Tag Archives: assembly

I just wanna be awesome y’ulz.

Y’ulz, I so bad wanna be awesome.
I just want ppl 2 look at me & think “wish I was that sisbro”.
Just want ppl 2 covet my Opel Corsa that now looks like a ‘real car’ (via all cars looking like the Peugot 206)
Just want ppl 2 look at my real leather hand / manbag and think ‘wow that’s a bro who srsly knows their quality shiz, must stop buying Mr Pricebro’
Just want ppl 2 know that I buy Country Road when they finger the thick seams & say “but who BUYS this stuff?!”
So bad just wanna be awesome.



Y’ulz, I so bad just wanna be awesome.
Gonna get super tight jeans that “cre8 a camel-toe ambience” & wear them in front of my chubby sister,
See how she likes ‘getting the brains in the family’ now
Gonna move into a house with “all my best guy friends” (via being a guys’-girl / the village indie bicycle)
Gonna sleep with them all (via parental divorce-issues), even though all of them have girlfriends, some of whom are my best friends forever y’all! (via going 2 film school 2 getha)
Gonna sleep with them all and ‘be besties & climb lions head on adventures!’ with them all
So bad just wanna be awesome y’all!



Y’ulz, I am fucking desperate 2 be awesome.
Gonna make peace signs while I do cheap coke off the toilets at Assembly while taking a self-portrait profile shot 4 my blog
Gonna wear empty-lensed paedo-glasses 2 ‘invoke the nerd look’ (via looking like a tard)
Gonna wear an Indian head-dress minus feathers 2 ‘give them something 2 talk about’ (via yawning) so my head looks like a phimosis-victim (via Google it)
Gonna take a non-paying job in a crap magazine that had street-cred in 1994 (via articles on drugs via back then ppl not knowing that drinking / taking drugs / being ‘reckless with your body’ makes you ‘lose ur looks’)
So fucking desperate 2 be awesome!
Y’ulz!



Y’ulz, basically, I would do anything 2 be awesome.
Gonna housesit my bestie’s house & ‘trash the place’ (how awesome? Bro…)
Gonna ‘get pregnant’ with my b/f’s babybro & then ‘lose the baby’ on a coke binge
So I can be “hot pregnant chick” minus “all that baby admin”
Y’ulz, gonna “turn down paying design jobs” 4 “jobs that are awesome” (via getting free entrance 2 clubs where the band whose flyer I designed is playing at)
Y’ulz, I’m gonna be awesome.
Can’t wait!
Y’alls!

should i ‘have a baby to force me to quit smoking’?

Been watching this Lily Allen video over and over. Feeling slightly inspired by England’s ‘drinking epidemic’. Having a birthday has made me introspect about ‘where I am in my career’ and ‘whether I am where I could be’. It’s made me ask important questions like ‘is it time to stop taking my pill and pretend I was still on it to my boyfriend when I fall pregnant’ – a pretty universal question all girls face at one time or another.

Definitely not digging that vibe. Am really glad I’m not ‘nearly 30 and out every night’ with my biological clock blackmailing me into fucking up my life by ‘settling for plan B guy’. Are any of you going through this?

Time to have a baby? Maybe have a baby to quit smoking? So many options. Life is so full of potential.

Time to have a baby? Maybe have a baby to quit smoking? So many options. Life is so full of potential.

Went to the VICE magazine launch on Friday night (thanks weaerawesome). It was basically like The Loeries at Assembly. Loads of advertising people. Loads of ppl passing around this lame rumour about how the band playing ‘had never left Soweto before’. Sigh. Wish I had never moved to Joburg and stopped being a ‘gullible white person’. Definitely would have been a lot of fun if I was 16 and had ‘my whole life ahead of me / my virginity intact / a set of fresh lungs / no fucking clue about “how the world works” ’. But 10 years has changed my idea of a good time, and I spent quite a lot of the evening wishing I hadn’t forgotten my MJ mask in the car, kicking the smoke out the way so I could walk.

Best party of going out is stinking like an ashtray the next day. Is my fav.

LOVE to partay and stink like an ashtray the next day. Is my fav.

A lot of drunk ppl were buzzing about The New Young Pony Club which turned out to be a chick DJ playing Justin Timberlake (true story). Luckily I went home at 11 so never saw all those sad, disappointed faces who had their pony dreams dashed. Is a good thing. Hate seeing people I know drunk because then I feel I have ‘seen their inner tard’ and can never respect them again.

A fan after witnessing the New Young Phony Club DJ set.

A fan after witnessing the New Young Phony Club DJ set.

A cunning plan by a rad hip band.

A cunning plan by 'a rad hip band'.

Saw a lot of chicks in the bathrooms applying coats and coats of lipstick. Some chick pulled her friend into the bathroom stall with her and stayed inside for like half an hour. She must have been ‘having trouble inserting her tampon’. I remember this one time at high school our guidance counsellor offered to help if any of us had any trouble inserting our tampons. There are some really caring people in this world, we should all give thanks. Also give thanks for not being ‘nearly 30 and out every night’, unless you are.

feeling stale. going to reinvent myself as some form of trendy reflux.

reflux is in y’ulle! i know because i read a book by kreative missionary visionary dion chang and the title is trend flux 2009. so get stuffing your white rolls from woolies and your burgers and your strawberry pavlova (hey, not really sure what causes reflux as have never been pregnant before, but being pregnant is another trend – set by MIA / Gwen Stefani / Nicole Richie (choose your own psychographic role model, am not phased) – so expect an increase in ‘girls 4getting to take their pill oops’ – and ‘miracle pregnancies’ – “i WAS taking my pill! i promise!” and “fuck i got so drunk last night at Assembly that i forgot to take my pill“).

I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and its not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalfs and then have sex with my friend and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance.

"I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and it's not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalf's and then have sex with my random, lonely-as-me guy friend, and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance."

should i get pregnant? should i go off the pill because ‘it’s unnatural‘ and it ‘makes me bloated’ and ‘it makes me moody and fills my face with pimples’, even though it’s 2k9 now and yasmin was invented 10 years ago, so we all know girls who go off the pill are doing so only because they find the risk of getting pregnant when they have sex with their boyfriends / their best friends / their classmates at AFDA a turn on.

I cant come unless theres a possibility of me getting pregnant. - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

"I can't come unless there's a possibility of me getting pregnant." - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

has the possibility of getting pregnant ever turned you on? wish i could get pregnant and then donate the baby to a good cause. not sure if there are any good causes that need healthy babies. maybe someone should start a Replacement Workforce For All Those People Who Have Died And Will Die Of AIDS just so Telkom has someone to employ to throw a cog in their generator that they can blame when we exceed our power capacity in 20 years time.

********************************************************Got a bit off topic there********************************************

Back to Reflux and other things that will be hot in 2k9 (note i didn’t get these from the trend reflux book by Dion Change, i just got them off some arb website but it doesn’t matter because all trends came from the same arb mothership website):

- Being classy. “Classism is the new racism”. Does this give me license to discriminate? Just want to be ‘trendy’ y’ulle. Just want ppl to know i am better than them through my ‘social badging‘ or my ‘exclusive knowledge of how brandy is made’. Apparently knowledge about products is the new social currency. Am going to google Apple just now and learn everything there is to know about Steve Jobs so i can make my friends feel bad about themselves.

Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs that Moses wrote the 10 Commodors on, but there wasnt a market until 2 000 years later.

Fact #1: Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs of stone that Moses wrote the 10 Commodores on, but there wasn't a market until 2 000 years later.

- the 90s. the 90s is the new 80s. this would explain all the Kurt Cobain Converse floating around my mall home. yes, i live in a mall, y’ulle. malls are like the new ‘gated communities’ or ‘security complexes’. wonder what i can steal from the 90s to incorporate into my personal brand. shortlist: having ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ as my ringtone; wearing blue lipstick and humming ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ round the office; trading my black car in for a blue one and pumping ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ from the subwoofers. which one do y’ulle think best enhances my PB?

- twitter goes mainstream. uh-ohs. this means an increase in ppl twittering about how drunk they got last night / how crazy last night was / what a f*cked up time they had last night / how they 4got to take their pill last night / how they are really enjoying ‘Through the Storm’ by Lynne Spears. quick, time to evacuate twitter. tell all your trendleader / thought pioneering friends. this ship is sinking. if you are mainstream, quick, sign up for twitter while humming ‘I will go down with this ship’ by 90s star Dido.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if shes pregnant.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if she's pregnant.

- big government will be cool. guess we all have Obamalove to thank for this. wish we had an Obamalove. just so y’ulle don’t think i’ve given up the cause, i’m still emailing Kanye West trying to convince him to come and be President of SouthAfricanland as his next piece of ‘high art’. not sure whether this trend applies in safricanland. especially since the ruling party keeps smacktalking its own president. sigh. I wish America would buy us and then everything would be okay. not likely in these harsh economic times.

other arb things i think will be in (note: these are my hypotheses and do not come off some arb website):

- being a trendwatcher / trend guru / trend collaborator / trend consultant / marketing consultant / web2.0 consultant / iPhone 2.0 consultant. Basically if you can’t hack it in the real world, pick any one of the titles above and start a blog and you’ll be a- for away.

- suicide. just coz money doesn’t matter any more. like queen said, nothing really matters, to me.

- adopting a web celeb for your brand. feeding them. treating them to VIP consumer experiences. and then watching them blog about your brand. feels good, doesn’t it? tamagotchi 2.0.

- falling pregnant ‘accidentally’. because of the rise of organic, females in their mid-twenties who have not yet completed degrees or found jobs will choose this option because they think it will give them more options. outwardly, they will say they have issues putting hormones into their bodies because it is ‘unnatural’ and non-organic. time for phramaceuticals to go organic.

- britney spears. like she says, all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F-U-C-K her (track 6, Circus). Parting thought:

All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay.

Sing with me: "All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay."

cool stuff seen around

jesusbanana

we gave the jesus on our windowsill a regal banana jacket for easter.

iloveshit

stickers on the till in Idols store in Musgrave Centre, Durban. made by the shop assistants.

badges

badges in Idols, through the glass.

watermassage

you can get a water massage at OR Tambo airport, while fully clothed. pretty cool.

stylecoke

a Style-my-Coke booth at the Design Indaba. I got an I Love Jozi styled Coke.

macfaffi

the Mac store in Rosebank has used International Graffiti artist Faffi as inspiration for their new range, and decked out the store accordingly. it’s awesome – they’re even selling Faffi vinyl toys in store. very progressive for a main market cosmetics brand.

randomkindness

found this on a wall in one of our editor’s studios.

dirk

caught my brother’s first gig as the drummer in a band called The Wailing Jimi’s at Assembly a couple of Fridays ago.

birdmouth

a pretty piece of art i saw at a party. but blurred but hey.

macman

and this great blockmounted pic found in an old university computer lab. brilliant.