all heard about you and your talent, and are waiting with sweet anticipation for you to get your degree so that we might snap you up into our ranks where we have no doubt you will use your insight into non-traditional advertising to transform the industry.

I will begin my write-up on the XXXXXX campaign immediately. Basically, I have a host of deadlines going on, including writing rationales for my agency’s Loerie Awards Entries, which I will put on hold so that I can get to writing up the case study of the XXXXXX campaign. I will be sure to place all information in succinct prose where point form does not suffice, and will send an instruction to DTP immediately for them to resize all images from the campaign so that you are satisfied. Would you like me to courier over the disc with the information in it? Or would you prefer that I deliver the disc in person? Basically, I’d be honoured to be of service to you in any way. It’s my grandmother’s birthday this evening but I will happily cancel and drive through to the Eastern Cape to make sure you get all the information you might need.

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s anything more I can do for you. I could offer to write your thesis for you, perhaps? I am a copywriter after all. Anything. You just basically let me know.

Yours in anticipation, basically,

Alex

Psychographic Profile: I am a TrendSpotter

Please excuse my purple leotard, it is because I am an early-adopter and trend-aware.

Please excuse my purple leotard, it is because I am an early-adopter and trend-aware.

I am a TrendSpotter
I am employed by that company who’s name you can’t quite remember,
That tells you things you already know,
That’s run by some old guy who has a crush on my youth,
But you nod and smile politely and what I have ‘spotted’
Because I am young and enthusiastic,
And you kind of feel sorry for me
And my misguided efforts.

Im just another trendwatcher / telling you something you already know

"I'm just another trendwatcher / telling you something you already know"

I am a TrendSpotter.
I say this with pride because in high school
I was never very ‘trendy’,
I was always kind of nerdy,
And I always got the badly-fitted, cheap version of the Latest Thing
Because my parents aren’t all that wealthy
And never aspired to much more,
Which always grated me,
Because I know I am born to be someone special.

Spending some quality time with my uniqueness. Just being there / with myself.

Spending some quality time with my uniqueness. Just being there / with myself.

I am a TrendSpotter
I scour all the cool websites the night before my deadlines,
Even though I know that everyone reads those same websites.
I take self-portraits of myself in sunglasses to make me look hot,
And I never get my whole body in, because I am overweight
(not much, but enough that it’s noticeable),
I figure when I get famous / published / a boyfriend
I will make more of an effort with what I eat
And I will be so hot
I’ll show all of you.

Am i or am i not hot? Youll never know for sure.

Am i or am i not hot? You'll never know for sure.

I am a TrendSpotter
I get worked into a frenzy over ‘new stuff’,
Even though I rarely explore the potential that the stuff has to change my life.
I’d rather move quickly onto another new thing
And get all frenzied up about that,
Because I am a trendspotter
And I cling to my title like I cling to my excuses
For drinking too much / eating too much / not getting any sex.

Hey check out this new [insert random object from coolhunting / trenwatching / neatorama / springwise / boingboing here]

I am a TrendSpotter
I tell my friends that it is ‘good experience’ for my future career in marketing,
But really it’s just a small way I can feel superior to them
For once in my life.

Like, duh.

Like, duh.

I am a TrendSpotter now
But I will eventually grow up and see
That the world of TrendSpotting is a redundant sham thanks to
googleRSStwitterfacebookcameraphonesMxitSmartPeopleInMarketing

WhoWatchTrendsBecauseTheyAreNaturallyCompetent
I will realize that the word ‘cool’ makes me sound like a naïve retard,
And I will get a real job.

All good lays come to an end, - Nelly Furtado

"All good lays come to an end," - Nelly Furtado

But right now, I am a TrendSpotter
And if anything, it’s an easy way to make money / conversation with people whose photo I take without permission / find an excuse to take photos of myself
And if anything, I already know how lame I am
But I will bury that knowledge
In my affected passion for ‘all things new’
That I will broadcast on my street fashion blog
And my twitter
And my facebook status updates.

Just updating my trend blog.

Just updating my trend blog.

I am a TrendSpotter.

Copywriter vs. 9-Year-Olds. 9-Year-Olds win.

Yesterday I had to audition a whole bunch of 9-year-olds over the phone for a radio ad. These are some of the transcripts:


Audition 1

9YO:    Hello? HELLO?
Me:    Hi sweetie, what’s your name?
9YO:    Melusi. Mrs Peers said I must phone you and tell you who I am.
Me:    Thanks Melusi, my name is Alex, and I’m going to be auditioning you for a radio ad, is that cool?
9YO:    (bored) Yes I spose so.
Me:    (apologetic) It won’t take long. Now the ad is about four 9-year old kids who are telling each other what they got their moms for mother’s day.
9YO:    I got my mom flowers.
Me:    That’s lovely. Now I’m going to read a line from the ad, and you’re going to say it back to me, is that okay?
9YO:    Okay.
Me:    Says line.
9YO:    (angry) I don’t like that line.
Me:    (apologetic) Oh, I’m sorry… (regaining control) well if you can’t read it we’ll get another little boy to read it.
9YO:    No one will want to say that.
Me:    Why not?
9YO:    Because it’s stupid. It’s stupid.
Me:    Thanks Melusi, I have to go now.
9YO:    Bye!

**********

Audition 2

9YO:    (very softly) HellothisisRobinherecanIspeaktoAlex.
Me:    Hello Robin, this is Alex love, how are you?
9YO:    I’mfinethankyouhowareyou.
Me:    Good  thanks. Robin I’m going to be auditioning you for a radio ad, are you cool with that?
9YO:    (barely audible) Yes.
Me:    Awesome. Okay, I’m going to read you the line I’d like you to say, and then you’re going to say it back to me. You think you can do that?
9YO:    (barely audible) yes.
Me:    Okay. Here’s the line. Says line.
9YO:    (barely audible) spspspspspspspspspspsps.
Me:    Good Robyn, but you have a very gentle voice, do you think you could say it one more time, just a little louder?
9YO:    Ok.spspspspspspspspspspsp
Me:    Just a little louder, honey?
SFX:    Phone goes dead.

******

Audition 3

Me:    Hello?
9YO:    (very proper) Hello may I speak to Miss Alex please.
Me:    I am Alex, who am I speaking to?
9YO:    You are speaking to Robert. How do you do?
Me:    (chucking to myself) I do fine, Robert, how do you do?
9YO:    I am very good thank you. I am calling to be in the radio ad.
Me:    That’s great Robert. It’s very simple, I’m going to give you a line, and you’re going to say it back to me as if you’re bragging, okay?
9YO:    That sounds fine.
Me:     Says line.
9YO:    Says line back, but very politely, no bragging at all.
Me:    That was great Robert. Do you think you could say it one more time, as if you’re boasting about what a great gift you got your Mom for Mother’s Day?
9YO:    It’s very rude to boast Miss Alex. Jesus tells us not to boast.
Me:    You’re right Robert, but this is make-believe, it’s just for an ad, it’s not real boasting. Just play-boasting.
9YO:    (yelling into the background) Moooooooom! This lady wants me to boast!
Mother: (from background) Just do what she says Robert.
9YO:    Fine. Says line again, boasting perfectly.
Me:    Robert, that was great! I’m going to get our producer to give you a call in the week and set up a time for a recording, okay?
9YO:   (sounding weary) No, rather have your producer call my agent.
Me:    I’ll do that. Thank you for calling Robert.
9YO:    It’s a pleasure.
Me:    Bye.
9YO:    (ripping me off) bYeEeE (slams down phone).

**************

Damn y’ulle. I haven’t felt so scared of a human subspecies in ages. And those are just 3 of the 10 auditions. After work yesterday I ran home and ate all my birth control pills at once. Do y’ulle know whether you can get pregnant by talking to a child? Feel hopelessly out of my depth.