Y’alls can listen to me ‘in my real voice’ on The Digital Edge, who interviewed myself, Tertia Albertyn (What an honour!), Georgina Michelmoore and Diane Charton on what it’s like to “be a woman in digital”. While you listen to the interview, allow me to provide you with this beautiful photo of Bakoven beach, taken yesterday, for you to stare at. Yes yes y’all. Enjoy! xx
Y’alls probably all heard about that zany-brain copywriter who’s selling a Gold Cannes Lion Award on eBay for $1 million. Don’t know zane-brain personally but surmising that he is doing this to ‘differentiate his personal brand’ from other copywriters via ‘getting zany on eBay’ (via being ‘sick of copychecking day-in day-out, this is bullshit! want 2 die!’)
Due my ‘volatile cre8ive ego’ am now ‘feeling threatened’ that my PB no longer ‘retains it’s zany edge’ hence have been brainstorming ‘something outrageously witty’ I can sell on eBay. Some might say I should be ‘original-zany’ and ‘think of a whole new gimmick’, but am sure y’ulz experienced ad-peeps will agree that ‘people don’t understand sumfing that is not a cliché’ (via ‘not giving a shit due 2 their baby having colic or whatevs’) therefore it would be most beneficial 2 my PB 2 ‘jump on an existing gravywagon’ (thanks all you zany writers who have gone before me, laying the foundies 4 this particular cliché).
Came up with the following things I can sell on eBay:
My art director’s son (is child of 2 art directors – purebred MacMonkey – what a thrill)
My Cre8ive Director’s ‘Keep Calm, Carry On, It’s All Been Done Before’ poster (this is a meta-gimmick, because is a ‘zany spin’ on an existing ‘hot cre8ive item’)
My sheet of zany ‘This brief is crap’ stickers (via actually ‘being useful’)
The Client Service Dept (“like mail-order brides with extra phone-skillz!”)
That video of that Art Director tea-bagging Finance (via being uncontrollably zany while drunk)
That’s all I’ve come up with so far. Feel like the solution should be ‘a simple one that is staring me in my face’. What would y’als sell on eBay? An NB job bag? A DPS spread? The agency mascot?
I am a blogger, y’ulz.
Kinda realised it for real
When I got Thando’s request 2 ‘blog as a contributor’
When I got RTed 100+ times in one day
When I got a bunch of free stuff from Citi Golf / Woman’s Health / Nomu
But it really hit home when some small-time “designer”
Insulted me in the open on a friend’s facebook page
Because I wasn’t a person 2 him
2 him, I was a “subject”
“somefing 2 gtalk about while waiting 4 illustrator 2 render pattern-heavy-repetitive designs”
(even tho I know his wife, & that they had 2 get married 2 have sex, via extreme Christianity)
I am no longer a person y’ulz
I am a blogger y’alls
In the beginning, was just me & wordpress
Just wanted 2 ‘write outside of work”
Just wanted 2 develop a discipline I could apply 2 my “novel-in-progress”
Just wanted 2 make others out there “feel less alone”
While copychecking financial reports / advertorials / pushing a 2cent coin around the gaps in the Checkers spreads
Just wanted 2 pay homage 2 “god” (via blog-god hipsterrunoff)
But “life finds a way” (miss u John Hammond. Miss u Jurassic Park)
And even though my blog was cre8ed a female
It changed sex and mated with itself 2 create “a life of its own”.
Shazam y’uls. Just like that.
I am a blogger, y’alls.
Just wanted 2 reach ppl via “speaking their own language”
Just wanted 2 cre8 an efficient self-marketing tool
(That wasn’t a cruddy bunch of layouts in a big heavy leatherbound portfoliobro)
Instead, cre8ed a monster munch of a non-personality
4 ppl 2 judge me on b4 they meet me
or LOL at if they have already met me
or stalk if they have met me, romanced me, gone Britney on me & been rejected by me
Miss the days b4 ppl recognised me in Gardens Centre
Miss the days when I could share my “innermost thoughts” without being misquoted by myself (via being “a different character at the time”)
I am a blogger
Had such big dreams y’all.
Was going 2 ‘become a writer’ 2 ‘honour my cre8ive spirit’
Not sure how it “all went so pear-shaped”
Can’t figure out “Where I went wrong”
Thinking of doing “The Artists Way” to reconnect with my soul (miss u soul)
Hope I can some day “find my way back home” y’ulz.
In the meantime, I can haz a favour?
Pray 4 me. 4 eva. And checkmyblogeverydaysomyhitrategoesupsoicanchargemoreforads kthanksbye.
This post also appears on SA blog That’s How It Is.
Y’ulz. There comes a point in every blog’s life where y’all gotta realise ur destiny. But y’als I am scared.
I am so scared.
Why is MY destiny all gross and orcy?
When I was in high school and still ‘developing my personal brand (via my personality)’ I looked to my parents 4 guidance. Basically, they were OBSESSED with rugby, so I decided 2 HATE rugby. Pls see equation of Teenage Personality Development rule.
Developed this equation myself. Proved it myself too (via slamming my door @ roughly 3pm every Saturday). Felt like I had ‘found myself’ back then (via dating the skinny arty bros & taking them 2 the Bosch vs Bishops game as an ‘act of defiance’.).
Those were the days.
But now am an older / wiser / faster / stronger blog. Have realised ‘there is more 2 life than defying the ppl who mortgaged all their 4 of their Bishopscourt properties’ so I could ‘afford 2 go 2 ad school’. Have realised that ‘cool don’t pay the bills’. Have been contemplating ‘dating a normal guy’ in aid of ‘living a herp- / tattoo- / converse-shoes-plus-dress – free happy life’. Was mulling this stuff over quietly in my cre8ive bloggy mind when 2OceansVibe DM@tweeted me that I made a ‘blogger XV side’.
Srsly y’ulz – basically the unthinkable just happened. MyBrandedLifeTM just got picked 2 be on a ‘blogger rugby team’. Srsly. That just happened. Maybe just drive your car inside coz it might be “raining blue moons”.
First came shock. Oh my word y’ulz.
Then came denial. This is not happening y’ulz.
Then came this other feeling. It feels kind of warm. Almost like how I would imagine ‘potential’ 2 feel y’ulz. Then the theme song from Invictus started playing (via time travel) & I had a ‘transferred memory’ (that actually belongs 2 Francois Pienaarvanwykdewaal) from that time Nelson Mandelabro told me 2 ‘unite a nation’ (via winning the rugby world cup 05).
Matt Damon as Frankypants
Am thinking y’ulle – what if ‘loving rugby’ is actually my destiny?
It would be kind of ‘extremely ironic’, and y’all know I love my irony.
What do y’ulz thank?
PS. Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?
Posted in funny, internet, my real life, online, personal branding
Tagged blogger 15, my branded life, number 9, rugby hating, rugby team, south african blogger team, spoil sport
Can you spare some of your online influence?
Y’ulz, this is a srs post. Sometimes I feel, when am driving my Bugatti thru the streets of ‘the most beautiful city in the world’ (Gardens), that there are beggars ‘fucking everywhere’. Think I am kind of over winding down my window BEFORE they approach 2 tell them 2 ‘lean on some other car like that Polo’. FFS y’ulle.
You'd better wash that stump b4 u click on my profile
And as if having to ‘decline stealing from myself 2 give 2 the poor’ on a daily basis is not painful enough, some beggar walked up to my window on facebook 2day (via an internal fbook email) and begged for me to ‘just go to this page and scroll down to the photo of the yam and like it, but don’t open the photo and like the photo, just like the link or it wont count as a vote, so I can win a free yamboat’.
Y’ulle can imagine my reply.
No, y’ulle actually can’t because I used a word I made up.
“Fangbags! Did u rly just send me this??????? H8 u.”
Srsly. Are there beggars ‘fucking everywhere’? Gonna write my next pro-bono article for the Big Issue about the beggar endemic. Have ‘had it in chunks’. What are y’ulz feelings about this topical issue? Has our social networking society ‘gone 2 the dogs tonight’? is fbook ‘the new Zim’?
Hey y’ulz. Had a serious reality check this am. Just kind of realised that there’s more to Cape Town than Wembley Square. Seriously – this is massive progress for me. Had my morning Vida at Green Point Vida as opposed to the usual Wembley Square, which threw me for starters. A lot of mommies with Dior glasses chumming little brats in babygap with pasteis de coco. Anyway, then made my way with my mucho Meie de Leit over to the Cape Royal hotel (which is very pleasant indeed – I could probably be quite happy there were it my official residence) where I was to drop nugget bombs of web marketing wisdom for the Huddlemind Word of Mouse course (which I did quite well – even wore a dress, showed some leg). Finished my talk and then stayed to hear Seth Rotherham talk about his rise to internet stardom via 2oceansvibe, which is a great story, btw, try corner him in the bathrooms at Caprice and make him tell it to you some day. MAKE him. All in all this was a lot of stimulation for one morning and am nowly safely back at Wembley, ‘getting on with work’. Am considering branching out and going to Camps Bay vida tomorrow am, but that might just be too much for one week.
The man, the legend.
I'd be pretty happy staying in one of these swanky bathrooms.
Posted in advertising, Cape Town, celebrity, collaborations, internet branding, micro marketing, my real life, online, seen around town, twitter
Tagged 2oceansvibe, alex van tonder, cape royal hotel, huddlemind, my branded life, reality check, seth rotherham, vida e caffe, wembley square, will mellor, word of mouse
Check out this banging video of us 27 Dinner bros riding dirty in our Limo (if you’re wondering when I’m going to stop ‘going on about this’, it won’t be any time soon). Filmed by Marc and Dave, the boys at From The Couch, a very funny online talk show on all things 2.0, it’s worth checking our the rest of their site for their amiable banter and good happy Hout Bay times. I have a good story to tell about Marc. We once had a ‘twitter fight’ over whether Follow Friday sucked or not (it sucks). He #FFed me just to annoy me. I told him to do it one more time ‘at his Perel’ (his surname is Perel). Then he #FFed me again, so I twitter punched him, and then we both called for peace and that was that.
Posted in advertising, ambassadors, Cape Town, celebrity, cool stuff i like, funny, my real life, online, SA cool kids, seen around town, twitter
Tagged 27 dinners, blog, double 0 heaven limousines, follow friday sucks, from the couch, marc and dave perel, my branded life, video
More delightful iPhone discoveries. While feeling bummed about the price of Lomos and having to ‘collect them all’, I thought to search for Lomo in the App store and… tah dahr. Happy Times. Check out some from the aptly entitled Lomo App, and the Quad Cam App. Collect them all!
LC-A Normal on LOMO app
Quadcam love to the poster above my bed.
Quadcam love to Sarah in the lift
Apply Lomo filters to existing shots (this one's a polaroid)
View from the top of Wembley Square on LC-A Normal Lomo
Posted in cool stuff i like, online, photography, seen around town, shopping
Tagged camera, filters, iphone applications, lomo, my branded life, quad camera, rad, south africa
Hey y’ulle. Just got tweet-fbook-wall-posted a pic out of the new ADvantage which has a line of serious looking peeps on it who are from an agency called ‘The Wild Wide West of Digital Space’. Plus they have cowboy hats on from the toy store on buitenkant. When I see this image I get the feeling that these are a bunch of rad bras who were forced to put silly hats on and ‘look hardcore’ for the shoot by a stylist who is actually an editorial assistant. No matter, it has ignited something inside me and I realise I need to make a ‘visual statement’ if anyone is ever going to take me srsly in this biz.
Was thinking of calling up Bizcomm and asking for a press office so I can call myself ‘the Lady Gaga of Gladvertising’, and dress up in a tight costume and pad my crotch so ppl wonder if I have a peen or not. Might be a bit ‘out there’. Might not be ‘hardcore’ enough. Clients will think I spend their budget on useless hair plug-ins. Digital requires a lot of code vibes so I should probably come up with a more serious analogy for myself.
Ma ma ma mar.
How about “The Joker of Digivertainmentline”.
Start a facebook group..... NOT! Ha ha, I am so funny.
Or, “The Hannah Montana Movie now in easy-to-read Digital Format”.
Accessible yet professional.
I’ll keep thinking. You let me know when I hit on a winner.
Posted in advertising, internet, online, personal branding
Tagged advantage magazine, analogies, cowboys, my branded life, personal brand, professional, reputations, south african digital scene, wild west
Hey y’ulle. Bet some of y’all are thinking I’ve been very quiet for someone who gets free stuff for writing a load of crap about brands on her blog. I have been quiet, but not by choice. I might be killed for saying this, but I’m being held captive by Vodacom’s 3G “service”.
See, I took out a contract thinking having Internet at home would mean 2 things: a) more time at work to focus on winning a Grand Black Lion Eagle Canned Loerie Award at work and b) more time to focus on bringing my 70 billion or so readers a better blog, filled with truth disguised as semi-illiterate irony within the context of my life as an attention-seeking copywriter with a god-complex (ie the ‘Everyman of Advertising’).
Alas, alack, my good intentions are half-way to hell by now, as is the soul of Vodacom, for selling me a service that doesn’t actually exist. Dear readers, you’ll notice a prominent lack of ‘funny pictures’, links and my trademark random pink, orange and green word-colouring in this post, and for that I apologize. They don’t allow a full-service WYSIWYG editing suite here in prison. It’s just me, my iPhone and the WordPress app. It’s cold, and there are rat apps gnawing at my feet apps. Where is my god now?
I’m going to try and blog once more tomorrow. I doubt Vodacom will let me. They’ve already confiscated the razor blades I was going to use to terminate our contract. Not really sure what the point of living without blogging is. Might have to think it through in another low-Fi blog post. MTN, Cell C – if you’re Reading this, please, send help. Destroy this blog post after Reading it. And tell my Mom I love her.
I wait with hope,
Posted in cellular, consumption tours, internet, mobile, online, purchase process, Uncategorized
Tagged 3G, brandfail, my branded life, over capacity, prison, vodacom
Followed by extreme torture. I have so much work to do that the official activating of the iPhone will have to wait til waaaaay later, after the mad King James party that’s going to happen this evening. Which is beyond painful, I might have you know. The human being did not evolve from the ape to experience patience. Humans evolved so they could experience instant and extreme fun. Anyway extreme and instant thanks goes to Seth over at 2oceansvibe for doing a handover this morning at vida wembley. Mark got very excited and even set up a green screen so he could do some fancy things with the video. But that will take a bit of editing, so now we just have some fancy stills.
Seth and Alex with iPhone at the races.
Seth and Alex with iPhone 'Under da Sea'.
Seth and Alex with iPhone at a picnic.
Seth and Alex with iPhone and kittens.
And the biggest thank you of all goes to Play Euro Millions, without whom the iPhone would not be in my hands. Thanks guys. Here’s hoping I win the lottery too.