Category Archives: collaborations

Psychographic Profile: I am a blogger


I am a blogger, y’ulz.
Kinda realised it for real
When I got Thando’s request 2 ‘blog as a contributor’
When I got RTed 100+ times in one day
When I got a bunch of free stuff from Citi Golf / Woman’s Health / Nomu
But it really hit home when some small-time “designer”
Insulted me in the open on a friend’s facebook page
Because I wasn’t a person 2 him
2 him, I was a “subject”
“somefing 2 gtalk about while waiting 4 illustrator 2 render pattern-heavy-repetitive designs”
(even tho I know his wife, & that they had 2 get married 2 have sex, via extreme Christianity)
I am no longer a person y’ulz
“Sad face”



I am a blogger y’alls
In the beginning, was just me & wordpress
Just wanted 2 ‘write outside of work”
Just wanted 2 develop a discipline I could apply 2 my “novel-in-progress”
Just wanted 2 make others out there “feel less alone”
While copychecking financial reports / advertorials / pushing a 2cent coin around the gaps in the Checkers spreads
Just wanted 2 pay homage 2 “god” (via blog-god hipsterrunoff)
But “life finds a way” (miss u John Hammond. Miss u Jurassic Park)
And even though my blog was cre8ed a female
It changed sex and mated with itself 2 create “a life of its own”.
Shazam y’uls. Just like that.


I am a blogger, y’alls.
Just wanted 2 reach ppl via “speaking their own language”
Just wanted 2 cre8 an efficient self-marketing tool
(That wasn’t a cruddy bunch of layouts in a big heavy leatherbound portfoliobro)
Instead, cre8ed a monster munch of a non-personality
4 ppl 2 judge me on b4 they meet me
or LOL at if they have already met me
or stalk if they have met me, romanced me, gone Britney on me & been rejected by me
Miss the days b4 ppl recognised me in Gardens Centre
Miss the days when I could share my “innermost thoughts” without being misquoted by myself (via being “a different character at the time”)



I am a blogger
Had such big dreams y’all.
Was going 2 ‘become a writer’ 2 ‘honour my cre8ive spirit’
Not sure how it “all went so pear-shaped”
Can’t figure out “Where I went wrong”
Thinking of doing “The Artists Way” to reconnect with my soul (miss u soul)
Hope I can some day “find my way back home” y’ulz.
In the meantime, I can haz a favour?
Pray 4 me. 4 eva. And checkmyblogeverydaysomyhitrategoesupsoicanchargemoreforads kthanksbye.


Peace y’ulz.

This post also appears on SA blog That’s How It Is.

I’ll mock it up, show u what I got

OMG y’ulz. Think I might just binge eat KFC 2 deal with the waves of extremely positive emotion washing over me right now.

Lady Gaga +  typeface = You can read my Neutra Face



Going to a brand party y’all.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna do my makeup dark & smudgy
Gonna sweat into my bangs to ‘bring the seks’
Gonna wear sneakers with a dress
Prolly not Converse this time
More of an Adi vibe
Kind of over Converse anyway
Plus don’t want 2 break the rules
(is diff with Adi)

NO U ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THIS CARPET. PLS GO BACK & READ THE RULES.

NO U ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THIS CARPET. PLS GO BACK & READ THE RULES.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna gloat about it on my fbook status / tweet to my followers / set my skype bubble 2 read:

“Hey any1 else going2 that super secret triple helix party on sat 24 oct 2009 at an undisclosed venue unless u also got the Ltd Edtn Test Tube?

No 1?

Guess I’m looking 4 a friend 2 come w me…

Who’s the lucky ‘friend’ gonna be?”

(And wait 4 ppl 2 beg 2 come with me via commenting on my status innocuous comments like ‘what’s dat party u talking about? sounds lame’)

Super top secret.

Super top secret.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
it’s only my 7 452nd one this year
Am aiming for 8 001 to top last yrs total
Am no longer capable of forming an opinion on a venue based on my feelings y’ulz.
Can only ‘go some place’ based on what brand will be giving me free stuff there
(is totally fine, kind of over having my own opinnies anyway)
So amped for this one
Bound to be free booze / hot sweaty sneaker bros / branded freebies
Just wanna get sh*tfaced / ‘meet new people’ / take pics on my Lomo app 2 upload 2 Flickr so ppl can see how awesomely zany my life is (in comparison 2 their crappy life & average camera)
hope they do a lucky draw for some Ltd Edtn sneaks / holographic laser pointer keyring / branded cap ‘n shirt
need something to make me ‘feel superior 2 every1 around me’ via being “expensive yet free” thereby implying how much i ‘take expensive shit 4 granted’ ‘because I can’,
now that bingeing on fast food / smoking cigarettes / sex with strangers / sex with extended group of friends has ‘hit the mainstream’
(such hard work being cutting edge y’ulz)

Just want 2 feel alive (via branded events).

Just want 2 feel alive (via branded events).

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna ‘form a meaningful relationship w Adi via their embracing the Mad Scientist trend-fad’
Gonna engage w down2earth peeps employed on behalf of Adi
2 ‘be the voice of the shoe of the people’
Gonna punch out the lenses in the 3D glasses I got from watching UP & chill in the toilets with my top off & pretend am in a Lyall Coburn shoot
(can only dream y’all).

Photo of introspective yet active-looking cool chick by Lyall Coburn (extremely authentic photog)

Photo of introspective yet active-looking cool chick by Lyall Coburn (extremely authentic photog) from Adi Originals campaign

Photo of me via non-LC photog but getting there

Photo of me via non-LC photog but 'getting there' (PS. wish I put some Adis in that Pie Chart Of Stuff That Is Cool. "Art Regret")

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Y’ulz going? (is top secret)

my Big Day Out

Hey y’ulz. Had a serious reality check this am. Just kind of realised that there’s more to Cape Town than Wembley Square. Seriously – this is massive progress for me. Had my morning Vida at Green Point Vida as opposed to the usual Wembley Square, which threw me for starters. A lot of mommies with Dior glasses chumming little brats in babygap with pasteis de coco. Anyway, then made my way with my mucho Meie de Leit over to the Cape Royal hotel (which is very pleasant indeed – I could probably be quite happy there were it my official residence) where I was to drop nugget bombs of web marketing wisdom for the Huddlemind Word of Mouse course (which I did quite well – even wore a dress, showed some leg). Finished my talk and then stayed to hear Seth Rotherham talk about his rise to internet stardom via 2oceansvibe, which is a great story, btw, try corner him in the bathrooms at Caprice and make him tell it to you some day. MAKE him.  All in all this was a lot of stimulation for one morning and am nowly safely back at Wembley, ‘getting on with work’. Am considering branching out and going to Camps Bay vida tomorrow am, but that might just be too much for one week.

The man, the legend.

The man, the legend.

Id be pretty happy staying in one of these swanky bathrooms.

I'd be pretty happy staying in one of these swanky bathrooms.

I care about things. I care about you.

My brain’s been deeply engaged lately. Been thinking. Been wondering about whether I am contributing to something meaningful to the world via my career. Not really sure that ‘making milkshake worlds’ or creating the Alcoholics Of Tomorrow via ambassador programs is ever going to be the kind of thing my grandkids will brag about. Basically, I (and by I, I mean my personal brand) has been feeling a bit average.

I recently got told about the Heart Transplant Museum in Cape Town, where you can go and see life-like wax models of the first heart-transplant, and dress up like a doctor and get goosebumps at ‘following in the footsteps of greatness’.


Like an angel.

Like an angel.

This beautiful picture inspired me to read up about Chris Barnard on wikipedia, and about all his great achievements and how he conquered the world even though he lives on the tip of Africa and was Afrikaans. You know how black people in this country say they only find achievements inspiring if it’s done by a black person, and hence flip out about not enough black people in top positions? Well I’m the same. I can only be inspired by great things if they’re done by an Afrikaans person (via narrow-minded-excuse-making), even though I barely speak Afrikaans. But I don’t have to since ‘it’s in my blood’. Think of me as your ‘Good-Girl War-Veteran’. kisses MK xxx.

The Britney Spear of the Nation.

The Britney Spear of the Nation.

What got me all fuzzed up about him was the fact that he did most of his heart transplants free of charge, which indicates a good balance on his personal brand between narcissistic hot Doctor guy and altruist-for-the-people. Which made me realize that’s what’s missing from my personal brand – the meaning that comes from convincing other people you care about deep issues, like teen pregnancy / whether street kids have enough glue / saving the environment / pretending to push the whales back in the sea when they just want to be left alone to die.

What they call an all-rounder. He must have been smart too to get through medschool x 2.

What they call 'an all-rounder'. He must have been smart too to get through medschool x 2.

So was thinking about adopting a meaningful cause that I can champion with my influence and passion, a cause about which I can ‘generate awareness’ and ‘conceptualise PR’ which leads to ‘word-of-mouth  buzz marketing and viral activational engagements’. Some of the causes I’ve been considering include:

1. Advertisements have rights too, ie. Writing up a ‘constitution’ for advertisements that includes ‘ads have the right to shelter’ and then protesting when a billboard that has not been printed with UV-resistant ink is placed in an open area without cover. People seem to like protesting here. Probably because most of our people have ‘natural rhythm’ and tapping into that kind of momentum would mean half the work is done, ie.  Tapping into the long-tailing trend and catching a ride on the collaboration fad wave.



2. Affirmative Action for the oppressed, ie. All the creatives who have had their work discriminated against by clients should be given a free lunch, maybe free medical aid (because of all the mental abortions they have had to endure), and all the top jobs in government. Really think that government would have a great image if they hired us to ‘create a vibe’ in the office, or whatever. Could maybe take a page out of Peet Pienaar’s book (but not the same book he keeps designing over and over and giving a new name to a la Afro, Bruce Lee, etc) and leave trails of boerewors lying around parliament, like the ones Peet left lying around at Jupiter (miss u Jupiter).

3. Client tax. Basically the client pays tax on all the changes they make to a finished, cohesive concept. So the more you strip away in favour of budget (via the recession / general ignorance of the merit of having a concept in your advertising), the more tax you pay on a concept. The tax goes towards supplying creatives with ‘soul deposits’, since stripping concepts takes chunks out of the soul of the creative, like a shark in a frenzy. This might be too abstract however. Not sure whether a currency needs to be set up for ‘soul deposits’. Not sure what would be a happy medium for everyone, since people are so diverse. Maybe the currency can be butternut soup, which is quite neutral. Or heroine, since even if you don’t actively like it now, you probably will like it once you try it. Or maybe something meaningful, like a Louis Vuitton handbag. Basically once you’ve had 10 ideas stripped down to nothing you have earned 1 handbag. Works for me.

Green advertising. This is where we only print in green to create awareness around the fact that we are aware of the environment, and how bad we feel when we print out 100 page PDFs because it’s ‘easier than flicking between screens’. This is really just first-phase at the moment.

That’s where I’ve got up to so far. Let me know if you have a cause you’d like me to champion. I am your humble servant, at your service, here to serve you in any way that I can in a humble fashion. Just want y’ulle to see me as DEEP as well as shallow.

new Levi’s Windows

thanks to @TalyaGoldberg for sending me a pic of what (winner of the Search for the Levi’s Photographer) Romi Stern’s shots for the winter campaign look like in the windows at V&A Waterfront.

Ill be sure to upload all of them  when im back from Easter break.

I'll be sure to upload all of them when i'm back from Easter break.

ambitious kids or stealth pitch: vote now

3 l’il 1st year advertising interns at some small, crazy agency in Sweden decided to pitch on the Adidas global account.

Crazy kids.

Crazy kids.

since it’s a recession, there have been loads of stories going around about how agencies are hitting below the belt and secretly pitching on other agencies’ business. guess it was a matter of time before someone came up with a way to do this sneaky vibe commercially. i understand – y’ulle gotta do what you can to survive these harsh economic times, but pretending your sneakpitch is a ‘project for your interns’ is pretty bleak.

to be fair, it might not  be a disguised stealth operation, and maybe these 3 l’il bears are just rly ambitious. i read that their CD told them to do it, but i feel like at the age of 22 you should be past the whole blame game and should start owning up to your actions / decisions / choices / lifepathcareergoals / giving your best girl  friend herpes when you kissed that one night when you were drunk and it was a dare. guess pitching on Adidas global is bigger than all that / sets a very unhealthy ‘millenial entitlement’ extravaganza precedent. ambition doesn’t quite describe this vibe.

Interns have loads of great, catchy ideas. Why shouldnt they go real life asap?

Interns have loads of great, catchy ideas. Why shouldn't they 'go real life' asap?

i thought i was ambitious by wanting to make the Creative Circle Hall of Fame by 26 but now i just feel average. think i’ll take up smoking again and just ‘wait for death’.

Started making a poll and then i lost interest, so heres a picture of what it would have looked like.

Started making a poll and then i lost interest, so here's a picture of what it would have looked like.

should i sell my personal brand?

so Jupiter sold just under half their company to WPP, which owns every ad agency on the planet that those other 2 big holding companies don’t. I’ll bet shareholders at Jupiter had a grand old day and maybe went out and bought 10 Porsches and Damien Hirst’s Diamond Skull to celebrate. that’s cool. it takes something special to make a place named after a big gassy planet work.

Hi, Im a Jupiter Shareholder and Im so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. Im very dedicated to my health.

"Hi, I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and I'm so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. I'm very dedicated to my health."

Hi Im a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid.

"Hi I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid."

In light of this deal, I’m considering accepting WPP’s proposal to buy my personal brand. i guess it would be quite a mission because i would have to be audited, and then ‘placed under review’. I’d have to freeze my assets and bonuses and standardise the salary increase i give myself every few days. this might be a problem since i am of the ‘old school’ that believes in living fast and dancing in the rain like no one is watching tomorrow, so my assets are ethereal things, ideals, really. has anyone ever had their ideals audited? does it involve a written questionnaire? I am not very into multiple choice.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students singing the song, thinking this is the life d) freelance film directors brainstorming at Royale.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students 'singing the song, thinking this is the life' d) AFDA students brainstorming at Royale.

I sure wish I was a Jupiter shareholder right now. i would mos def exceed my daily withdrawal limit / electronic transfer limit / inter-account transfer limit. I’d stroll down the road and buy the Fat Cactus. And then burn it to the ground. I’d burn R200 notes in front of my middle-class friends, so that they understand that i have matured and am no longer the same person i was in high school. sometimes friends tend to see you as the gawky, pimpled fat person you were when you met in high school. burning money would probably cement my new identity as ‘one of the top 100 rich ppl in Southafricanland’, and it would might make them fear me slightly and therefore be nicer to me because that’s what true friendship is all about.

Its not about doing the fan for your facebook profile pic.

True friendship: It's not about 'doing the fan' for your facebook profile pic.

has a holding company ever bought a personal brand before? I know that deals like this have to be very ‘carefully structured’ and stuff like that. things i would insist in my contract would include:

- I would retain 51% ownership so that when the time came to diss one of my friends / pull out of a party i committed to / buy a new pair of All Stars, I would have control over who was dissed / whether I excuse myself via SMS or just not pitch / which colour or hi-top vs. ankle jacks.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

- I would be able to insist that 50% of my friends and all people who approach me with free drinks and offers of sex at The Assembly / poke me on facebook / add me on myspace / @MyBrandedLifeTM me on Twitter are all black because black peeps are notoriously cooler than whites or coloured or any other ethnicity. Also black peeps will enhance my street cred and will result in possible collaborations with other strong personal brands like Eminem / Dr Dre / Whoopi Goldberg.

A black person. Cooler than youll ever be.

A black person. Cooler than you'll ever be.

Black people 4 eva.

Black people 4 eva.

- I would work some sort of automatic Jewishness into the contract because it’ll stand me in good business stead, plus it’ll hopefully bring body to my very straight, very uncurly hair. Always wanted wavy, curly hair. Even willing to drop my GHD endorsement for it.

- A permanent spot at the front of the Woolies queue. Nothing is more devastating to my PB than the reflection of myself in the Woolies plexiglass, kicking my basket of Fat Free White Peach Yoghurt and Chuckles forward in front of me, as I inch closer to the till.

- Double points on my Vida card every time I swipe. Am kind of tired of buying 7 cups of coffee a day so I can get a free coffee every Friday. Paying for Vida is kind of what plebby City Varsity Students who have just discovered Vida do. Feel like I’m beyond this. Pls organise.

- Somebody to write and think of cool stuff for my contract because this is getting boring.

****************************************************************

question: do y’ulle think it’s hypocritical to build an agency and call it ‘independent’ and then sell it for loads of $$$$$$? some ppl who live in the comments of this article think so. i kind of don’t know what the point of being creative for other ppl is if you don’t make $$$$$$$$$. ya know?

Using your god-given talents to make people who are not you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear. - The richest oppenheimer

"Using your god-given talents to make people who are not-you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear." - The richest oppenheimer

***************************************************************

Sub-topic: The Money Effect

A study into consumer / employee behaviour by Alex van Tonder.

Insight: People feel happy and free to be productive and amazing and fulfilled and valued and inspired to reach unchartered territories and be loyal when you pay them lots of $$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

Recommendation: Pay the ppl you like most lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

****************************************************************

See how simple life is? Oh, what’s that? You want me to run your company? Send your proposal of my employment contract to alex@mybrandedlife.com.


thinking of showing my boobs. trying to make my porti unique.

it’s tough being in advertising today. once upon a time, nobody even knew it was a career. nobody believed that you could get paid to think up funny / smart / relevant / enagaging / viral / cool / prestigious / down-to-earth / honest / housewifey / working daddish / [insert name of target market and or their values here] ideas and call it a job.

things have changed. these days everyone is in advertising. everyone is zany. everyone is cool. warhol said everyone would be famous, but he didn’t say everyone was going to be awesome.

Everyone is zany and creative and pushing deadlines and consumer promises.

Everyone is zany and creative and pushing deadlines and consumer promises. It's called Being The Brand. You are the brand. You are the trend. You are the future. You are now. Be with me. Here. With my brand. Now. Together we will collaborate and appeal to more people than we would appeal to if we were apart.

these days  even the beggar who sits outside my gate at home has his own corporate colours for the chalk board he holds up. i know this because i offered him some spare chalk the other day and he only took the blue and the orange chalk because ‘these are my colours’.

struggling to come to terms with what the world is coming to.

been feeling something like this:

new year! / new porti!

so been looking over other peoples’ portfolios to get some inspiration as to how i can differentiate myself from the masses of creatives out there and their personal creative copywriter / art director brands. and then further differentiate myself as a professional who can create brands that i’m not personally involved with.

*****************************************************************

“Talent is no longer about original ideas. Talent is about being able to come up with original ideas that are not based on or created for / by you or your experiences, but look like they were created by the person they were created for.” – Alex van Tonder, in an interview with Bill Bernbacklett

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i’m not sure how not to get personally involved with the brands i work on. just like i’m not sure how to not hook up with all the men at my office. wish i’d saved one of them for a rainy day. maybe i can create controversy within the agency by pulling a Lindsay Lohan and kissing a client service chick and then refusing to answer any questions. although when i kissed Jenny that one night at Diaz Tavern no one even asked any questions.

you see what i mean when i say that it’s hard to differentiate yourself these days?

Another agency party at some obscure pub in Gardens Industria. Ive got sooooo many of these pics its almost not even worth uploading it. Ever feel like all truly great ideas have already been done? Paris Hilton did blowjobs and penetration. Lindsay and Britney did their crotch-flashings. Sharon Stone did that leg-cross thing in Basic Instinct. The world is so competitive yulle. Really hard for me to keep ahead of the curve when it comes to showing what makes me special as a copywriter, what makes me different to all the other copywriters out there.

Another agency party at some obscure pub in Gardens Industria. I've got sooooo many of these pics it's almost not even worth uploading it. Ever feel like all truly great ideas have already been done? Paris Hilton did blowjobs and penetration. Lindsay and Britney did their crotch-flashings. Sharon Stone did that leg-cross thing in Basic Instinct. The world is so competitive y'ulle. Really hard for me to keep ahead of the curve when it comes to showing what makes me special as a copywriter, what makes me different to all the other copywriters out there.

NEwayz… back to the porti. should it be digital? should i invent a program that allows you to download my porti in a nanosecond? maybe i can make it so small that you have to view it with nanoglasses on nano chips? will nano still be big in 2010 or am i running with a fad here?

Should I pressurise my own blood and spray out my headlines under water so that Creative Directors see that I understand new media?

Should I pressurise my own blood and spray out my headlines under water so that Creative Directors see that I understand new media?

or should i keep my porti old school? big red leatherbound book with my name embossed in Cooper Bold in White letters? feel like there is a certain amount of gravitas when i whack down a beast of a porti like that on a Creative Director’s desk. although i haven’t actually used it since i graduated way back in 2004. since then, a well-written email that conveys my ability to stay calm in the face of chaos has gotten me every job i’ve ever had.

An example of the well-written, to-the-point letter that got me my job at King James.

An example of the well-written, to-the-point letter that got me my job at King James.

i’ve heard that some legendary creatives don’t even have portfolios, they just email a list of awards annuals and corresponding page numbers when they’re looking for a job. that feels a little wanky to me. i feel like if someone made me wade through crusty awards annuals that gather like dust in the corners of agency toilets, i wouldn’t want to offer them a job. unless it was dusting the awards annuals gathering weevils in the agency toilets.

Does NE one out there still care about awards? If i have a list of awards longer than my hair will you want to hire me? Or would you be more inclined to hire me if i just sent you a link to my blog with pictures of myself taking photos of myself on it? Wish someone had answers for me. Im feeling the photo vibe more. Just coz I know my good side.

Does NE one out there still care about awards? If i have a list of awards longer than my hair will you want to hire me? Or would you be more inclined to hire me if i just sent you a link to my blog with pictures of myself taking photos of myself on it? Wish someone had answers for me. I'm feeling the photo vibe more. Just coz I know my good side.

maybe i should record my porti into an album and take off my clothes to promote it. i’d go around the country doing signings which double up as interviews. being Gen Y, it is all about me interviewing the agency and not the other way round. i’d listen as they tell me how they want to help me ‘grow my craft’ and ‘collaborate and cross pollinate‘ my tech-savvy skills with their experienced eye for Letraset.

Collaboration across the generation gap is key to moving forward in the future.

Collaboration across the generation gap is key to moving forward in the future.

i’m going to make this porti quest my holiday project. gonna come back with some fresh material. gonna come back with a come back.

“I see you. And I just wanna dance with you. LOLOLOLOL.” – Brutney Spears

Goldilocks and the Grand Daddy

went to go see Mark and Jo Stead’s caravan the other night. walked into the beautifully redone foyer of the old Metropole hotel (now the Grand Daddy as in Daddy Long Legs Art Hotel) and asked where i could find the caravans.

“You mean the Gulf Streams?” said the receptionist. Aren’t Gulf Streams jets? Turns out they are called “Airstreams”.  NEways, ascended the staircase and landed on the roof of the metropole. Mark and co were sitting around with ciders and wine. The only 2 caravans i saw worth documenting were Mark’s and another artist who did a polkadot dorothy theme. some pics:

Lotsa dotses.

Lotsa dotses.

Dot dot dot.

Dot dot dot.

Theres no place like home.

There's no place like home.

We were joking that it would be funny if the south easter picked up this caravan and dumped it in the middle of Bree Street.

We were joking that it would be funny if the south easter picked up this caravan and dumped it in the middle of Bree Street.

Me in a dot mirror.

Me in a dot mirror.

And onto Mark and Jo’s Gulf Stream Jet:

Momma bears chair. Note the embroidery in the cushion.

Momma bear's chair. Note the embroidery in the cushion.

Wait, this is more like Momma bears chair.

Wait, this is more like Momma bear's chair.

Bear family heritage. A proud mantelpiece.

Bear family heritage. A proud mantelpiece.

A solid bear face. The kind of bear youd like to sit down at a fireside with and talk berries and salmon.

A solid bear face. The kind of bear you'd like to sit down at a fireside with and talk berries and salmon.

Special bear porridge bowls.

Special bear porridge bowls.

Kinky post-its from Goldilocks.

Kinky post-its from Goldilocks.

Goldilocks wig. Her dress hangs up in the cupboard.

Goldilocks wig. Her dress hangs up in the cupboard.

The bear head is also in the cupboard. Things start looking very kinky round about now.

The bear head is also in the cupboard. Things start looking very kinky round about now.

Mark in his bear mask. Far more charming than the Dead Kennedys mask he wore to the christmas party.

Mark in his bear mask. Far more charming than the Dead Kennedy's mask he wore to the christmas party.

And there you have it. If you’d like to stay there, get ready to pay 4 star prices. Book by popping into 38 Long Street or by calling +27 21 424 7247 or by emailing info@granddaddy.co.za .

is diabetes the new roboraptor? most wanted gift this christmas?

i find this a little weird but i guess if i was diabetic i would want to use the same thing that monitors my blood sugar levels as someone who is good-looking and famous. because if it doesn’t work for them you will know. here one of the jonas brothers gets his endorsement deal on with a Bayer product (hey i use Bayer vitamins in the form of Cal-C-Vita and Supradyn so i a way i feel close to nick jonas):

Making diabetes cool. Like when the cool kids at school got bracesi wanted braces, even though i had perfect teeth. Guess im grateful now LOL.

Like when the cool kids at school got bracesi wanted braces.

rad hey? makes you want to phone Discovery and ask whether this rad Bayer thing is covered in chronic. i feel inspired by this jonas-bayer brand sharing collaboration, and am considering writing a song about what it’s like to have high cholesterol (pity they don’t make fancy pocket testers. a pocket test for cholesterol is just a tapemeasure or the jeans test – when you sit down does your belly roll over your jeans? then your cholesterol is probably high). also considering offering myself to the heart foundation as a cholesterol ambassador. they could play the song i write on the tv commercials where everywhere is carrying their plush toy hearts around.

wonder how my song would go. maybe something like:

even though i’ve got a hot body

got a genetic condition from my daddy

means my arteries are a little fatty

so i gotta take pills, pills, pills

to stop from gettin ill, ill, ill

gotta watch what i eat

gotta stay on my feet and take

pills, pills, pills

You can grow your own cholesterol by eating lots of McDonalds or Crush. Dont be scared - Crush appears healthy but is actually highly fatty and processed.

Many great songs have been written bout living with cholesterol for eg. this bon jovi classic.

getting to grips with recent paranormal political activity – please email through any sightings or information you may have

so there’s some sTrAnGe things happening in Southafricaland. Um, basically overnight we’ve got a new president. his name is… er… hang on i have never heard of him before so i need to do some research… Kgalema Motlanthe. yes. that guy. this is what he looks like:

Kgalema Mot-Mot is on the left. The guy on the right is the politician everyone makes fun of the whole time.

Kgalema Molanthe is on the left. The guy on the right is the politician everyone makes fun of the whole time.

first things first, that’s a major mouthful of a name for a president. it doesn’t roll of the tongue the way Mandela or Mbeki does. so he needs a nickname – I’m going to Christen him unofficially as The Mothman Prophecy from now on. because he is a bit like a Mothman Prophecy – he emerged from the deep ANC forest in a way that can only be described as science-fiction / paranormal activity.

this article about him says he digs the Broederbond. FYI, this is like a secret boys club that was a big part of the Apartheid regime. The Mothman Prophecy says he thinks they knew what they were doing. that’s quite weird because i thought we didn’t want things to be like apartheid, but anyhooooo… maybe that is just part of his hotheaded youth.

he also used to be down with that whole weirdness about HIV not causing AIDS… do you think there’s any link between a country who’s ex and current president questions whether HIV causes AIDS and the fact that 1/3 of the country is dying of AIDS? just a question…it says he has changed his Mothmind.

anyway this is a really long article, and even though i am educated it’s taking a lot out of me just to find out who exactly this Mothman Prophecy is, the president of Southafricaland. so i skipped to the end of the article and it says no one has anything bad to say about him in the ANC, and that both the Mbeki peeps and the Zuma ones like him. which is cool. it sucks when no one likes the president. i felt a pang in my heart watching the ANC be mean to thabo mbeki.

Go well Thabo. You should start a new party up with Helen Zille. It can be the United Educated Front.

Hamba kahle Thabo. You should start a new party up with Helen Zille. It can be the United Educated Front.

In my youth I used to be very politically hotblooded, and I might have blogged passionately ALL IN CAPS about What This Means. in my old age though i have calmed down somewhat and am only really concerned with 2 things:

1) how am i going to explain this to all my online friends? (seriously, they won’t understand) and

2) how is this affecting my own personal brand indirectly (ie. I am a Southafricalander, how do people perceive me now)?

i won’t bother with question 1 since that is the purpose of this post, but i will address question 2. the political instability could make people think i am stressed out and unstable, like my country. they could also see me as someone who does things with little regard for other people’s feelings, like my country’s leadership party. to answer my question, i guess it doesn’t affect how people perceive me at all then. although they could also think that i am someone who voted for The Mothman Prophecy, which would remind them of that really bad movie —> just because my President is now The Mothman Prophecy does NOT mean i liked that movie. please understand that nobody voted for The Mothman Prophecy, and he was simply put in front of us like The Rib Burger at Spur and we were told to eat. which is NOT always a bad thing! I’m a person with a taste for life, ok? nom nom rib burger.

**********My Personal Message to The Mothman Prophecy a.k.a. Kgalema Motlanthe a.k.a. The President of Southafricanland****************

Yoh man! Bet last week you didn’t think you were going to be president of the whole of Southafricanland this week? Bet you just thought you’d fit in some golf if the rain let up (which it didn’t – i hear political debates are great on rainy indoor days).

i don’t have much to say but these few humble points:

- everyone’s really nervous right now because no one knows what to believe about the ANC in the media. apparently some people are saying the ANC was behind the plane that never crashed into the pentagon and that an ANC ship crashed at Area 51 back in the 60s. now whatever the truth is, please just be honest with us and don’t do anything dodgy. we’re all just trying to make a life for ourselves and everyone just wants a president we can trust.

– please make smart business decisions. i just had to renew my Flickr Pro account and $25 dollars is a lot more than it used to be. plus i have maxed out my credit card on tinned food just in case there’s a paranormal invasion so you need to help the interest rates go down in whatever way you can. i am aiming to get a new MacBook Pro in December so it would really help if you could help me pay off my credit card so i can fill it up with debt again.

- please take Southafricanland’s brand into consideration when you speak in public. we know that not everyone does this which is why Europe thinks we take showers instead of using condoms and why no one will shake Southafricanlander’s hands at customs when we are going on holiday to Disneyland in Australia.

welcome on board Sir Mothman Prophecy. I hope you like your nickname – i thought it had a regal air about it, as if you are descended from paranormal royalty. i look forward to your reign and hope you will make friends with Helen Zille as her brand is the closest one i can identify with as a young educated lady in Southafricaland. so you guys should do a Crossover Brand Collaboration and in that way you will get access to audiences you never had access to before.

some fine examples of this can be seen in Opel Corsa’s collaboration with Morgan and all sorts of brands on TV at the moment. Also look at what Phillipe Starck and Puma have done together. Adidas and Diesel are making rad jeans love. Just think what you and Helen Zille could do? Maybe a fragrance, just to get things started?

A good fragrance collaboration could boost the South African economy and restore its citizens faith in the leading party.

A good fragrance collaboration could boost the South African economy and restore its citizens faith in the leading party.

Much love and good luck with leading the country and being president and getting the kids under control again. I really do have faith in you.

**********Alex******************

pigeons – the most private form of communication

today i got such a great mail from a friend of mine, Lauren. she’s doing her honours in graphic design in Holland. anyway she wrote to tell me about this project she’s been working on called Something To Hide, and it’s part of a final year research project into using alternative methods to bypass existing communication tools in order to gain more privacy.

No privacy clause in fineprint. Just little pigeon claws.

No privacy clause in fineprint. Just little pigeon claws.

Lauren and 10 other students from the Sandberg Institute have been training carrier pigeons since March. Lauren said the original idea came from watching a programme on how all our communication is traceable and ultimately non-private. their theory is that carrier pigeons are the most private form of communication. fascinating! they have a great website detailing their experiment.

Pigeon knows he was supposed to deliver a message, but cant remember what it was supposed to say.

Pigeon knows he was supposed to deliver a message, but can't remember what it was supposed to say.

they are busy working on a documentary about the project and you can also catch them at the Experimenta design festival in Amsterdam.

if you’re young, make some noise

while there are a lot of companies out there hoping to capitalise on youth opinion, i was recently introduced to a company that manages to facilitate not only hearing opinions and dreams but making them into a reality, too. Youth Noise describes itself on their website thus:

“YN is a social networking site for people under the age of 27 who like to connect based on deeper interests than Paris Hilton’s wardrobe and want to get engaged within a cause. Find a cause, search for friends, and get involved. Want to free Tibet? Passionate about human rights?Whatever your cause, network it here.”

Under their causes tab is listed anything from Animal Rights to Arts and Media, to Economy to Business to Government to Poverty to  Religion, to name but a few. You can also join existing youth projects, create a personalised profile, connect to government and gain access to registries of companies and sponsors who can help with your cause or dream. i think it’s an awesome idea, and wish there was a company like that in South Africa whose disillusioned youth so desperately need a voice.

South Africa presents a unique challenge, however, because mass market youth don’t have the kind of internet access something like Youth Noise. a mobile version of the site would be a prerequisite here. i can only imagine that everything that is wrong with South Africa - crime, unemployment, poverty – will only be compounded as upcoming generations realise that as much as the word democracy gets thrown around here, they really don’t have a voice. what do you say, Youth Noise? are you ready for a challenge?