Category Archives: personal branding

Psychographic profile: I am teh ghost of a dead blog

I am the ghost of a dead blog
booooo
did i scare u?
hope so. y’all woke me up from ‘the dreamless sleep’.
am pissed y’all. what do y’all think i died 4???
just want 2 die.
tired of bein ‘zany ‘n smart’.
is fun, but like, ‘u can’t be cool 4eva’ +
‘cool doesn’t pay da billz’ +
‘enjoy urself, take only what you need from it’
etc.
was kinda enjoying being dead.
is real peaceful.
no 1 to get all up in my facebook
no 3G here in hell


don’t hav 2 maintain ur personal brand (via being on fire all the time)
plus satan kinda keeeeeeeewl.
but now i went andgot all resurrected
by a reputable publication with a ‘niche-but-influential and educated readership’
(kinda wish it was heat magazine but whatevs)

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
boooOOOOOoooooo
gonna rattle my alexander mcqueen chain bags at u
keeping u up in the dark night of ur blog
feeling kinda vengeful
since when i was still alive
ppl were like, u r stupid
now i’m dead, ppl are like, u  were so like, clevs
“the blog artist’s value is only recognised posthumounguously”
isn’t it typical

“it’s like that, and that’s the way it is” – run dmc

don’t worry – not very vengeful. just l’il bit.
just gonna make ur light bulbs flicker some.
not gonna go polty on you. boooOOOOoo.

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
woke up coz i rolled in my grave
kinda just feel like we need to talk about ‘letting go’


did y’all get pissed at MJ when Thriller the song ends?
Do y’all get pissed when the movie u hired is finished?
stupid f-ing movie! u came to an end!

This is a meme joke. Do u get it?

did y’all get pissed at JK Rowling when she finished Harry Potter?
(ok so bad example. f-u JK. you got me hooked.)
NEwayz just trying to help you let go

This is a pooooOOOooetry joke. Do u get it?

boooOOOOOoooooooo

I am the ghost of a dead blog
was ‘summoned by the oujja board of journalistic truthful objective unbiased integritay’
never imagined dis blowgn thang would ‘get all intellectualised’
just wanted to be awesome y’ulz.
never dreamed my personal brand would have such ‘residual value attached to its key branding paradigm pillars of differentiation’.
kinda emotional about it.
(via wishing i was still dead)
there is only one feeling in hell (being burned)
sad, was just betterin my table tennis scores
was just getting 2 know satan (miss u bro. next time i see you PING PONG IS ON LIKE KING KONG!)

I am the ghost of a dead blog.
Gonna go ‘back 2 bed now’.
it was ‘nice chatting’.
off you go now to the new blog.
know that i am always with you.
am there in the new blog
though u cannot always see me.
if u look carefully, i am there.


am just ‘talking in a different accent’.
am just ‘trying on some new blogshoes’.
just ‘exploring a new personal sub-brand’.
da holding company stays da same. 4evs y’all. pinkie swear.

miss y’ulz.
love y’ulz.
h8 y’ulz.
ditto.


the new project: Cape Town Girl

Go check it out y’all! Still early days but whatevs! Is ‘just the beginning’.

y’all, this is it.

This is it y’all.


Y’all is time 4 me to ‘hit the proverbial demerol’ via some shady docbro and ‘accidentally commit suicide’ via intentionally ‘leaving this world’ and ‘quitting the game while i am ahead’ so my ‘legend can live on’ and i don’t get ‘old and ugly’, like MJ. Miss you MJ. Some people have emailed me 2 say ‘WTF is happening with ur blog’ and ‘U R not srs R u?’ and ‘do u rly rly read Marian Keyes? F U penguin’.  Y’ulz, don’t stress. This is not ‘goodbye 4 eva’. Just facing up 2 the fact that ‘i have changed’ and ‘things have changed’ and as a ‘cre8ive person’ i am ‘too zany 2 do something too specific 4 too long’ (via ADD).

Have ‘taken my learnings into account’ and have ‘cre8ed a new vision’, one with ‘space 2 let me grow’ and ‘realise my potential’. NEwayz. Gonna miss some things so much, like making interns cry. And being in love with ideas. And reminiscing bout bein an ad student. Y’ulz just gotta know that these things will ‘live on’ via this blog and via my new blog identity. I think. Kinda  ‘not rly sure’. But app ‘life is a rollercoaster jus gotta ride it’.

See y’ulz monday, ‘all shiney & new’. So long & thanks 4 all the RT’s.

MBLTM


MyBrandedRetrospective part 2

Ah Y’ulz. All teary-eyed this morning. Was remembering that one time, at Brand Camp. Miss y’ulz. Kinda reminds me of when Jupies sold out to WPP which made me first considerselling my personal brand’. And now I have actually gone and sold my PB – 2 think that it was ‘once just a dream’. Just not gonna tell y’ulz who ‘who the new shareholders of MBLTM trading as something else’ are 4 fear of being ‘ripped off by a sarky brat ad blogger’. Wonder if I will maintain my ‘quality of humour’, or if ‘going commercial’ will ‘water me down’ to something ‘lots of ppl like’, like a Citi Golf. Which reminds me of when i wanted 2sue my parents 4 not buying me a citi golf’. Well what do they expect. Poeses. Gonna complain about it on my GBuzz (the zazzy new program that is like ‘what Googlewave was s’posed 2 be’). Remember Googlewave? And how you ‘needed an invite 2 use it’ when rly ‘you needed a degree in GoogleHype 2 use it’. Ah y’ulz. Y’alls faces gettin’ wet yet? So wet y’ulz. Wet 4 you.


MyBrandedRetrospective part 1

Y’ulz getting all nostalgic about all the good times we’ve had here together. Now that MBLTM is ‘coming to a close’ via ‘transforming into a new blog’, I feel it’s only appropriate to run y’all through some of the good times, and some of the bad times. Like that time when I wrote about ATL vs BTL and some ATL people I work with ‘told on me to our boss’ because they ‘are whiney l’il b*tches felt offended’ and i got ‘called in for being naughty’ and was prompted to ‘consider taking our personality insurance’ - true story. Good times!

And that time those 9-year-olds ganged up on me and ‘called my radio ads stupid’. Bad times but also good times, really. And that time I made a break-through in ‘learning 2 speak Client Service’ which was invaluable 2 my career. Ah y’all, I’m gonna miss y’alls. Srsly. Gonna miss y’alls crazy letters, like the one letter where I was enlightened that ‘I don’t have 2 go all the way I can just kiss’. Y’alls should stick around this week for more retrospective introspection as we ‘get our emo on’ recall the whirlwind of a rollercoaster adventure ride that has been our time together here on MyBrandedLifeTM.


What a ride y’alls. Can’t wait for the next chapter, but more about that ‘l8er in the week’.

Y’alls, we need 2 talk.

I have a confession my frendz. I am not ‘who y’ulz think I am’. Well, maybe in some ways. But the truth is, there is more to me than jus’ ‘building a personal brand’ and being a ‘sarky l’il jaded semi-original millenial’. So much more y’ulz. And I want 2 share that with you.



Y’all know how Beyonce’s PB is 2-fold? As in, sometime’s she’s the ‘Beyonce we all know & luv’ and sometimes she’s ‘Sasha Fiercey’? Well, MBLTM is kinda like my ‘Ad-girl Sasha Fiercey’ except waaaayyyyy less sparkly dresses. I started it for ‘a bit of a laugh’ bcoz I kinda felt like I was ‘taking my job too srsly’ (via getting upset over cre8ive miscarriages).



But I’m starting to ‘feel a little stifled’ by this here voice. Kinda like ‘I would like 2 see other voices’ so when I do ‘come home 2 MBLTM’ I can ‘rly appreciate her 4 who she is’ and do so ‘because I enjoy it’ rather than ‘because I have to’. So I’m suggesting a ‘trial separation’ from this particular Personal Brand, just so I can ‘play the personal branding field’ and ‘get 2 know other PBs’. I know y’ulz feel me.



So pretty soonish I’m thinkin’ of inhabiting a ‘newer, more chill alter blog ego’, which I have yet to announce . Yes y’ulz – am also considering adopting a ‘nom de plumey’. Kinda realized that this blog was ‘a l’il confusing’ for industry ppl who didn’t know me / friends who did know me / people in general. Like sometimes y’all ‘didn’t know I was joking’ (via gettin’ offended).



Am thinking this new Personal Brand
will be more about ‘the happier-go-lucky-draw-me’. Coz deep down inside, I am ‘just a girl in the world’ y’all. I likes to ‘shop it up’. I likes 2 ‘read novels by Marian Keyes’ (via reading JM Coetzee & needing a quick ‘pick-me-up’). I likes 2 ‘go 2 jazz at Asoka’. I likes 2 ‘eat sushi at Nobu’. I likes 2 ‘sing along 2 Rihanna in my car‘ (‘get down if ya feel me throw ur hands up 2 da ceiling y’ulz’).



NEwayz. What y’ulz thank? Does this ‘sound intriguing’ or does it sound like my PB is ‘becoming a generic pile of shit’? Can y’all ‘live with this’ or am I ‘committing personal brand suicide’?

“Kisses” (via potential new voice – please rate out of 5 stars)

Obsessin’ over ur BlackBerry makes ur Personal Brand look poor.

Jus’ saying y’alls. I’m real sorry u can’t afford 2 pay 4 ur internet but pls don’t ‘pretend it’s a plus’. Maybe y’alls can apply 4 ‘government aids’. Remember 2 ‘use a condom’ (y’all know gov is ‘down with sleepin’ around’). ‘Such is life’ states that BlackBerry’s R crap. I can substantiate this via a sample study done by the NielsenAmpTrendScaleBrandVibeWatchReport, unpacked below:

Amanda Bynes - who is she?

Amanda Bynes - who is she?

Tara Reid. 'nuff said.

Who dis chick again? Oh ja, Brooke Hogan.

Observation: Only poor D-listers use BBs.

Conclusion: Only poor D-listers use BBs.

And ‘now we know 4 sure’. Peace.

Tried my best. Over 2 y’ulz.


Y’ulz, all my life
Tried so hard ‘2 be spesh’
So scared of goin’ through this life
With a ‘fake moleskine from clicks’
Decided to ‘take this shot at my future’
And try out
4 da ‘National Cre8ive Team’ (via Design Indaba Supastars)



Y’ulz, all my life
Tried so hard ‘2 be different’
Stuck lots of ‘zany images from fffffound’ on my walls
Wrote lots of ‘zany cre8ive ideas’ on my hands (2 look busy while ‘on the internet’)
Updated my fbook with ‘ambiguous truths that might be about u’
Sang along 2 MGMT / Peter Bjorn & Jbro (even tweeted some lyrics)



Y’ulz
Tried so hard 2 ‘do my cre8ive bros proud’
Smoked cigarettes ‘til my gums bleed tar’
Drank alcohol ‘til I pissed premium beer’
Did lines ‘til my antidepressants didn’t work’
Even ‘talked bout digital being da future’ late in2 the nite with my Cre8ive Director y’ulz



Y’ulz
Tried so hard 2 ‘differentiate my Personal Brand’
Even ‘wrote all over my shoes’ (via customisation)
Zaned 2 the max and ‘Wore Converse with a dress’
Even ‘slept with all my guy friends’ once (via being a slag)
So I could be ‘truly cre8ive’



Is over to y’ulz now
Can do no more (‘cept encourage y’all 2 ‘clear ur cache’ so y’alls can ‘rig my vote’)
S’all up 2 you now
My crea8ive bros
Click on this link 2 ‘show me some 5 star luvin’
Maybe my dream will ‘cum true’
And I can stop ‘chasing the Loerie’
Maybe y’ulz
Maybe. Tried my best.

*******************************************************

If y’ulz would like 2 see me representin’ on the ‘National Cre8ive Team’, please click here and rate my entry (below) with 5 Stars. Then clear your cache & do it again. Ta bros.

Y’ulz can rest assured that if i make it onto the ‘National Cre8ive Team’ I will make sure biscuits are compulsory in ALL cre8ive briefings & will insist that all Client Service ppl ‘wear a bell around their necks’ so we ‘know they are coming’.

Psychographic Profile: I am a 26-year old hipster

I am a 26-year old hipster
And just admitting that kills me.
My BFF ( we have matching gun tats) says I can pass for 24,
And if i get pissed enough to do a line & be a douche,
I can pass for 18,
Which is good enough for me,
Even though I have wrinkles around my eyes and mouth
From all the YSLs I smoked
To help me deal with my smoking hangover
After last night’s party at Assembly (yeah! whoo hoo! partay!)
(check me in those pics in weareawesome yeah i look f-ing cool bro, “if i say so myself”)

I am a 26-year old hipster
Just wish I could have been 25 for like 1 more month
Then Discovery wouldn’t have forced me 2 “take out my own hospital plan”
(“who can afford real med aid on my salary”)
Don’t even “earn a salary” (fuck that shit! still living off the money i saved as a ski instructor)
I’m my own agent, “fuck the man”
Got my own cre8ive street art flyer poster ideation band lab t-shirt co
Plus that awesome gig at the sneaker store (gets me such great exposure bro)
And my freelance illustration vibe
(Can always wait tables at Royale if everything fucks out)

I am a 26-year old hipster
And i just started getting these mouth ulcers (WTF???!1!)
Hope it’s not from that ‘Lebanese chick in the photos
Or one of her friends
(Can’t remember if I’ve done them or not, probably, I’ll do anything PS “fuck condoms, I’m white bro”)
SHould prob quit smoking
Just “can’t be arsed” and “I like smoking”
Plus my bitch mom keeps going on about my weed plants
Wish she’d “get off out of my case” and stop waking me up when she goes 2 work
doesn’t she get that I don’t WANT 2 work?
doesn’t she KNOW how shit cocaine makes you feel the next day?
Stupid bitch.
Gonna ‘have a nervous breakdown’ so she feels guilty bout shouting at me
“Just let me use your house like a hotel and STFU bitch!”
Garsh. I’ve “fucking had it”.

I am a 26-year old hipster
And no longer 25 (and therefore “youth”)
Kind of scared I am “over the hill”
Put on my skinny jeans and they were “more tight than usual” this morning
Made my peen “look small & all squashed 2 the side”
Hope my metabolism doesn’t “fail me now”
Might have 2 switch from coke 2 speed 2 lose the love handles
Maybe Stop smoking weed, those muchies are “killer”
Thinking of going back 2 Varsity College 2 “finish my IT degree” (lame!)
Just in case, you know, my mom dies & “leaves all her money 2 my super smart bitch sister”
Like I’d ever “work in IT”
Am meant for bigger things y’all
Hate my bitch mom and my sister

I am a 26-year old hipster
Wish this mouth f-ing ulcer would go away
Would see a doctor but was planning on spending that money on drinks specials at Assembly tonight
Gonna smoke a cigarette, doodle in my moleskin and think about it.
Maybe update my status in a way that “makes ppl worry” before i go back 2 bed.

Garsh.


Is it time 2 grow the fuck up and love rugby just like everyone else?

Y’ulz. There comes a point in every blog’s life where y’all gotta realise ur destiny. But y’als I am scared.

I am so scared.

Why is MY destiny all gross and orcy?

When I was in high school and still ‘developing my personal brand (via my personality)’ I looked to my parents 4 guidance. Basically, they were OBSESSED with rugby, so I decided 2 HATE rugby. Pls see equation of Teenage Personality Development rule.

Developed this equation myself. Proved it myself too (via slamming my door @ roughly 3pm every Saturday). Felt like I had ‘found myself’ back then (via dating the skinny arty bros & taking them 2 the Bosch vs Bishops game as an ‘act of defiance’.).

Those were the days.

But now am an older / wiser / faster / stronger blog. Have realised ‘there is more 2 life than defying the ppl who mortgaged all their 4 of their Bishopscourt properties’ so I couldafford 2 go 2 ad school’. Have realised that ‘cool don’t pay the bills’. Have been contemplating ‘dating a normal guy’ in aid of ‘living a herp- / tattoo- / converse-shoes-plus-dress – free happy life’. Was mulling this stuff over quietly in my cre8ive bloggy mind when 2OceansVibe DM@tweeted me that I made a blogger XV side.

Srsly?

Srsly y’ulz – basically the unthinkable just happened. MyBrandedLifeTM just got picked 2 be on a ‘blogger rugby team’. Srsly. That just happened. Maybe just drive your car inside coz it might be “raining blue moons”.

First came shock. Oh my word y’ulz.

Then came denial. This is not happening y’ulz.

Then came this other feeling. It feels kind of warm. Almost like how I would imagine ‘potential’ 2 feel y’ulz. Then the theme song from Invictus started playing (via time travel) & I had a ‘transferred memory’ (that actually belongs 2 Francois Pienaarvanwykdewaal) from that time Nelson Mandelabro told me 2 ‘unite a nation’ (via winning the rugby world cup 05).

Matt Damon as Frankypants

Am thinking y’ulle – what if ‘loving rugby’ is actually my destiny?
It would be kind of ‘extremely ironic’, and y’all know I love my irony.
What do y’ulz thank?

Scared, y’ulz.

PS. Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Movie Night y’als!

Sometimes, in this weird world just filled with people looking to ‘take down your personal brand’ a little light shines in the darkness (via an email Subject: Delivery at Reception. ta). And the delivery turns out to be a box of DVDs, some of which were designed specifically for OCD home-consumption (for eg. Flashdance starring Jennifer Beale as “Alex Owens” in the 1983 hit). Did y’als know I was born in 1983? I haven’t even watched Flashdance. I have a feeling (What a feeling!) it’s gonna change my (branded) life 4 eva y’als.

What. A. Feeling. Y. 'ulz.

 

But that’s  not all. Cleverly, there were a selection of movies, each ‘strategically chosen to represent the core values that represent the Women’s Health brand and how it relates 2 its consumers via demonstrating its relevance via each movie strategically chosen to represent the core values that represent the Women’s Health brand and how it relates 2 its consumers via demonstrating its relevance via each movie strategically chosen to represent the core values that represent the Women’s Health brand and how it relates 2 its consumers via

Whoa

Did you see wha just happened there?

UR brand 4 eva

I just made an infinity loop with a positioning statement leading into a USP. I am basically an “Ad Escher bro” “trapped in a never-ending world of targeted touchpoints”. Jees Y’als. Thought this post was gonna be about something simple, like MOVIES. Welcome 2 da night train bros.

Can almost smell this y'ulz

Back to the point: yesterday the heavens opened and the skies rained down

Movies y'als!

Super amped about all this. Not kidding when I say the only one of these I’ve actually seen is The Notebook & Something About Mary (1983 remember…) basically had a life-changing experience last night when I watched Breakfast At Tiffany’s and I found out the lead character is a ‘lady of the night’ - did y’als know that? Thought it ironic that an image of a woman who has ‘become synonymous with class’ is actually a ‘portrait of a prozzie bro’. Love the world y’ulz, always filled with surprisies!

Anyways just wanted 2 say thanks to Woman’s Health for the gift. Getting a box of movies was enough to make me ‘seriously consider reading your mag’ (via reading it). Actually read the whole thing and have also changed my leg routine to Backwards Thigh Extensions over Lunges & Squats which is what I have been doing to keep my thighs in Beyonce, all based on the nifty tear-outs. Thanks y’als. Thanks thanks.

Thanks

Thanks

Thanks thanks thanks (via tangling my hand up in my shirt while blogging this)



Signed the last ever Citi Bro.

Feel like I can *finally* be a part of this very NB branded coming-of-age ritual now that my name is on the last Citi Golf eva.

Can y'ulz see my message?

Thought long and hard for 7 days and 7 nights about what I should write on the very last Citi Golf ever and came up with this: (just steady yourself)

“Miss you Citi Bro xxx”

Feel like this is the face of the words that could sink a thousand ships. I mean them Citi Bro. Pity we never really got to ‘be bros’ 4 real. At least I get 2 miss u. 4 eva.

Gonna bark at the New Moon

Whistlin’ a new tune

Hopin’ it will “come soon”

So that I can die.

Just kidding y’ulz. Always get soooo wrapped up in Nelly Furtado lyrics. Think it’s because she ‘sings pop with soul’ and let’s Timbaland drop his beats on her. Am actually referring to the New Moon movie, which I won tickets to (for realz. Just can’t stop the ‘winniness’ from taking over. Thanks to y’als at Exclusive Books for making my life a better place to blog about). Not sure if y’ulz have heard but vampires are ‘really big’ right now therefore it is imperative that i ‘incorporate vampiric cues into my personal brand’. Have y’ulz made an effort to “add a touch of vamp vibes” 2 your PB? Or are you more of a “down-to-earth stinking werewolf dog scum hippie” type of person? Not judging, it takes all liquorice allsorts. Y’all be pleased 2 know that I had some veneers fitted the other day that give me a ‘subtle touch of vamp’ without being too ‘in your face’. My denty had to “sand down the incisors” to get a proper fit, which will probably cause tooth issues that i need “like a hole in the head” in later life but whatevs. All that matters is “being cool right now”. Soooo glad y’all understand!

Y'ulz like my new dentals? Feel like this has really moved me into a "whole new sphere of relevance".

PS. If y’ulz would like to attend the New Moon Midnight Screening with me, send your best vampy pic to alex@mybrandedlife.com and I’ll basically pick the strongest 3 personal brands to be my “vamptourage”. Yes yes y’ulz!

Reading Comprehension Test

Hey y’ulz. Read this thrillsome interview with me and answer the following questions based on what you learnt:

1. What is my favourite colour?

2. What is my favourite food?

3. Team Edward or Team Jacob?

4. Am I in love with Eric Northman?

5. Do I prefer chunky or smooth peanut butter?

6. Am I a cat or a dog person?

7. Chocolate or vanilla?

8. Should I ‘go blonde for summer’?

9. True or False: I am a hermaphrobro

10. Should I sue my parents for not getting me a CitiGolf?

Please leave your answers in the comments section. The first person to answer all 10 correctly will win ‘my love & loyalty 4 life’ as symbolised by the fern leaf I am wearing in this picture.


Y’ulz think about that now.


still 2 scared

2 blog y’ulle. too much pressure. what should i do? should i ‘off myself’? should i ‘do lines off my keyboard’? what to do y’ulle?

Feel like my electronically synchronised life is mocking me.

Think I might have a case of 'The Imposter Syndrome' starring Matt Damon

Am I a PussyCatDoll Song (via being careful what i wish for coz i might just darn got it)?

Gonna do a post about how a healthy lifestyle is how I keep my blog so skinny & that I shun drug use via getting annorexia in protest.

Appreciate your support during this ‘turning point’ in my career. Am well aware it is ‘make or break’ time. Do y’ulz have any advice 4 me as i ‘transform’? Thinking of shaving my head and smacking up a pap. What y’als thank?