Category Archives: parties

I just wanna be awesome y’ulz.

Y’ulz, I so bad wanna be awesome.
I just want ppl 2 look at me & think “wish I was that sisbro”.
Just want ppl 2 covet my Opel Corsa that now looks like a ‘real car’ (via all cars looking like the Peugot 206)
Just want ppl 2 look at my real leather hand / manbag and think ‘wow that’s a bro who srsly knows their quality shiz, must stop buying Mr Pricebro’
Just want ppl 2 know that I buy Country Road when they finger the thick seams & say “but who BUYS this stuff?!”
So bad just wanna be awesome.



Y’ulz, I so bad just wanna be awesome.
Gonna get super tight jeans that “cre8 a camel-toe ambience” & wear them in front of my chubby sister,
See how she likes ‘getting the brains in the family’ now
Gonna move into a house with “all my best guy friends” (via being a guys’-girl / the village indie bicycle)
Gonna sleep with them all (via parental divorce-issues), even though all of them have girlfriends, some of whom are my best friends forever y’all! (via going 2 film school 2 getha)
Gonna sleep with them all and ‘be besties & climb lions head on adventures!’ with them all
So bad just wanna be awesome y’all!



Y’ulz, I am fucking desperate 2 be awesome.
Gonna make peace signs while I do cheap coke off the toilets at Assembly while taking a self-portrait profile shot 4 my blog
Gonna wear empty-lensed paedo-glasses 2 ‘invoke the nerd look’ (via looking like a tard)
Gonna wear an Indian head-dress minus feathers 2 ‘give them something 2 talk about’ (via yawning) so my head looks like a phimosis-victim (via Google it)
Gonna take a non-paying job in a crap magazine that had street-cred in 1994 (via articles on drugs via back then ppl not knowing that drinking / taking drugs / being ‘reckless with your body’ makes you ‘lose ur looks’)
So fucking desperate 2 be awesome!
Y’ulz!



Y’ulz, basically, I would do anything 2 be awesome.
Gonna housesit my bestie’s house & ‘trash the place’ (how awesome? Bro…)
Gonna ‘get pregnant’ with my b/f’s babybro & then ‘lose the baby’ on a coke binge
So I can be “hot pregnant chick” minus “all that baby admin”
Y’ulz, gonna “turn down paying design jobs” 4 “jobs that are awesome” (via getting free entrance 2 clubs where the band whose flyer I designed is playing at)
Y’ulz, I’m gonna be awesome.
Can’t wait!
Y’alls!

Psychographic Profile: I am a 26-year old hipster

I am a 26-year old hipster
And just admitting that kills me.
My BFF ( we have matching gun tats) says I can pass for 24,
And if i get pissed enough to do a line & be a douche,
I can pass for 18,
Which is good enough for me,
Even though I have wrinkles around my eyes and mouth
From all the YSLs I smoked
To help me deal with my smoking hangover
After last night’s party at Assembly (yeah! whoo hoo! partay!)
(check me in those pics in weareawesome yeah i look f-ing cool bro, “if i say so myself”)

I am a 26-year old hipster
Just wish I could have been 25 for like 1 more month
Then Discovery wouldn’t have forced me 2 “take out my own hospital plan”
(“who can afford real med aid on my salary”)
Don’t even “earn a salary” (fuck that shit! still living off the money i saved as a ski instructor)
I’m my own agent, “fuck the man”
Got my own cre8ive street art flyer poster ideation band lab t-shirt co
Plus that awesome gig at the sneaker store (gets me such great exposure bro)
And my freelance illustration vibe
(Can always wait tables at Royale if everything fucks out)

I am a 26-year old hipster
And i just started getting these mouth ulcers (WTF???!1!)
Hope it’s not from that ‘Lebanese chick in the photos
Or one of her friends
(Can’t remember if I’ve done them or not, probably, I’ll do anything PS “fuck condoms, I’m white bro”)
SHould prob quit smoking
Just “can’t be arsed” and “I like smoking”
Plus my bitch mom keeps going on about my weed plants
Wish she’d “get off out of my case” and stop waking me up when she goes 2 work
doesn’t she get that I don’t WANT 2 work?
doesn’t she KNOW how shit cocaine makes you feel the next day?
Stupid bitch.
Gonna ‘have a nervous breakdown’ so she feels guilty bout shouting at me
“Just let me use your house like a hotel and STFU bitch!”
Garsh. I’ve “fucking had it”.

I am a 26-year old hipster
And no longer 25 (and therefore “youth”)
Kind of scared I am “over the hill”
Put on my skinny jeans and they were “more tight than usual” this morning
Made my peen “look small & all squashed 2 the side”
Hope my metabolism doesn’t “fail me now”
Might have 2 switch from coke 2 speed 2 lose the love handles
Maybe Stop smoking weed, those muchies are “killer”
Thinking of going back 2 Varsity College 2 “finish my IT degree” (lame!)
Just in case, you know, my mom dies & “leaves all her money 2 my super smart bitch sister”
Like I’d ever “work in IT”
Am meant for bigger things y’all
Hate my bitch mom and my sister

I am a 26-year old hipster
Wish this mouth f-ing ulcer would go away
Would see a doctor but was planning on spending that money on drinks specials at Assembly tonight
Gonna smoke a cigarette, doodle in my moleskin and think about it.
Maybe update my status in a way that “makes ppl worry” before i go back 2 bed.

Garsh.


What should I go as to the Agency Halloween party?

Is the agency Halloween Party on Friday. Have pre-filled my timesheets with work so I can ‘get lunch at Garden’s Centre’ while picking up a l’il something a Party Tricks / Mardi Gras / Tinka Tonka Toys. Feel like I rly need 2 ‘bring it’ this yr since the USA took Halloween to a whole new level (via Noah Cyrus aka Miley’s sister aged 9)
Is okay y'als, I'm Christian. The Lord made my body in his image.
Could always recycle my Amy Winehouse costume from the xmas party but will risk creatives saying ‘it’s been done b4’. Dress code is ‘your baddest self’ which is kinda vague (via PR organising a party & not rly getting the idea of “single-minded messaging”).

Fond xmas party memories.

Considering ‘showing some tit’ via saying I’m “dressed as Client Service”, but worried no one will ask me what I’m dressed as (via thinking I rly am Client Service) & will have to drop the words I AM CLIENT SERVICE into casual conversation while ppl stare at my tits & don’t listen 2 what I am saying. Is quite catch-22. Very confused. Will draw a graph.

A graphical representation of the 'excuse 2 dress like a slag' Halloween trend

Don’t rly understand my graph. What are y’ulz gonna be this Halloween? Mike Schalit? John Farqhar? Brian Searle-Tripp? (miss u BST).

Going to a brand party y’all.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna do my makeup dark & smudgy
Gonna sweat into my bangs to ‘bring the seks’
Gonna wear sneakers with a dress
Prolly not Converse this time
More of an Adi vibe
Kind of over Converse anyway
Plus don’t want 2 break the rules
(is diff with Adi)

NO U ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THIS CARPET. PLS GO BACK & READ THE RULES.

NO U ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THIS CARPET. PLS GO BACK & READ THE RULES.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna gloat about it on my fbook status / tweet to my followers / set my skype bubble 2 read:

“Hey any1 else going2 that super secret triple helix party on sat 24 oct 2009 at an undisclosed venue unless u also got the Ltd Edtn Test Tube?

No 1?

Guess I’m looking 4 a friend 2 come w me…

Who’s the lucky ‘friend’ gonna be?”

(And wait 4 ppl 2 beg 2 come with me via commenting on my status innocuous comments like ‘what’s dat party u talking about? sounds lame’)

Super top secret.

Super top secret.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
it’s only my 7 452nd one this year
Am aiming for 8 001 to top last yrs total
Am no longer capable of forming an opinion on a venue based on my feelings y’ulz.
Can only ‘go some place’ based on what brand will be giving me free stuff there
(is totally fine, kind of over having my own opinnies anyway)
So amped for this one
Bound to be free booze / hot sweaty sneaker bros / branded freebies
Just wanna get sh*tfaced / ‘meet new people’ / take pics on my Lomo app 2 upload 2 Flickr so ppl can see how awesomely zany my life is (in comparison 2 their crappy life & average camera)
hope they do a lucky draw for some Ltd Edtn sneaks / holographic laser pointer keyring / branded cap ‘n shirt
need something to make me ‘feel superior 2 every1 around me’ via being “expensive yet free” thereby implying how much i ‘take expensive shit 4 granted’ ‘because I can’,
now that bingeing on fast food / smoking cigarettes / sex with strangers / sex with extended group of friends has ‘hit the mainstream’
(such hard work being cutting edge y’ulz)

Just want 2 feel alive (via branded events).

Just want 2 feel alive (via branded events).

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna ‘form a meaningful relationship w Adi via their embracing the Mad Scientist trend-fad’
Gonna engage w down2earth peeps employed on behalf of Adi
2 ‘be the voice of the shoe of the people’
Gonna punch out the lenses in the 3D glasses I got from watching UP & chill in the toilets with my top off & pretend am in a Lyall Coburn shoot
(can only dream y’all).

Photo of introspective yet active-looking cool chick by Lyall Coburn (extremely authentic photog)

Photo of introspective yet active-looking cool chick by Lyall Coburn (extremely authentic photog) from Adi Originals campaign

Photo of me via non-LC photog but getting there

Photo of me via non-LC photog but 'getting there' (PS. wish I put some Adis in that Pie Chart Of Stuff That Is Cool. "Art Regret")

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Y’ulz going? (is top secret)

what does this photo say about me?

Photo thanks to @5starRich (click)

a) I am ‘wild at heart’, even though I scorn drinkers

b) I love Cheetahs

c) I have a vicious personal brand (via my mom’s old hip-hop dancing costume)

d) I am both fierce and vulnerable (by way of cheetah face and bunny ears and deer-in-deadlight face)

e) I am affiliated with Green organisations such as WWF and therefore a conscious individual

f) I Am Awesome ( would only be authentic if it had a we-are-awesome watermark on it tho)

g) I don’t fuck around when I tweet that I’m wearing a top with a giant cheetah’s face on it to my birthday dinner

h) Even though I work in advertising I am still connected to nature via inferrence

i) Infurrance is a more appropriate word

j) Fur is in again

k) Obama’s campaign will win the Grand Prix at this year’s Loeries so don’t even bother getting your hopes up

l) I am listening for the banana phone

m) everyone needs a bosom for a pillow

n) mine’s on the 45

snaps from the birthday

Had a delightful dinner at the Bombay Bicycle Club, a restaurant at the top of Kloof Street which is the latest offering from the Madame Zingara guys (their Springbok Shank comes highly recommended, as does their Malva Pudding). I got 3 cookbooks as gifts – clearly my friends sense a need on my behalf (thanks Emily, Andrew, Maddy, Tatum, Shaun and Jody), 1 gorgeous retro glass vase (thank you Jo and Mark), an awesome framed LIFE poster from WW2 that I love from Rei, a scarf from Sarah, a totally rad card, sparkler, chocolates and tub of body butter from Rich and Kath, a case of Stormhoek Reserve Pinotage from Chris, a Moleskine from Jenny and Paige, and R1 000 000 in vouchers from Canal Walk. I still have R250 000 worth of vouchers left from xmas.  Tough life. Going to have to work hard at spending them.

Jodys trademark grin.

Jody's trademark grin.

Shaun and Tatum

Shaun and Tatum

Lauren and some mildly hysterical-looking chick

Lauren and some mildly hysterical-looking chick

Captain Jennifer and Nige

Captain Jennifer and Nige

Andrew and Maddy

Andrew and Maddy

Emily and Andrew

Emily and Andrew

The poster Rei had framed and set behind glass for me

The poster Rei had framed and set behind glass for me

Thanks for coming, tribal council. Til next year.

birthday hair & thanks

birthday hair was done on Saturday courtesy of Cristal at Hand. thanks babe. you make me look like someone who is ‘zany, cool and deserving of a ticket to the VICE magazine launch’. Oh, and thanks  to WeAreAwesome for the ticket to the VICE magazine launch. it’s the hair, right? See y’ulle on friday night (or not, if you’re a laggard. VICE is strictly early adopters y’ulle. time to ‘get nasty’.)

Hair before.

Hair before.

Hair after.

Hair after.

Psychographic profile: I am a GirlJock

Wish I could be in High School for ever. Might go back and coach Girls soccer.

Wish I could be in High School for ever. Might go back and coach Girls' soccer.

I am a GirlJock
In high school my identity was defined by my place in the hockey team
And my place at the sidelines of every ‘big game’ that ‘my’ boys played
And not much has changed except now
I am allowed to drink (legally)
And Thank god (I mean that, I am Christian, Anglican in fact),
because drinking is probably the biggest part of my identity today.

Just another AMAZING NIGHT OUT  with one of my BEST FRIENDS.

Just another AMAZING NIGHT OUT with one of my BEST FRIENDS.

I am a GirlJock
I have over 1000 friends on facebook
All of them love me because I am the life of the party
I am always smiling
There are over 1000 photos on facebook of me smiling
I have sooooo much fun
With all my friends who love my smile
We have so much fun because we are sooooo pissed
We get up to soooooo much craziness at the game / the ball / the girlz night out / the J&B Met
When we get together
And get pissed

Hey such great times at the Met. I 3 the Met, its my best.

Hey such great times at the Met. I <3 the Met, it's my best.

I am a GirlJock
All my friends wish they were me
Even the hot skinny blonde ones
Even though I can’t shake the extra weight I carry around
(it’s because of my drinking, but who cares what you look like when you can party!)
but being overweight doesn’t stop like, a million guys being my best friend
I have soooooo many guy friends
I am in love with like, all of them, but I’ll never risk telling them because
“I don’t want to ruin the friendship”
though I am actually scared they will reject me
because I am not at my ‘ideal weight’
but I keep ordering another drink hoping that
we will be sooo pissed and end up kissing on the dancefloor / at the rugby
and it will turn into something meaningful

I 3 him so much it hurts.

I <3 him so much it hurts.

I am a GirlJock
I studied whatever my older brother studied
And in some ways, I think my older brother is my soul mate
He said I should have been HeadGirl of my highschool
And I totally agree with him
**SMOOCHIESS!!!**
We are the best of friends
4 ever

My brother and I are very close.

My brother and I are very close.

I am a GirlJock
I am highly sociable and am able to be ‘friends with everyone’ (it actually says that on my CV)
Even the zany little creative people
Who don’t work at my accounting firm and claim to ‘hate rugby’ (cute!)
I am a GirlJock
Can’t wait for the weekend
So I can get soooo pissed and partay with like, all my millions of friends
And take photos and post them on facebook
So everyone can see how much fun I am
And how awesome my life is.

Hangovers R us. We are sooo crazy.

Hangovers R us. We are sooo crazy.

I am a GirlJock.

weekly round-up: a week in parties, tattoos and iPhones

So much has happened during the time that I was imprisoned by Vodacom’s non-existent 3G service, and work has been a swooshing whirlwind of deadlines and free-time-sucking-vortices (that’s the plural for Vortex, for my Client Service readers). so this is just a quick post to bring y’ulle up to speed with the week. firstly, dear friend Genevieve came down from Joburg for a visit. We’d planned to have our tattoos together but the artist designing mine is still busy so I just watched her get hers instead.

Gen getting inked by Tyler at Sins of Style.

Gen getting inked by Tyler at Sins of Style.

The finished tattoo.

The finished tattoo.

We also had another poker evening and made the mistake of inviting Richard, who cleaned us all out because he is a LEAGUE Poker Player and neglected to tell us plebs.

Thats richard at the far end of the table, counting his chips.

That's richard at the far end of the table, counting his chips.

Rei: burning and turning.

Rei: burning and turning.

and then on Wednesday morning I remembered that South Africa’s favourite blog was running an iPhone competition and thought, oh heck, I already pay the Euromillions Lottery, I might as well enter. So i did, and I freaking WON - sheer awesomeness incarnate. So now I have an iPhone, just as my old cellphone contract was up for renewal as well. Happiness.

Seth hands over the iPhone at Wembley Square.

Seth hands over the iPhone at Wembley Square.

And to add insult to injury (the injury of those who didnt win the iPhone) I also won £9 in the lottery in Friday’s draw, which I have recycled into more lottery tickets, because that is how I roll. After I got my iPhone, I was extreeeeeemely busy writing radio ads (which the client hated, FYI) and ‘getting my freak on’ at the agency party that night. Since I have become a holier-than-thou runner, I no longer stay until that point at which some slut from PR takes off all her clothes and runs naked on the balcony for R1000 (it’s a standing offer at King James), so unfortunately I don’t have pics of that (apparently this time it was Ophelia from Events). But I do have pictures of good times before 9pm which I’ll gladly share with you:

Not really sure whats happening here.

Not really sure what's happening here.

Creative Director Devin Kennedy Blue-Steeling Out.

Creative Director Devin Kennedy Blue-Steeling Out.

Debating which slut is going to do the naked balcony run.

Debating which slut is going to do the naked balcony run.

Me and my pink scarf (not to be confused with a pink sock, which is something very different and very rude).

Me and my pink scarf (not to be confused with a pink sock, which is something very different and very rude).

Karin, Alistair and Emma. It was Emmas first night away from her baby Lula - be proud of her.

Karin, Alistair and Emma. It was Emma's first night away from her baby Lula - be proud of her.

Some random snaps: my favourite pair of cousins, when they were over here for dinner a few weeks ago (takes a while for me to get my act together scanning polaroids – what an effort, but worth it):

Kath and Theo.

Kath and Theo.

and a pic of @reigun and I at the old biscuit mill in woodstock about a month ago. Please note, if you have not yet experienced the glory that is a tuna burger from the biscuit mill on a saturday morning, then you are missing.out.on.life.

Happy times.

Happy times.

And that’s about it, apart from this Patty Pan that’s been on top of the fridge for a month now. Not really sure what it’s doing there, but it does make ‘getting the milk out the fridge’ a more ‘blogworthy’ experience.

Watching. Waiting.

Watching. Waiting.

Biding its time.

Biding its time.

i think i’ve found my Loeries Stage Gimmick

Bubbles. BUBBLES.

Bubbles. BUBBLES.

a bubble dress. can you handle it. am falling more in <3 with Lady Gaga every day. wish i could go back in time to the agency xmas party and exchange my Amy Winehouse outfit for something more like one of these:


friday night in the city

had a good Friday night. started off at the SA Blog Awards at Chevelle in Harrington Street. it was mad hot and sweaty but enjoyable no less. saw thecopyninja there, his blog, Pleasefindthis, won Best Photographic Blog. we clapped loudly, clutching out vitamin waters. 2oceansvibe won pretty much every other category. and then i got hit in the head by a flying t-shirt. good times.

Thecopyninja accepts his award.

Thecopyninja accepts his award.

then i wormed my way through the throngs of bitches in thongs in the VIP section to Seth from 2oceansvibe, and proceeded to have the following conversation with him:

Me: Hi, my name’s Alex. I just want to say well done on winning everything and to thank you for adding me to your blog roll – that’s nice of you.

Seth: Oh, what’s your blog called?

Me: MyBrandedLife.com.

Seth: Oh yes, I like your blog. You write about your life as a copywriter, and your cat and stuff. Very funny.

Me: Thanks. It’s not my cat.

Seth: I loved what they said in the speech.

Me: What? Oh when you won that award and you didn’t know what it was for?

Seth: Oh did they?

And then it got too confusing and I had to ran away. But not before I got a photo:

Seth and me, confusing each other.

Seth and me, confusing each other while the Rat King looks on.

Then Rei, thecopyninja and I went through to Kink for Jen’s birthday. There were cupcakes.

Maddy.

Maddy.

Cuan and Rob.

Cuan and Rob.

Andrew.

Andrew.

There was also a disgruntled neighbour who kept throwing eggs over the wall to protest how fun our party was. Some people … (it was 10pm). After getting egg on my foot AND getting hit in the face by a flying t-shirt, it was time to leave. But not before i took a picture of myself in the Kink bathrooms, which are covered in ‘planned graffiti’ which says things like ‘Take me from behind’. Mm. Happy Times y’all.

Kink.

Kink.


birthday snaps

some pics from Reijer’s birthday drinks at Neighbourhood in Long Street on Monday night. Temperature was 32 degrees at 10pm. Sweaty fun.

Marijke, Elisma, Lucy.


still searching for a Loeries gimmick. still.

ShouldI dress up like the Doritos “Snowglobe” Superbowl ad?

Should I wear an Obama mask? Or should my outfit rhyme with “Yes we can”?

Yes we can green eggs and ham.

Yes we can green eggs and ham.

Should I dress up as a Social Media Consultant?

Should I hijack the big screen and plug in a powerpoint about how the youth are skeptical about traditional advertising / don’t believe the official spokesperson only the unnamed source / hate getting branded SMSes?

Feel like that last idea’s been done before at one of the 90’s Loeries.

Should I ‘get so wasted and trip my tits off’ when I go onstage ie. party on bra?

Should I sniff really loudly when I accept the Loerie so ppl think I am on cocaine, and perpetuate a sterotype that really only applies to a minority of creatives, usually the ones in Dubai? sigh. so many options.

Should I get guns tattooed on my hips / shoulders / breasts? Be ‘that gun chick’?

Should I go on stage barefoot and do push-ups with my pinkie toe?

Should I propose to my boyfriend / art director on stage?

Should I cut my face with a knife?

Should I commit ‘recession suicide’?

Should I quit my job onstage and announce that I just want to be ‘an independent creative focusing on my own personal projects’?

Should I dedicate my award to independent creatives focusing on their personal projects because they are poor  unknowns who ‘deserve a break’?

Help me y’ulle. The tock is clicking.

Just searching for a Loeries experience that cuts through the clutter yulle.

Just searching for a Loeries experience that 'cuts through the clutter' y'ulle.

new Western Cape Liquor Bill – good or bad thing?

so a lot of people on ‘the facebook’ are inviting me to sign some sort of pantyliner petition protesting the passing of the Western Cape Liquor Bill. this bill will mean clubs and places of disrepute will not be able to sell alcohol past 2am, thereby destroying lives, leaving children parentless, causing multiple road accidents, causing crime, pushing drunkards out into the streets where they cause chaos – oh no wait – that’s what happens if the liquor bill doesn’t get passed. that’s what happens right now, as it is. sorry for the confusion.

it’s hard not to see the flagrant injustice in the passing of this kind of bill. what will all those middle class afda / cape tech / UCT / vega dropouts have to blame their pregnancies on? how will rich white kids explain how they got syphilis to their parents, now that the only acceptable excuse -“i was sooo fucked” – will no longer be available? will it force the girls to admit that they just wanted to ‘secure a man’ for the future? is there anything wrong with ‘securing a man’ through pregnancy? is getting pregnant cheaper than taking out a policy with liberty life / more viable than getting a job? is getting syphilis more ‘fun’ than registering for tax? what your experiences y’ulle? is sleeping with all your friends more appealing than ‘getting a job’ and ‘being responsible adults’? hey have you ever heard drinkers boasting about how many pedestrians they’ve killed? apparently it’s the latest thing – getting drunk and then driving home / into a wall / into someone’s child / into another car. gotta stay ahead of what’s cool y’ulle.

and what about the ‘liberals’ who like to converse on the balconies of Long Street (The Waiting Room, Neighborhood), telling each other lies about who they are and offering each other jobs they don’t have the authority to offer? how will groups of friends all sleep together now that there’s nowhere to hang out drinking until having an orgy / hooking up with your ‘best friend’ seems like it’s a good idea? how will slags steal boyfriends now that most boyfriends will be sober and home at a decent hour? i feel like this liquor bill is really gonna throw a spanner into Cape Town’s social workings, y’ulle.

Save the liberals, yulle. They are just sensitive, creative souls who need to express themselves through getting drunk and sleeping with their friends / classmates / colleagues / friends of friends / the chick no one else wants to sleep with (pity f*ck a.k.a. material for art)

Save the liberals, y'ulle. They are just creative souls who need to express themselves through getting drunk and sleeping with their friends / classmates / colleagues / friends of friends / the chick no one else wants to sleep with (pity f*ck a.k.a. material for 'art')

without booze, how will we connect y’ulle? how will we overcome our introvert-by-nature personality types? how will we meet random strangers whom we can add as friends on facebook the next day, so we can tell ourselves that we are ‘meeting cool people’ and are ‘really connecting with awesome people, man’. how will we pretend that living in Cape Town is in any way socially rewarding?

how will we make mutually embarrassing memories to be brought up later in the workplace / at college / at tech / at varsity / at creative collective meetings / at Royale before our waitressing shift starts? what will we talk about if not how f*cked we all got last night (“Whoa last night was soooo hectic man”)? what will we say in our facebook statuses if we can’t say “xxx is ready to party! xxx just wants to party bro! xxx is feeling last night’s party man”?

I just wanna party. Lets party. Man, i was sooooo f*cked. I bonked some chick without a condom dude. What a party! Right on!

"I just wanna party. Let's party. Man, i was sooooo f*cked. I bonked some chick without a condom dude. What a party! Right on!"

Hey dude, when do we party? Can you pour shots of vodka in my mouth? Lets get so f*cked up a bonk a man instead of a chick. Whoo hoo whatever bra! Just, like, party!

"Hey dude, when do we party? Can you pour shots of vodka in my mouth? Let's get so f*cked up and bonk a man instead of a chick. Whoo hoo whatever bra! Just, like, party!"

i personally don’t know what the big fuss is about because y’ulle can just start drinking a little earlier. have y’ulle learnt nothing from the Winehouse? she just drinks all day, unphased by pub closing times. it doesn’t really interest me much because i don’t drink. drinking makes you ugly y’ulle. it makes your cheeks puffy and saggy and it bursts the little veins in your face. but i guess y’ulle who are drinkers sleep with other drinkers while drunk so you forgive stuff like that. i guess it helps coz you can tell if your potential mate ‘shares your interests’ while you’re sober because they look like shit. but i’m just surmising here. maybe y’ulle can set me straight. go have a party and set me straight.

“One for my baby, and one more for the Rosacea.” – Frank Sinatry, drinker opposed to the Western Cape Liquor Bill

thinking of showing my boobs. trying to make my porti unique.

it’s tough being in advertising today. once upon a time, nobody even knew it was a career. nobody believed that you could get paid to think up funny / smart / relevant / enagaging / viral / cool / prestigious / down-to-earth / honest / housewifey / working daddish / [insert name of target market and or their values here] ideas and call it a job.

things have changed. these days everyone is in advertising. everyone is zany. everyone is cool. warhol said everyone would be famous, but he didn’t say everyone was going to be awesome.

Everyone is zany and creative and pushing deadlines and consumer promises.

Everyone is zany and creative and pushing deadlines and consumer promises. It's called Being The Brand. You are the brand. You are the trend. You are the future. You are now. Be with me. Here. With my brand. Now. Together we will collaborate and appeal to more people than we would appeal to if we were apart.

these days  even the beggar who sits outside my gate at home has his own corporate colours for the chalk board he holds up. i know this because i offered him some spare chalk the other day and he only took the blue and the orange chalk because ‘these are my colours’.

struggling to come to terms with what the world is coming to.

been feeling something like this:

new year! / new porti!

so been looking over other peoples’ portfolios to get some inspiration as to how i can differentiate myself from the masses of creatives out there and their personal creative copywriter / art director brands. and then further differentiate myself as a professional who can create brands that i’m not personally involved with.

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“Talent is no longer about original ideas. Talent is about being able to come up with original ideas that are not based on or created for / by you or your experiences, but look like they were created by the person they were created for.” – Alex van Tonder, in an interview with Bill Bernbacklett

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i’m not sure how not to get personally involved with the brands i work on. just like i’m not sure how to not hook up with all the men at my office. wish i’d saved one of them for a rainy day. maybe i can create controversy within the agency by pulling a Lindsay Lohan and kissing a client service chick and then refusing to answer any questions. although when i kissed Jenny that one night at Diaz Tavern no one even asked any questions.

you see what i mean when i say that it’s hard to differentiate yourself these days?

Another agency party at some obscure pub in Gardens Industria. Ive got sooooo many of these pics its almost not even worth uploading it. Ever feel like all truly great ideas have already been done? Paris Hilton did blowjobs and penetration. Lindsay and Britney did their crotch-flashings. Sharon Stone did that leg-cross thing in Basic Instinct. The world is so competitive yulle. Really hard for me to keep ahead of the curve when it comes to showing what makes me special as a copywriter, what makes me different to all the other copywriters out there.

Another agency party at some obscure pub in Gardens Industria. I've got sooooo many of these pics it's almost not even worth uploading it. Ever feel like all truly great ideas have already been done? Paris Hilton did blowjobs and penetration. Lindsay and Britney did their crotch-flashings. Sharon Stone did that leg-cross thing in Basic Instinct. The world is so competitive y'ulle. Really hard for me to keep ahead of the curve when it comes to showing what makes me special as a copywriter, what makes me different to all the other copywriters out there.

NEwayz… back to the porti. should it be digital? should i invent a program that allows you to download my porti in a nanosecond? maybe i can make it so small that you have to view it with nanoglasses on nano chips? will nano still be big in 2010 or am i running with a fad here?

Should I pressurise my own blood and spray out my headlines under water so that Creative Directors see that I understand new media?

Should I pressurise my own blood and spray out my headlines under water so that Creative Directors see that I understand new media?

or should i keep my porti old school? big red leatherbound book with my name embossed in Cooper Bold in White letters? feel like there is a certain amount of gravitas when i whack down a beast of a porti like that on a Creative Director’s desk. although i haven’t actually used it since i graduated way back in 2004. since then, a well-written email that conveys my ability to stay calm in the face of chaos has gotten me every job i’ve ever had.

An example of the well-written, to-the-point letter that got me my job at King James.

An example of the well-written, to-the-point letter that got me my job at King James.

i’ve heard that some legendary creatives don’t even have portfolios, they just email a list of awards annuals and corresponding page numbers when they’re looking for a job. that feels a little wanky to me. i feel like if someone made me wade through crusty awards annuals that gather like dust in the corners of agency toilets, i wouldn’t want to offer them a job. unless it was dusting the awards annuals gathering weevils in the agency toilets.

Does NE one out there still care about awards? If i have a list of awards longer than my hair will you want to hire me? Or would you be more inclined to hire me if i just sent you a link to my blog with pictures of myself taking photos of myself on it? Wish someone had answers for me. Im feeling the photo vibe more. Just coz I know my good side.

Does NE one out there still care about awards? If i have a list of awards longer than my hair will you want to hire me? Or would you be more inclined to hire me if i just sent you a link to my blog with pictures of myself taking photos of myself on it? Wish someone had answers for me. I'm feeling the photo vibe more. Just coz I know my good side.

maybe i should record my porti into an album and take off my clothes to promote it. i’d go around the country doing signings which double up as interviews. being Gen Y, it is all about me interviewing the agency and not the other way round. i’d listen as they tell me how they want to help me ‘grow my craft’ and ‘collaborate and cross pollinate‘ my tech-savvy skills with their experienced eye for Letraset.

Collaboration across the generation gap is key to moving forward in the future.

Collaboration across the generation gap is key to moving forward in the future.

i’m going to make this porti quest my holiday project. gonna come back with some fresh material. gonna come back with a come back.

“I see you. And I just wanna dance with you. LOLOLOLOL.” – Brutney Spears