Category Archives: SA “street”

Psychographic Profile: I am a 26-year old hipster

I am a 26-year old hipster
And just admitting that kills me.
My BFF ( we have matching gun tats) says I can pass for 24,
And if i get pissed enough to do a line & be a douche,
I can pass for 18,
Which is good enough for me,
Even though I have wrinkles around my eyes and mouth
From all the YSLs I smoked
To help me deal with my smoking hangover
After last night’s party at Assembly (yeah! whoo hoo! partay!)
(check me in those pics in weareawesome yeah i look f-ing cool bro, “if i say so myself”)

I am a 26-year old hipster
Just wish I could have been 25 for like 1 more month
Then Discovery wouldn’t have forced me 2 “take out my own hospital plan”
(“who can afford real med aid on my salary”)
Don’t even “earn a salary” (fuck that shit! still living off the money i saved as a ski instructor)
I’m my own agent, “fuck the man”
Got my own cre8ive street art flyer poster ideation band lab t-shirt co
Plus that awesome gig at the sneaker store (gets me such great exposure bro)
And my freelance illustration vibe
(Can always wait tables at Royale if everything fucks out)

I am a 26-year old hipster
And i just started getting these mouth ulcers (WTF???!1!)
Hope it’s not from that ‘Lebanese chick in the photos
Or one of her friends
(Can’t remember if I’ve done them or not, probably, I’ll do anything PS “fuck condoms, I’m white bro”)
SHould prob quit smoking
Just “can’t be arsed” and “I like smoking”
Plus my bitch mom keeps going on about my weed plants
Wish she’d “get off out of my case” and stop waking me up when she goes 2 work
doesn’t she get that I don’t WANT 2 work?
doesn’t she KNOW how shit cocaine makes you feel the next day?
Stupid bitch.
Gonna ‘have a nervous breakdown’ so she feels guilty bout shouting at me
“Just let me use your house like a hotel and STFU bitch!”
Garsh. I’ve “fucking had it”.

I am a 26-year old hipster
And no longer 25 (and therefore “youth”)
Kind of scared I am “over the hill”
Put on my skinny jeans and they were “more tight than usual” this morning
Made my peen “look small & all squashed 2 the side”
Hope my metabolism doesn’t “fail me now”
Might have 2 switch from coke 2 speed 2 lose the love handles
Maybe Stop smoking weed, those muchies are “killer”
Thinking of going back 2 Varsity College 2 “finish my IT degree” (lame!)
Just in case, you know, my mom dies & “leaves all her money 2 my super smart bitch sister”
Like I’d ever “work in IT”
Am meant for bigger things y’all
Hate my bitch mom and my sister

I am a 26-year old hipster
Wish this mouth f-ing ulcer would go away
Would see a doctor but was planning on spending that money on drinks specials at Assembly tonight
Gonna smoke a cigarette, doodle in my moleskin and think about it.
Maybe update my status in a way that “makes ppl worry” before i go back 2 bed.

Garsh.


Should I sue my parents 4 not buying me a Citi Golf?

Hey y’ulz. Went for a stroll round the internet. Met the video below in a park. We chatted. I watched the video. Then the video said ‘See ya round’ and let someone else watch it. Little slut. Sorry – I didn’t rly mean that. Am just ‘feeling hurt’ that I cannot share the branded ‘rite of passage experiences that accompany driving a citigolf’ as expressed in the video by this ‘highly agreeable chickbro with nice soft boobs’.



Y’ulz, am rly rly bummed that I never had a CitiGolf, and now they’re not even making the car anymore. H8 my life. H8 my parents. Wish they’d ‘shown some tough love’ when giving me my 1st car & got me a ‘piece of plastic crap’ Citi that ‘fell apart slowly’ instead of a brand new Corsa Lite that ‘started 1st time every time all the time’. Feel ‘totally deprived’ of an authentic ‘coming of age’ experience via driving an Opel.

Fuck-my-so-called-post-teen-pre-adult-life y’als.

A memory I could have had, but NO.

Anyone else feel this way?

Another memory that could have been mine. H8 my life.

Really wish my parents ‘hadn’t trusted me for shit’ & bought me a Citi because ‘I was bound to write off my first car anyway’ (I did, but it was a Butler’s Pizza dude’s fault, not mine). Wish I never had such ‘free thinking parents’ who let my boyfriends stay over in my room instead of forcing us to ‘dry-hump on the roof of my Citi Golf’. Wish my mom hadn’t ‘slapped me on the pill as soon as I grew hips’ so I could have had an authentic ‘pregnancy scare while wrestling with the choke on my Citi Golf’. Feel like the Corsa roof is ‘too high to confuse with the bonnet’ in any case.

Fuck-my-so-called-post-teen-pre-adult-life.

Yet another important part of 'growing up' snatched from me. Want 2 die.

Another memory snatched from me. Want 2 die.

What do y’ulz think? Should I sue my parents? Should I ‘seek treatment for my past wounds’? Should I ‘let the healing start’ by making a fake video of fake memories of my Citi Golf? In so much pain right now.

Going to a brand party y’all.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna do my makeup dark & smudgy
Gonna sweat into my bangs to ‘bring the seks’
Gonna wear sneakers with a dress
Prolly not Converse this time
More of an Adi vibe
Kind of over Converse anyway
Plus don’t want 2 break the rules
(is diff with Adi)

NO U ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THIS CARPET. PLS GO BACK & READ THE RULES.

NO U ARE NOT ALLOWED ON THIS CARPET. PLS GO BACK & READ THE RULES.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna gloat about it on my fbook status / tweet to my followers / set my skype bubble 2 read:

“Hey any1 else going2 that super secret triple helix party on sat 24 oct 2009 at an undisclosed venue unless u also got the Ltd Edtn Test Tube?

No 1?

Guess I’m looking 4 a friend 2 come w me…

Who’s the lucky ‘friend’ gonna be?”

(And wait 4 ppl 2 beg 2 come with me via commenting on my status innocuous comments like ‘what’s dat party u talking about? sounds lame’)

Super top secret.

Super top secret.

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
it’s only my 7 452nd one this year
Am aiming for 8 001 to top last yrs total
Am no longer capable of forming an opinion on a venue based on my feelings y’ulz.
Can only ‘go some place’ based on what brand will be giving me free stuff there
(is totally fine, kind of over having my own opinnies anyway)
So amped for this one
Bound to be free booze / hot sweaty sneaker bros / branded freebies
Just wanna get sh*tfaced / ‘meet new people’ / take pics on my Lomo app 2 upload 2 Flickr so ppl can see how awesomely zany my life is (in comparison 2 their crappy life & average camera)
hope they do a lucky draw for some Ltd Edtn sneaks / holographic laser pointer keyring / branded cap ‘n shirt
need something to make me ‘feel superior 2 every1 around me’ via being “expensive yet free” thereby implying how much i ‘take expensive shit 4 granted’ ‘because I can’,
now that bingeing on fast food / smoking cigarettes / sex with strangers / sex with extended group of friends has ‘hit the mainstream’
(such hard work being cutting edge y’ulz)

Just want 2 feel alive (via branded events).

Just want 2 feel alive (via branded events).

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Gonna ‘form a meaningful relationship w Adi via their embracing the Mad Scientist trend-fad’
Gonna engage w down2earth peeps employed on behalf of Adi
2 ‘be the voice of the shoe of the people’
Gonna punch out the lenses in the 3D glasses I got from watching UP & chill in the toilets with my top off & pretend am in a Lyall Coburn shoot
(can only dream y’all).

Photo of introspective yet active-looking cool chick by Lyall Coburn (extremely authentic photog)

Photo of introspective yet active-looking cool chick by Lyall Coburn (extremely authentic photog) from Adi Originals campaign

Photo of me via non-LC photog but getting there

Photo of me via non-LC photog but 'getting there' (PS. wish I put some Adis in that Pie Chart Of Stuff That Is Cool. "Art Regret")

I’m going to a brand party / secret event / happening
Y’ulz going? (is top secret)

what does this photo say about me?

Photo thanks to @5starRich (click)

a) I am ‘wild at heart’, even though I scorn drinkers

b) I love Cheetahs

c) I have a vicious personal brand (via my mom’s old hip-hop dancing costume)

d) I am both fierce and vulnerable (by way of cheetah face and bunny ears and deer-in-deadlight face)

e) I am affiliated with Green organisations such as WWF and therefore a conscious individual

f) I Am Awesome ( would only be authentic if it had a we-are-awesome watermark on it tho)

g) I don’t fuck around when I tweet that I’m wearing a top with a giant cheetah’s face on it to my birthday dinner

h) Even though I work in advertising I am still connected to nature via inferrence

i) Infurrance is a more appropriate word

j) Fur is in again

k) Obama’s campaign will win the Grand Prix at this year’s Loeries so don’t even bother getting your hopes up

l) I am listening for the banana phone

m) everyone needs a bosom for a pillow

n) mine’s on the 45

voting memories

better late than never.

Rei queues patiently, comes prepared with iPod.

Rei queues patiently, comes prepared with iPod.

Some smug chick in the queue.

Some smug (but peaceful) chick in the queue.

The queue going down Kloof Street.

The queue going down Kloof Street.

Signage. Important. Wish theyd had a you can go vote at a less busy station even if you registered here sign.

Signage. Important. Wish they'd had a 'you can go vote at a less busy station even if you registered here' sign.

Proof.

Proof.

Lots of fun was had by all. The End.

voting special: celebrity endorsement of the year

Love is free, yall.

Love is free, y'all.

you gotta give it to Nando’s. they took on the nation’s most notorious stand-up comedian, Julius Malema, and he, very predictably, just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. in his threats and tyrades he’s come up with some of the raddest viral material. it’s the kind of stuff you just can’t write. it’s amazing. check this out:

“If Nando’s does not withdraw the adverts, the ANCYL will mobilise the people of South Africa to take militant action against Nando’s and anything associated with Nando’s.” – the ANC League of Extraordinary Youthgentlemen

it’s just too good. this is the kind of name drop most brands can only DREAM about getting in their wildest brandy dreams. and it gets better. they even use the word ‘instruct‘ – totally awesome:

“While awaiting the legal advice, the ANCYL instructs the Nando’s company and those who did the advertisement to promptly withdraw the advert from all television screens and radio channels.” – ANC League Of Extraordinary Youths.

this – my friends – is groundbreaking advertising. this campaign deserves the Grand Black Clio Lion Loerie Eagle Prix best use of PR / social media / digital / tv / integrated / craft / viral / radness / tactical / extreme LOL category.

Nandos 4 EVA.

Nando's 4 EVA.

I hope the agency is getting their Loerie Stage Gimmick together. Would suck to win this big and be unprepared to do something zany and memorable on stage. Now’s your chance to introduce your personal creative brands to the industry – don’t be shy now.


feeling stale. going to reinvent myself as some form of trendy reflux.

reflux is in y’ulle! i know because i read a book by kreative missionary visionary dion chang and the title is trend flux 2009. so get stuffing your white rolls from woolies and your burgers and your strawberry pavlova (hey, not really sure what causes reflux as have never been pregnant before, but being pregnant is another trend – set by MIA / Gwen Stefani / Nicole Richie (choose your own psychographic role model, am not phased) – so expect an increase in ‘girls 4getting to take their pill oops’ – and ‘miracle pregnancies’ – “i WAS taking my pill! i promise!” and “fuck i got so drunk last night at Assembly that i forgot to take my pill“).

I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and its not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalfs and then have sex with my friend and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance.

"I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and it's not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalf's and then have sex with my random, lonely-as-me guy friend, and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance."

should i get pregnant? should i go off the pill because ‘it’s unnatural‘ and it ‘makes me bloated’ and ‘it makes me moody and fills my face with pimples’, even though it’s 2k9 now and yasmin was invented 10 years ago, so we all know girls who go off the pill are doing so only because they find the risk of getting pregnant when they have sex with their boyfriends / their best friends / their classmates at AFDA a turn on.

I cant come unless theres a possibility of me getting pregnant. - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

"I can't come unless there's a possibility of me getting pregnant." - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

has the possibility of getting pregnant ever turned you on? wish i could get pregnant and then donate the baby to a good cause. not sure if there are any good causes that need healthy babies. maybe someone should start a Replacement Workforce For All Those People Who Have Died And Will Die Of AIDS just so Telkom has someone to employ to throw a cog in their generator that they can blame when we exceed our power capacity in 20 years time.

********************************************************Got a bit off topic there********************************************

Back to Reflux and other things that will be hot in 2k9 (note i didn’t get these from the trend reflux book by Dion Change, i just got them off some arb website but it doesn’t matter because all trends came from the same arb mothership website):

- Being classy. “Classism is the new racism”. Does this give me license to discriminate? Just want to be ‘trendy’ y’ulle. Just want ppl to know i am better than them through my ‘social badging‘ or my ‘exclusive knowledge of how brandy is made’. Apparently knowledge about products is the new social currency. Am going to google Apple just now and learn everything there is to know about Steve Jobs so i can make my friends feel bad about themselves.

Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs that Moses wrote the 10 Commodors on, but there wasnt a market until 2 000 years later.

Fact #1: Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs of stone that Moses wrote the 10 Commodores on, but there wasn't a market until 2 000 years later.

- the 90s. the 90s is the new 80s. this would explain all the Kurt Cobain Converse floating around my mall home. yes, i live in a mall, y’ulle. malls are like the new ‘gated communities’ or ‘security complexes’. wonder what i can steal from the 90s to incorporate into my personal brand. shortlist: having ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ as my ringtone; wearing blue lipstick and humming ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ round the office; trading my black car in for a blue one and pumping ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ from the subwoofers. which one do y’ulle think best enhances my PB?

- twitter goes mainstream. uh-ohs. this means an increase in ppl twittering about how drunk they got last night / how crazy last night was / what a f*cked up time they had last night / how they 4got to take their pill last night / how they are really enjoying ‘Through the Storm’ by Lynne Spears. quick, time to evacuate twitter. tell all your trendleader / thought pioneering friends. this ship is sinking. if you are mainstream, quick, sign up for twitter while humming ‘I will go down with this ship’ by 90s star Dido.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if shes pregnant.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if she's pregnant.

- big government will be cool. guess we all have Obamalove to thank for this. wish we had an Obamalove. just so y’ulle don’t think i’ve given up the cause, i’m still emailing Kanye West trying to convince him to come and be President of SouthAfricanland as his next piece of ‘high art’. not sure whether this trend applies in safricanland. especially since the ruling party keeps smacktalking its own president. sigh. I wish America would buy us and then everything would be okay. not likely in these harsh economic times.

other arb things i think will be in (note: these are my hypotheses and do not come off some arb website):

- being a trendwatcher / trend guru / trend collaborator / trend consultant / marketing consultant / web2.0 consultant / iPhone 2.0 consultant. Basically if you can’t hack it in the real world, pick any one of the titles above and start a blog and you’ll be a- for away.

- suicide. just coz money doesn’t matter any more. like queen said, nothing really matters, to me.

- adopting a web celeb for your brand. feeding them. treating them to VIP consumer experiences. and then watching them blog about your brand. feels good, doesn’t it? tamagotchi 2.0.

- falling pregnant ‘accidentally’. because of the rise of organic, females in their mid-twenties who have not yet completed degrees or found jobs will choose this option because they think it will give them more options. outwardly, they will say they have issues putting hormones into their bodies because it is ‘unnatural’ and non-organic. time for phramaceuticals to go organic.

- britney spears. like she says, all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F-U-C-K her (track 6, Circus). Parting thought:

All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay.

Sing with me: "All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay."

happarently: pop-up rumours

word is there’s a sneaker / skate pop- up store stocking cr8tive recreation goods on the corner of loop and bloem streets in cape town CBD. i’ve long been a fan of CR but i haven’t seen any stock in SA that I’m thrilled with. maybe these guys have better luck. the store’s only gonna be there for 60 days so don’t dilly dally too la la long.

Mmm CR goodness.

Mmm CR goodness.

site of the week: hipster runoff

Do you love this t-shirt? Then yes, you are alt.

Do you love this t-shirt? Then yes, you are alt.

i guess working with a bunch of people who are ever referring to varying degrees of ‘cool’ made me jaded when i should have been slutting around semi-naked and badly dressed in blue stockings and red Converse High-tops, delighting in my own ‘cool’, but this site Hipster Runoff, has brightened my day and unjaded me thoroughly. i highly recommend it if you have spare time at work / have work you don’t want to do / think of yourself as uncool / think of yourself as cool / spend more than 30 minutes getting ready in the morning / walk around mumbling ‘why so serious?’to yourself the whole time. you won’t regret it.

secret Levi’s Laser Show & a free pair of 501s

so a really cool thing happened last night. the boyfriend and i had heard there would be some sort of ‘happening’ on the corner of Long Street and Wale Street (Cape Town) at 8pm. so we braved the cold to go check it out. upon arrival we saw a small crowd of people clustered on the street corner. we waited around for about 15 minutes and then a laser projection appeared on the side of one of the buildings. the projection was of a graffiti artist, who appeared out of nowhere and started spraypainting the wall. at first it looked realistic, then the lasers started making all sorts of interesting shapes and effects on the words, which read: “Live Unbuttoned.” periodically the guy would disappear and reappear, bouncing over geometric shapes and doing Parkour-type jumping off the walls and roof of the building. then he would start his graffiti over again.

in the beginning were the words. and the words were ‘Live Unbuttoned.’

the artist starts playing with lights.

things get a little more interesting on the laser front.

jumping over laser shapes.

laser squiggles

missioning around with his materials

and this is where it gets interesting. suddenly, he’s no longer painting, but he’s playing on his mobile phone. next thing a number appears on the projection, and a word to SMS to the number. so we all frantically SMS, and receive a text back instructing us to find the ‘Live Unbuttoned’ truck, which is apparently parked nearby. we spot it in seconds and run across the road and bang on the door. a young guy asks me to show him the text message, and next thing i have a brand new pair of 501s in my hand. fantastic!

if you want to get your hands on a free pair of 501s, i’ve heard that there will be more laser shows in and around Cape Town. And Levi’s, if you’re reading this, please tell me why you didn’t throw any girls jeans into the mix? Because as rad and as cool as this stunt was, i can’t wear a guy’s cut, which makes it a bit of a let-down. How about something for us ladies?

Levi’s Young Guns event feat. Jitsvinger & ETC

Mark, Reijer and I went to the Jitsvinger & ETC performance at 14 Hope Street last night. the venue isn’t the best for MCs since it’s a hall and it makes the sound bounce around and echo and you don’t get to hear the best of what they’re saying, but it was an energetic performance no less. partially charged by the energy of the ardent fans who were clearly there to recite every lyric word for word, the rest of the crowd was a strange mix. in fact, there was a granny who outdid everybody in terms of stamina and enthusiasm when it came to dancing. to me it seemed like a mix of family and close friends, made up by a bunch of youngsters i didn’t recognise, which is not something that usually happens in Cape Town.

Mark and I were hypothesizing that if we didn’t recognise anyone, it can’t be populated by the usual advertising crowd, therefore maybe Levi’s was actually reaching its market? rather have fewer on targets (the hall wasn’t even half full) than lots that miss the target. quality over quantity. got some pics:

jitsvinger

jitsvinger

crowd:

crowd

ETC:

etc

jitsvinger, moments before he mimicked pulling a gun on me. seriously. freaking artists:

jitsvinger2

shoes styles:

converse

sound wall:

bluewall

huge cuervo presence at the bar, with brands like Bell’s Whisky (WTF? Demographic brain freeze perhaps?), Smirnoff Spin, Storm, Heinekin and Windhoek bringing up the rear.

cuervo

the venue:

venue

more crowd vibes

crowd3

crowd4

thought for the day

some graf found in gardens. believe it’s the work of milkitost.

smile

and then i found this on my phone, took it at gardens centre around Easter time. would you not be frightened to death of this if you were a kid? looks like it’s about 50 years old.

bunny

stickers for The Grid seen around Gardens

The Grid is the new location-based social networking application for your cellphone. if you’re not on it, go to www.onthegrid.com to check it out. i’ve been seeing these little orange stickers all around town and managed ot get a few close-ups – pretty similar to the blips (virtual notes) you can leave around town on the grid.

gridsticker1

gridsticker2

gridsticker3

where the cool kids are: south africa

a local version of lastnight’sparty, introducing we-are-awesome.com. flipping rad, ek se.

nuflex1

nuflex2

nufl3

street

street marketing: mother city queer party

on the wall of the venue, cape town high school.

mcqp

mcqp2