Y’ulz. There comes a point in every blog’s life where y’all gotta realise ur destiny. But y’als I am scared.
I am so scared.
Why is MY destiny all gross and orcy?
When I was in high school and still ‘developing my personal brand (via my personality)’ I looked to my parents 4 guidance. Basically, they were OBSESSED with rugby, so I decided 2 HATE rugby. Pls see equation of Teenage Personality Development rule.
Developed this equation myself. Proved it myself too (via slamming my door @ roughly 3pm every Saturday). Felt like I had ‘found myself’ back then (via dating the skinny arty bros & taking them 2 the Bosch vs Bishops game as an ‘act of defiance’.).
Those were the days.
But now am an older / wiser / faster / stronger blog. Have realised ‘there is more 2 life than defying the ppl who mortgaged all their 4 of their Bishopscourt properties’ so I could ‘afford 2 go 2 ad school’. Have realised that ‘cool don’t pay the bills’. Have been contemplating ‘dating a normal guy’ in aid of ‘living a herp- / tattoo- / converse-shoes-plus-dress – free happy life’. Was mulling this stuff over quietly in my cre8ive bloggy mind when 2OceansVibe DM@tweeted me that I made a ‘blogger XV side’.
Srsly y’ulz – basically the unthinkable just happened. MyBrandedLifeTM just got picked 2 be on a ‘blogger rugby team’. Srsly. That just happened. Maybe just drive your car inside coz it might be “raining blue moons”.
First came shock. Oh my word y’ulz.
Then came denial. This is not happening y’ulz.
Then came this other feeling. It feels kind of warm. Almost like how I would imagine ‘potential’ 2 feel y’ulz. Then the theme song from Invictus started playing (via time travel) & I had a ‘transferred memory’ (that actually belongs 2 Francois Pienaarvanwykdewaal) from that time Nelson Mandelabro told me 2 ‘unite a nation’ (via winning the rugby world cup 05).
Matt Damon as Frankypants
Am thinking y’ulle – what if ‘loving rugby’ is actually my destiny?
It would be kind of ‘extremely ironic’, and y’all know I love my irony.
What do y’ulz thank?
PS. Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?
Posted in funny, internet, my real life, online, personal branding
Tagged blogger 15, my branded life, number 9, rugby hating, rugby team, south african blogger team, spoil sport
Can you spare some of your online influence?
Y’ulz, this is a srs post. Sometimes I feel, when am driving my Bugatti thru the streets of ‘the most beautiful city in the world’ (Gardens), that there are beggars ‘fucking everywhere’. Think I am kind of over winding down my window BEFORE they approach 2 tell them 2 ‘lean on some other car like that Polo’. FFS y’ulle.
You'd better wash that stump b4 u click on my profile
And as if having to ‘decline stealing from myself 2 give 2 the poor’ on a daily basis is not painful enough, some beggar walked up to my window on facebook 2day (via an internal fbook email) and begged for me to ‘just go to this page and scroll down to the photo of the yam and like it, but don’t open the photo and like the photo, just like the link or it wont count as a vote, so I can win a free yamboat’.
Y’ulle can imagine my reply.
No, y’ulle actually can’t because I used a word I made up.
“Fangbags! Did u rly just send me this??????? H8 u.”
Srsly. Are there beggars ‘fucking everywhere’? Gonna write my next pro-bono article for the Big Issue about the beggar endemic. Have ‘had it in chunks’. What are y’ulz feelings about this topical issue? Has our social networking society ‘gone 2 the dogs tonight’? is fbook ‘the new Zim’?
I have an invite to Googlewave
I don’t know anyone else who has one
Which makes me feel awesome
But at the same time lonely
Since Googlewave is useless without other ppl to wave to
No matter, gonna gloat about it on the twitter
Gonna sync my twitter to my fbook status
So everyone knows how ahead and technologically “on it” I am
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLE WAVE
Yeah! Googlewave! Yeah!
Gonna excuse myself from this meeting
And lock myself in the stall at the end in the bathrooms of my office
And do a dance out of excitement at my GOOGLEWAVE invite (maybe touch my peen)
Jiggy jiggy, jiggy jiggy
You like that huh? Jiggy Jiggy
“Applebottom googlewave…boots with the googlewave…”
Gonna go back to the meeting room
Just drop this l’il bomb
“Oh, shoot, looks like I just got a Googlewave invite,”
And jizz on my face at the blank expressions on the faces of my colleagues
(they’ll never understand me or my ideas. I’m a visionary, they are laggards.)
Yeah! Googlewave! Fuck me!
I have an invite to Googlewave
Gonna watch lots of videos on ‘how Googlewave works’
Gonna tweet them out, with commentary
(“I find the function that allows you to collapse or expand inline comments really useful” - cue sound of my sperm hitting you in the forehead)
Gonna get all frenzied up when ppl tweet about ‘how dumb it is to get excited about Googlewave since you need other ppl 2 B on it’
Gonna defend it ‘to the death’ from the fucking tards who don’t “get it”
“You’ll see – Googlewave is gonna change EVERYTHING!”
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
Googlewave 4 eva!!!!!!1!
I have an invite to Googlewave
I used to be married but that was lame (couldn’t collapse the inline fighting over remote control)
My wife divorced me because I had to wake up at 3am to ‘wave’ to ppl in America (is what U get when U marry a laggard)
Totally don’t regret it – Googlewave is gonna “change the way we do business”, you’ll see
Just let me know if you want 2 know how it works (via a link to googlewave.com/help)
So I can point out how STUPID your LIFE is compared to Googlewave’s GENIUS
If you don’t have Googlewave you might as well tattoo STUPID PERSON WHO IS BEHIND AND STUPID on your forehead
Unless you want me 2 invite u. I can hook u up.
U want an invite? Coz I can hook u up. I can change your life. You just have to say yes. I’ll hook U up.
Googlewave is LOVE. Anything else is FEAR.
Love or Fear?
LOVE OR FEAR?
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
I’M SO FUCKINGARGHKJFGJHERGFKJHDFBVKJHDFBVJDHSFBV,JSDHFBVGOOGLEWAVE!!!!
I'm gonna fuck my face yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hey y’ulle. Just got tweet-fbook-wall-posted a pic out of the new ADvantage which has a line of serious looking peeps on it who are from an agency called ‘The Wild Wide West of Digital Space’. Plus they have cowboy hats on from the toy store on buitenkant. When I see this image I get the feeling that these are a bunch of rad bras who were forced to put silly hats on and ‘look hardcore’ for the shoot by a stylist who is actually an editorial assistant. No matter, it has ignited something inside me and I realise I need to make a ‘visual statement’ if anyone is ever going to take me srsly in this biz.
Was thinking of calling up Bizcomm and asking for a press office so I can call myself ‘the Lady Gaga of Gladvertising’, and dress up in a tight costume and pad my crotch so ppl wonder if I have a peen or not. Might be a bit ‘out there’. Might not be ‘hardcore’ enough. Clients will think I spend their budget on useless hair plug-ins. Digital requires a lot of code vibes so I should probably come up with a more serious analogy for myself.
Ma ma ma mar.
How about “The Joker of Digivertainmentline”.
Start a facebook group..... NOT! Ha ha, I am so funny.
Or, “The Hannah Montana Movie now in easy-to-read Digital Format”.
Accessible yet professional.
I’ll keep thinking. You let me know when I hit on a winner.
Posted in advertising, internet, online, personal branding
Tagged advantage magazine, analogies, cowboys, my branded life, personal brand, professional, reputations, south african digital scene, wild west
Hey y’ulle. Bet some of y’all are thinking I’ve been very quiet for someone who gets free stuff for writing a load of crap about brands on her blog. I have been quiet, but not by choice. I might be killed for saying this, but I’m being held captive by Vodacom’s 3G “service”.
See, I took out a contract thinking having Internet at home would mean 2 things: a) more time at work to focus on winning a Grand Black Lion Eagle Canned Loerie Award at work and b) more time to focus on bringing my 70 billion or so readers a better blog, filled with truth disguised as semi-illiterate irony within the context of my life as an attention-seeking copywriter with a god-complex (ie the ‘Everyman of Advertising’).
Alas, alack, my good intentions are half-way to hell by now, as is the soul of Vodacom, for selling me a service that doesn’t actually exist. Dear readers, you’ll notice a prominent lack of ‘funny pictures’, links and my trademark random pink, orange and green word-colouring in this post, and for that I apologize. They don’t allow a full-service WYSIWYG editing suite here in prison. It’s just me, my iPhone and the WordPress app. It’s cold, and there are rat apps gnawing at my feet apps. Where is my god now?
I’m going to try and blog once more tomorrow. I doubt Vodacom will let me. They’ve already confiscated the razor blades I was going to use to terminate our contract. Not really sure what the point of living without blogging is. Might have to think it through in another low-Fi blog post. MTN, Cell C – if you’re Reading this, please, send help. Destroy this blog post after Reading it. And tell my Mom I love her.
I wait with hope,
Posted in cellular, consumption tours, internet, mobile, online, purchase process, Uncategorized
Tagged 3G, brandfail, my branded life, over capacity, prison, vodacom
What I would give to be paid to sing Part of My World next to the little mermaid.
most days i love my job, but sometimes, like when I read a tweet like this one from Juliaallison, I start wondering whether there’s something bigger out there, just waiting for me. Calling my name.
Posted in celebrity, internet, micro marketing, my real life
Tagged alex, dream jobs, julia allison, little mermaid, my branded life, paid, part of my world, singing
thought i’d post it before someone you know who is in LOVE with IDEAs sends it to you. it’s basically a whole bunch of statistics that someone with iMovie set to a FatBoy Slim song. It reveals that China is coming and Google is actually Christ.
sometimes i wish iMovie was still this thing no one knew about so i could make statistic movies too and wow my colleagues who still work on PC with them. i’d watch them over and over on my own while drinking Frisco and smoking weed and cigarettes. I’d conduct imaginary interviews where I’d expound upon how ‘China is coming, you know, and as a young South African it’s vital that we understand what’s going on in the world so we don’t get left behind and become globally irrelevant”.
but those days of yearning to sound like I know what I’m talking about while not having anything real to talk about are gone. no more do i pretend i’m an undiscovered genius and recite chunks of Good Will Hunting while i fantasise about being taken in by Robin Williams and getting my potential nurtured. thanks to the internet, everyone’s a genius, and i’m being forced to get by on my looks.
SUCKS to have to wear a bra so I’m not just ‘another smart strategy chick at work’.
SUCKS to have to practise gyrating in front of a mirror to Jennifer Lopez so I can attract the attention of a job (Creative Director) at the Loerie Awards after party.
SUCKS to have to wear tight jeans so the client is more captive when I present my carefully thought-out and strategically sound media plan.
SUCKS to have to brainstorm in heels because these days good ideas can come from anywhere (ie. youtube).
Miss being the sharpest tool in the shed / the full 6 pack / at home with the lights on. Being just ‘a pretty face’ is way too much work.
My loyal readers will remember way back to the week before last, when Jenny and I spotted a spelling error in a kitkat URL (we’re that kind of agency) and decided to register the correct spelling, so that we could place a humourous tactical ad there, or something equally thrilling such as a photo of our breasts.
Alas, alack, we never got to upload the photo of our breasts because the guy who owned the incorrectly spelt URL woke up about it, and what followed was a fairly amusing email and hand-made sign exchange.
The debarcle was posted by Seth over at 2oceansvibe, and it seems a certain Ryan has a little beef with us. Actually, a lot of beef with us. He’s started one hell of a comments war, which really only makes it funnier. Love ya, Ryan. Shame, we’ll make you a sign tomorrow, okay?
Jenny and Alex
What could have been.
Posted in advertising, geek, internet, office fun, online
Tagged 2 oceans vibe, comment war, incorrectly spelt URL, kit kat, misspelt, mistaken identity, ryan, seth, the only website in the world where nothing happens