Monthly Archives: October 2009

Which faded international celebrity should i humiliate (via writing them into an ad?)

Ice ice... baby? More like grown man? Middle-aged dude? "Ice-Ice Middle-Aged dude." Has a ring 2 it.

A new trend is slippy sliding round the S-Africanland advertising ideas adoption curve y’ulz. Am HUGE proud of Ogilvy CT for starting it. Y’ulz are geniuses. This trend is called:

“Humiliate a faded international celeb via writing them into an ad”.


Loves it. Can’t wait 2 humiliate my own faded international celeb. Who d’yulz thanks it should be?

Stephanie "I did meth to cope with the lameness of Full House" Tanner?

Stephanie "I did meth to cope with the lameness of Full House" Tanner?

Miyam Balik aka Blossom? She'd be gr8 in an ad 4 'how rad it is 2 be jewish' (via her degree in neuroscience, Hebrew & Jewish studies)

Think Bob Sagett would be great in a zany ad that is a montage of ppl tripping over vacuum cords advertising a new cordless vacuumer. What u think?

Which faded international celeb would y’ulz like 2 see humiliated?

***UPDATE**** Quick fact-correction here, Jupiter actually started this trend (via Louis Gosset Jnr Snr Mr bro). Sorry y’als, 4got about that. Am HUGE proud of y’ulz for  starting this trend. Y’uls are what legends R made of. Y’ulz can watch one of The First Humiliations (there were 5 involving this faded celeb – they went all out) here:


****EVEN FURTHER UPDATE****

A very good-looking and smart and amazingly awesome hot bro just informed me that ACTUALLY, Jupies didn’t invent this trend. Whomever does the advertising for Silver Sands Casino and humiliated faded Swedish ‘star’ Dolph Lundgren via writing him into their advertising invented this trend. Does anyone know what agency does Silversands? Does anyone know who the un-named genius is? Don’t worry Ogilvy / Jupies – y’alls are still early adopters for ‘copying it before the masses copy it’. Still respect / love y’all.

Pls pay me $$$ so I can get health insurance. Kinda 'spent all my cash' when I was young + stupid. Thanks y'all.

Are there beggars ‘fucking everywhere’?

Can you spare some of your online influence?

Y’ulz, this is a srs post. Sometimes I feel, when am driving my Bugatti thru the streets of ‘the most beautiful city in the world’ (Gardens), that there are beggars ‘fucking everywhere’. Think I am kind of over winding down my window BEFORE they approach 2 tell them 2 ‘lean on some other car like that Polo’. FFS y’ulle.

You'd better wash that stump b4 u click on my profile

And as if having to ‘decline stealing from myself 2 give 2 the poor’ on a daily basis is not painful enough, some beggar walked up to my window on facebook 2day (via an internal fbook email) and begged for me to ‘just go to this page and scroll down to the photo of the yam and like it, but don’t open the photo and like the photo, just like the link or it wont count as a vote, so I can win a free yamboat’.
Maybe just send this pic of my child 2 ur mailing list
Y’ulle can imagine my reply.
No, y’ulle actually can’t because I used a word I made up.

I said:

“Fangbags! Did u rly just send me this??????? H8 u.”

Maybe u can fwd round your office or summin.
Srsly. Are there beggars ‘fucking everywhere’? Gonna write my next pro-bono article for the Big Issue about the beggar endemic. Have ‘had it in chunks’. What are y’ulz feelings about this topical issue? Has our social networking society ‘gone 2 the dogs tonight’? is fbook ‘the new Zim’?

What should I go as to the Agency Halloween party?

Is the agency Halloween Party on Friday. Have pre-filled my timesheets with work so I can ‘get lunch at Garden’s Centre’ while picking up a l’il something a Party Tricks / Mardi Gras / Tinka Tonka Toys. Feel like I rly need 2 ‘bring it’ this yr since the USA took Halloween to a whole new level (via Noah Cyrus aka Miley’s sister aged 9)
Is okay y'als, I'm Christian. The Lord made my body in his image.
Could always recycle my Amy Winehouse costume from the xmas party but will risk creatives saying ‘it’s been done b4’. Dress code is ‘your baddest self’ which is kinda vague (via PR organising a party & not rly getting the idea of “single-minded messaging”).

Fond xmas party memories.

Considering ‘showing some tit’ via saying I’m “dressed as Client Service”, but worried no one will ask me what I’m dressed as (via thinking I rly am Client Service) & will have to drop the words I AM CLIENT SERVICE into casual conversation while ppl stare at my tits & don’t listen 2 what I am saying. Is quite catch-22. Very confused. Will draw a graph.

A graphical representation of the 'excuse 2 dress like a slag' Halloween trend

Don’t rly understand my graph. What are y’ulz gonna be this Halloween? Mike Schalit? John Farqhar? Brian Searle-Tripp? (miss u BST).

Booking an audio session: the fun continues

“A creative from an ad agency books an audio session….. what could possibly go wrong?”

thanks swartperd.

The study that changed my life: a profbro’s story

I am a professor bro. Have studied lots. I have a doctorate, but it never really ‘opened the doors’ I’d always hoped it would. Had dreams of winning a Nobel Prize. Didn’t happen. So bummed. Drank myself in2 a stupour over it the other day at some bar. Met some chick with a short skirt. Said she worked in PR. Said she could ‘make it happen 4 me’. Didn’t rly believe her. She was ‘too pretty 2 be smart’, & the kind of woman ‘I’d never get’. Just wanted 2 die.

Then she called me back the next day. Said she had this ‘gr8 idea 4 a study’. She said ‘Let’s do something big, something with high talkability & buzz factor. Let’s do a study bout how “Cape Town is racist“. That’ll get ‘em  all frothy & will give you industry credibility & media exposure.’ Crazy bint.

Didn’t rly take her srsly coz she’s not an alumni. Don’t take non-academics srsly. Bet she can’t even spell ‘schisms’. Drank some more and passed out in my own puke. Woke up with my face squashed on a Lever Arch File and her card in my hand. Smoked a cigarette. Called her. Gave the ‘study’ a go-ahead, even though she said she’d just get some friends over for drinks and ‘get some sound bytes’ and leave out anything that didn’t sound racist. Drank more until I passed out in my puke again. Hate my life. Just wanted ppl 2 respect me. Thinking of studying further.

Next day woke up with one of my young female coloured students, all naked and passed out next to me in my own puke. Felt a bit better, like ‘my suffering had purpose’ and ‘I was bridging the prejudice divide’ (via fucking & a blackout). Finally felt like I’d made up 4 ‘being born in cape town’. Thought of writing a book about it & calling it ‘Disgrace’ but realised it had already being done (hate u JM).

The phone rang. It was the PR chick. She said the ‘study’ made front page news. Said it was ‘creating a lot of buzz’ and ‘perpendicular trajectory word-of-mouth spinoff’ and that my ‘exposure was high’ and that I would now be a ‘respected profbro’. So relieved. She said my name comes up first if u google ‘cape town racist’. She said ‘the twitter is buzzing with hatespeech about capetonians’. She said ‘now you’re famous!’ Sooooo awesome y’all. Gonna do another ‘controversial study’ soon. Is rly helping my application 4 a study grant that will pay for more booze (ran out last night, pretty bummed). Gonna aim for a Nobel in 2010. Wish me luck.


The adventure never ends (via following me on Twitter)

Hey y’ulz. Been getting a lot of mails of complaint recently. Not the usual ones about how stupid and offensive I am (love y’all), but mails about how I’m not being stupid or offensive enough. This is because in order to be stupid and offensive I needs to go on wild adventures and ‘let the experience be lost on me’ so that I can become more stupid / offensive / sheltered / arrogant (via and limited to my blog – sorry, this offer is not extended to ‘real life’). So while I am still an advertising blog that ‘leads a branded life’, you can also follow me on Twitter, where I will pour my tidbitty morsels of opinions into your faces ALL DAY. Sometimes with PICTURES. Can you think of anything more AWESOME as to almost be stupidly offensive? Didn’t think so. Click here to request 2 follow me on twitter (have 2 approve you due to dodge ex boyfriends from 10 yrs ago who don’t ‘get the fucking hint’ about what i mean when i say ‘GTF out of my life’ and keep stalking me via twitter, please excuse it). In the meantime, please peruse these pics of my recent adventures to get ‘your branded fill’. XOXO

Went 2 Pinetown recently. Was a trip down memory lane (i grew up in a storm drain in the industrial area. Dont be fooled by the rocks that i got yulz, am still Alex from the block)

Went 2 Pinetown recently. Was a 'trip down memory lane' (i grew up in a storm drain in the industrial area. Don't be 'fooled by the rocks that i got' y'ulz, am still Alex from the block)

Ate sushi at this lil gem on Buitenkant. Eating dinner alone is my new thing. Yulz should try it, you dont have to fuss with all that talking and socialising.

Ate sushi at this l'il gem on Buitenkant. 'Eating dinner alone' is my new thing. Y'ulz should try it, you don't have to fuss with all that 'talking' and 'socialising'.

Been hanging out with friends (via accepting invitations to social events. Is very new to me. Dont have an opinion on it yet but apparently I am doing well so far)

Been 'hanging out with friends' (via accepting invitations to social events. Is very new to me. Don't have an opinion on it yet but apparently I am 'doing well so far')

My shoes on Durban tarmac. Makes me feel like Im home.

My shoes on Durban tarmac. Makes me feel like I'm home.

Got my hands dirty at the Steri Tee Party (via wearing a mask and doing the dragon during a t-shirt launch) on Kloof Street.

Got my hands dirty at the Steri Tee Party (via wearing a mask and 'doing the dragon' during a t-shirt launch) on Kloof Street.

Ryan getting his groove on at Tee launch.

Ryan getting his groove on at Tee launch.

Had some good times at Home Affairs reapplying for my passport that got stolen. Was awesome. Had to stand in queues, only to get to front to be told I had to go back to police station to get case number and pay double. Love Home Affairs.

Had some good times at Home Affairs reapplying for my passport that got stolen. Was awesome. Had to stand in queues, only to get to front to be told I had to go back to police station to get case number and pay double. Love Home Affairs.

What Home Affairs does to ones ankles.

What Home Affairs does to one's ankles (makes you cross them like Dandy Bro)

Made a new friend (via Sweden). Welcome to SA, Therese.

Made a new friend (via Sweden). Welcome to SA, Therese.

Had dinner cooked for me by 2 men (one of whom being the legendary Chris Rawlinson, who makes a mean lamb roast in addition to being a well connected and awesome blogger)

Had dinner cooked for me by 2 men (one of whom being the legendary Chris Rawlinson, who makes a mean lamb roast in addition to being a 'well connected and awesome blogger')

So many adventures. Why wouldn’t you follow me on twitter?

Psychographic Profile: I have an invite to Googlewave

I have an invite to Googlewave
I don’t know anyone else who has one
Which makes me feel awesome
But at the same time lonely
Since Googlewave is useless without other ppl to wave to
No matter, gonna gloat about it on the twitter
Gonna sync my twitter to my fbook status
So everyone knows how ahead and technologically “on it” I am
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLE WAVE

Yeah! Googlewave! Yeah!

Yeah! Googlewave! Yeah!

Gonna excuse myself from this meeting
And lock myself in the stall at the end in the bathrooms of my office
And do a dance out of excitement at my GOOGLEWAVE invite (maybe touch my peen)
Jiggy jiggy, jiggy jiggy
You like that huh? Jiggy Jiggy
Applebottom googlewaveboots with the googlewave…”
Gonna go back to the meeting room
Just drop this l’il bomb
“Oh, shoot, looks like I just got a Googlewave invite,”
And jizz on my face at the blank expressions on the faces of my colleagues
(they’ll never understand me or my ideas. I’m a visionary, they are laggards.)

Yeah! Googlewave! Fuck me!

Yeah! Googlewave! Fuck me!

I have an invite to Googlewave
Gonna watch lots of videos on ‘how Googlewave works’
Gonna tweet them out, with commentary
(“I find the function that allows you to collapse or expand inline comments really useful” - cue sound of my sperm hitting you in the forehead)
Gonna get all frenzied up when ppl tweet about ‘how dumb it is to get excited about Googlewave since you need other ppl 2 B on it’
Gonna defend it ‘to the death’ from the fucking tards who don’t “get it”
“You’ll see – Googlewave is gonna change EVERYTHING!”
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
Googlewave 4 eva!!!!!!1!

Fuckyfuckyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhgooooglewave!

Fuckyfuckyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhgooooglewave!

I have an invite to Googlewave
I used to be married but that was lame (couldn’t collapse the inline fighting over remote control)
My wife divorced me because I had to wake up at 3am to ‘wave’ to ppl in America (is what U get when U marry a laggard)
Totally don’t regret it – Googlewave is gonna “change the way we do business”, you’ll see
Just let me know if you want 2 know how it works (via a link to googlewave.com/help)
So I can point out how STUPID your LIFE is compared to Googlewave’s GENIUS
If you don’t have Googlewave you might as well tattoo STUPID PERSON WHO IS BEHIND AND STUPID on your forehead
Unless you want me 2 invite u. I can hook u up.
U want an invite? Coz I can hook u up. I can change your life. You just have to say yes. I’ll hook U up.
Googlewave is LOVE. Anything else is FEAR.
Love or Fear?
LOVE OR FEAR?
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
I’M SO FUCKINGARGHKJFGJHERGFKJHDFBVKJHDFBVJDHSFBV,JSDHFBVGOOGLEWAVE!!!!


I'm gonna fuck my face yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Fuck! Googlewave!