Category Archives: Africa

Latest Single Release: Da Black Puma


Y’ulz I’m bored in da New SA
Got myself elected now I sit all day
Sippin’ on the Chivas in the Union Buildings
Got me all randy like a buckwild gelding
Hired all my homies now they owe my ass big
They be sippin’ on my juicies like a suckling pig
I ask for a car and they buy me a jag
I ask for cash I get a Louis Vuitton bag
I ask for a crib and they build me a castle
Coz dey love how I do it in dem leopard-skin tassles


I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I got’s a peen and I know how to use her
I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
You wanna do it in the conference room-ah?



I got 5 wives and even more lives coz my dick don’t stick when I dip it like a knife
In the honeypots filled to da brim with AIDS
Guess it’s all true what my witchdoctor say
“Take dis tongue of frog and dis eye of newt
mix it all together throw da bitch in the boot
drive her off a cliff if she says you raped her
say ‘no comment’ when dey call da newspaper
You da Prez you can do what you wanna
Ok Maybe not da cliff just send her off to Ghana”



I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I got’s a peen and I know how to use her
I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
You like my snazzy jazzy party costume-ah?


I been Prez one year so I’m kicking up a gear coz I got this old man Mandela in my ear
Says ‘Uphold the institution of the A – N – C
Less funky chicken, more AIDS policy’
Mandela-shmela-kwela dang dis geezer don’t stop
Kicked him out my office for my dawgs dat give me props
You don’t like my rules I piss you out like water
And when you not looking I be sticking it in your daughter


I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I got’s a peen and I know how to use her
I’m Zuma
Da Black Puma
I push my seed in your babygirl’s womb-a


Summer in the City: December 09

Had a magical summer holiday y’all. Going to ‘let the pictures do the talking’.

Llandudno

Hotel California

Pool party

Luncheons

Downtown Gardens

The Mountain and The Moon

Sushi

Secret Beach

BFFs

Pool Party New Year's

Birthdays

Beach Days

Cupcakes

Gifts

Sunshine

Pool Party New Years

Blue Moon at Midnight New Year's Eve

La Perla

Camps Bay

Aquatic Opera

Reunions

Treasures

City Bowl Paradise

And that concludes another stunning summer in Cape Town. You can see the rest of my photos here. What did y’all do with your holidays?

I am confused. Am I a man or a woman?

Hey y’ulz. Been watching the news. App there is some chick who ran real fast now she is ‘suspected of being a man’. Makes me worry coz I can do lots of things rly efficiently which makes me worry if I am a man. What do y’ulz think? Does ‘being able 2 do something real well’ disqualify you from running in the Being A Woman Race?

Made this list of things I can do well:

I can write rly well.
I can ‘think up clever ads’ rly well.
I can ‘be witty and smart’ rly well.
I can ‘figure out html’ rly well.
I can ‘manage clients’ rly well.
I can dance.
I can jive.
I can have the time of my life.

Conclusion: I AM EFFICIENT THERE4 I AM A MAN.

Please see evidence of ‘real women’ to compare my skills with:

Clearly visible: Poon & Boobs

Clearly visible: Poon & Boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Clearly visible: poon & boobs

Conclusion 2: U ARE ONLY A WOMAN IF YOU KEEP SHOWING PPL YOU HAVE A POON AND BOOBS.


So bummed. Think my bf is gonna be real disappointed when he finds out he is dating a bro. At least I’m not famous so the media won’t ‘use my manliness as a hook story’ to sell papers. Hope the blogmunity is kind 2 me. Pls just remember that even tho I am now a man I am still the kind-hearted, sensitive blogger I always was. Now with peen.

How the penis works.

How the penis works.


is my life too perfect? do i have ‘too much fun’?

Just got back from a little mini holiday. Managed to spend some time in New York and squeeze in some shopping in London. Also attended a fab birthday party, ate some deliciously wonderful food, wrangled a sunset on beta beach, and had the most tremendous amount of fun every. single. second. Literally. Sometimes I have to stop having fun just to realise how much fun I keep having. Not sure if y’ulle know, but ‘van’ is my middle name. No jokes. Say that aloud. Check all this fun out:

Having fun on a see-saw in a park in London.

Having fun on a see-saw in a park in London.

Having fun with a little sunset on the beach.

Having fun with a little sunset on beta beach.

The fun we had to go back to after the beach.

The fun we had to go back to after the beach.

Just funning around the loft.

Just 'funning around' the loft.

Having fun with the guards at the gate. Not sure how much fun they found it.

Having fun with some 'chill 3D glasses', rapping to the guards at the gate. (Not sure how much fun they found it - maybe counts again the fun?)

Having fun with Neurotic Harvey. This is basically the most fun cat around. He stands in front of the mirror high-fiving himself for hours. True story.

Having fun with Neurotic Harvey. This is basically the most fun cat around. He stands in front of the mirror high-fiving himself for hours. True story.

The extremely fun cake from Ms fab birthday party.

The extremely fun cake from M's fab birthday party.

The boyfriend having fun with some 3D glasses and our very fun plant. And look at that fun piece of art in the corner that says so  much about our fun lives as young technophiles.

The boyfriend having fun with some 3D glasses and our very fun plant. And look at that fun piece of art in the corner that says so much about our fun lives as young technophiles.

Me having almost unbridled fun with a scarf. Can you handle it?

Me having almost unbridled fun with a scarf. Can you handle it?

Friend Kath having extreme fun at my extremely fun table at home in the loft.

Friend Kath having extreme fun at my extremely fun table at home in the loft.

Being bros with a giant bear. So much fun.

Being bros with a giant bear. So much fun.

Romantic, yet still fun. Its too much.

Romantic, yet still fun. It's too much.

What do y’ulle think? Should I make an effort to have less fun and ‘be more serious’? Do I need to ‘grow the fuck up’? Please let me know. Your feedback would be appreciated.

oh the irony

so same friend Lauren (whom I mentioned for Moxyland a few days ago) has also been involved in a political satire show called ZNews, which the SABC commissioned, then canned, and then when Special Assignment did an investigative show on the canning it was then banned (just like Apartheid, eh?). the reason? the show takes the piss out of our politicians, and sadly, gov can’t take it like they dish it.

Heaven Forbid!

Heaven Forbid!

ironically, the show has now been selected for screening at INPUT 2009 – the world’s biggest public broadcaster conference. why? this was their reason:

“Even though is not an innovative format – it is a news parody with puppets – the question of “what are the limits of freedom of speech“ can be heard in this programme. Could this be a relevant question both in Africa and beyond.”

LOLcakes all round. watch the full pilot here.

i love Lucky.

listen y’ulle. there’s this cheetah, and her name is Lucky because she’s ‘lucky to be alive’ after she was found in a steel trap. the animal vets tried everything they could to save her leg – she is a cheetah after all, her legs are super important to her – but they weren’t able to, and they had to amputate one of her hind legs. now, she has just started walking again, and the nice blonde lady who has been rehabilitating Lucky takes her for long drives in her VW Golf, so that Lucky can stick her head out of the window and remember how it feels to move at the speed of the wind once more.

i actually started crying by the time i typed the last sentence.


that’s some iconic advertising, Ogilvy. i think this beats the Dunlop Staffie, and certainly shuts up that BMW Mouse. the IBM (ISM?) Elephant Bros are a stiff contender, but this is right up there.

I <3 you, Lucky. Wherever you are.

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