Copywriter vs. 9-Year-Olds. 9-Year-Olds win.

Yesterday I had to audition a whole bunch of 9-year-olds over the phone for a radio ad. These are some of the transcripts:


Audition 1

9YO:    Hello? HELLO?
Me:    Hi sweetie, what’s your name?
9YO:    Melusi. Mrs Peers said I must phone you and tell you who I am.
Me:    Thanks Melusi, my name is Alex, and I’m going to be auditioning you for a radio ad, is that cool?
9YO:    (bored) Yes I spose so.
Me:    (apologetic) It won’t take long. Now the ad is about four 9-year old kids who are telling each other what they got their moms for mother’s day.
9YO:    I got my mom flowers.
Me:    That’s lovely. Now I’m going to read a line from the ad, and you’re going to say it back to me, is that okay?
9YO:    Okay.
Me:    Says line.
9YO:    (angry) I don’t like that line.
Me:    (apologetic) Oh, I’m sorry… (regaining control) well if you can’t read it we’ll get another little boy to read it.
9YO:    No one will want to say that.
Me:    Why not?
9YO:    Because it’s stupid. It’s stupid.
Me:    Thanks Melusi, I have to go now.
9YO:    Bye!

**********

Audition 2

9YO:    (very softly) HellothisisRobinherecanIspeaktoAlex.
Me:    Hello Robin, this is Alex love, how are you?
9YO:    I’mfinethankyouhowareyou.
Me:    Good  thanks. Robin I’m going to be auditioning you for a radio ad, are you cool with that?
9YO:    (barely audible) Yes.
Me:    Awesome. Okay, I’m going to read you the line I’d like you to say, and then you’re going to say it back to me. You think you can do that?
9YO:    (barely audible) yes.
Me:    Okay. Here’s the line. Says line.
9YO:    (barely audible) spspspspspspspspspspsps.
Me:    Good Robyn, but you have a very gentle voice, do you think you could say it one more time, just a little louder?
9YO:    Ok.spspspspspspspspspspsp
Me:    Just a little louder, honey?
SFX:    Phone goes dead.

******

Audition 3

Me:    Hello?
9YO:    (very proper) Hello may I speak to Miss Alex please.
Me:    I am Alex, who am I speaking to?
9YO:    You are speaking to Robert. How do you do?
Me:    (chucking to myself) I do fine, Robert, how do you do?
9YO:    I am very good thank you. I am calling to be in the radio ad.
Me:    That’s great Robert. It’s very simple, I’m going to give you a line, and you’re going to say it back to me as if you’re bragging, okay?
9YO:    That sounds fine.
Me:     Says line.
9YO:    Says line back, but very politely, no bragging at all.
Me:    That was great Robert. Do you think you could say it one more time, as if you’re boasting about what a great gift you got your Mom for Mother’s Day?
9YO:    It’s very rude to boast Miss Alex. Jesus tells us not to boast.
Me:    You’re right Robert, but this is make-believe, it’s just for an ad, it’s not real boasting. Just play-boasting.
9YO:    (yelling into the background) Moooooooom! This lady wants me to boast!
Mother: (from background) Just do what she says Robert.
9YO:    Fine. Says line again, boasting perfectly.
Me:    Robert, that was great! I’m going to get our producer to give you a call in the week and set up a time for a recording, okay?
9YO:   (sounding weary) No, rather have your producer call my agent.
Me:    I’ll do that. Thank you for calling Robert.
9YO:    It’s a pleasure.
Me:    Bye.
9YO:    (ripping me off) bYeEeE (slams down phone).

**************

Damn y’ulle. I haven’t felt so scared of a human subspecies in ages. And those are just 3 of the 10 auditions. After work yesterday I ran home and ate all my birth control pills at once. Do y’ulle know whether you can get pregnant by talking to a child? Feel hopelessly out of my depth.


2 responses to “Copywriter vs. 9-Year-Olds. 9-Year-Olds win.

  1. Lolsies. Will never forget, when I was just a young’n, walking 16 miles barefoot in the snow to the agency, and using letraset to write radio scripts, I flew to Cape Town to do a recording with Tully for a Standard Bank spot. A six year old dude, wearing a wind-breaker the size of a kite-surfer’s kite, came in. He settled in front of the microphone and was then instructed to read the script from the top. He started: “Hunt … Las … car .. caris teebee-whu-aye …”

    Sweet.

    Also, weird thing, that horse in the picture – it’s in Frankfurt.

  2. Ha ha, thanks for posting these Alex . The image of you petrified on the other end of the line makes them even funnier. Add some more auditions?

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