Tag Archives: copywriter

That Blank Page Luv

Y’all start the track playing (below) and then sing along with the lyrics I have composed for y’alls:


Blank Page Luv

Radio Ad Killa,
MBLTM
The Advertising Dream
Hey yo writers
Come up off them keyboards
Write a lil something for the creatives
Let em know how we feelin’


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save my ass
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Yeah they love it when I put it on them
In the boardroom when I’m clickin my pen
I make it rhyme and they like it
They get the ad like a psychic (izzy)
Next thing we talking bout shoot dates
I’m like don’t this need more debate
But they say that they loving my flow
Finally found a creative that knows
What it’s like to pimp FMCG
So pumped they fired the old agency
Like cool, you dig it, it’s sold
Get it while its hot before idea gets cold
Mock it up and print it up nice
Use a spot UV coz them consumers dig ice


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab

I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I get a call in the middle of the night
It’s the client sayin shiz not right
The wrong logo, that shiz too small
Model looks like she ran a brick wall
Coz I’m a prankster, I ask if it can wait
Been up all night writing ads til late
Client’s angry don’t get my joke
Hit me up and flush my coke
Holla back you be starting again
New ideas gonna solve this thing
Client’s over all them other ideas
Tho they signed their name here, here and here
So I’m up and I’m pullin new page
Clicking Bic to contain this rage


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

so you want to get into advertising?

then read this, and remember:



get your money for nothing and your clicks for free

How agency-client negotiations would sound in real life:

got this little gem from JontyFisher (who’s being quoted all over the world these days..ahem ahem New York Times) . thanks dude. funny stuff. speaking of wanting something for nothing, i got the following email this morning (i kid you not):

Hey Alix.

Found your blog on 2oceans and I can dig it. My name’s Jonah* and I’m studying Marketing at Rhodes. What I really dig about your blog is the real-world insight it gives me into advertising and it has made me set that this is the career for me. I loved your article on trendspotters – classic! I have even come across trendspotters in Rhodes.

The reason I’m writing is I’m doing my thesis on How The Conversation Killed Advertising and was wondering if you could give me some pointers. I’m basically looking for businesses that are been using alternative media for their advertising campaigns rather than TV, radio, billboards etc. Basically businesses using facebook or youtube and such. Could you send me a write-up of your XXXXXXX Campaign? I heard it was a great success from reading some other marketing blogs, and one of my course tutors said he saw you speak at a short course he did. It doesn’t have to be long, point-form is fine, and include any relevant pictures. Thanks I’d appreciate it very much if you could oblige me. The first draft of my thesis is due at the end of June so if you could basically get it to me by the end of next week it would be fine.

Jonah*

*Name has been changed to prevent extreme ridicule.


~~~~~ He actually gave me a deadline. It’s too good. When I received this, I printed it out and rubbed it all over my face, letting the ink seep into my skin in an attempt to become *one* with the email. My reply: ~~~~~

Dear Jonah

Thank you so much for contacting me. I have heard about you – in fact, we as an industry have all heard about you and your talent, and are waiting with sweet anticipation for you to get your degree so that we might snap you up into our ranks where we have no doubt you will use your insight into non-traditional advertising to transform the industry.

I will begin my write-up on the XXXXXX campaign immediately. Basically, I have a host of deadlines going on, including writing rationales for my agency’s Loerie Awards Entries, which I will put on hold so that I can get to writing up the case study of the XXXXXX campaign. I will be sure to place all information in succinct prose where point form does not suffice, and will send an instruction to DTP immediately for them to resize all images from the campaign so that you are satisfied. Would you like me to courier over the disc with the information in it? Or would you prefer that I deliver the disc in person? Basically, I’d be honoured to be of service to you in any way. It’s my grandmother’s birthday this evening but I will happily cancel and drive through to the Eastern Cape to make sure you get all the information you might need.

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s anything more I can do for you. I could offer to write your thesis for you, perhaps? I am a copywriter after all. Anything. You just basically let me know.

Yours in anticipation, basically,

Alex

Psychographic Profile: I am a copywriter.

Take me seriously, pls. - copywriter

"Take me seriously, pls." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter.
I am just doing this for now, until I
finish my book / record my album / someone picks up on my blog and makes me a presenter on a travel show.
I can do many things besides write
I subject my friends to my guitar / singing / painting / surfing
But I can’t do anything quite as well as I can write
Which is half a disappointment
And half a point of pride.

Wish I didnt know so much about the nature of humanity. - a copywriter

"Wish I didn't know so much about the nature of humanity." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
I can quote chunks out of cult movies and books by Paul Arden
I update my favourite books on facebook
(Unlike journalists, I love Margaret Atwood because I never studied English at university)
I didn’t really study much at all but
I have a know-it-all air about me which some people love
And some people hate
But I’m not here to make friends
And I don’t get lonely
Because I don’t really like people very much
Because I ‘know too much about the world’.

Were all just monkeys. - A copywriter

“We’re all just monkeys.” – A copywriter

I am a copywriter
I never finish any of the expensive notebooks I buy
Sometimes I don’t start the new ones
Even though I buy a new one like, twice a month
Some of them look real pretty but are difficult to write in
Because they are almost too pretty
(I will basically find a million different excuses for why I can’t write, unless
I’m writing to a brief).

Just trying to think the opposite of whatever Im thinking. - a copywriter

"Just trying to think the opposite of whatever I'm thinking." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
I am my own worst enemy
I am brimming with potential
But all I can do is get drunk / stoned / eat takeout until I’m sedated
while I ignore my phone and the doorbell
And watch mini series
And talk about ‘how well they are written’.

Im going to make myself some tea and then get a solid chapter in. - a copywriter

"I'm going to make myself some tea and then get a solid chapter in." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
Deep down inside I really believe I can solve the world’s problems
(I could even be the president)
Even though I can’t quit smoking 20 cigarettes a day
Nor can I quite shake that weird neurosis I developed as a teenager that my parents are too embarrassed to bring up
So we all pretend it wasn’t  real.

A copywriters dog.

A copywriter's dog.

I am a copywriter
I type a lot so my colleagues think I am working
I annoy my art director because I type loud
Because I type hard
But I’m mostly commenting on forums / blogging / microblogging on twitter / skyping other copywriters
Chatting about my plans to finish my book / record my album / get my blog ‘out there’

Some day the world will see me for the genius I am. - a copywriter

"Some day the world will see me for the genius I am." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
But just for now.

How old are you in advertising years?

Today is Rei’s birthday and he turns 26. That makes him like 158 in advertising years. <3 dating older guys. Happy birthday Rei. Bought him some Evisu sneaks. Not sure if Evisu is cool beyond jeans but he seems to like them, so think I did good.

Evisu sneaks.

Evisu sneaks.

Happy feet on the soles.

Happy feet on the soles.

Which brings me to today’s topic: How old are you in advertising years?

Here’s a simple equation to help you work it out:

Just plug in the variables.

Just plug in the variables.

Have been reminiscing about when I first got into advertising. I remember the day it happened. I was walking home from school through Keurboom Park just as the sun was setting, when a very pale man appeared from nowhere. He hissed and revealed a set of fangs and bit me in the neck. I blacked out but when I came to, I knew I was now a copywriter because I had the urge to bite headlines. Ppl always ask me why I’m so pale but now you know.

And so it was to be forever.

And so it was to be forever.

Am glad I was bitten by a writer and not by an art director tho, because then I would be chained to a Mac when the sun’s up, and also poor. As it is I can deal with sun, just have to  wear sunglasses the whole time. Another puzzle explained.

********************************~~~~~~~~~~*************************************


But that was like 400 years ago. Times have changed, and so has advertising. My people are increasingly misunderstood; as the creative class we have been chased into the trees / threatened with sharp sticks. Clients just don’t buy the “I’ve been in this business for centuries” rationale anymore. And they all seem to carry silver Parker Pens / Montblancs, if they’re not rejecting work because ‘it’s a full moon’ (hate being threatened :(.

Go write some lines.

Go write some lines.

Yes, I have seen all types of advertising come and go. I can never stay at one agency for too long because they cotton onto the fact that I seem very young yet know a lot. Can’t reveal the fact that I never age. Plus when yet another IT guy  disappears, ppl start getting suspicious. The life of a copywriter. Gotta keep moving y’ulle. Who wants to live forever hey. Who wants 2 live 4eva.

Cry me a river.

why am i here? counting my blessings. plus a poem about being an art director

who am i? why am i here? why don’t i capitalise my ‘i”s when i am a writer? why do i even bother logging on every day? does my life have meaning? should i pay off a MacBook over 36 months or just put it on my credit card?

2 Alexs. United in a name on facebook. One disguised as a blonde, one disguised as a Mallix. Enough to make you add Jesus as a friend.

2 Alex's. United in a name on facebook. One disguised as a blonde, one disguised as a Mallix. Enough to make you add Jesus as a friend.

kidding y’ulle. it’s not all that bad. i should count my blessings:

1) My new client-service hair cut. Now I can move effortlessly through all agency divisions. Clients like me more. My boyfriend likes me more. Shop assistants are kinder to me because they think ppl who blowdry their hair have money to spend during this tough ol’ recession.

2) My facebook friends. My facebook friends are the best. They are always there when I need them. If I ever have a status crisis, they comment on it in seconds. Some even use the new ‘I like this’ button. I am blessed y’ulle.

3) My family of brands. Without them, I would be no one. My Reebok shoes keep me grounded and remind me ‘I am who I am’. My Nike Gym Sweats remind me to ‘Just do it’ instead of sleeping late. My Renault Yaris reminds me to shake my environmental booty on a daily basis. I am so blessed.

************************************************************

Feeling very inspired today so am going to use my highly developed sense of empathy to ‘change my course’ and ‘become an art director’.

I am an Art Director: a poem by a copywriter

I am an Art Director

My world is visual, my eyes have visions,

I have crows feet from squinting at the colourful, spinning MacBook Sun,

The glow on my cheeks is blue,

I dream in Hi-Def LCD (hate dead pixels,they’re the worst).

I am an Art Director,

I am too lazy to brainstorm a visual brief with my copywriter.

I would rather just ‘get it out the way’,

So I can browse thru ffffound.com,

and scan in my Holga Lomo Action Sampler prints.

I am an Art Director,

I failed Matric, but nobody cares about qualifications in advertising.

Bummer, since I paid R10 million extra to get a ‘degree':

Wish someone had told me.

I am an Art Director,

I have lots of coffee table books

That I purchased at the Exclusive Books Summer Sale.

I still have a red beanie from that time I watched The Life Aquatic

and vowed to never wear anything that wasn’t red, white or teal ever again (it was just a phase).

I am an Art Director,

My fingers move over my mac keyboard like a DJ.

I am a visual DJ. But not a V-Jay. Or a vaJayJay. God is a DJ. I am a visual God.

My favourite author is Hunter S. Thomson.

The only author I have ever read is Hunter S. Thomson, even though that one writer chick I went out with wouldn’t shut up about Charles Bukowski.

I am an Art Director,

I designed my own tattoo, which is why it looks like shit.

I designed my girlfriend’s tattoo, too.

We both pretend it doesn’t look like shit.

If you like we can meet at Vida and brainstorm a logo for an electro label.

Add me on facebook.

I’ll make you look hot.

Nice grade.

Bro.

An art director has breakfast.

An art director has breakfast.

An art directors lounge.

An art director's lounge.

An art directors house.

An art director's house (they get paid waaay less than copywriters).

Female art directors make nests in which to give birth to their young art directors.

Female art directors make nests in which to give birth to their young art directors.

An art directors hat.

An art director's hat.

A young art director with its mother.

A young art director with its mother.

An art director filing its tax returns.

An art director filing its tax returns.

MyBrandedHaikus(TM)

wanna buy something

that makes me look better than

you or anyone else.

*pls note that this particular 5 – 7 – 6 (including the magenta / orange / lime format) haiku structure is a Registered Trademark of MyBrandedLifeTM ® Enterprises and all subsidiary brands Copyright © Alex van Tonder Industries and that vibe 2007.


honda toyota

asian imports so lovely

kind of cheap to the eye.

———————————————————————————

FoxP2 party

snuffling out the who’s-who there

another facebook tag.

———————————————————————————

a frantic scramble

is it worth D&AD?

maybe just the Loeries.

———————————————————————————

name generation

try to invent new icon

my name, forgotten.

——————————————————————————–

the bar is open

friday frenzy, tequila

dial your dealer now.

Graphic design haikus, lifted off some website, somewhere.

Graphic design haikus, lifted off some website, somewhere.