Tag Archives: alex

Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Okay. Every once in a while, I experience something that prompts me to ‘drop that stupid, irritating voice’ i use to write on my blog and ‘just get real’. The ghd Style Lounge – which i was privileged enough to attend on Friday evening – is one such brand activation which has prompted such drastic action. In all seriousness – “srsly y’all” – this event blew my mind. “O RLY?” i hear you say. “Howcome y’ulz?” I hear you say. I’ll attempt to do justice to the sheer delight that was having my makeup done by Benefit, my hair styled by 2 ghd Angels, then being styled by Accessorize and being given a remote control with which to shoot myself. Not in the foot, but on an infinity curve that had been set up, “just like a real-life photo shoot”. Oh my word. Oh my hat.

Firstly, the venue was just amazing. Roodebloem Studios in Woodstock, for those interested:

A magical wonderland.

You walked in, were greeted with a glass of Krone and a Vitamin Water, and then you went and waited with sumptuous snacks until a Benefit artist could start doing your makeup.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Waiting area.

Delicious product display.

More delicious product display.

Benefit's Beauty Bootcamp

The Result: Makeup by Benefit

Once you got your makeup did, you had a little more Krone before heading over to the Style Stations (see above) to have your hair done by 2 lovely ghd Angels. Since my hair is naturally straight, I asked for them to ‘get a l’il zany y’ulz’ and give me some curls and, most importantly, show me how to make curls with a ghd (Creation Mist, Hold Spray, Obedience cream and…go!). This really was revelatory to me – I had no idea you could curl with an iron. “Srsly y’ulz” – no idea.

A before photo: hair is still untouched.

Hair: a work in progress

No hair “After” pic yet because those were a part of the shoot we had on location, but I’ll upload them as soon as I get them. Once hair got did, we were taken in hand by a stylist who added a little something special to the look we were creating, to make us a little more ‘shoot ready’.

Accessories! Yay!

Getting styled. Glove love.

And then I was given the top 2 ghd products to suit my hair as recommended by one of the ghd Angels.

Miracle mist and obedience cream.

In the words of my blog:

“Srsly y’ulz – should I sue myself for not buying a GHD sooner?”

Check out all the pics from the other ghd Style Lounge activations here on facebook, or at the ghd Style Diary. PS. Benefit makeup can only be bought at Woolworths. Anyone looking to ‘treat me for xmas y’ulz’, hit me up with one of their fab products.

is my life too perfect? do i have ‘too much fun’?

Just got back from a little mini holiday. Managed to spend some time in New York and squeeze in some shopping in London. Also attended a fab birthday party, ate some deliciously wonderful food, wrangled a sunset on beta beach, and had the most tremendous amount of fun every. single. second. Literally. Sometimes I have to stop having fun just to realise how much fun I keep having. Not sure if y’ulle know, but ‘van’ is my middle name. No jokes. Say that aloud. Check all this fun out:

Having fun on a see-saw in a park in London.

Having fun on a see-saw in a park in London.

Having fun with a little sunset on the beach.

Having fun with a little sunset on beta beach.

The fun we had to go back to after the beach.

The fun we had to go back to after the beach.

Just funning around the loft.

Just 'funning around' the loft.

Having fun with the guards at the gate. Not sure how much fun they found it.

Having fun with some 'chill 3D glasses', rapping to the guards at the gate. (Not sure how much fun they found it - maybe counts again the fun?)

Having fun with Neurotic Harvey. This is basically the most fun cat around. He stands in front of the mirror high-fiving himself for hours. True story.

Having fun with Neurotic Harvey. This is basically the most fun cat around. He stands in front of the mirror high-fiving himself for hours. True story.

The extremely fun cake from Ms fab birthday party.

The extremely fun cake from M's fab birthday party.

The boyfriend having fun with some 3D glasses and our very fun plant. And look at that fun piece of art in the corner that says so  much about our fun lives as young technophiles.

The boyfriend having fun with some 3D glasses and our very fun plant. And look at that fun piece of art in the corner that says so much about our fun lives as young technophiles.

Me having almost unbridled fun with a scarf. Can you handle it?

Me having almost unbridled fun with a scarf. Can you handle it?

Friend Kath having extreme fun at my extremely fun table at home in the loft.

Friend Kath having extreme fun at my extremely fun table at home in the loft.

Being bros with a giant bear. So much fun.

Being bros with a giant bear. So much fun.

Romantic, yet still fun. Its too much.

Romantic, yet still fun. It's too much.

What do y’ulle think? Should I make an effort to have less fun and ‘be more serious’? Do I need to ‘grow the fuck up’? Please let me know. Your feedback would be appreciated.

on dream jobs.

What I would give to be paid to sing Part of My World next to the little mermaid.

What I would give to be paid to sing Part of My World next to the little mermaid.

most days i love my job, but sometimes, like when I read a tweet like this one from Juliaallison, I start wondering whether there’s something bigger out there, just waiting for me. Calling my name.


Alex from MyBrandedLifeTM interviewed by Glitter Zebra

Happy Friday y’ulle. It’s a good one because today I was interviewed by some real life Generation Y kids who run this zany site called Glitter Zebra. Glitter Zebra contacted me because the girl who runs the site (Katie) and her brother (Jerome) have been arguing about ‘What is cool’. So they googled it and found my site, and I have to say, I’m a little flattered. They even gave me The Singing Lion Award for my blog!

What a privilege!

What a privilege!

You can read the full interview here.

An extract to get you all juiced up:

“Basically, pies are cool, yes. They were made cool by that movie with the man who did a lot of Maths, and for a while then Maths was cool, but it was the pies who eventually came out on top.” Alex, interview with Glitter Zebra

A screenshot of the interview

A screenshot of the interview

making the ‘trendies’.

so cherryflava wrote about the trailer park hotel opening at the Grand Daddy in Long Street and posted this fine ol’ pic of me and my bear:

Me and my boo (bear). Things are just fine now that Mama Bears left.

Me and my boo (bear). Things are just fine now that Mama Bear's left.

should i go blonde y’ulle? should i quit my job and be goldilocks full time? i could probably do Snow White and Jasmine from Aladdin too, if i don’t cut my hair as planned on Wednesday. maybe i could sign some sort of endorsement deal with various sponsors looking to add some sort of ingenue /sex fetish appeal. maybe Jessica Simpson Hair ExtensionsTM ‘n me should talk.

have any of y’ulle ever been featured on a ‘trend blog’? not sure how i feel about it. wondering if i’ve accomplished a subconscious lifetime dream. thank goodness i wasn’t featured for not wearing panties at the Assembly / for having 8 babies / for slashing toddlers at a daycare / for being ‘too real’. all of the above would suck as trends. am feeling a bit worried because now that i have been featured once, i’ve had a taste of trend fame. i want more.

i want to BE the superbowl. i want to BE the amy winehouse beehive. i want to BE the intriguing diagram that conveys how men think about nothing but sex and beer. i want to BE the ‘funniest complain letter in the world, ever’. i want to BE sneezing baby panda.

maybe i’ll just settle for blonde. life’s confusing enough as it is. speaking of confusing, have y’ulle seen the Cadbury’s Drumming Gorilla ad 2.0? it features 2 kids who move their eyebrows to the rhythm of the backing track, and presumably, the rhythm of their souls.

hmm. really makes me think. did y’ulle rush off to the bathroom right after you favourited this on your youtube to see if you could do that with your eyebrows? i can’t, in case you were wondering. did y’ulle rush out and buy (cadbury’s) chocolate right after you saw this ad? (i didn’t. only eat lindt even though i have to draw from my mortgage to pay for it, but i’d never compromise my personalbrand 4 money). maybe this ad is aimed at kids and we just don’t get it.

do you think this ad is exploiting childrens? you know how weird childrens can be – almost every children has some sort of strange nervous tick that their parents have to wean them off through expensive therapy / ritalin / mood stabilizers / beating the shit out of them / being alcoholic parents ‘to give the kid something real 2 worry about’. i’m not sure whether advertisers should be exploiting this insight into children and family dynamics. will someone report this to the ACA? the CIA? the AA? not sure what kind of help these 2 exploited young ‘uns need. maybe someone can sponsor a doll for them so they can point out where they were touched on their faces when this ad was made.

i’m also scared of what kind of repercussions this ad is going to have. what if popular clubs like The Assembly and Bassline and 88 start playing a beaty remix of this track, thereby encouraging drunk patrons to mimic these offensively naff eyebrow movements? what if squeeky balloons become the new rave whistles / glow sticks / lollipops / vuvuzelas? what if i never stop asking silly questions on my blog followed by forward-slash-separated-variables? sigh. it’s going to be a really tough one because eyebrows are a lot harder to print branding on than rave whistles / glow sticks / lollipops / vuvuzelas, and the balloon will eventually deflate and is only a ‘temporary solution’.

not sure how to finish this post. hey look. more pictures of me as goldilocks.

Just ate some hot porridge.

Just ate some hot porridge.

Bears tell great jokes.

Bears tell great jokes.

Are you there Standard Bank / Nike / American Swiss / Pick ‘n Pay / Woolworths / Gucci / Hunter’s Dry / True Religion / Apple? it’s me, Alex.

Dear Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands that factor me into your marketing strats,

I feel a little lost. I have come to you seeking guidance in a difficult time. I feel very alone, and I have tough decisions to make, and chewy issues, and I need ur guidance. I will outline my problems and use some graphs to help you understand.

What should I be doing with my life? I am at the tender age where I go from falling in the 18 – 24 demographic to the 25 – 30 demographic. I am not sure what I should be wearing / doing with my free time / which magazines I should be reading / which websites I should be reading / which TV stations I should be watching / which ads I should be consuming / which bank I should be using / which cellphone network will give me the most bundled benefits. It’s all very confusing for me. Can you maybe send me a copy of the 25 Year-Old White Girl LSM 8-10 Manual so I can photocopy this phase in my life? I’ll basically buy whatever you tell me to, Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, but you gotta speak to me.

Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purchasing purpose?

Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purchasing purpose?

What should my income be? What should I be doing for a living? Am I in a lucrative career? What should I be drinking? I feel lost, Lifestyle Brands. What is my Corporate Identity? What should my logo be? What should my facebook status (payoff line) read?

Dear God Brand pls send me a t-shirt angel kthnks bye.

Dear Lifestyle Brands Please help me define myself as interesting, unique and 'going places'. Maybe give me a t-shirt or something. I feel like t-shirts do a good job of telling ppl who i am.

Yesterday I went to the bank and they told me the only difference between their card packages was the price and the colour of the cards. Help me, Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands. I really want a White Gold Platinum Black Dining Express Club  Card but I will have to pay more in card fees. Why is the world like this? Life is so unfair.

Graph explaining unfairness of life.

Graph explaining unfairness of life.

Dear Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, why is there war in Iraq? Is it because George Bush opened a new Nike Sweatshop there? Why did that man slash all those babies in Belgium? Was it because his mom put him in Pampers not Cuddlers when he was little? Why do we have to keep reading articles about Julius Malema? Is he a ‘subliminal ambassador’ for MacDonald’s? Is it because he wears really pointy shoes from Spitz, making him ‘highly quotable’?

Julius Malema, head of the ANC Youth League.

Julius Malema, head of the ANC Youth League.

Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, I know some people don’t believe in you. But I believe in you. I need you. I need you to tell me who I am based on what I should buy and where I fall into your marketing strategies. I will do whatever you say. Your love is all-embracing. Keep it real.

Alex

PS. I can’t be reached through TV ads and I don’t read magazines, and I will defriend you if you SMS me, so do something real amazing to catch my attention. Free stuff is prob your best bet. Cool.

obama got the job and i’ve got a vision. let’s dance!

hey i know we advertising ppl live in a world of our own but did any of y’ulle hear?barack obama applied for the job of Prez of the United States of America and he got the job. pretty cool, huh?

gives me hope about my own dreams of becoming the President of the United States of America. LOL you can all probably guess that’s not reaaally my dream. like the parents of some rich hot chick in some movie said, Why would i want to waste my looks by using my brain?

This is a picture of me studying for my final exam back in college. Think it was Writing Eye Catching Billboards.

This is a picture of me studying for my final exam back in college. Think it was 'Writing Eye Catching Billboards".

Don’t worry y’ulle. There’s no danger of me using my brain any time soon. I’m very happy doing ppls nails (metaphorically speaking). I know that ppl value what i do and that i am useful and provide a service to someone, somewhere, and that’s all that matters, right?

Well…I’m not so sure anymore. You know as long as things are going badly (Southafricanland’s future president is a criminal & there’s a recession) i feel pretty okay with my lot because i can compare it too how bad things must be for other people (like any one of Jacob Zuma’s possibly HIV infected 9 wives or anyone who’s been retrenched due to the recession). But now that things have gone so well for Obama i kinda want to know when i can achieve my dream of being a respected copywriter-pop artist with my hit single ‘I Wanna Be Ur Facebook Girlfriend’ and the video in which i am naked except for *Sparkles* the editors have put on my hoo-hoo in post-production, while i dance against a slippery wall in the LA desert.

I have been called competitive, but really i am just resentful when people are more successful than me. - Alex van Tondress, S. African Advertising Pop Star

"I have been called 'competitive', but really i am just resentful when people are more successful than me." - Alex van Tondress, S. African Advertising Pop Star

Other tracks i have possibly lined up for my album include “Deep Etched Sex”, “Word Of My Mouth”, “Let’s Get Tactical”, “Sex Sells” and “Buy Me More”. let’s not forget my special track in honour of Obama called “Wham Bam Thank You M’am”. of course, i would release them for free on myspacebookster first, along with stills from the *Sparkles* scene, and get at least 1 alcohol or sneaker sponsor before i even started speaking to labels, so i know that i still have a lot of work ahead of me. luckily i am very pretty so it goes without saying that i work hard and am determined.

do y’ulle feel similarly affected by Obama’s success? are you jealous / resentful / envious / angry / horny? does Obama’s success make you want to consume brands that position themselves as successful in any way? like does it make you want to trade in your Mac for a Dell? or maybe you want to play PS3 instead of Wii now to honour the fact that the President of the USA is black and no longer white? does Obama’s success make you want to smoke expensive cigars and drink expensive whisky while you talk about expensive brandy in your expensive ‘businessman’s hotel’ on your expensive trip to Japan? I’m just trying to get a feel for what kind of ‘knock-on effect’ or ‘paradigm shift’ will come about as a result of this new president meme.

Obama has a lot of hard work ahead of him. he’s probably stressing, and obviously the Oval Office will now be working double time figuring out endorsement deals and what kind of brands will be appropriate as sponsors for their new pres. he’s probably feeling a bit confused as to which offers he should accept and which he should decline and ‘bank for later’. it will be a very difficult role. i would have a very tough time deciding between wearing Armani or Hugo Boss (and that’s just suits, we haven’t even touched on fragrance yet). Louis Vuitton is probably a bit tacky for luggage for a pres – i would advice him to go Gucci, maybe Prada. just thinking about the kinds of tough brand decisions Obama will have to make kinda gets me dizzy and wondering whether i’d really be able to cope with the pressures of fame.

i mean, an entire generation of men and their girlfriends are relying on him to save them from the grave fashion errors Bush is known for making. i salute you, Obama. you are a brave man to take on these challenges. but you have looked very well groomed and hot thus far, so i have a lot of faith that you will surround yourself with the hottest stylists and some honest fashion advisors and it will all be okay.

analysing Obama’s success like this has totally given me insight into how i can achieve my own success. see here i was giving myself ‘specialist online skills’ and ‘building my niche appeal through experience with social media’ to differentiate myself from all the other copywriter-pop stars out there, but all i really need is a good stylist and a wax therapist that i can trust. my eyes have been opened. i’m gonna change my facebook status right away. i now have concrete goals and a vision. i’m gonna start right now by getting a belly ring. yes i can, y’ulle!

The face of determination. I can haz it, yulle.

The face of determination. I can haz it, y'ulle.