Category Archives: purchase process

Now that I use Nomu products must I buy a new car?

Y’ulz been pondering something. I recently was introduced to Nomu foods, and now ‘nothing but Nomuwill do when it comes 2 ‘rubbing my chops’ prior 2 grilling. Even have the Nomu range of ‘fonds’ (bet NONE of y’all have a fond in ur kitchen – whachu a-gonna do?). Has basically “changed my life”. Can now ‘invite ppl from higher social echelons’ 2 ‘talk shop over dinner’ (always kinda felt inadequate with my Knorr pasta mixes. Like I wanted 2 die.).

Add 2 that the fact that I am recently 26 and no longer qualify in the ‘youth demographic’, am starting 2 question whether I need to ‘adapt or die’ (via evolving my brand repertoire & social echelon steadily upwards, as opposed 2 growing intermittently & possibly remaining in a social echelon doldrums & ‘living an ordinary life’ via ‘looking averagely wealthy / poor’.).

All this has led 2 the most NB question a ‘young professional who eats Nomu and is looking 2 purchase her first property & attract a mate’ must consider in her life:

“Is it time 2 trade in my car 4 a car that ‘makes me look more rich’ and in-keeping with the Appearance Description under the Psychographic segmentation for “Young Professionals”?”



I know y’ulz. Wish I didn’t have 2 ‘keep up with myself’. Wish I wasn’t so competitive. Wish I could ‘eat Nomu & drive a Yaris with clear conscience”, but I can’t. Life is so ‘filled with important decisions’ we must make that will ‘test my character’ and help me achieve my goal 2 ‘make my BFF feel inadequate’ via being better dressed / thinner than her / having a better facebook profile pic / driving a better car / owning a set of Nomu Fonds before they are officially launched.


What do y’ulz think? Is it ‘mini cooper time’? Mini cooper sport? Are Mini Cooper’s still cool or have they “aged badly”? Would y’alls ‘get offended’ if I ‘leap-frog’ my place in the ‘consumption cycle’ and just “go straight 2 a 1-series”?


Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Okay. Every once in a while, I experience something that prompts me to ‘drop that stupid, irritating voice’ i use to write on my blog and ‘just get real’. The ghd Style Lounge – which i was privileged enough to attend on Friday evening – is one such brand activation which has prompted such drastic action. In all seriousness – “srsly y’all” – this event blew my mind. “O RLY?” i hear you say. “Howcome y’ulz?” I hear you say. I’ll attempt to do justice to the sheer delight that was having my makeup done by Benefit, my hair styled by 2 ghd Angels, then being styled by Accessorize and being given a remote control with which to shoot myself. Not in the foot, but on an infinity curve that had been set up, “just like a real-life photo shoot”. Oh my word. Oh my hat.

Firstly, the venue was just amazing. Roodebloem Studios in Woodstock, for those interested:

A magical wonderland.

You walked in, were greeted with a glass of Krone and a Vitamin Water, and then you went and waited with sumptuous snacks until a Benefit artist could start doing your makeup.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Waiting area.

Delicious product display.

More delicious product display.

Benefit's Beauty Bootcamp

The Result: Makeup by Benefit

Once you got your makeup did, you had a little more Krone before heading over to the Style Stations (see above) to have your hair done by 2 lovely ghd Angels. Since my hair is naturally straight, I asked for them to ‘get a l’il zany y’ulz’ and give me some curls and, most importantly, show me how to make curls with a ghd (Creation Mist, Hold Spray, Obedience cream and…go!). This really was revelatory to me – I had no idea you could curl with an iron. “Srsly y’ulz” – no idea.

A before photo: hair is still untouched.

Hair: a work in progress

No hair “After” pic yet because those were a part of the shoot we had on location, but I’ll upload them as soon as I get them. Once hair got did, we were taken in hand by a stylist who added a little something special to the look we were creating, to make us a little more ‘shoot ready’.

Accessories! Yay!

Getting styled. Glove love.

And then I was given the top 2 ghd products to suit my hair as recommended by one of the ghd Angels.

Miracle mist and obedience cream.

In the words of my blog:

“Srsly y’ulz – should I sue myself for not buying a GHD sooner?”

Check out all the pics from the other ghd Style Lounge activations here on facebook, or at the ghd Style Diary. PS. Benefit makeup can only be bought at Woolworths. Anyone looking to ‘treat me for xmas y’ulz’, hit me up with one of their fab products.

The unboxing of my Lady Diana

Me, copywriter, iPhone owner, spoilt for photography choice

Me Love Lomo Lady Diana


Me Love Lady Diana so pretty in her plastic


Me Love Lady “never know what you’re going to get” Diana


Me Love Lady “unpacking it is part of the fun” Diana

Me Love you Lady Diana, me take you on holiday, take photos like this


If you want free Lady Diana, you go buy something at Hang Ten stores in December, you maybe win one (secret tip)

Should I take out Personality Insurance?

Hey yulle. Been a little concerned lately that I am ‘slightly offensive’ to some ppl. My mom tells me I am funny and that ‘I shouldn’t change my blog for anyone’ but I’m not sold. Am pretty sure there’s a point at which I will offend the fans who LOL at my Psychographic Profiles at some time or other, and then it will just be me, writing and eating chicken wraps, thinking of ‘the good old days when ppl liked me & gave me iPhones and clicked on my links’.

Been looking at some case studies to establish best practice in Personality Insurance strategies. Found this to be pretty true:

Based on Alex’s Celebrity Study 2009 © one can pretty much conclude that ‘parading around telling people you believe in Jesus’ will allow you to get away with being a total sluttard (totally coined a new word).

One of my heroes. And the hero of most ambitious young women out there.

Miss Montag. One of my heroes. And the hero of most ambitious young women out there.

Same study also says that ‘lording around as if you own the place, when you do own the place (and own other places)’ will allow you to get away with being a sluttard.

My runner up hero. I respect her because she came from nothing and earned everything she has herself.

My runner up hero. I respect her because she came from nothing and earned everything she has herself.

Since I don’t really own anything and am more into ‘being given stuff’ I may have to go the Jesus route. What do y’uls think? Does Jesus suit my hair colour? Is it a rad scene? Does my personal brand allow for something like a ‘religious sub-brand’? Will I be cannibalizing my own brand by taking out personality insurance? What does my brand bible say about this?


Hmm. Does anyone know if Jesus is real? Maybe they can test it on Mythbusters or something. That would be a rad episode. To conclude, I drew a graph.

Some insights for your next strategic meeting.

Some insights for your next strategic meeting.

Until Mythbusters proves Jesus is real I’m just gonna sit tight on my Personality Insurance application. Have any of y’ulle got a better deal than being Christian or rich? Should I call the hippo on TV and let it ‘find me the best quote’ for Personality Insurance? Wish it wasn’t so complicated. Feels like the Personality Insurance industry is pretty stuck in the dark ages. Someone tell them to ‘get on twitter’.

Am I stuck in the 90s?

Hey yulz. Been feeling down lately. Been worried that I am ‘stuck in the 90s’. The other day was driving and saw a Calvin Klein orgy billboard and it ‘appealed to my sensibilities’ and ‘spoke to my aspirations of being a liberal individual who is also hot’, which planted the seed of worry.

Then I walked past Ed Hardy at the waterfront and actually considered ‘paying money to look like some trashy slut’ who digs rhinestones and skulls and tattoo-vibes, which is when the warning bells really kicked in.

A picture of class.

A picture of class.


Then, as I was perusing this season’s handbags, I almost dropped 1k on a piece of shit Guess handbag, because I momentarily forgot the rules.

How to smell rich.

How to smell 'rich'.

Then I experienced an urge to ‘push social boundaries’ by being free-spirited and zany and ‘experimenting with social taboos’ by sleeping with all my friends (guys and girls). Was a low point. Might as well drench myself in CK1 and put Nevermind on repeat.

Anyone got a vial of blood I can wear round my neck? Is 4 my image.

Anyone got a vial of blood I can wear round my neck? Is 4 my image.

Then sat at home and felt crap about myself, and decided that I need bigger boobs, which sent me spiralling, because if anything is soooo last decade, it’s big boobs. Mother of god.

Big Boobs. Not renowned for dating well.

Big Boobs. Not renowned for dating well.

And then came the last straw: I was catching up on the mandatory morning reading and saw that Britney had died her hair dark again, and I wondered if I should exclaim loudly about how much I hate her. Maybe subject a few innocent colleagues to my opinions about ‘how dumb Britney is’. Which was when I realised it: I am stuck in the 90s.

Britney-hating: the ultimate 90s opinion.

Britney-hating: the ultimate 90s opinion.

Feel very down. Can’t believe I thought I was a child of the new millennium. Thought I was original and intellectual and free-spirited and one-of-a-kind and ‘unique’. Thought that people ‘see something different and special’ in me because I go against the social grain and ‘cannot be controlled’. But now I realised I’m just a retard loser stuck in the 90s. FML.

In prison. These are my memoirs.

Hey y’ulle. Bet some of y’all are thinking I’ve been very quiet for someone who gets free stuff for writing a load of crap about brands on her blog. I have been quiet, but not by choice. I might be killed for saying this, but I’m being held captive by Vodacom’s 3G “service”.

See, I took out a contract thinking having Internet at home would mean 2 things: a) more time at work to focus on winning a Grand Black Lion Eagle Canned Loerie Award at work and b) more time to focus on bringing my 70 billion or so readers a better blog, filled with truth disguised as semi-illiterate irony within the context of my life as an attention-seeking copywriter with a god-complex (ie the ‘Everyman of Advertising’).

Alas, alack, my good intentions are half-way to hell by now, as is the soul of Vodacom, for selling me a service that doesn’t actually exist. Dear readers, you’ll notice a prominent lack of ‘funny pictures’, links and my trademark random pink, orange and green word-colouring in this post, and for that I apologize. They don’t allow a full-service WYSIWYG editing suite here in prison. It’s just me, my iPhone and the WordPress app. It’s cold, and there are rat apps gnawing at my feet apps. Where is my god now?

I’m going to try and blog once more tomorrow. I doubt Vodacom will let me. They’ve already confiscated the razor blades I was going to use to terminate our contract. Not really sure what the point of living without blogging is. Might have to think it through in another low-Fi blog post. MTN, Cell C – if you’re Reading this, please, send help. Destroy this blog post after Reading it. And tell my Mom I love her.

I wait with hope,
Alex

Happy Valentine’s Day y’ulle.

Hope you all had a good day on Saturday. Hope your boyfriend / girlfriend / sympathetic parent bought you something red, shiney and heart-shaped. You can be sure they got it free in the queue at Woolworths when they were doing groceries on their WW card because times are hard.

I had a good V-day. Managed to score 2 free heart choccies from Woolies. Managed to score a dining room table and a knife set. Nothing like a knife set for V-day.

Cut out this template with a knife and create your very own V-day promo at home. Your BF / BFF will think you are a premium retailer with a future.

Cut out this template with a knife and create your very own V-day promo at home. Your BF / BFF will think you have official ties to a premium retailer.

Just want to say thanks to Virgin Active for hanging cut-out paper hearts in their foyer. It definitely made me feel all loved-up coming to gym and walking under some cut-out paper hearts on my way to the change room. They were even cut out by hand, which made me think warm thoughts about off-duty personal trainers sitting in the staff lounge, cutting hearts out of red, pink and white paper, not even noticing the smell of foot in the furniture because they are so used to it. <3 personal trainers.

Make.Your.Own.Ambient.V-day.Media.

Make.Your.Own.Ambient.V-day.Media.

Also want to say thanks to glomobi for offering me a pink dancing bear that I can ‘order’ via SMS and send to my loved one(s) / personal trainer. Just can’t get enough of cute animated vibes speaking in a helium voice on my cellphone. Cute animated helium vibes is the new coal. Gonna stop before I get all nostalgic about ‘a simpler time’.

Also want to thank the big 3  Mass Market LSM 4 – 8 major retailers (Louis Vuitton, Guess and Gucci) for sending me Valentine’s messages, and notifying me of the various specials, promos and great deals available in store today. Not sure if I would be this content with my current life choices had I not picked up a new handbag as a Gift With Purchase (GWP) when I bought another 75ml tube of 8-hour cream that I don’t use. <3 being in an economic boom while rest of earth is in a recession.

Make.Your.Own.V-day.Tactical.Media.Blitz.

Make.Your.Own.V-day.Tactical.Media.Blitz.

Did y’ulle manage to get any good deals on cosmetics / cool GWPs / experience any lovey ambient media / get free heart chocolates NOT made from cooking chocolate / flyers for Valentine’s Day tyre specials on your windscreen this V-day? MSG me with details, can’t wait to trade stories / choccies.