Category Archives: advertising

Psychographic profile: I am teh ghost of a dead blog

I am the ghost of a dead blog
booooo
did i scare u?
hope so. y’all woke me up from ‘the dreamless sleep’.
am pissed y’all. what do y’all think i died 4???
just want 2 die.
tired of bein ‘zany ‘n smart’.
is fun, but like, ‘u can’t be cool 4eva’ +
‘cool doesn’t pay da billz’ +
‘enjoy urself, take only what you need from it’
etc.
was kinda enjoying being dead.
is real peaceful.
no 1 to get all up in my facebook
no 3G here in hell


don’t hav 2 maintain ur personal brand (via being on fire all the time)
plus satan kinda keeeeeeeewl.
but now i went andgot all resurrected
by a reputable publication with a ‘niche-but-influential and educated readership’
(kinda wish it was heat magazine but whatevs)

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
boooOOOOOoooooo
gonna rattle my alexander mcqueen chain bags at u
keeping u up in the dark night of ur blog
feeling kinda vengeful
since when i was still alive
ppl were like, u r stupid
now i’m dead, ppl are like, u  were so like, clevs
“the blog artist’s value is only recognised posthumounguously”
isn’t it typical

“it’s like that, and that’s the way it is” – run dmc

don’t worry – not very vengeful. just l’il bit.
just gonna make ur light bulbs flicker some.
not gonna go polty on you. boooOOOOoo.

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
woke up coz i rolled in my grave
kinda just feel like we need to talk about ‘letting go’


did y’all get pissed at MJ when Thriller the song ends?
Do y’all get pissed when the movie u hired is finished?
stupid f-ing movie! u came to an end!

This is a meme joke. Do u get it?

did y’all get pissed at JK Rowling when she finished Harry Potter?
(ok so bad example. f-u JK. you got me hooked.)
NEwayz just trying to help you let go

This is a pooooOOOooetry joke. Do u get it?

boooOOOOOoooooooo

I am the ghost of a dead blog
was ‘summoned by the oujja board of journalistic truthful objective unbiased integritay’
never imagined dis blowgn thang would ‘get all intellectualised’
just wanted to be awesome y’ulz.
never dreamed my personal brand would have such ‘residual value attached to its key branding paradigm pillars of differentiation’.
kinda emotional about it.
(via wishing i was still dead)
there is only one feeling in hell (being burned)
sad, was just betterin my table tennis scores
was just getting 2 know satan (miss u bro. next time i see you PING PONG IS ON LIKE KING KONG!)

I am the ghost of a dead blog.
Gonna go ‘back 2 bed now’.
it was ‘nice chatting’.
off you go now to the new blog.
know that i am always with you.
am there in the new blog
though u cannot always see me.
if u look carefully, i am there.


am just ‘talking in a different accent’.
am just ‘trying on some new blogshoes’.
just ‘exploring a new personal sub-brand’.
da holding company stays da same. 4evs y’all. pinkie swear.

miss y’ulz.
love y’ulz.
h8 y’ulz.
ditto.


Twitter Imposter

Just so y’all know, my old Twitter account (MyBrandedLifeTM) has been hijacked! So if you see someone tweeting at MBLTM, it’s not me. I am now @CapeTown_Girl. And that’s that.


y’all, this is it.

This is it y’all.


Y’all is time 4 me to ‘hit the proverbial demerol’ via some shady docbro and ‘accidentally commit suicide’ via intentionally ‘leaving this world’ and ‘quitting the game while i am ahead’ so my ‘legend can live on’ and i don’t get ‘old and ugly’, like MJ. Miss you MJ. Some people have emailed me 2 say ‘WTF is happening with ur blog’ and ‘U R not srs R u?’ and ‘do u rly rly read Marian Keyes? F U penguin’.  Y’ulz, don’t stress. This is not ‘goodbye 4 eva’. Just facing up 2 the fact that ‘i have changed’ and ‘things have changed’ and as a ‘cre8ive person’ i am ‘too zany 2 do something too specific 4 too long’ (via ADD).

Have ‘taken my learnings into account’ and have ‘cre8ed a new vision’, one with ‘space 2 let me grow’ and ‘realise my potential’. NEwayz. Gonna miss some things so much, like making interns cry. And being in love with ideas. And reminiscing bout bein an ad student. Y’ulz just gotta know that these things will ‘live on’ via this blog and via my new blog identity. I think. Kinda  ‘not rly sure’. But app ‘life is a rollercoaster jus gotta ride it’.

See y’ulz monday, ‘all shiney & new’. So long & thanks 4 all the RT’s.

MBLTM


MyBrandedRetrospective part 2

Ah Y’ulz. All teary-eyed this morning. Was remembering that one time, at Brand Camp. Miss y’ulz. Kinda reminds me of when Jupies sold out to WPP which made me first considerselling my personal brand’. And now I have actually gone and sold my PB – 2 think that it was ‘once just a dream’. Just not gonna tell y’ulz who ‘who the new shareholders of MBLTM trading as something else’ are 4 fear of being ‘ripped off by a sarky brat ad blogger’. Wonder if I will maintain my ‘quality of humour’, or if ‘going commercial’ will ‘water me down’ to something ‘lots of ppl like’, like a Citi Golf. Which reminds me of when i wanted 2sue my parents 4 not buying me a citi golf’. Well what do they expect. Poeses. Gonna complain about it on my GBuzz (the zazzy new program that is like ‘what Googlewave was s’posed 2 be’). Remember Googlewave? And how you ‘needed an invite 2 use it’ when rly ‘you needed a degree in GoogleHype 2 use it’. Ah y’ulz. Y’alls faces gettin’ wet yet? So wet y’ulz. Wet 4 you.


MyBrandedRetrospective part 1

Y’ulz getting all nostalgic about all the good times we’ve had here together. Now that MBLTM is ‘coming to a close’ via ‘transforming into a new blog’, I feel it’s only appropriate to run y’all through some of the good times, and some of the bad times. Like that time when I wrote about ATL vs BTL and some ATL people I work with ‘told on me to our boss’ because they ‘are whiney l’il b*tches felt offended’ and i got ‘called in for being naughty’ and was prompted to ‘consider taking our personality insurance’ - true story. Good times!

And that time those 9-year-olds ganged up on me and ‘called my radio ads stupid’. Bad times but also good times, really. And that time I made a break-through in ‘learning 2 speak Client Service’ which was invaluable 2 my career. Ah y’all, I’m gonna miss y’alls. Srsly. Gonna miss y’alls crazy letters, like the one letter where I was enlightened that ‘I don’t have 2 go all the way I can just kiss’. Y’alls should stick around this week for more retrospective introspection as we ‘get our emo on’ recall the whirlwind of a rollercoaster adventure ride that has been our time together here on MyBrandedLifeTM.


What a ride y’alls. Can’t wait for the next chapter, but more about that ‘l8er in the week’.

Am i a freaking MILLENIAL?

Y’ulz, am worried. have worked soooooo hard to ‘not fit in a box’ or be ‘easily segmented’ but according 2 this l’il jazzy slideshow there ‘are loads of me out there’, ‘not fitting in2 boxes’. Have also been ‘made aware’ of some ‘nifty trix’ i have yet 2 emply, 4 eg. ‘having a show at my house’ instead of ‘seeing a band’, and ‘making my own fun’. Are y’alls aware of this? Have y’alls been aware of this ‘the whole time’? Why did no1 tell me? Is ‘the joke on me’?

Want 2 die. Fuck my life.

(thanks 4 enlightening me, sethbro.)

Tried my best. Over 2 y’ulz.


Y’ulz, all my life
Tried so hard ‘2 be spesh’
So scared of goin’ through this life
With a ‘fake moleskine from clicks’
Decided to ‘take this shot at my future’
And try out
4 da ‘National Cre8ive Team’ (via Design Indaba Supastars)



Y’ulz, all my life
Tried so hard ‘2 be different’
Stuck lots of ‘zany images from fffffound’ on my walls
Wrote lots of ‘zany cre8ive ideas’ on my hands (2 look busy while ‘on the internet’)
Updated my fbook with ‘ambiguous truths that might be about u’
Sang along 2 MGMT / Peter Bjorn & Jbro (even tweeted some lyrics)



Y’ulz
Tried so hard 2 ‘do my cre8ive bros proud’
Smoked cigarettes ‘til my gums bleed tar’
Drank alcohol ‘til I pissed premium beer’
Did lines ‘til my antidepressants didn’t work’
Even ‘talked bout digital being da future’ late in2 the nite with my Cre8ive Director y’ulz



Y’ulz
Tried so hard 2 ‘differentiate my Personal Brand’
Even ‘wrote all over my shoes’ (via customisation)
Zaned 2 the max and ‘Wore Converse with a dress’
Even ‘slept with all my guy friends’ once (via being a slag)
So I could be ‘truly cre8ive’



Is over to y’ulz now
Can do no more (‘cept encourage y’all 2 ‘clear ur cache’ so y’alls can ‘rig my vote’)
S’all up 2 you now
My crea8ive bros
Click on this link 2 ‘show me some 5 star luvin’
Maybe my dream will ‘cum true’
And I can stop ‘chasing the Loerie’
Maybe y’ulz
Maybe. Tried my best.

*******************************************************

If y’ulz would like 2 see me representin’ on the ‘National Cre8ive Team’, please click here and rate my entry (below) with 5 Stars. Then clear your cache & do it again. Ta bros.

Y’ulz can rest assured that if i make it onto the ‘National Cre8ive Team’ I will make sure biscuits are compulsory in ALL cre8ive briefings & will insist that all Client Service ppl ‘wear a bell around their necks’ so we ‘know they are coming’.

That Blank Page Luv

Y’all start the track playing (below) and then sing along with the lyrics I have composed for y’alls:


Blank Page Luv

Radio Ad Killa,
MBLTM
The Advertising Dream
Hey yo writers
Come up off them keyboards
Write a lil something for the creatives
Let em know how we feelin’


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save my ass
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Yeah they love it when I put it on them
In the boardroom when I’m clickin my pen
I make it rhyme and they like it
They get the ad like a psychic (izzy)
Next thing we talking bout shoot dates
I’m like don’t this need more debate
But they say that they loving my flow
Finally found a creative that knows
What it’s like to pimp FMCG
So pumped they fired the old agency
Like cool, you dig it, it’s sold
Get it while its hot before idea gets cold
Mock it up and print it up nice
Use a spot UV coz them consumers dig ice


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab

I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I get a call in the middle of the night
It’s the client sayin shiz not right
The wrong logo, that shiz too small
Model looks like she ran a brick wall
Coz I’m a prankster, I ask if it can wait
Been up all night writing ads til late
Client’s angry don’t get my joke
Hit me up and flush my coke
Holla back you be starting again
New ideas gonna solve this thing
Client’s over all them other ideas
Tho they signed their name here, here and here
So I’m up and I’m pullin new page
Clicking Bic to contain this rage


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Now that I use Nomu products must I buy a new car?

Y’ulz been pondering something. I recently was introduced to Nomu foods, and now ‘nothing but Nomuwill do when it comes 2 ‘rubbing my chops’ prior 2 grilling. Even have the Nomu range of ‘fonds’ (bet NONE of y’all have a fond in ur kitchen – whachu a-gonna do?). Has basically “changed my life”. Can now ‘invite ppl from higher social echelons’ 2 ‘talk shop over dinner’ (always kinda felt inadequate with my Knorr pasta mixes. Like I wanted 2 die.).

Add 2 that the fact that I am recently 26 and no longer qualify in the ‘youth demographic’, am starting 2 question whether I need to ‘adapt or die’ (via evolving my brand repertoire & social echelon steadily upwards, as opposed 2 growing intermittently & possibly remaining in a social echelon doldrums & ‘living an ordinary life’ via ‘looking averagely wealthy / poor’.).

All this has led 2 the most NB question a ‘young professional who eats Nomu and is looking 2 purchase her first property & attract a mate’ must consider in her life:

“Is it time 2 trade in my car 4 a car that ‘makes me look more rich’ and in-keeping with the Appearance Description under the Psychographic segmentation for “Young Professionals”?”



I know y’ulz. Wish I didn’t have 2 ‘keep up with myself’. Wish I wasn’t so competitive. Wish I could ‘eat Nomu & drive a Yaris with clear conscience”, but I can’t. Life is so ‘filled with important decisions’ we must make that will ‘test my character’ and help me achieve my goal 2 ‘make my BFF feel inadequate’ via being better dressed / thinner than her / having a better facebook profile pic / driving a better car / owning a set of Nomu Fonds before they are officially launched.


What do y’ulz think? Is it ‘mini cooper time’? Mini cooper sport? Are Mini Cooper’s still cool or have they “aged badly”? Would y’alls ‘get offended’ if I ‘leap-frog’ my place in the ‘consumption cycle’ and just “go straight 2 a 1-series”?


A Ninterview!

Y’alls can listen to me ‘in my real voice’ on The Digital Edge, who interviewed myself, Tertia Albertyn (What an honour!), Georgina Michelmoore and Diane Charton on what it’s like to “be a woman in digital”. While you listen to the interview, allow me to provide you with this beautiful photo of Bakoven beach, taken yesterday, for you to stare at. Yes yes y’all. Enjoy! xx

What zany advertising thing can I sell on eBay?


Y’alls probably all heard about that zany-brain copywriter who’s selling a Gold Cannes Lion Award on eBay for $1 million. Don’t know zane-brain personally but surmising that he is doing this to ‘differentiate his personal brand’ from other copywriters via ‘getting zany on eBay’ (via being ‘sick of copychecking day-in day-out, this is bullshit! want 2 die!’)



Due my ‘volatile cre8ive ego’ am now ‘feeling threatened’ that my PB no longer ‘retains it’s zany edge’ hence have been brainstorming ‘something outrageously witty’ I can sell on eBay. Some might say I should be ‘original-zany’ and ‘think of a whole new gimmick’, but am sure y’ulz experienced ad-peeps will agree that ‘people don’t understand sumfing that is not a cliché’ (via ‘not giving a shit due 2 their baby having colic or whatevs’) therefore it would be most beneficial 2 my PB 2 ‘jump on an existing gravywagon’ (thanks all you zany writers who have gone before me, laying the foundies 4 this particular cliché).

Came up with the following things I can sell on eBay:

My art director’s son
(is child of 2 art directors – purebred MacMonkey – what a thrill)
My Cre8ive Director’s ‘Keep Calm, Carry On, It’s All Been Done Before’ poster (this is a meta-gimmick, because is a ‘zany spin’ on an existing ‘hot cre8ive item’)
My sheet of zany ‘This brief is crap’ stickers (via actually ‘being useful’)
The Client Service Dept (“like mail-order brides with extra phone-skillz!”)
That video of that Art Director tea-bagging Finance (via being uncontrollably zany while drunk)


That’s all I’ve come up with so far. Feel like the solution should be ‘a simple one that is staring me in my face’. What would y’als sell on eBay? An NB job bag? A DPS spread? The agency mascot?


Psychographic Profile: I am a blogger


I am a blogger, y’ulz.
Kinda realised it for real
When I got Thando’s request 2 ‘blog as a contributor’
When I got RTed 100+ times in one day
When I got a bunch of free stuff from Citi Golf / Woman’s Health / Nomu
But it really hit home when some small-time “designer”
Insulted me in the open on a friend’s facebook page
Because I wasn’t a person 2 him
2 him, I was a “subject”
“somefing 2 gtalk about while waiting 4 illustrator 2 render pattern-heavy-repetitive designs”
(even tho I know his wife, & that they had 2 get married 2 have sex, via extreme Christianity)
I am no longer a person y’ulz
“Sad face”



I am a blogger y’alls
In the beginning, was just me & wordpress
Just wanted 2 ‘write outside of work”
Just wanted 2 develop a discipline I could apply 2 my “novel-in-progress”
Just wanted 2 make others out there “feel less alone”
While copychecking financial reports / advertorials / pushing a 2cent coin around the gaps in the Checkers spreads
Just wanted 2 pay homage 2 “god” (via blog-god hipsterrunoff)
But “life finds a way” (miss u John Hammond. Miss u Jurassic Park)
And even though my blog was cre8ed a female
It changed sex and mated with itself 2 create “a life of its own”.
Shazam y’uls. Just like that.


I am a blogger, y’alls.
Just wanted 2 reach ppl via “speaking their own language”
Just wanted 2 cre8 an efficient self-marketing tool
(That wasn’t a cruddy bunch of layouts in a big heavy leatherbound portfoliobro)
Instead, cre8ed a monster munch of a non-personality
4 ppl 2 judge me on b4 they meet me
or LOL at if they have already met me
or stalk if they have met me, romanced me, gone Britney on me & been rejected by me
Miss the days b4 ppl recognised me in Gardens Centre
Miss the days when I could share my “innermost thoughts” without being misquoted by myself (via being “a different character at the time”)



I am a blogger
Had such big dreams y’all.
Was going 2 ‘become a writer’ 2 ‘honour my cre8ive spirit’
Not sure how it “all went so pear-shaped”
Can’t figure out “Where I went wrong”
Thinking of doing “The Artists Way” to reconnect with my soul (miss u soul)
Hope I can some day “find my way back home” y’ulz.
In the meantime, I can haz a favour?
Pray 4 me. 4 eva. And checkmyblogeverydaysomyhitrategoesupsoicanchargemoreforads kthanksbye.


Peace y’ulz.

This post also appears on SA blog That’s How It Is.

My boss’s dog

His master's couch.

I know, right? Yet ANOTHER reason to get into advertising.

Why don’t we make apple juice and fax it to each other?

Y’ulz I have a prediction. In the future, every ad will be made up of chopped up parts of sci fi movies with incongruous dubbing. Please enjoy a fine example of a brand new fad:

Learning 2 speak Client Service y’ulz

Hey y’ulz. Year is “drawing 2 a close”. Nearly holiday time. “A time 4 family” (4 those of y’ulz whose dad di’nt shoot y’ulz due to the recession / being a policeman). “A time 4 giving” (4 those of y’ulz who are new 2 jail / advertising).

NE wayz, Just got handed a debrief with this instruction:

“Please craft copy.”


Is cool, can dig it coz it kind of “makes sense”. Is a debrief on a conceptual job, so the copy ‘woznt 4 realsies’ NE wayz. But kind of confused bcoz we presented 4 different ideas / directions, but the debrief gots no word on which idea / version of not-4-realsies-copy the client bought & wants crafted. Confused y’ulz.

Flipped through debrief but no more clues. Opened job bag 2 see if further instructions were hidden inside like a “Simba Surprise”. Closed my eyes & opened my 3rd eye while moving upside down shot glass slowly over job bag like ouijja board, hoping some friendly demon bro would “clarify the details on the debrief” via “being invoked”. Nothing y’ulz.


Phoned client service due 2 confusion. Felt rly bad coz interrupted her hair appointment plus messed up her nails coz she had 2 answer phone.



I said:

“Am like sooooo sorry 2 interrupt your hair appy, am so sorry, here, bought this chocolate cake i baked myself from flour my grandma ground herself just before she died, but kind of don’t know what u mean on your debrief. Please could you explain, even if you just give me one more word 2 go by. Am really stupid, pls excuse me.”


She said:

“Why are cre8ive so stupid? I meant pls go with option 2, except make it about unicorns instead of pegasuses, plus copy needs 2 sound like it is being spoken by the sound of Danny De Vito’s one hand clapping in Batman Returns, also client would like 3 different version of the copy for use on 3 diff size ads, plus a radio campaign.”



Felt so blessed y’ulz. Normally NEVER get this much information on “what client wants” from Client Service. Offered 2 ‘wash her feet with my hair’ but she was like “you cre8ives are so creepy” and turned her hairdryer back on. Don’t rly know what 2 do with myself now since managed 2 ‘klap the debrief one-time’ when it normally takes 7 000 reverts due to there “never being enough time 4 a proper brief & always enuff time 2 redo the work”. Feel like I have made majah progress. Feel like am “learning the language of Client Service” y’ulz. Huge.



So grateful 2 be just a small part of something so big y’all.