Category Archives: funny

That Blank Page Luv

Y’all start the track playing (below) and then sing along with the lyrics I have composed for y’alls:


Blank Page Luv

Radio Ad Killa,
MBLTM
The Advertising Dream
Hey yo writers
Come up off them keyboards
Write a lil something for the creatives
Let em know how we feelin’


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save my ass
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Yeah they love it when I put it on them
In the boardroom when I’m clickin my pen
I make it rhyme and they like it
They get the ad like a psychic (izzy)
Next thing we talking bout shoot dates
I’m like don’t this need more debate
But they say that they loving my flow
Finally found a creative that knows
What it’s like to pimp FMCG
So pumped they fired the old agency
Like cool, you dig it, it’s sold
Get it while its hot before idea gets cold
Mock it up and print it up nice
Use a spot UV coz them consumers dig ice


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab

I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I get a call in the middle of the night
It’s the client sayin shiz not right
The wrong logo, that shiz too small
Model looks like she ran a brick wall
Coz I’m a prankster, I ask if it can wait
Been up all night writing ads til late
Client’s angry don’t get my joke
Hit me up and flush my coke
Holla back you be starting again
New ideas gonna solve this thing
Client’s over all them other ideas
Tho they signed their name here, here and here
So I’m up and I’m pullin new page
Clicking Bic to contain this rage


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

My boss’s dog

His master's couch.

I know, right? Yet ANOTHER reason to get into advertising.

Why don’t we make apple juice and fax it to each other?

Y’ulz I have a prediction. In the future, every ad will be made up of chopped up parts of sci fi movies with incongruous dubbing. Please enjoy a fine example of a brand new fad:

Is it time 2 grow the fuck up and love rugby just like everyone else?

Y’ulz. There comes a point in every blog’s life where y’all gotta realise ur destiny. But y’als I am scared.

I am so scared.

Why is MY destiny all gross and orcy?

When I was in high school and still ‘developing my personal brand (via my personality)’ I looked to my parents 4 guidance. Basically, they were OBSESSED with rugby, so I decided 2 HATE rugby. Pls see equation of Teenage Personality Development rule.

Developed this equation myself. Proved it myself too (via slamming my door @ roughly 3pm every Saturday). Felt like I had ‘found myself’ back then (via dating the skinny arty bros & taking them 2 the Bosch vs Bishops game as an ‘act of defiance’.).

Those were the days.

But now am an older / wiser / faster / stronger blog. Have realised ‘there is more 2 life than defying the ppl who mortgaged all their 4 of their Bishopscourt properties’ so I couldafford 2 go 2 ad school’. Have realised that ‘cool don’t pay the bills’. Have been contemplating ‘dating a normal guy’ in aid of ‘living a herp- / tattoo- / converse-shoes-plus-dress – free happy life’. Was mulling this stuff over quietly in my cre8ive bloggy mind when 2OceansVibe DM@tweeted me that I made a blogger XV side.

Srsly?

Srsly y’ulz – basically the unthinkable just happened. MyBrandedLifeTM just got picked 2 be on a ‘blogger rugby team’. Srsly. That just happened. Maybe just drive your car inside coz it might be “raining blue moons”.

First came shock. Oh my word y’ulz.

Then came denial. This is not happening y’ulz.

Then came this other feeling. It feels kind of warm. Almost like how I would imagine ‘potential’ 2 feel y’ulz. Then the theme song from Invictus started playing (via time travel) & I had a ‘transferred memory’ (that actually belongs 2 Francois Pienaarvanwykdewaal) from that time Nelson Mandelabro told me 2 ‘unite a nation’ (via winning the rugby world cup 05).

Matt Damon as Frankypants

Am thinking y’ulle – what if ‘loving rugby’ is actually my destiny?
It would be kind of ‘extremely ironic’, and y’all know I love my irony.
What do y’ulz thank?

Scared, y’ulz.

PS. Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Too late, I got a Mac

Hey y’ulz. Hey do y’all remember Windows? Yes, Windows. That program on the “computers” that we all used to use (v diff 2 the OS we use on our lappies today). One of Windows’s greatest features was being able to open one thing while opening another at the same time.

“Check it out, you can multitask!”

“Wow!”

Of course, that all changed when they launched Windows Vista. But back then we’d play Prince of Persia while twirling our Coke Yo-Yos and grooving to “Black or White” while wearing “peace” shirts. Anyways, found this song about Windows thought y’ulle would appreciate. Sing with me: “It’s too late, I got a Mac… too late…”

(via jasonknight06)

Booking an audio session: the fun continues

“A creative from an ad agency books an audio session….. what could possibly go wrong?”

thanks swartperd.

The study that changed my life: a profbro’s story

I am a professor bro. Have studied lots. I have a doctorate, but it never really ‘opened the doors’ I’d always hoped it would. Had dreams of winning a Nobel Prize. Didn’t happen. So bummed. Drank myself in2 a stupour over it the other day at some bar. Met some chick with a short skirt. Said she worked in PR. Said she could ‘make it happen 4 me’. Didn’t rly believe her. She was ‘too pretty 2 be smart’, & the kind of woman ‘I’d never get’. Just wanted 2 die.

Then she called me back the next day. Said she had this ‘gr8 idea 4 a study’. She said ‘Let’s do something big, something with high talkability & buzz factor. Let’s do a study bout how “Cape Town is racist“. That’ll get ‘em  all frothy & will give you industry credibility & media exposure.’ Crazy bint.

Didn’t rly take her srsly coz she’s not an alumni. Don’t take non-academics srsly. Bet she can’t even spell ‘schisms’. Drank some more and passed out in my own puke. Woke up with my face squashed on a Lever Arch File and her card in my hand. Smoked a cigarette. Called her. Gave the ‘study’ a go-ahead, even though she said she’d just get some friends over for drinks and ‘get some sound bytes’ and leave out anything that didn’t sound racist. Drank more until I passed out in my puke again. Hate my life. Just wanted ppl 2 respect me. Thinking of studying further.

Next day woke up with one of my young female coloured students, all naked and passed out next to me in my own puke. Felt a bit better, like ‘my suffering had purpose’ and ‘I was bridging the prejudice divide’ (via fucking & a blackout). Finally felt like I’d made up 4 ‘being born in cape town’. Thought of writing a book about it & calling it ‘Disgrace’ but realised it had already being done (hate u JM).

The phone rang. It was the PR chick. She said the ‘study’ made front page news. Said it was ‘creating a lot of buzz’ and ‘perpendicular trajectory word-of-mouth spinoff’ and that my ‘exposure was high’ and that I would now be a ‘respected profbro’. So relieved. She said my name comes up first if u google ‘cape town racist’. She said ‘the twitter is buzzing with hatespeech about capetonians’. She said ‘now you’re famous!’ Sooooo awesome y’all. Gonna do another ‘controversial study’ soon. Is rly helping my application 4 a study grant that will pay for more booze (ran out last night, pretty bummed). Gonna aim for a Nobel in 2010. Wish me luck.


I am a super fucking awesome Social Media Guru

Just watch it“. Thanks Dylan.

From the Couch Episode 176

Check out this banging video of us 27 Dinner bros riding dirty in our Limo (if you’re wondering when I’m going to stop ‘going on about this’, it won’t be any time soon). Filmed by Marc and Dave, the boys at From The Couch, a very funny online talk show on all things 2.0, it’s worth checking our the rest of their site for their amiable banter and good happy Hout Bay times. I have a good story to tell about Marc. We once had a ‘twitter fight’ over whether Follow Friday sucked or not (it sucks). He #FFed me just to annoy me. I told him to do it one more time ‘at his Perel’ (his surname is Perel). Then he #FFed me again, so I twitter punched him, and then we both called for peace and that was that.

advertising people. now in comic strip format.

More of the goodness here. Thanks @leonjacobs.

“you don’t have to go all the way you can just kiss!!”

Got this email earlier in response to this post.

I wasn’t going to even write this but I feel like i must express how i feel and since your article caused my anger I  thought why not. You endless tirades about people who drink are just lame because you don’t drink youself. You are probably a freak and are up your own ass!!  Your latest article was worst because it made people who are nearly 30 and go out for a good time seem like there is something wrong with them. Well for FYI I love my life!!!! an am nearly 30 and can drink as much as I want. I have fun! I don’t feel bad because I have no boyfriend and I have no shame in having a little fun on the weekend, plenty of men love me and my attitude and hit on me all the time!! In case you are saving yourself to be ‘pure’. I am never with the same guy a weekend and you don’t have to go all the way you can just kiss!! It doesn’t mean you are a slut. You obviously don’t have any fun. Are you jealous. Maybe your upbringing. . I am just living my life and when the right guy comes along I will settle down just like everyone else. But until then I will have as much fun as I can. You should try it!!!


You should stop blogging and go out and have a drink and dance and yu will see that actually it’s a lot of fun. Talk to some sexy guys at the bar.  You might even meet a man who loves you and ends up marrying you!! You are just closing the doors to any FUN and opportunity for happiness. You are anti-feminist because you always pick on woman who drink. I may act a little wild but is better than your ice queen judgement. I am proud of how much I can drink, and so I should be, why should men have all the fun? Do yourself favour and put short skirt on and get motherless and you will see a whole new world open to you. You will even discover who you really are. In the meantime I will pray for you and you should pray to. Pray that Jesus doesn’t judge your soul the way you judge the beautiful souls who just want to have fun. I do understand if you do not drink because you were an alcoholic thought because both my parents were alcoholics but if not then lighten up chick!!!!!


I think I’ve been put in my place.

Warning: this video is EXTREMELY offensive

This is Tony Kaye’s tribute to Paul Arden, who wrote both ‘It’s not how good you are, it’s how good you want to be’ and ‘Whatever you think, think the opposite’ – 2 books that you’ll find on the desks of advertising creatives around the world. I’m guessing Arden has died, because why else would there be cause to make a tribute. That is very sad news. Paul Arden has inspired so many of us to be zany and kreative in our thinking to believe in ourselves and to be ‘Reckless Erica’ from ‘Whatever you think, think the opposite’.

Which is why I warn you about viewing this video. The first time I watched it, my eyes popped out of my head and hid in the pile of vomit that appeared on my lap, so hold yours close. This might truly be the most terrible video you ever have to watch. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it. Talk about it. Get support. You do NOT have to go through this alone.

PS. What’s with advertising people making music videos these days? Everyone seems to be doing it. Which makes me think I should be doing it too (via my basic need to belong).

the strange gift collection.

who doesn’t know (and love) a bona fide weirdo? here’s a great list of stocking-fillers for your favourite freaky friends.

Just what i wanted! Some freeze-dried squirrel-foot earrings!

Just what i wanted! Some freeze-dried squirrel-foot earrings!

Ah man! Ive been looking for a feotus cookie cutter everywhere!

Ah man! I've been looking for a feotus cookie cutter everywhere!

Oh how awesome! Now we can both wear the same underwear.

Oh how awesome! Now we can both wear the same underwear.

via neatorama.

stuff white people like – blog of the week

whew. after a heavy weekend fielding emails from people telling me i’ve been ‘OWNED’ by posting 90dayjane (i’m not removing the post as it’s done great things for traffic and um, YOU’RE the ones googling it in any case) i’ve come across a gem of a blogspot location entitled Stuff White People Like. i’m not ashamed to say i’ve spent my sunday evening there.
do yourself a favour and check it out.