Tag Archives: alex

Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Okay. Every once in a while, I experience something that prompts me to ‘drop that stupid, irritating voice’ i use to write on my blog and ‘just get real’. The ghd Style Lounge – which i was privileged enough to attend on Friday evening – is one such brand activation which has prompted such drastic action. In all seriousness – “srsly y’all” – this event blew my mind. “O RLY?” i hear you say. “Howcome y’ulz?” I hear you say. I’ll attempt to do justice to the sheer delight that was having my makeup done by Benefit, my hair styled by 2 ghd Angels, then being styled by Accessorize and being given a remote control with which to shoot myself. Not in the foot, but on an infinity curve that had been set up, “just like a real-life photo shoot”. Oh my word. Oh my hat.

Firstly, the venue was just amazing. Roodebloem Studios in Woodstock, for those interested:

A magical wonderland.

You walked in, were greeted with a glass of Krone and a Vitamin Water, and then you went and waited with sumptuous snacks until a Benefit artist could start doing your makeup.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Waiting area.

Delicious product display.

More delicious product display.

Benefit's Beauty Bootcamp

The Result: Makeup by Benefit

Once you got your makeup did, you had a little more Krone before heading over to the Style Stations (see above) to have your hair done by 2 lovely ghd Angels. Since my hair is naturally straight, I asked for them to ‘get a l’il zany y’ulz’ and give me some curls and, most importantly, show me how to make curls with a ghd (Creation Mist, Hold Spray, Obedience cream and…go!). This really was revelatory to me – I had no idea you could curl with an iron. “Srsly y’ulz” – no idea.

A before photo: hair is still untouched.

Hair: a work in progress

No hair “After” pic yet because those were a part of the shoot we had on location, but I’ll upload them as soon as I get them. Once hair got did, we were taken in hand by a stylist who added a little something special to the look we were creating, to make us a little more ‘shoot ready’.

Accessories! Yay!

Getting styled. Glove love.

And then I was given the top 2 ghd products to suit my hair as recommended by one of the ghd Angels.

Miracle mist and obedience cream.

In the words of my blog:

“Srsly y’ulz – should I sue myself for not buying a GHD sooner?”

Check out all the pics from the other ghd Style Lounge activations here on facebook, or at the ghd Style Diary. PS. Benefit makeup can only be bought at Woolworths. Anyone looking to ‘treat me for xmas y’ulz’, hit me up with one of their fab products.

is my life too perfect? do i have ‘too much fun’?

Just got back from a little mini holiday. Managed to spend some time in New York and squeeze in some shopping in London. Also attended a fab birthday party, ate some deliciously wonderful food, wrangled a sunset on beta beach, and had the most tremendous amount of fun every. single. second. Literally. Sometimes I have to stop having fun just to realise how much fun I keep having. Not sure if y’ulle know, but ‘van’ is my middle name. No jokes. Say that aloud. Check all this fun out:

Having fun on a see-saw in a park in London.

Having fun on a see-saw in a park in London.

Having fun with a little sunset on the beach.

Having fun with a little sunset on beta beach.

The fun we had to go back to after the beach.

The fun we had to go back to after the beach.

Just funning around the loft.

Just 'funning around' the loft.

Having fun with the guards at the gate. Not sure how much fun they found it.

Having fun with some 'chill 3D glasses', rapping to the guards at the gate. (Not sure how much fun they found it - maybe counts again the fun?)

Having fun with Neurotic Harvey. This is basically the most fun cat around. He stands in front of the mirror high-fiving himself for hours. True story.

Having fun with Neurotic Harvey. This is basically the most fun cat around. He stands in front of the mirror high-fiving himself for hours. True story.

The extremely fun cake from Ms fab birthday party.

The extremely fun cake from M's fab birthday party.

The boyfriend having fun with some 3D glasses and our very fun plant. And look at that fun piece of art in the corner that says so  much about our fun lives as young technophiles.

The boyfriend having fun with some 3D glasses and our very fun plant. And look at that fun piece of art in the corner that says so much about our fun lives as young technophiles.

Me having almost unbridled fun with a scarf. Can you handle it?

Me having almost unbridled fun with a scarf. Can you handle it?

Friend Kath having extreme fun at my extremely fun table at home in the loft.

Friend Kath having extreme fun at my extremely fun table at home in the loft.

Being bros with a giant bear. So much fun.

Being bros with a giant bear. So much fun.

Romantic, yet still fun. Its too much.

Romantic, yet still fun. It's too much.

What do y’ulle think? Should I make an effort to have less fun and ‘be more serious’? Do I need to ‘grow the fuck up’? Please let me know. Your feedback would be appreciated.

on dream jobs.

What I would give to be paid to sing Part of My World next to the little mermaid.

What I would give to be paid to sing Part of My World next to the little mermaid.

most days i love my job, but sometimes, like when I read a tweet like this one from Juliaallison, I start wondering whether there’s something bigger out there, just waiting for me. Calling my name.


Alex from MyBrandedLifeTM interviewed by Glitter Zebra

Happy Friday y’ulle. It’s a good one because today I was interviewed by some real life Generation Y kids who run this zany site called Glitter Zebra. Glitter Zebra contacted me because the girl who runs the site (Katie) and her brother (Jerome) have been arguing about ‘What is cool’. So they googled it and found my site, and I have to say, I’m a little flattered. They even gave me The Singing Lion Award for my blog!

What a privilege!

What a privilege!

You can read the full interview here.

An extract to get you all juiced up:

“Basically, pies are cool, yes. They were made cool by that movie with the man who did a lot of Maths, and for a while then Maths was cool, but it was the pies who eventually came out on top.” Alex, interview with Glitter Zebra

A screenshot of the interview

A screenshot of the interview

making the ‘trendies’.

so cherryflava wrote about the trailer park hotel opening at the Grand Daddy in Long Street and posted this fine ol’ pic of me and my bear:

Me and my boo (bear). Things are just fine now that Mama Bears left.

Me and my boo (bear). Things are just fine now that Mama Bear's left.

should i go blonde y’ulle? should i quit my job and be goldilocks full time? i could probably do Snow White and Jasmine from Aladdin too, if i don’t cut my hair as planned on Wednesday. maybe i could sign some sort of endorsement deal with various sponsors looking to add some sort of ingenue /sex fetish appeal. maybe Jessica Simpson Hair ExtensionsTM ‘n me should talk.

have any of y’ulle ever been featured on a ‘trend blog’? not sure how i feel about it. wondering if i’ve accomplished a subconscious lifetime dream. thank goodness i wasn’t featured for not wearing panties at the Assembly / for having 8 babies / for slashing toddlers at a daycare / for being ‘too real’. all of the above would suck as trends. am feeling a bit worried because now that i have been featured once, i’ve had a taste of trend fame. i want more.

i want to BE the superbowl. i want to BE the amy winehouse beehive. i want to BE the intriguing diagram that conveys how men think about nothing but sex and beer. i want to BE the ‘funniest complain letter in the world, ever’. i want to BE sneezing baby panda.

maybe i’ll just settle for blonde. life’s confusing enough as it is. speaking of confusing, have y’ulle seen the Cadbury’s Drumming Gorilla ad 2.0? it features 2 kids who move their eyebrows to the rhythm of the backing track, and presumably, the rhythm of their souls.

hmm. really makes me think. did y’ulle rush off to the bathroom right after you favourited this on your youtube to see if you could do that with your eyebrows? i can’t, in case you were wondering. did y’ulle rush out and buy (cadbury’s) chocolate right after you saw this ad? (i didn’t. only eat lindt even though i have to draw from my mortgage to pay for it, but i’d never compromise my personalbrand 4 money). maybe this ad is aimed at kids and we just don’t get it.

do you think this ad is exploiting childrens? you know how weird childrens can be – almost every children has some sort of strange nervous tick that their parents have to wean them off through expensive therapy / ritalin / mood stabilizers / beating the shit out of them / being alcoholic parents ‘to give the kid something real 2 worry about’. i’m not sure whether advertisers should be exploiting this insight into children and family dynamics. will someone report this to the ACA? the CIA? the AA? not sure what kind of help these 2 exploited young ‘uns need. maybe someone can sponsor a doll for them so they can point out where they were touched on their faces when this ad was made.

i’m also scared of what kind of repercussions this ad is going to have. what if popular clubs like The Assembly and Bassline and 88 start playing a beaty remix of this track, thereby encouraging drunk patrons to mimic these offensively naff eyebrow movements? what if squeeky balloons become the new rave whistles / glow sticks / lollipops / vuvuzelas? what if i never stop asking silly questions on my blog followed by forward-slash-separated-variables? sigh. it’s going to be a really tough one because eyebrows are a lot harder to print branding on than rave whistles / glow sticks / lollipops / vuvuzelas, and the balloon will eventually deflate and is only a ‘temporary solution’.

not sure how to finish this post. hey look. more pictures of me as goldilocks.

Just ate some hot porridge.

Just ate some hot porridge.

Bears tell great jokes.

Bears tell great jokes.

Are you there Standard Bank / Nike / American Swiss / Pick ‘n Pay / Woolworths / Gucci / Hunter’s Dry / True Religion / Apple? it’s me, Alex.

Dear Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands that factor me into your marketing strats,

I feel a little lost. I have come to you seeking guidance in a difficult time. I feel very alone, and I have tough decisions to make, and chewy issues, and I need ur guidance. I will outline my problems and use some graphs to help you understand.

What should I be doing with my life? I am at the tender age where I go from falling in the 18 – 24 demographic to the 25 – 30 demographic. I am not sure what I should be wearing / doing with my free time / which magazines I should be reading / which websites I should be reading / which TV stations I should be watching / which ads I should be consuming / which bank I should be using / which cellphone network will give me the most bundled benefits. It’s all very confusing for me. Can you maybe send me a copy of the 25 Year-Old White Girl LSM 8-10 Manual so I can photocopy this phase in my life? I’ll basically buy whatever you tell me to, Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, but you gotta speak to me.

Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purchasing purpose?

Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purchasing purpose?

What should my income be? What should I be doing for a living? Am I in a lucrative career? What should I be drinking? I feel lost, Lifestyle Brands. What is my Corporate Identity? What should my logo be? What should my facebook status (payoff line) read?

Dear God Brand pls send me a t-shirt angel kthnks bye.

Dear Lifestyle Brands Please help me define myself as interesting, unique and 'going places'. Maybe give me a t-shirt or something. I feel like t-shirts do a good job of telling ppl who i am.

Yesterday I went to the bank and they told me the only difference between their card packages was the price and the colour of the cards. Help me, Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands. I really want a White Gold Platinum Black Dining Express Club  Card but I will have to pay more in card fees. Why is the world like this? Life is so unfair.

Graph explaining unfairness of life.

Graph explaining unfairness of life.

Dear Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, why is there war in Iraq? Is it because George Bush opened a new Nike Sweatshop there? Why did that man slash all those babies in Belgium? Was it because his mom put him in Pampers not Cuddlers when he was little? Why do we have to keep reading articles about Julius Malema? Is he a ‘subliminal ambassador’ for MacDonald’s? Is it because he wears really pointy shoes from Spitz, making him ‘highly quotable’?

Julius Malema, head of the ANC Youth League.

Julius Malema, head of the ANC Youth League.

Core Portfolio Of Lifestyle Brands, I know some people don’t believe in you. But I believe in you. I need you. I need you to tell me who I am based on what I should buy and where I fall into your marketing strategies. I will do whatever you say. Your love is all-embracing. Keep it real.

Alex

PS. I can’t be reached through TV ads and I don’t read magazines, and I will defriend you if you SMS me, so do something real amazing to catch my attention. Free stuff is prob your best bet. Cool.

obama got the job and i’ve got a vision. let’s dance!

hey i know we advertising ppl live in a world of our own but did any of y’ulle hear?barack obama applied for the job of Prez of the United States of America and he got the job. pretty cool, huh?

gives me hope about my own dreams of becoming the President of the United States of America. LOL you can all probably guess that’s not reaaally my dream. like the parents of some rich hot chick in some movie said, Why would i want to waste my looks by using my brain?

This is a picture of me studying for my final exam back in college. Think it was Writing Eye Catching Billboards.

This is a picture of me studying for my final exam back in college. Think it was 'Writing Eye Catching Billboards".

Don’t worry y’ulle. There’s no danger of me using my brain any time soon. I’m very happy doing ppls nails (metaphorically speaking). I know that ppl value what i do and that i am useful and provide a service to someone, somewhere, and that’s all that matters, right?

Well…I’m not so sure anymore. You know as long as things are going badly (Southafricanland’s future president is a criminal & there’s a recession) i feel pretty okay with my lot because i can compare it too how bad things must be for other people (like any one of Jacob Zuma’s possibly HIV infected 9 wives or anyone who’s been retrenched due to the recession). But now that things have gone so well for Obama i kinda want to know when i can achieve my dream of being a respected copywriter-pop artist with my hit single ‘I Wanna Be Ur Facebook Girlfriend’ and the video in which i am naked except for *Sparkles* the editors have put on my hoo-hoo in post-production, while i dance against a slippery wall in the LA desert.

I have been called competitive, but really i am just resentful when people are more successful than me. - Alex van Tondress, S. African Advertising Pop Star

"I have been called 'competitive', but really i am just resentful when people are more successful than me." - Alex van Tondress, S. African Advertising Pop Star

Other tracks i have possibly lined up for my album include “Deep Etched Sex”, “Word Of My Mouth”, “Let’s Get Tactical”, “Sex Sells” and “Buy Me More”. let’s not forget my special track in honour of Obama called “Wham Bam Thank You M’am”. of course, i would release them for free on myspacebookster first, along with stills from the *Sparkles* scene, and get at least 1 alcohol or sneaker sponsor before i even started speaking to labels, so i know that i still have a lot of work ahead of me. luckily i am very pretty so it goes without saying that i work hard and am determined.

do y’ulle feel similarly affected by Obama’s success? are you jealous / resentful / envious / angry / horny? does Obama’s success make you want to consume brands that position themselves as successful in any way? like does it make you want to trade in your Mac for a Dell? or maybe you want to play PS3 instead of Wii now to honour the fact that the President of the USA is black and no longer white? does Obama’s success make you want to smoke expensive cigars and drink expensive whisky while you talk about expensive brandy in your expensive ‘businessman’s hotel’ on your expensive trip to Japan? I’m just trying to get a feel for what kind of ‘knock-on effect’ or ‘paradigm shift’ will come about as a result of this new president meme.

Obama has a lot of hard work ahead of him. he’s probably stressing, and obviously the Oval Office will now be working double time figuring out endorsement deals and what kind of brands will be appropriate as sponsors for their new pres. he’s probably feeling a bit confused as to which offers he should accept and which he should decline and ‘bank for later’. it will be a very difficult role. i would have a very tough time deciding between wearing Armani or Hugo Boss (and that’s just suits, we haven’t even touched on fragrance yet). Louis Vuitton is probably a bit tacky for luggage for a pres – i would advice him to go Gucci, maybe Prada. just thinking about the kinds of tough brand decisions Obama will have to make kinda gets me dizzy and wondering whether i’d really be able to cope with the pressures of fame.

i mean, an entire generation of men and their girlfriends are relying on him to save them from the grave fashion errors Bush is known for making. i salute you, Obama. you are a brave man to take on these challenges. but you have looked very well groomed and hot thus far, so i have a lot of faith that you will surround yourself with the hottest stylists and some honest fashion advisors and it will all be okay.

analysing Obama’s success like this has totally given me insight into how i can achieve my own success. see here i was giving myself ‘specialist online skills’ and ‘building my niche appeal through experience with social media’ to differentiate myself from all the other copywriter-pop stars out there, but all i really need is a good stylist and a wax therapist that i can trust. my eyes have been opened. i’m gonna change my facebook status right away. i now have concrete goals and a vision. i’m gonna start right now by getting a belly ring. yes i can, y’ulle!

The face of determination. I can haz it, yulle.

The face of determination. I can haz it, y'ulle.


last blog before holidays.

ah, at last. i’ve had a great 2 month re-baptism back into King James, but end of year fever has hit me hard and truth be told i cannot get out into the sunshine fast enough. just want to pick up a good book and secure a spot for myself next to a pool and not.move.for.17.days.straight.

it’s been a good year for accomplishing things. i was thinking about new year’s resolutions and all that last night, and i see my usual list is substantially shorter. i mean, who actually achieves new year’s resolutions? apparently i do. here’s what i did this year:

- i got to know and love Joburg. it’s been one of my goals to live there since i started red and yellow, where i met a bunch of cool people who are all from Joburg.in fact, almost everyone whom i like immediately is from joburg. figures.

- i quit smoking. yes, i really did. and that’s no mean feat. 6 months ago i was ploughing my wheezy way through just under a box of Marlboro Lights a day. today, i’ve been smoke-free since August. i won’t lie – it wasn’t easy. but i had an amazingly supportive boyfriend to hold me while i cried (there was a lot of crying, because smokers use smoking to stop themselves feeling uncomfortable emotions). he also quit smoking while i was quitting, to make it that little bit easier. so thank you, Rei. you really did help.

- i started running. along with quitting smoking, this must be my proudest achievement. 6 months ago, i used to walk around saying things like ‘No running unless it’s absolutely necessary”. I called myself a ‘swimmer’ and said ‘my body is not built for running‘ and ‘it hurts my knees’. These were all just excuses. Slowly, little by little,  i went from running for 2 minutes at a time and 10 minutes in total to running 15 minutes at a time and 40 minutes in total. i bought running shoes and i tossed my iPod, because running is a form of meditation that deserves your full concentration. these days, i feel like half a person if i do not run in the morning. i get up at 5.30 and i go to bed at midnight, and i am never short of energy or optimism, purely – purely – because of running. sport of the gods, i bow down to you, and look forward to growing as a runner.

- i did a triathlon. okay, so it was at the Virgin Active, and it didn’t take me longer than 24 mins, but it still feels good to be able to say, “I did a triathlon”. And i really enjoyed it, too. Thanks must go to Paige for roping me in and inspiring me to do it.

- I lost 12 kgs. yes, 12 kgs. that’s 27 pounds to you, America. of course, this was a by-product of the running. but it’s given me a whole new lease on life. a lease that includes bikinis, dresses and skinny jeans. the beach is more real to me now than it ever was. i quite enjoy standing in front of the mirror, analysing my (new) tan. and it makes shopping the ultimate form of entertainment.

- I left a job that made me depressed, and i found a job that brought me joy. I was then offered an even better job, so i took that, and here i am. It’s been a year of career discovery, and of facing up to my own strengths and weaknesses, and overcoming or working with the latter. There have been ups and downs, but when i look at the knowledge, experience and sense of satisfaction that i’m walking away with, I can’t complain for a second.

- i went .com – yay. http://www.mybrandedlife.com brings me joy. it helps me take my job a little less seriously. it helps me take life less seriously. it gives me a tongue-in-cheek outlet with which to process life, and most importantly, i amuse myself with it.i might not have the volume perezhilton has, or his pink hair, but i have my fun. and that’s awesome.

- i fell in love with someone very special. arguably one of the most important accomplishments. meeting special people is difficult. you should value the ones in your life highly.

More awesome than a turquoise tiger wearing glasses.

2008: More awesome than a turquoise tiger wearing Ray-Bans.

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What a year. I think all this achieving deserves a little celebration. A little song and dance. I’ll keep you posted.

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Happy holidays everyone.

May 2009 bring you lots of strategically aligned brand sponsorships.

May you be blessed by branded freebies at each one of your personal consumer touchpoints.

May you discover your signature scent, and combine your clothing labels in such a way that you are distinct, unique, and remarkable enough to be listed in the Sunday Times Top Brands Survey.

May you be blessed with coupons, cash-back vouchers and an array of Discovery Health partnership discounts on household appliances.

May you sing along to Vodacom’s Summer Nights like nobody’s watching.

And don’t forget to leave a Steri Stumpie out for Santa.

Peace, love and allusions to meaningful Coldplay lyrics that double up as a life-anthem,

Alex

May it be rad like a flaming skull dude who is powerful.

Here's to 2009: May it be rad like a flaming skull dude who is rad.

PS. I’m going to be offline until 5th January. Even living breathing brands need holidays too. But i will be sustaining the microblog by tweeting here. Because tweeting isn’t cheating. xxxx

thinking of showing my boobs. trying to make my porti unique.

it’s tough being in advertising today. once upon a time, nobody even knew it was a career. nobody believed that you could get paid to think up funny / smart / relevant / enagaging / viral / cool / prestigious / down-to-earth / honest / housewifey / working daddish / [insert name of target market and or their values here] ideas and call it a job.

things have changed. these days everyone is in advertising. everyone is zany. everyone is cool. warhol said everyone would be famous, but he didn’t say everyone was going to be awesome.

Everyone is zany and creative and pushing deadlines and consumer promises.

Everyone is zany and creative and pushing deadlines and consumer promises. It's called Being The Brand. You are the brand. You are the trend. You are the future. You are now. Be with me. Here. With my brand. Now. Together we will collaborate and appeal to more people than we would appeal to if we were apart.

these days  even the beggar who sits outside my gate at home has his own corporate colours for the chalk board he holds up. i know this because i offered him some spare chalk the other day and he only took the blue and the orange chalk because ‘these are my colours’.

struggling to come to terms with what the world is coming to.

been feeling something like this:

new year! / new porti!

so been looking over other peoples’ portfolios to get some inspiration as to how i can differentiate myself from the masses of creatives out there and their personal creative copywriter / art director brands. and then further differentiate myself as a professional who can create brands that i’m not personally involved with.

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“Talent is no longer about original ideas. Talent is about being able to come up with original ideas that are not based on or created for / by you or your experiences, but look like they were created by the person they were created for.” – Alex van Tonder, in an interview with Bill Bernbacklett

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i’m not sure how not to get personally involved with the brands i work on. just like i’m not sure how to not hook up with all the men at my office. wish i’d saved one of them for a rainy day. maybe i can create controversy within the agency by pulling a Lindsay Lohan and kissing a client service chick and then refusing to answer any questions. although when i kissed Jenny that one night at Diaz Tavern no one even asked any questions.

you see what i mean when i say that it’s hard to differentiate yourself these days?

Another agency party at some obscure pub in Gardens Industria. Ive got sooooo many of these pics its almost not even worth uploading it. Ever feel like all truly great ideas have already been done? Paris Hilton did blowjobs and penetration. Lindsay and Britney did their crotch-flashings. Sharon Stone did that leg-cross thing in Basic Instinct. The world is so competitive yulle. Really hard for me to keep ahead of the curve when it comes to showing what makes me special as a copywriter, what makes me different to all the other copywriters out there.

Another agency party at some obscure pub in Gardens Industria. I've got sooooo many of these pics it's almost not even worth uploading it. Ever feel like all truly great ideas have already been done? Paris Hilton did blowjobs and penetration. Lindsay and Britney did their crotch-flashings. Sharon Stone did that leg-cross thing in Basic Instinct. The world is so competitive y'ulle. Really hard for me to keep ahead of the curve when it comes to showing what makes me special as a copywriter, what makes me different to all the other copywriters out there.

NEwayz… back to the porti. should it be digital? should i invent a program that allows you to download my porti in a nanosecond? maybe i can make it so small that you have to view it with nanoglasses on nano chips? will nano still be big in 2010 or am i running with a fad here?

Should I pressurise my own blood and spray out my headlines under water so that Creative Directors see that I understand new media?

Should I pressurise my own blood and spray out my headlines under water so that Creative Directors see that I understand new media?

or should i keep my porti old school? big red leatherbound book with my name embossed in Cooper Bold in White letters? feel like there is a certain amount of gravitas when i whack down a beast of a porti like that on a Creative Director’s desk. although i haven’t actually used it since i graduated way back in 2004. since then, a well-written email that conveys my ability to stay calm in the face of chaos has gotten me every job i’ve ever had.

An example of the well-written, to-the-point letter that got me my job at King James.

An example of the well-written, to-the-point letter that got me my job at King James.

i’ve heard that some legendary creatives don’t even have portfolios, they just email a list of awards annuals and corresponding page numbers when they’re looking for a job. that feels a little wanky to me. i feel like if someone made me wade through crusty awards annuals that gather like dust in the corners of agency toilets, i wouldn’t want to offer them a job. unless it was dusting the awards annuals gathering weevils in the agency toilets.

Does NE one out there still care about awards? If i have a list of awards longer than my hair will you want to hire me? Or would you be more inclined to hire me if i just sent you a link to my blog with pictures of myself taking photos of myself on it? Wish someone had answers for me. Im feeling the photo vibe more. Just coz I know my good side.

Does NE one out there still care about awards? If i have a list of awards longer than my hair will you want to hire me? Or would you be more inclined to hire me if i just sent you a link to my blog with pictures of myself taking photos of myself on it? Wish someone had answers for me. I'm feeling the photo vibe more. Just coz I know my good side.

maybe i should record my porti into an album and take off my clothes to promote it. i’d go around the country doing signings which double up as interviews. being Gen Y, it is all about me interviewing the agency and not the other way round. i’d listen as they tell me how they want to help me ‘grow my craft’ and ‘collaborate and cross pollinate‘ my tech-savvy skills with their experienced eye for Letraset.

Collaboration across the generation gap is key to moving forward in the future.

Collaboration across the generation gap is key to moving forward in the future.

i’m going to make this porti quest my holiday project. gonna come back with some fresh material. gonna come back with a come back.

“I see you. And I just wanna dance with you. LOLOLOLOL.” – Brutney Spears

trying to channel my inner PR chick. want to be the ‘life of the party’.

it’s the final countdown. we’re leaving the agency at 11am tomorrow to head to the xmas party. they haven’t told us where it is because they want what happens there to stay there. apparently there is no cellphone reception and the staff don’t have teeth. scared of people who don’t have teeth after i read an article about them hanging out at the seattle coffee company in kloof street. let that be a lesson to the vida defectors.

went to the mall today and dropped half my salary on high-res fake tattoos. very ironic because they look low-res because they are designed to mimic ‘the bleed’ of a real tattoo. also bought ballet shoes, lots of hairpieces, 4 hair nets (in case one broke), 2 combs, a hair rose, liquid eyeliner and 5 billion hair clips.

i’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to get the beehive right. problem is this involves brushing out the knots i’ve already got in my hair. i don’t know how i got them but it prob has something to do with the fact that i don’t brush my hair 100 times before i go to sleep every night.

Unfortunately I have a very time-consuming recorder hobby that eats into my hair-brushing time.

Unfortunately I have a very time-consuming recorder hobby that eats into my hair-brushing time.

also feeling nervous about experiencing an agency christmas party as a non-smoker. i’m not worried about starting smoking again, i’m just worried i don’t have enough of a reason to stay up late and that i end up going to sleep at 9 and shouting at anyone who has fun near my Luxury Safari Tent (sic).

wish i had a ‘fun bouncy party slag’ button i could flip in order to be the fun party slag. it just seems like getting drunk and having fun is a lot of hard work. what if i burn more calories than i take in? it’s a very real risk. heaven forbid i end up emaciated and looking like the real amy winehouse. wish i was one of those people who had to work hard to keep the weight off. wish i wasn’t naturally skinny. wish i didn’t have naturally white teeth, eyes and nails. wish i didn’t have exotic asian looks while having the benefit of being classified of caucasian. wish i wasn’t born with a photographic memory that makes functioning in a world of mediocrity dissatisfyingly easy. wish my parents weren’t oil billionaires so i’d know what it felt like to actually achieve something.

When life makes you a pig, make bacon out of yourself. - Alex van Tonder

"When life makes you a pig, make bacon out of yourself." - Alex van Tonder

one thing i have learnt through my adversity is that even though things may be tough and the fates may be against you by always being on your side, it’s no excuse not to smile. smiling brings you one step closer to being the PR slag at the party, and by golly, what more could you aspire to, apart fro maybe being sexually harrassed by the PR slag of the party.

the desire to be great. some people have it. some people don’t.

i’m one of those people. i cried on the eve of my 21st because i hadn’t been made a creative director yet and that meant i could no longer be an advertising child prodigy. 21 is the age limit for child prodigy. i hadn’t even finished red and yellow when i was 21. shouldn’ t have taken that gap year working at gandalf’s and chatting up goths for tips. feel like i’ve been wasting my life.

Dont want to be just another accordion-playing brick in the wall yulle.

Don't want to be just another accordion-playing brick in the wall y'ulle.

my next life aim is to get into the advertising hall of fame before the age of 26. the advertising hall of fame really does exist, and it glorifies people for doing things like ‘being an exceptional 30 second radio writer’ and ‘being an art director who does his own kerning’. things i could be immortalised for include ‘being really good at powerpoint’ or ‘being really into the internet therefore able to tell clients how to start groups on facebook’. thing is i’m not sure i want those descriptors next to my name. i don’t feel like they differentiate my personal brand from that of copywriters who have gone before me, and who will no doubt come after me.

Need to differentiate myself. Need people to know who i am. Need people to really get me. Need them to know that i am an exceptional human being inside, that I am not just another copywriter. Need people to know how special I am.

Need to differentiate myself. Need people to know who i am. Need people to really get me. Need them to know that i am an exceptional human being inside, that I am not just another copywriter. Need people to know how special I am.

been thinking that to get into the advertising hall of fame, and not have that sick empty feeling once the party thrown in my honour is over, would be to do or be something or someone really meaningful within the industry. someone like the person who writes FIRST! first on every single article on bizcommunity. or maybe i could be the girl who has dated every male creative director in cape town. although maybe that’s not very impressive because most CDs in cape town aren’t very discriminating, and also they are a little desperate because their wives left them after they screwed some little PR floozy, and all those drugs have left their skin saggy, red and dehydrated and the only girls who will actually still look at them are misdirected, disillusioned juniors / interns and fiercely ambitious creatives such as myself.

whoa. i started that last sentence when i was 12 and kept it going right up until now.

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THREAT ALERT: just watched the skandalous BBDO sex tape. i heard the guy who filmed the creatives having sex has been fired. the chick bounces her bum up and down a lot. kind of glad the roast chicken is there. non-retouched genitals never look good. do you think she’s a strong contender for an advertising hall of fame award? should i be worried? like i twittered to another copywriter a little early, i think this sex tape is a bit lame because i’m sure some other agency already did a sex tape. and i think we can all agree that the sex tape idea, much like half the work that won at Loeries this year, was a copy of an idea the creatives involved saw on the internet. when will ppl learn that copycats always get found out.

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just got reminded of something Brian Searle-Tripp said to me and my copywriter back when i was still an art director at the red and yellow school of hogwarts:

“Do you know what your ad has in common with pussy? It should never be seen under a bright light.”

I guess now we know why BST got into the hall of fame. sigh. i need some good quotes. gonna start generating quotes under my own name instead of hiding behind the advertising greats, Bill Bernback and David Ogilvie. Think i need to focus more on where my personal brand is and where it’s going for a bit. think i need to start making my own logo bigger, if you know what i’m saying?

Need to walk the walk. Need to talk my talk.

Need to walk the walk. Need to talk my talk.

Review: Fork Restaurant, 84 Long Street, Cape Town

Last night my man and I decided to hit up Fork in Long Street for a long overdue kind-of celebratory 6 month-ish anniversary dinner (kind of, we aren’t good with dates) paid for by his company because they have been working him so hard and interrupting our quality time. Please note this is not standard advertising agency behaviour. Normally you sign your quality time away in that nice clause that says ‘Employee undertakes that they will work pretty much every weekend, evening and lunch break for the duration of their time here – and probably for the duration of their lives – and if employee has a problem with this we will just give employee’s job to someone more desperate, and P.S. we’ve clamped your car,”.

After an aperitif or 2 at Planet Bar, where we like to go to work up a bit of a sweat by the fire without actually doing much but winking back at old couples who seem to think we look like a respectable couple of kids (do we? Here’s us last night – no doubt we remind them of their own hotblooded youth)

Looking good for datenight. We fit right in at Planet Bar.

Looking good for datenight. We fit right in at Planet Bar.

we stumbled onto the pavement to be greeted by a very agreeable carguard. I know the likelihood of writing that is akin to the likelihood of writing ‘we stumbled onto the pavement to be greeted by a chocolate horsecow’, but there you have it. There is such a thing as a congenial auto-protector. And he works outside Fork.

Because both the man and I lead busy lives and are constantly being hustled by new venues wanting us to check them out, we’ve got ignorant apathy down to a fine art and thus knew very little about Fork apart from the fact that they served Tapas. Expecting the usual pots of hummus and dolmades, we were seated upstairs in the no-smoking section (rather stressful for us both coming to terms with our non-smoking identities).

The menu, while varied and comprehensive, is still pretty pricey. There are 3 levels of tapas – R35, R45 and R55. We decided to order 2 from each. From tier 1 we got Puff Pastry with sautéed mushroom and parmesan, and the Raclette Fondue with Chorizo and Crostini. The puff pastries divine and I got the ‘wish we’d ordered 2 of these rather’ feeling. The crostini weren’t bad, but they didn’t melt in your mouth and remind of you of a happier time you’ve never actually experienced.

From tier 2 we got the mini kudu fillets on chilli mash – truly, something you must experience at some point in your life. I am now going in search of bigger kudu fillets. The other dish we ordered was the pasta rolls with emmenthal, aubergines, mushrooms, rocket and béchamel sauce – average. Pasta is pasta hey.

From tier 3 we got grilled tiger prawns wrapped with pancetta, which were tasty, but I also got the ‘wish we’d ordered 2 of the other dish’, namely the quail served with butternut and thyme mash and a beetroot glaze – WOW. If the quail dish were a brand it would be the AppleMac of entrees. Small, not very practical but so freaking delicious you’ll pay stupid amounts of money for it. Blasted tiger prawns.

No free meal is complete without dessert, so we went for the apple and vanilla cream shortcakes and some cappuccinos. Nice and tasty, but very biscuity. The shortcake could have been a little less crisp. That said, I ate mine and the boyfriend ate his and then we pondered our futures on the balcony and patted the lions they have out there, while having a conversation about how people always pat statues of lions if they are within reaching height.

All in all, I’d give Fork 4 stars, especially if you’re in the mood ‘for something different’ and god knows how many times we hear Capetonians say that. And if I were to do it all over again, i’d order 4 x quail and 2 times puff pastries, for what it’s worth.

Fork 84 Long Street, Cape Town

Dinner for 2 including a shared dessert and 2 glasses of house red: R500 incl tip

to book call  021 424 6334 to peruse their menu click here.

more scenes from The Loerie Awards 2008

Dave is shocked at yet another photo being taken of myself and Nicole.

Dave is shocked at yet another photo being taken of myself and Nicole.

Dot Dot Dot. No more need be said.

Dot Dot Dot. No more need be said.

Here Jo Thomas looks like the lead singer of a band. On the balcony at the Night Before braai.

Here Jo Thomas looks like the lead singer of a band. On the balcony at the Night Before braai.

I think this photo encapsulates Carla and I over Loeries Weekend. This is from the 2nd night at the event.

I think this photo encapsulates Carla and I over Loeries Weekend. This is from the 2nd night at the event.

Mike Abels underwear. Believe it, because its true.

Mike Abel's underwear. Believe it, because it's true.

Von Brandis Von Brandishing. This is really what Loeries is about. Lucas is pretty indifferent to it all.

Von Brandis Von Brandishing. This is really what Loeries is about. Lucas is pretty indifferent to it all.

Welcome signs for Jo and Kev, who drove up. In a real car. Srsly.

Welcome signs for Jo and Kev, who drove up. In a real car. Srsly.

Rei and I get down.

Rei and I get down.

Matching in our desaturated metallics.

Matching in our desaturated metallics.

mustafa maluka: the new improved Tretchikoff

I love both their work.

I love both their work.

an interesting post comparing 2 of my favourite artists.

just another Dark Knight review

RIP Heath Ledger. You did good.

RIP Heath Ledger. You did good.

Batman has always been my favourite comic character. Despite the fact that every time I pick apart the specifics (he’s a man, who dresses like a bat, who doesn’t have any real powers) I can’t understand it myself, but it’s always been the case. Since our flight back from Margate was only at 9.30 pm on the Monday following the Loerie Awards, we had quite a bit of time to kill in Durban, so we headed off to Gateway Mall, where we saw they were showing The Dark Knight on Imax. And thus we found a way to spend our time.

In short, I loved the movie. The Imax experience made it all the more special since every time Batman leapt off a building you got the feeling you were remixing your innards to make them more dance-friendly. I was nervous, because Jack Nicholson is a hard act to follow, especially in a role like The Joker. I was even more nervous because I was worried I wouldn’t like Ledger’s performance, and then I would feel really bad since Ledger died and he deserved to go out with a good performance. But the nerves disappeared very fast, to be replaced with goosebumps.

The Joker as played by Heath Ledger is decidedly the most creepy villain to come out of either Marvel or DC stables since I can remember. Nicholson – for me – seemed to coast on his natural creep-factor, while Heath Ledger brought something a lot more frightening to the table – a villain based in a reality that a lot of people in this world face. The fact that his character had his faith in people taken away at an early age, and then he then set out to prove that any good man could be stripped down to his constituent monster if you took away what he loved, managed to scrape at a something sensitive that lurks in my spinal fluid. I guess having spent a lot of time trying to work out why criminals in South Africa cannot be reasoned with in their unflinching disrespect for human life, I have come across this story myself in many different examples. It was both moving and unnerving to see it on the big screen.

What really sold the story to me was the fact that despite the disturbing nature of Ledger’s Joker portrayal, I grew to really like the character. This reminds me of when I read American Psycho for the first time. Sure, he sliced up women and homeless people, but the author inspired empathy in me for the monster, as did Ledger. When I finished that book, I felt as if I’d lost a best friend.

I read somewhere once that characters in stories are merely focused and exaggerated versions of the various characters that live within and make up our minds. Everyone has a Joker, a Patrick Bateman, and only by loving those characters as well as loving the naturally likeable characters in your mind can you ever exercise any control over them. And that’s what makes super villains into just that – super. Liked, despite. Ah, man. I’m so glad this movie didn’t disappoint me. If you haven’t seen it, you’re in for a treat.