Monthly Archives: August 2009

27 Dinners

27 Dinners was supremely legendary. First up was our pimp-assed limo trip around the peninsula, which was a little like being on the Starship Enterprise.

Warp speed ON!

Warp speed ON!

There was champagne everywhere.

A little champagne before the show.

Mirrors and LCDs everywhere.

Mirrors and LCDs everywhere.

The boys from From The Couch, and Matt Buckland and his lady on the left

The boys from From The Couch, and Matt Buckland on the left

The view from the window as the sun went down

The view from the window as the sun went down

Arrival at Bombay Bicycle Club (the 7-Eleven makes this pic so special)

Arrival at Bombay Bicycle Club (the 7-Eleven makes this pic so special)

Red carpet paparazzi razzle dazzle

Red carpet paparazzi razzle dazzle

One of my fav LBDs - Woolworths Studio W, ladies.

One of my fav LBDs - Woolworths Studio W, ladies.

Presenting Steri Stumpie work.

Presenting Steri Stumpie work.

Getting a T-shirt thanks to RSA web.

Getting a T-shirt thanks to RSA web (click for more)

Some chill time.

Some chill time.

Onto the minor details, I gave a talk that contextualised the Steri Stumpie work we’ve been doing. I tried to show the geeks just what goes into a good messaging campaign, and how social media can be used to enhance and drive home the message, rather than social media being the idea. Sounds very complex but is basically the exact opposite of ‘The Medium is the Message’ (sorry McLuhan), which was really just some catchy l’il viral mnemonic that spread around when tactical had just exploded onto the scene. Must  say congrats to Dave and Chris for organising a supremely awesome 27 Dinners. It rocked. PS. Red carpet photos courtesy of Brandon Golding.

Dear “friends”.

Talking at 27 Dinners tonight. And they’re picking me up in this. Yes, a 6-star limousine. Suck it up. Smoke-machines and Playstations, come to mama.


Oh you drive yourself to your speaking engagements? I guess we can't be friends anymore. Think of this as 'the moment I transcended'. Miss u.

advertising people. now in comic strip format.

More of the goodness here. Thanks @leonjacobs.

I am confused. Am I a man or a woman?

Hey y’ulz. Been watching the news. App there is some chick who ran real fast now she is ‘suspected of being a man’. Makes me worry coz I can do lots of things rly efficiently which makes me worry if I am a man. What do y’ulz think? Does ‘being able 2 do something real well’ disqualify you from running in the Being A Woman Race?

Made this list of things I can do well:

I can write rly well.
I can ‘think up clever ads’ rly well.
I can ‘be witty and smart’ rly well.
I can ‘figure out html’ rly well.
I can ‘manage clients’ rly well.
I can dance.
I can jive.
I can have the time of my life.

Conclusion: I AM EFFICIENT THERE4 I AM A MAN.

Please see evidence of ‘real women’ to compare my skills with:

Clearly visible: Poon & Boobs

Clearly visible: Poon & Boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Conclusion 2: U ARE ONLY A WOMAN IF YOU KEEP SHOWING PPL YOU HAVE A POON AND BOOBS.


So bummed. Think my bf is gonna be real disappointed when he finds out he is dating a bro. At least I’m not famous so the media won’t ‘use my manliness as a hook story’ to sell papers. Hope the blogmunity is kind 2 me. Pls just remember that even tho I am now a man I am still the kind-hearted, sensitive blogger I always was. Now with peen.

How the penis works.

How the penis works.


appy appy app time

More delightful iPhone discoveries. While feeling bummed about the price of Lomos and having to ‘collect them all’, I thought to search for Lomo in the App store and… tah dahr. Happy Times. Check out some from the aptly entitled Lomo App, and the Quad Cam App. Collect them all!

LC-A Normal on LOMO app

LC-A Normal on LOMO app

Quadcam love to the poster above my bed.

Quadcam love to the poster above my bed.

Quadcam love to Sarah in the lift

Quadcam love to Sarah in the lift

Apply Lomo filters to existing shots (this ones a polaroid)

Apply Lomo filters to existing shots (this one's a polaroid)

View from the top of  Wembley Square on LC-A Normal Lomo

View from the top of Wembley Square on LC-A Normal Lomo

Thinking about ‘breaking out’ y’ulle.

Been preoccupied lately. Have so much to think about.

Been preoccupied lately. Have so much to think about.

I am an art director / copywriter
But I feel like my talents are not being used to my full potential
See, I have vision.
I am an all-round creative,
But I have been pigeon-holed as a crayon hugger / wordbird,
And I’m just not down with that shiz.
When I was at high school, I got the writing AND the art AND the drama prize,
Now, no one even knows that I can sing,
Even though I always monopolise the microphone at agency karaoke parties,
Despite the drunk sluts who try steal it to sing ‘Lady Marmalade’.
Just want people to know who I really am.
Sooooooo sick of it.

I am like the caged cheetah who chews its own paw off.

I am like the caged cheetah who chews its own paw off.

Had a deep chat with my friend last night.
We drank some wine, smoked some pot and imagined a perfect world,
Where we creatives could work together collaboratively,
And just make cool stuff,
Which made me decide to ‘break out’.
Gonna put together a Flickr site of some of my Lomo photos,
And become a film /commercials director / photographer.
I know it’s gonna be hard,
Gonna start right at the bottom again,
Will be a bitch since I now have a middle-management salary,
But you can’t put a price on creative expression,
Even if for everything else there’s Mr Card.
It’s going to be so great, working for myself,
Just me and a producer,
Making sweet black and white movies,
Taking wide-angle stills of my friends at parties,
Desaturating everything,
Living off one job for 6 months,
And not putting any money aside for tax.
I’m gonna be my own boss.

New business pitch - my way.

New business pitch - my way.

But-
Now that it’s morning and the weed is finished,
The idea doesn’t seem so great anymore.
At least the filter coffee is free at work,
Man, I have such a headache,
At least they have free panados at work,
I think I’m getting sick,
Should maybe see a doctor,
It could be ‘swine flu’,
So glad my work pays 1/3 of my medical aid.
Maybe I’ll break out and become a director next year.
Just about to pay off my car anyway,
So glad I get a car allowance from my work.
Heard you can just ‘claim back everything from tax’ if you’re freelance
But don’t really know how that stuff works.
Things get kind of fuzzy when people talk about ‘tax returns’.
I just wanna make cool stuff.
Gonna go home and open some wine and smoke a joint.

I have a lot of things to think about.

I have a lot of things to think about.

Feel so relaxed at home,
Wish I could work here always.
Maybe I should go freelance
Maybe I should start a ‘street design trendwatching’ agency
Maybe I should become a full-time illustrator
Maybe I should import cushions from China and ‘focus on money’
Maybe I should ‘start the next Melissa’s’
Maybe I should start a band
Want to make my music happen for me
Going to finish my book
Gonna enter the Fox Network animation competition
But maybe tomorrow.
Way too stoned to do it now.
Gonna rather chill on my balcony and stare at table mountain,
And make a list of what I’m gonna do.

Need some time to think.

Need some time to think.

What I’ve been working on.

I’ve had a few complaints in the last week that I’m not updating enough. Well, I’ve been busy with some very important work. Like such:

Taking advantage of the first beach-friendly days of the season.

Getting out my short-shorts and working out how to use my fish-eye lens with my iPhone.

Watching my boyfriend play with his dog.

Finding the right shade of red lipstick for my complexion.

Ambushing friends’ birthday photos with peace signs.

Taking photos of friends while they are mid-sentence.

Making my friends wear this gimmicky bird-purse on their arms.


And now you know. So quit whingeing and understand that some people have to work for a living, and that we are not all living the holiday.


What must I do this weekend?

It’s the weekend y’ulz. Not sure what to do with myself. Starting to feel like drained by being a ‘adweblebrity’. Sometimes I just wish I could live a ‘normal’ life. Marry some ‘normal’ guy and forget this online stuff ever happened. Wish the old saying ‘once you put something on the internet you can’t take it off again’ wasn’t true. Wish someone had told me how fame was gonna ‘eat me up, spit me out & turn me into a banner ad on facebook without asking for my permission’ before I released my 1st sex tape / social media campaign. Can only hope that I’m a lesson 2 y’ulz.

I love you guys. You know me better than I know myself.

I love you guys. You know me better than I know myself.

What do normal ppl do on weekends? Have heard it’s quite rad to ‘chill with a beer at &Union’ bcoz they only serve 2 types of food and say fuck-you to anyone who complains. Have heard that normal ppl ‘tolerate being treated like crap’ and actually enjoy it.

So normal. So real.

So normal. So real.

Have also heard there is some ‘party at the Biscuit Mill’ on Sat. Haven’t been to a party ‘just anyone can go to’ in years. How do the caterers manage if they don’t know how many ppl will be there? Do ‘open’ parties often run out of Moet? (that was a trick question – Moet is cheap crap).

Good times with arbs.

Good times with arbs.

Maybe I’ll venture out of the city bowl, except the ppl outside the city don’t always get ‘netiquette’ and sometimes do crass things like ‘ask 2 add me on facebook’. Worried that if I smile at someone in the southern suburbs they will take it as permission to ask to ‘pick my brain’ on their latest ‘social media activation planning schedule’ when all I want to do is shop for scented vanilla candles at The Space in peace.

What do y’ulz ‘normal people’ do for fun on the weekend?

Should I draw an analogy to myself?

Hey y’ulle. Just got tweet-fbook-wall-posted a pic out of the new ADvantage which has a line of serious looking peeps on it who are from an agency called ‘The Wild Wide West of Digital Space’. Plus they have cowboy hats on from the toy store on buitenkant. When I see this image I get the feeling that these are a bunch of rad bras who were forced to put silly hats on and ‘look hardcore’ for the shoot by a stylist who is actually an editorial assistant. No  matter, it has ignited something inside me and I realise I need to make a ‘visual statement’ if anyone is ever going to take me srsly in this biz.

yeeeeeeehaaaaaaa.co.za

yeeeeeeehaaaaaaa.co.za

Was thinking of calling up Bizcomm and asking for a press office so I can call myself ‘the Lady Gaga of Gladvertising’, and dress up in a tight costume and pad my crotch so ppl wonder if I have a peen or not. Might be a bit ‘out there’. Might not be ‘hardcore’ enough. Clients will think I spend their budget on useless hair plug-ins. Digital requires a lot of code vibes so I should probably come up with a more serious analogy for myself.

Ma ma ma mar.

Ma ma ma mar.

How about “The Joker of Digivertainmentline”.

Start a facebook group..... NOT! Ha ha, I am so funny.

Start a facebook group..... NOT! Ha ha, I am so funny.


Or, “The Hannah Montana Movie now in easy-to-read Digital Format”.

Accessible yet professional.

Accessible yet professional.


I’ll keep thinking. You let me know when I hit on a winner.

Sick of ppl underestimating me.

Im more than just an art director, okay.

I'm more than 'just an art director' okay.

Look. I’ve decided to GMFST (Get My Fucking Shit Together). Have had enough sitting in the corner being ‘the agency’s quirky designer who knows online’. I’m gonna develop my niche and show my employers I know my shit. Gonna campaign for a promotion, and gonna do that by sending out mails about ‘measuring social media’ to make the older ppl in the agency shit their pants and realise how invaluable I am.

Step 1: Scour some sites for relevant articles. Maybe follow some links on twitter.
Step 2: Copy gist of article into a mail and provide a link, knowing no one will click the link and will assume I wrote the article even tho I di’int.
Step 3: Send to allstaff with Subject that makes most people in agency feel like they don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, and don’t want to know, hence will recommend me to be responsible for anything vaguely related to social media.
Step 4: Get raise.

Ill never be afraid. Not even of the nasty writers who reply to my mails saying Im a dupe.

I'll never be afraid. Not even of the nasty writers who reply to my mails saying I'm a conartist.

Cha-ching bitches! (Just did a SIM-Alexa-Twitta-rater test on this approach and it gets a 9.5 score on the fuck-me-I’m-smart scale). PS. Don’t think I’m gonna sit on facebook executing the lame-ass campaign I came up with, just FYI. Best you hire an intern or something. I’m headed out of nowhereville going straight to the top of this food chain (that’s what the quiz I did on facebook says – you can quote it if you like). PPS. Now that I’m a social media hot-shot, don’t expect me to hang out with y’all ‘traditional creatives’ at Loeries any more. I’ve moved on.

just Mad-Manned myself.

warning: it’s quite the anti-climax.

Hmm. Thrilling.

Hmm. Thrilling.

Bet some of you are going huh? Mad Men is that really mediocre show about advertising in the 60’s that no one watched. It was filled with ‘racy mysoginism’ and references to VW’s ‘Think Small’ ads. It was written to shock us all about how women were ‘treated like fuck-toys’ and good for nothing but ‘typing up the male  copywriter’s copy’ and such shizz. That’s what it was supposed to be about. For the viewer, it was 30 minutes of a mixture between Desperate Housewives on Demerol (ie. super slow and sulky) and Law & Order (have never watched L&O but it sounds dull enough to be the father of this bastard show). Really wish they’d got Tina Fey to write it like this show, instead of some repressed copywriter who’s dad owns the holding company of the television network (WPP). Okay that last line was just a guess, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I was right. If you’re even still reading this shitty post, you can ‘MadMen Yourself’ here.

Am I authentic enough?

Worried y’ulle. Posted a bunch of my Shake It ‘roids on Facebook and some cre8ive said I was ‘inauthentic’. Want 2 die. FML. What’s the point in living if I’m not ‘authentic’. Need 2 get on this ASAP. Been thinking of ways to ‘increase my levels of  authentic output’. Since Polaroid doesn’t make film any more, am considering taking the negatives of my MSWord copywriting documents to ORMS ‘to be scanned’. Heard scanning negs is quite authentic. What do y’ulle think? Should I ‘write short stories about being high with my Yashica & submit them to VICE mag’? Should I quit my job and ‘go work in Amsterdam’? Heard that’s also quite authentic, but maybe a bit faddy.* Maybe I’ll take a job in an ‘exotic country in the East’ and then just not deal with the authenticity overload and not be real enough to stick it out and ‘get over being authentic’ & come back to my ‘reality in suburban Cape Town’. Am kinda desperate 4 some cre8ive approval here so pls let me know what u think I should do before i ‘die from being inauthentic’. Peace y’ulz. Just need ur help. And affirmation. So insecure right now.

Please send any authenticity u can spare 2 alex@mybrandedlife.com

Please send any authenticity u can spare 2 alex@mybrandedlife.com

*Don’t know the difference between a Trend and a fad? no probs. Dr Dre will explain:

“I’m a trend, I set one every time I’m in
I go out and just come back full circle again
You a fad, that means you’re something that we already had
But once you’re gone, you don’t come back, too bad.”

- Dr Dre aka the ultimate ‘authentic cre8ive’

the $1,00 Polaroid

The Shake It app is the new love of my iPhone life. Srsly. Was happy with the iPhone. Was okay with its mediocre photos. But then I found Shake It, and now everything is different, especially since I’ve just come out of mourning the official death of Polaroid, having only had a Polaroid for 1 year and only taken 20 shots on one, ever. Think I might go eat a whole bunch of fast food to celebrate and ‘express my joy through junk food’. Maybe y’ulle can suggest a similarly edgy indulgence. Will maybe just go take photos of fast food. Who knows. Intros Shake It:

Rose Lover

Rose Lover

Lady Diana

Lady Diana

Dudebros

Dudebros

Dance Dance Dance

Dance Dance Dance

Balconic Romance

Balconic Romance

Through the Diana

Through the Diana

Precarious

Precarious

You can see more in my Flickr Set.


Is Swineflu the new Crocs?

Wonder if they will send me home from work if i wear Crox.

Wonder if they will send me home from work if i wear Crox.

So eeeeeeveryone in gladvertising is buzzing about Swineflu – ‘did you hear? Ogilvy has 2 cases’ – etc etc. Makes me wonder why nobody learnt their lesson through Crocs / Von Zipper (the quicker the rise of a fad brand the harder the fall). Hope Swineflu’s marketing team realise that they may be getting loads of attention now, but in a month or so nobody will give a shit about your illness, just like what happened to AIDS / HIV / Ed Hardy, or they will be making jokes about your virus.

Cover your eyes when viewing to prevent contamination.

Cover your eyes when viewing to prevent contamination.


Hope the rest of y’ulle innovators are ‘spotting the opportunity’ in this ‘crisis’ (hey remember the Red Bull-cocaine ‘crisis’? Apparently they sold double what they normally do while it was peaking). There are loads of opps for smarty pants out there, for example, ‘getting the Swineflu’ (10 days off work no questions asked), ‘saying you think you’re getting Swineflu’ (getting sent home by para boss), ‘staying home in case you get the Swineflu from work’ (if you work at Ogilvy), ‘making viral ads’ (if you work anywhere else).