Category Archives: music

That Blank Page Luv

Y’all start the track playing (below) and then sing along with the lyrics I have composed for y’alls:


Blank Page Luv

Radio Ad Killa,
MBLTM
The Advertising Dream
Hey yo writers
Come up off them keyboards
Write a lil something for the creatives
Let em know how we feelin’


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save my ass
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Yeah they love it when I put it on them
In the boardroom when I’m clickin my pen
I make it rhyme and they like it
They get the ad like a psychic (izzy)
Next thing we talking bout shoot dates
I’m like don’t this need more debate
But they say that they loving my flow
Finally found a creative that knows
What it’s like to pimp FMCG
So pumped they fired the old agency
Like cool, you dig it, it’s sold
Get it while its hot before idea gets cold
Mock it up and print it up nice
Use a spot UV coz them consumers dig ice


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab

I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I get a call in the middle of the night
It’s the client sayin shiz not right
The wrong logo, that shiz too small
Model looks like she ran a brick wall
Coz I’m a prankster, I ask if it can wait
Been up all night writing ads til late
Client’s angry don’t get my joke
Hit me up and flush my coke
Holla back you be starting again
New ideas gonna solve this thing
Client’s over all them other ideas
Tho they signed their name here, here and here
So I’m up and I’m pullin new page
Clicking Bic to contain this rage


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Which faded international celebrity should i humiliate (via writing them into an ad?)

Ice ice... baby? More like grown man? Middle-aged dude? "Ice-Ice Middle-Aged dude." Has a ring 2 it.

A new trend is slippy sliding round the S-Africanland advertising ideas adoption curve y’ulz. Am HUGE proud of Ogilvy CT for starting it. Y’ulz are geniuses. This trend is called:

“Humiliate a faded international celeb via writing them into an ad”.


Loves it. Can’t wait 2 humiliate my own faded international celeb. Who d’yulz thanks it should be?

Stephanie "I did meth to cope with the lameness of Full House" Tanner?

Stephanie "I did meth to cope with the lameness of Full House" Tanner?

Miyam Balik aka Blossom? She'd be gr8 in an ad 4 'how rad it is 2 be jewish' (via her degree in neuroscience, Hebrew & Jewish studies)

Think Bob Sagett would be great in a zany ad that is a montage of ppl tripping over vacuum cords advertising a new cordless vacuumer. What u think?

Which faded international celeb would y’ulz like 2 see humiliated?

***UPDATE**** Quick fact-correction here, Jupiter actually started this trend (via Louis Gosset Jnr Snr Mr bro). Sorry y’als, 4got about that. Am HUGE proud of y’ulz for  starting this trend. Y’uls are what legends R made of. Y’ulz can watch one of The First Humiliations (there were 5 involving this faded celeb – they went all out) here:


****EVEN FURTHER UPDATE****

A very good-looking and smart and amazingly awesome hot bro just informed me that ACTUALLY, Jupies didn’t invent this trend. Whomever does the advertising for Silver Sands Casino and humiliated faded Swedish ‘star’ Dolph Lundgren via writing him into their advertising invented this trend. Does anyone know what agency does Silversands? Does anyone know who the un-named genius is? Don’t worry Ogilvy / Jupies – y’alls are still early adopters for ‘copying it before the masses copy it’. Still respect / love y’all.

Pls pay me $$$ so I can get health insurance. Kinda 'spent all my cash' when I was young + stupid. Thanks y'all.

“Just get a good shot of my ass on the way out.”

Watch. and. learn. Lady Gaga gives a press conference in Malta:


Warning: this video is EXTREMELY offensive

This is Tony Kaye’s tribute to Paul Arden, who wrote both ‘It’s not how good you are, it’s how good you want to be’ and ‘Whatever you think, think the opposite’ – 2 books that you’ll find on the desks of advertising creatives around the world. I’m guessing Arden has died, because why else would there be cause to make a tribute. That is very sad news. Paul Arden has inspired so many of us to be zany and kreative in our thinking to believe in ourselves and to be ‘Reckless Erica’ from ‘Whatever you think, think the opposite’.

Which is why I warn you about viewing this video. The first time I watched it, my eyes popped out of my head and hid in the pile of vomit that appeared on my lap, so hold yours close. This might truly be the most terrible video you ever have to watch. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it. Talk about it. Get support. You do NOT have to go through this alone.

PS. What’s with advertising people making music videos these days? Everyone seems to be doing it. Which makes me think I should be doing it too (via my basic need to belong).

Psychographic Profile: I am Michael Jackson

Say my name, tards.

Say my name, tards.

I am Michael Jackson
I am dead now and, to be honest,
It’s a bit of a relief
Things were getting tense there.
I was supposed to go on tour,
My ‘comeback’ tour,
But I was nowhere near up for that shiz.
I was fragile and scared
And sick,
My body totally let me down,
But I guess I let it down too.
NEwayz, no regrets,
I had a good run,
And I am free now.

This was my shout-out to spidey-bro.

This was my shout-out to spidey-bro.

I am Michael Jackson
But I don’t really identify with my personal brand anymore,
Kind of felt I was living a lie for the past 10 years,
But too much $$ depended on it.
So many people with kids who needed a salary out of my name
That I felt bad,
But I really couldn’t deal,
So I hid away in Dubai
Where people wouldn’t think I was weird for covering my face.
I just wanted to be alone.

The Portrait of Michael Dorian Jackson Gray.

The Portrait of Michael Dorian Jackson Gray.

I am Michael Jackson
Deep down, I just wanted to dance,
But that made some peeps think I was gay,
Which made me even sadder.
The only people who didn’t judge me or want something from me
Were children,
So I hung out with them.
Then people said I was a paed.
If only they knew I had lost so much faith in the world
That sex with anyone
Was the last thing on my mind.

At least kids were honest with me about my fucked-up face, unlike all my sycophantic manager bros.

At least kids were honest with me about my fucked-up face, unlike all my sycophantic manager bros.

I am Michael Jackson
I just wanted to make people happy.
My shrink said I had a ‘need 2 please’
But I never really saw what was wrong with that,
Until I tried to please everyone too many times
By having another surgery
And my face fell apart.
Which was kind of ironic because while my ‘image’ was melting,
My soul was soaring and I thought
Maybe I can carve myself into someone else,
And then everyone will leave me alone
And let me dance with my kids at my house
In private.

Just want to walk down the street without being hassled.

Just want to walk down the street without being hassled.

I am Michael Jackson
And though I wanted ppl to leave me alone,
I wish my friends had called more often-
Neverland got really quiet on Sundays,
When everyone was with their families,
Happy and loved.
So I decided to have children of my own,
To love and be loved by,
When the fans went home.
And I loved my kids,
And I did my best to protect them,
I even called my one kid ‘Blanket’ so he could feel real protected,
Even though ppl thought I was a freak.

My gift 2 my kids will be their faces.

My gift 2 my kids will be their faces.

I am Michael Jackson
Hope you liked my work.
Please don’t go all crazy now that I’m gone,
Because y’all weren’t that nice to me when I was alive,
But it’s okay.
We’re all just ppl.
Just trying to be happy.

Try be nice 2 yall next King of Pop, K?

Try be nice 2 y'all next King of Pop, K?

I am Michael Jackson
And I am free now.

watch and learn

How to take over the world, one big dick at a time:


one of history’s greatest entertainers

Lady Gaga continues to blow my mind. Here’s her latest video for song Paparazzi. And for those of you chasing fame (you know who you are) let this be a warning.

buying a new phone. feeling ‘depressed’. i think.

Hey y’ulle. Feeling a little weirded out. Think I’ve lost touch with how I really feel. When I feel something, I’m not sure I’m feeling it because of something inside me, or whether I am being influenced by external factors, such as a viral online marketing campaign. Doesn’t thousands of people singing a Beatles’ song all together make you feel depressed? The following video is NOT for sensitive viewers.


I’m about to buy a new phone, but when I contemplate my future holding an iPhone / BlackBerry / HTC, I don’t feel thrilled and elated, like I should. I feel empty and meaningless, like I’m just a small part of one massive augmented reality campaign brought to you buy KingSaatchilvyCB, sponsored by ExclusiveWorthBookwords.

The cycle of life (you might remember this from elementary school biology).

The cycle of life (you might remember this from elementary school biology).

Wouldn’t really be surprised if ‘life as we know it’ is one big augmented reality campaign, brought to you by the Apple superbrand.

Guess the trick is to break out of ‘modern day emotional constraints’ by doing something meaningful, like going for a hike up the mountain, or ‘picking up the phone’ and talking to someone.  Maybe there are even more meaningful things to be done, like ‘imagining rocket-powered unicorns’ or ‘imagining water-melon boats’. I don’t really get this whole ‘imagining’ thing tho. Will maybe get my teenage brother to make a rocket-powered unicorn app for facebook for my phone, or something.

How wonderful life could be.

How wonderful life could be.

Truly spiffy.

Truly spiffy.

How am I supposed to tell whether I really feel something or not?
Should I post how I feel in my SpaceBook status so as to get sympathy from those of my friends who are drawn to a victim? Or should I conceptualise an integrated campaign on twitter that will ‘generate buzz’ about user-generated emotions?


Wish I could upload emotions and share them with my friends. Not sure my online friends ‘get’ emotions though. Guess if my emotions fell into one of the following categories it would be fine: 1) Sober or 2) Wasted.

OR

OR

OR

————————————————————————————————————-

BONUS ‘wasted’ 4 YOU: CONGRATS YOU ARE THE 14 BILLIONTH VIEWER OF THIS POST.  please accept this pic of 2 wasted chicks kissing. wish you were here.

Will I really not feel better if I buy a phone that is more expensive than I can afford? Think I must be ‘depressed’. Guess I have identified an ‘emotional niche’ that can be exploited for capital gains. Will open up my depression as a media space for ads to buy as soon as I can get out of bed. Will use the revenue I generate to buy my new phone. Hope I will be able to appreciate my new phone now that I’ve actually had to work for something in my life.

am i the only person who sees this?

okay y’ulle. i’m going to just go out and say this. He Who Shall Not Be Named is NOT a president. he is a pop star. remember way back in 2007 when Britney Spears (bless) went crazy? first she shaved her head, then she bashed up a van with an umbrella, then she kidnapped her own kid topless, then she wore no-pants a lot, then she hooked up with a paparazzi, then she shouted ‘Eat it, Snort it, Lick it, Fuck it!’ randomly between custody hearings, then she…

Bring Me My Umbrella.

Bring Me My Umbrella.

do y’ulle see what i’m getting at here? we’ve all just made a mistake. He Who Shall Not Be Named should be offered a 5 record and tour deal, and all the brand endorsements he can handle, leaving the title of ‘President’ open to someone a little less, well, eccentric.

Misplaced, Misunderstood.

Misplaced, Misunderstood.

makes sense, no? plus then he can focus on some new material, not that lame old ditty about his Machine Gun. I mean, Machine Gun. FFS.

“when i grow up, wanna be famous, wanna be a star, wanna be in movies, wanna have boobies” – the tigercat dollfaces

but no movies here.

no castings. no expensive theatre school.

no obssessive, economy-driving celebrity culture.

no reality shows where i can take my clothes off.

no one to make a sex tape with to ‘launch my career’.

no retouchers to make me look hotter than i am.

no lecherous men with money to ‘discover’ me.

just savanna, the locally produced ‘it’s-dry-but-you-can-drink-it’ cider. who makes a site that lets me make my own ad. makes me dress up like a monkey. and garble nonsense. make your own savanna ad here. and watch mine below. it stars me as the monkey, jabu as the black guy and alistair as the barman.


do y’ulle think i should quit my dayjob? does this count as a demo tape? is it strong enough to be an acting / dancing portfolio? do you think it shows that i have potential to look hot in music videos, if they spray water on me to make me look like i’m sweating? do you think it shows off my toned, tanned body? could i be the next brutney spears / leona lewis / brian searle-tripp (local advertising pop star) / mike schalit (local advertising pop star)? does this give me mass appeal as opposed to simply appealing to a handful of marketing types and social media gurus?

need some feedback so i know where to take my career / what kind of headlines i should be writing / what kind of headlines i should be appearing in / whether i should just make a sex tape on my own and upload it onto vimeo and hope 4 the best.

sticking to the rules. blogging through the storm.

trying not to ‘not blog’, but amount of work in system at the moment is not very accommodating when it comes to doing anything save shovel piles of sand on the flames to keep it from igniting into a furnace that turns me into a ghost who haunts the person who receives my corneas after they get transplanted. you know things are really bad when i start referencing jessica alba movies. rei and i watched ‘the eye’ last night. very jumpy. very freaky. not great since have just recovered from a stephen king novel, and was then subjected to ‘supernatural’ on tv the night before last, and then more malicious paranormal shadows in ‘the eye’.

Me dressed up as a paranormal shadow.

Me dressed up as a paranormal shadow.

been reading stephen king because i have this great idea for a thriller/horror, and i wanted to learn from him since he manages to make quite un-scary and tame monsters heeb and jeeb the smug out of you. boy did i learn. i had a horrible nightmare, so horrible i gathered together all my crystals and placed them in a triangle around my bed so as to deflect any kind of night terrors that might come creeping. fat lot of good it did since i then dreamt that my foot had been chopped off and i found it at the bottom of the virgin active swimming pool, and spent the rest of the nightmare trying to find someone who could take me to hospital (my gran wasn’t sympathetic, my mom had something else to do and my brother accused me of only phoning him when i need something). Rei suggested that i probably stuck my leg out off the bed and my foot exceed the crystal triangle, thus i dreamt it got cut off. which is nauseatingly plausible.

on another note, new party COPE do have a logo / look and feel. not sure i like it. i feel like these super saturated colours are a bit tired. i know it’s supposed to reflect africa and the heart and vibrancy of african people, but i wish politicians would have a little sympathy for our eyes. you gotta think of your rallies. you’re going to have a lot of people wearing shirts the colour of a fast-ripening banana. fast-ripening banana has never been a colour synonymous with progress or revolution. wish the designer working on this would go back to tech and redo their guache colour charts.

I can almost smell banana smell.

I can almost smell banana smell.

i do quite like the star vibes though. reminds me of a colourful diamond. i feel like i could vote for a party like this because diamonds remind me of kanye west (I’m not a businessman i’m a business, MAN) and i would be totally cool with kanye west being the president of southafricanland. he’d definitely have more interesting tunes that that dude who sings the song about his machine gun. not sure how you guys feel about an artist that releases and performs only one song over and over. he definitely doesn’t deserve any awards from MTV, you know what i’m saying?

If Kanye deigned to sing a song about bringing him a gun am pretty sure it would be something like bring me my tazer lazer ripper, yo.

If Kanye deigned to sing a song about bringing him a gun am pretty sure it would be something like 'bring me my tazer lazer ripper, yo'.

If Kanye was president of South Africa hed give the police these rad shutter shades which would enable them to see table tops to what the dodgy politicians were doing beneath them. Bet he could see all the stuff thats been hidden under the carpet, too.

If Kanye was president of South Africa he'd give the police these rad shutter shades which would enable them to see through table tops to what the dodgy politicians were doing beneath them. Bet he could see all the stuff that's been hidden under the carpet, too.

If Kanye West was president of SA he would provide free pool education to all children so that they could snooker their way above the breadline as opposed to killing people for their cellphones.

If Kanye West was president of SA he would provide free pool education to all children so that they could snooker their way above the breadline as opposed to killing people for their cellphones.

anyways will get back to blogging for realz when this big project comes through. shouldn’t be long now. in the meantime i’ll try update my status on facebook more often since then you can feel like me and you are BFFs and be there for me during the hard times.

is diabetes the new roboraptor? most wanted gift this christmas?

i find this a little weird but i guess if i was diabetic i would want to use the same thing that monitors my blood sugar levels as someone who is good-looking and famous. because if it doesn’t work for them you will know. here one of the jonas brothers gets his endorsement deal on with a Bayer product (hey i use Bayer vitamins in the form of Cal-C-Vita and Supradyn so i a way i feel close to nick jonas):

Making diabetes cool. Like when the cool kids at school got bracesi wanted braces, even though i had perfect teeth. Guess im grateful now LOL.

Like when the cool kids at school got bracesi wanted braces.

rad hey? makes you want to phone Discovery and ask whether this rad Bayer thing is covered in chronic. i feel inspired by this jonas-bayer brand sharing collaboration, and am considering writing a song about what it’s like to have high cholesterol (pity they don’t make fancy pocket testers. a pocket test for cholesterol is just a tapemeasure or the jeans test – when you sit down does your belly roll over your jeans? then your cholesterol is probably high). also considering offering myself to the heart foundation as a cholesterol ambassador. they could play the song i write on the tv commercials where everywhere is carrying their plush toy hearts around.

wonder how my song would go. maybe something like:

even though i’ve got a hot body

got a genetic condition from my daddy

means my arteries are a little fatty

so i gotta take pills, pills, pills

to stop from gettin ill, ill, ill

gotta watch what i eat

gotta stay on my feet and take

pills, pills, pills

You can grow your own cholesterol by eating lots of McDonalds or Crush. Dont be scared - Crush appears healthy but is actually highly fatty and processed.

Many great songs have been written bout living with cholesterol for eg. this bon jovi classic.

Louis Armstrong made me do it.

this just went out to allstaff:

Hi everyone

Over a few days, over the next few weeks, we are going to be bringing a little bit of melody into our working environment.

We ran an ill-fated trial a couple of Fridays ago, but my optimistic sense is that the complainants were the more vocal, and so before we had time to really evaluate, the wires were cut. I missed the entire drama altogether!

The music will be discreet (in terms of volume) and the final decision as to whether it stays or goes will be determined by popular choice. I will run the poll personally with  [Finance Director] verifying my arithmetic. (Please note that this does not mean I am asking for comment prior to the end of the test!)

The choice of music however, will be entirely autocratic I.e. [Managing Director's] Collection.

Before you jump to your conclusion, change can be difficult I know, I ask that you give it some time. Although at the outset, it might seem intrusive, I am hoping that over time that it will fade into acceptable?

[Deputy Managing Director]

*************************************************************************************

hmm. this should be interesting. do you have music playing over the speakers where you work? (note: i am only really interested in your response if you work for Google, who manages to keep its employees the way a premenstrual IBS sufferer retains water.)

*************************************************************************************

i remember the first round of this experiment, as mentioned in the mail. it was a Friday afternoon, and the office was gearing up for its usual themed friday afternoon bash. when all of a sudden, a dreadful wailing erupted through the airconditioning ducts. within seconds, we evacuated the building the way we’d been told to in case of fire or bomb threat. an innocent error, but clearly management sees a benefit to knocking up the general noise levels a notch or 2. stay tuned to see how this pans out…

Practising my get away in case the agency decides to play SlipKnot. The last thing we need is some intern coming to work with a sword.

Practising my getaway dance just in case the agency decides to play SlipKnot. The last thing we need is some intern coming to work with a sword and the desperately need to 'get a campaign passed while still at college'.

save the cheerleader (from being voted president), save the world

My daughter deserrrrved to get pregnant. She done went and showed herrrr KNEES!

"My daughter deserrrrved to get pregnant. She done went and showed herrrr KNEES!"

check out this totally neat site that shows you how things would be if Sarah Palin was pregnant president. i really empathise with americans right now, since they face the same threat we do – being governed by a buffoon. i feel for you guys. yulle need to vote real hard to make sure the palin vibe doesn’t happen. same goes for yulle here. “yulle” is my unique word. it’s a mixture of ‘y’all’ and ‘julle’ (the afrikaans version of ‘y’all’). always innovating.

i’ve been a bit out of touch with groundlevel politics lately - is Jacob Zuma still singing the song that goes “Bring me my machine gun”? isn’t it time they got a new songwriter to work with him? i heard JZ got dissed by Timbaland? i heard the new Britney Spears single Womanizer is about Jacob Zuma? And about Sarah Palin? can popstars be presidents? can i vote for Danny K rather? he seems like he’d care about my medical aid.

Other Danny K policies include free advice on How to Look Jewish and How To Act Black While Retaining Your White Integrity bylaws. I could definitely benefit from the second policy.

Other Danny K policies include free advice on How to Look Jewish and How To Act Black While Retaining Your White Integrity bylaws. I could definitely benefit from the second policy.

Levi’s Young Guns event feat. Jitsvinger & ETC

Mark, Reijer and I went to the Jitsvinger & ETC performance at 14 Hope Street last night. the venue isn’t the best for MCs since it’s a hall and it makes the sound bounce around and echo and you don’t get to hear the best of what they’re saying, but it was an energetic performance no less. partially charged by the energy of the ardent fans who were clearly there to recite every lyric word for word, the rest of the crowd was a strange mix. in fact, there was a granny who outdid everybody in terms of stamina and enthusiasm when it came to dancing. to me it seemed like a mix of family and close friends, made up by a bunch of youngsters i didn’t recognise, which is not something that usually happens in Cape Town.

Mark and I were hypothesizing that if we didn’t recognise anyone, it can’t be populated by the usual advertising crowd, therefore maybe Levi’s was actually reaching its market? rather have fewer on targets (the hall wasn’t even half full) than lots that miss the target. quality over quantity. got some pics:

jitsvinger

jitsvinger

crowd:

crowd

ETC:

etc

jitsvinger, moments before he mimicked pulling a gun on me. seriously. freaking artists:

jitsvinger2

shoes styles:

converse

sound wall:

bluewall

huge cuervo presence at the bar, with brands like Bell’s Whisky (WTF? Demographic brain freeze perhaps?), Smirnoff Spin, Storm, Heinekin and Windhoek bringing up the rear.

cuervo

the venue:

venue

more crowd vibes

crowd3

crowd4