Tag Archives: copywriter

That Blank Page Luv

Y’all start the track playing (below) and then sing along with the lyrics I have composed for y’alls:


Blank Page Luv

Radio Ad Killa,
MBLTM
The Advertising Dream
Hey yo writers
Come up off them keyboards
Write a lil something for the creatives
Let em know how we feelin’


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save my ass
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Yeah they love it when I put it on them
In the boardroom when I’m clickin my pen
I make it rhyme and they like it
They get the ad like a psychic (izzy)
Next thing we talking bout shoot dates
I’m like don’t this need more debate
But they say that they loving my flow
Finally found a creative that knows
What it’s like to pimp FMCG
So pumped they fired the old agency
Like cool, you dig it, it’s sold
Get it while its hot before idea gets cold
Mock it up and print it up nice
Use a spot UV coz them consumers dig ice


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab

I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I get a call in the middle of the night
It’s the client sayin shiz not right
The wrong logo, that shiz too small
Model looks like she ran a brick wall
Coz I’m a prankster, I ask if it can wait
Been up all night writing ads til late
Client’s angry don’t get my joke
Hit me up and flush my coke
Holla back you be starting again
New ideas gonna solve this thing
Client’s over all them other ideas
Tho they signed their name here, here and here
So I’m up and I’m pullin new page
Clicking Bic to contain this rage


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

so you want to get into advertising?

then read this, and remember:



get your money for nothing and your clicks for free

How agency-client negotiations would sound in real life:

got this little gem from JontyFisher (who’s being quoted all over the world these days..ahem ahem New York Times) . thanks dude. funny stuff. speaking of wanting something for nothing, i got the following email this morning (i kid you not):

Hey Alix.

Found your blog on 2oceans and I can dig it. My name’s Jonah* and I’m studying Marketing at Rhodes. What I really dig about your blog is the real-world insight it gives me into advertising and it has made me set that this is the career for me. I loved your article on trendspotters – classic! I have even come across trendspotters in Rhodes.

The reason I’m writing is I’m doing my thesis on How The Conversation Killed Advertising and was wondering if you could give me some pointers. I’m basically looking for businesses that are been using alternative media for their advertising campaigns rather than TV, radio, billboards etc. Basically businesses using facebook or youtube and such. Could you send me a write-up of your XXXXXXX Campaign? I heard it was a great success from reading some other marketing blogs, and one of my course tutors said he saw you speak at a short course he did. It doesn’t have to be long, point-form is fine, and include any relevant pictures. Thanks I’d appreciate it very much if you could oblige me. The first draft of my thesis is due at the end of June so if you could basically get it to me by the end of next week it would be fine.

Jonah*

*Name has been changed to prevent extreme ridicule.


~~~~~ He actually gave me a deadline. It’s too good. When I received this, I printed it out and rubbed it all over my face, letting the ink seep into my skin in an attempt to become *one* with the email. My reply: ~~~~~

Dear Jonah

Thank you so much for contacting me. I have heard about you – in fact, we as an industry have all heard about you and your talent, and are waiting with sweet anticipation for you to get your degree so that we might snap you up into our ranks where we have no doubt you will use your insight into non-traditional advertising to transform the industry.

I will begin my write-up on the XXXXXX campaign immediately. Basically, I have a host of deadlines going on, including writing rationales for my agency’s Loerie Awards Entries, which I will put on hold so that I can get to writing up the case study of the XXXXXX campaign. I will be sure to place all information in succinct prose where point form does not suffice, and will send an instruction to DTP immediately for them to resize all images from the campaign so that you are satisfied. Would you like me to courier over the disc with the information in it? Or would you prefer that I deliver the disc in person? Basically, I’d be honoured to be of service to you in any way. It’s my grandmother’s birthday this evening but I will happily cancel and drive through to the Eastern Cape to make sure you get all the information you might need.

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s anything more I can do for you. I could offer to write your thesis for you, perhaps? I am a copywriter after all. Anything. You just basically let me know.

Yours in anticipation, basically,

Alex

Psychographic Profile: I am a copywriter.

Take me seriously, pls. - copywriter

"Take me seriously, pls." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter.
I am just doing this for now, until I
finish my book / record my album / someone picks up on my blog and makes me a presenter on a travel show.
I can do many things besides write
I subject my friends to my guitar / singing / painting / surfing
But I can’t do anything quite as well as I can write
Which is half a disappointment
And half a point of pride.

Wish I didnt know so much about the nature of humanity. - a copywriter

"Wish I didn't know so much about the nature of humanity." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
I can quote chunks out of cult movies and books by Paul Arden
I update my favourite books on facebook
(Unlike journalists, I love Margaret Atwood because I never studied English at university)
I didn’t really study much at all but
I have a know-it-all air about me which some people love
And some people hate
But I’m not here to make friends
And I don’t get lonely
Because I don’t really like people very much
Because I ‘know too much about the world’.

Were all just monkeys. - A copywriter

“We’re all just monkeys.” – A copywriter

I am a copywriter
I never finish any of the expensive notebooks I buy
Sometimes I don’t start the new ones
Even though I buy a new one like, twice a month
Some of them look real pretty but are difficult to write in
Because they are almost too pretty
(I will basically find a million different excuses for why I can’t write, unless
I’m writing to a brief).

Just trying to think the opposite of whatever Im thinking. - a copywriter

"Just trying to think the opposite of whatever I'm thinking." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
I am my own worst enemy
I am brimming with potential
But all I can do is get drunk / stoned / eat takeout until I’m sedated
while I ignore my phone and the doorbell
And watch mini series
And talk about ‘how well they are written’.

Im going to make myself some tea and then get a solid chapter in. - a copywriter

"I'm going to make myself some tea and then get a solid chapter in." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
Deep down inside I really believe I can solve the world’s problems
(I could even be the president)
Even though I can’t quit smoking 20 cigarettes a day
Nor can I quite shake that weird neurosis I developed as a teenager that my parents are too embarrassed to bring up
So we all pretend it wasn’t  real.

A copywriters dog.

A copywriter's dog.

I am a copywriter
I type a lot so my colleagues think I am working
I annoy my art director because I type loud
Because I type hard
But I’m mostly commenting on forums / blogging / microblogging on twitter / skyping other copywriters
Chatting about my plans to finish my book / record my album / get my blog ‘out there’

Some day the world will see me for the genius I am. - a copywriter

"Some day the world will see me for the genius I am." - a copywriter

I am a copywriter
But just for now.

How old are you in advertising years?

Today is Rei’s birthday and he turns 26. That makes him like 158 in advertising years. <3 dating older guys. Happy birthday Rei. Bought him some Evisu sneaks. Not sure if Evisu is cool beyond jeans but he seems to like them, so think I did good.

Evisu sneaks.

Evisu sneaks.

Happy feet on the soles.

Happy feet on the soles.

Which brings me to today’s topic: How old are you in advertising years?

Here’s a simple equation to help you work it out:

Just plug in the variables.

Just plug in the variables.

Have been reminiscing about when I first got into advertising. I remember the day it happened. I was walking home from school through Keurboom Park just as the sun was setting, when a very pale man appeared from nowhere. He hissed and revealed a set of fangs and bit me in the neck. I blacked out but when I came to, I knew I was now a copywriter because I had the urge to bite headlines. Ppl always ask me why I’m so pale but now you know.

And so it was to be forever.

And so it was to be forever.

Am glad I was bitten by a writer and not by an art director tho, because then I would be chained to a Mac when the sun’s up, and also poor. As it is I can deal with sun, just have to  wear sunglasses the whole time. Another puzzle explained.

********************************~~~~~~~~~~*************************************


But that was like 400 years ago. Times have changed, and so has advertising. My people are increasingly misunderstood; as the creative class we have been chased into the trees / threatened with sharp sticks. Clients just don’t buy the “I’ve been in this business for centuries” rationale anymore. And they all seem to carry silver Parker Pens / Montblancs, if they’re not rejecting work because ‘it’s a full moon’ (hate being threatened :(.

Go write some lines.

Go write some lines.

Yes, I have seen all types of advertising come and go. I can never stay at one agency for too long because they cotton onto the fact that I seem very young yet know a lot. Can’t reveal the fact that I never age. Plus when yet another IT guy  disappears, ppl start getting suspicious. The life of a copywriter. Gotta keep moving y’ulle. Who wants to live forever hey. Who wants 2 live 4eva.

Cry me a river.

why am i here? counting my blessings. plus a poem about being an art director

who am i? why am i here? why don’t i capitalise my ‘i”s when i am a writer? why do i even bother logging on every day? does my life have meaning? should i pay off a MacBook over 36 months or just put it on my credit card?

2 Alexs. United in a name on facebook. One disguised as a blonde, one disguised as a Mallix. Enough to make you add Jesus as a friend.

2 Alex's. United in a name on facebook. One disguised as a blonde, one disguised as a Mallix. Enough to make you add Jesus as a friend.

kidding y’ulle. it’s not all that bad. i should count my blessings:

1) My new client-service hair cut. Now I can move effortlessly through all agency divisions. Clients like me more. My boyfriend likes me more. Shop assistants are kinder to me because they think ppl who blowdry their hair have money to spend during this tough ol’ recession.

2) My facebook friends. My facebook friends are the best. They are always there when I need them. If I ever have a status crisis, they comment on it in seconds. Some even use the new ‘I like this’ button. I am blessed y’ulle.

3) My family of brands. Without them, I would be no one. My Reebok shoes keep me grounded and remind me ‘I am who I am’. My Nike Gym Sweats remind me to ‘Just do it’ instead of sleeping late. My Renault Yaris reminds me to shake my environmental booty on a daily basis. I am so blessed.

************************************************************

Feeling very inspired today so am going to use my highly developed sense of empathy to ‘change my course’ and ‘become an art director’.

I am an Art Director: a poem by a copywriter

I am an Art Director

My world is visual, my eyes have visions,

I have crows feet from squinting at the colourful, spinning MacBook Sun,

The glow on my cheeks is blue,

I dream in Hi-Def LCD (hate dead pixels,they’re the worst).

I am an Art Director,

I am too lazy to brainstorm a visual brief with my copywriter.

I would rather just ‘get it out the way’,

So I can browse thru ffffound.com,

and scan in my Holga Lomo Action Sampler prints.

I am an Art Director,

I failed Matric, but nobody cares about qualifications in advertising.

Bummer, since I paid R10 million extra to get a ‘degree’:

Wish someone had told me.

I am an Art Director,

I have lots of coffee table books

That I purchased at the Exclusive Books Summer Sale.

I still have a red beanie from that time I watched The Life Aquatic

and vowed to never wear anything that wasn’t red, white or teal ever again (it was just a phase).

I am an Art Director,

My fingers move over my mac keyboard like a DJ.

I am a visual DJ. But not a V-Jay. Or a vaJayJay. God is a DJ. I am a visual God.

My favourite author is Hunter S. Thomson.

The only author I have ever read is Hunter S. Thomson, even though that one writer chick I went out with wouldn’t shut up about Charles Bukowski.

I am an Art Director,

I designed my own tattoo, which is why it looks like shit.

I designed my girlfriend’s tattoo, too.

We both pretend it doesn’t look like shit.

If you like we can meet at Vida and brainstorm a logo for an electro label.

Add me on facebook.

I’ll make you look hot.

Nice grade.

Bro.

An art director has breakfast.

An art director has breakfast.

An art directors lounge.

An art director's lounge.

An art directors house.

An art director's house (they get paid waaay less than copywriters).

Female art directors make nests in which to give birth to their young art directors.

Female art directors make nests in which to give birth to their young art directors.

An art directors hat.

An art director's hat.

A young art director with its mother.

A young art director with its mother.

An art director filing its tax returns.

An art director filing its tax returns.

MyBrandedHaikus(TM)

wanna buy something

that makes me look better than

you or anyone else.

*pls note that this particular 5 – 7 – 6 (including the magenta / orange / lime format) haiku structure is a Registered Trademark of MyBrandedLifeTM ® Enterprises and all subsidiary brands Copyright © Alex van Tonder Industries and that vibe 2007.


honda toyota

asian imports so lovely

kind of cheap to the eye.

———————————————————————————

FoxP2 party

snuffling out the who’s-who there

another facebook tag.

———————————————————————————

a frantic scramble

is it worth D&AD?

maybe just the Loeries.

———————————————————————————

name generation

try to invent new icon

my name, forgotten.

——————————————————————————–

the bar is open

friday frenzy, tequila

dial your dealer now.

Graphic design haikus, lifted off some website, somewhere.

Graphic design haikus, lifted off some website, somewhere.

last blog before holidays.

ah, at last. i’ve had a great 2 month re-baptism back into King James, but end of year fever has hit me hard and truth be told i cannot get out into the sunshine fast enough. just want to pick up a good book and secure a spot for myself next to a pool and not.move.for.17.days.straight.

it’s been a good year for accomplishing things. i was thinking about new year’s resolutions and all that last night, and i see my usual list is substantially shorter. i mean, who actually achieves new year’s resolutions? apparently i do. here’s what i did this year:

- i got to know and love Joburg. it’s been one of my goals to live there since i started red and yellow, where i met a bunch of cool people who are all from Joburg.in fact, almost everyone whom i like immediately is from joburg. figures.

- i quit smoking. yes, i really did. and that’s no mean feat. 6 months ago i was ploughing my wheezy way through just under a box of Marlboro Lights a day. today, i’ve been smoke-free since August. i won’t lie – it wasn’t easy. but i had an amazingly supportive boyfriend to hold me while i cried (there was a lot of crying, because smokers use smoking to stop themselves feeling uncomfortable emotions). he also quit smoking while i was quitting, to make it that little bit easier. so thank you, Rei. you really did help.

- i started running. along with quitting smoking, this must be my proudest achievement. 6 months ago, i used to walk around saying things like ‘No running unless it’s absolutely necessary”. I called myself a ‘swimmer’ and said ‘my body is not built for running‘ and ‘it hurts my knees’. These were all just excuses. Slowly, little by little,  i went from running for 2 minutes at a time and 10 minutes in total to running 15 minutes at a time and 40 minutes in total. i bought running shoes and i tossed my iPod, because running is a form of meditation that deserves your full concentration. these days, i feel like half a person if i do not run in the morning. i get up at 5.30 and i go to bed at midnight, and i am never short of energy or optimism, purely – purely – because of running. sport of the gods, i bow down to you, and look forward to growing as a runner.

- i did a triathlon. okay, so it was at the Virgin Active, and it didn’t take me longer than 24 mins, but it still feels good to be able to say, “I did a triathlon”. And i really enjoyed it, too. Thanks must go to Paige for roping me in and inspiring me to do it.

- I lost 12 kgs. yes, 12 kgs. that’s 27 pounds to you, America. of course, this was a by-product of the running. but it’s given me a whole new lease on life. a lease that includes bikinis, dresses and skinny jeans. the beach is more real to me now than it ever was. i quite enjoy standing in front of the mirror, analysing my (new) tan. and it makes shopping the ultimate form of entertainment.

- I left a job that made me depressed, and i found a job that brought me joy. I was then offered an even better job, so i took that, and here i am. It’s been a year of career discovery, and of facing up to my own strengths and weaknesses, and overcoming or working with the latter. There have been ups and downs, but when i look at the knowledge, experience and sense of satisfaction that i’m walking away with, I can’t complain for a second.

- i went .com – yay. http://www.mybrandedlife.com brings me joy. it helps me take my job a little less seriously. it helps me take life less seriously. it gives me a tongue-in-cheek outlet with which to process life, and most importantly, i amuse myself with it.i might not have the volume perezhilton has, or his pink hair, but i have my fun. and that’s awesome.

- i fell in love with someone very special. arguably one of the most important accomplishments. meeting special people is difficult. you should value the ones in your life highly.

More awesome than a turquoise tiger wearing glasses.

2008: More awesome than a turquoise tiger wearing Ray-Bans.

*********************************************************

What a year. I think all this achieving deserves a little celebration. A little song and dance. I’ll keep you posted.

**********************************************************

Happy holidays everyone.

May 2009 bring you lots of strategically aligned brand sponsorships.

May you be blessed by branded freebies at each one of your personal consumer touchpoints.

May you discover your signature scent, and combine your clothing labels in such a way that you are distinct, unique, and remarkable enough to be listed in the Sunday Times Top Brands Survey.

May you be blessed with coupons, cash-back vouchers and an array of Discovery Health partnership discounts on household appliances.

May you sing along to Vodacom’s Summer Nights like nobody’s watching.

And don’t forget to leave a Steri Stumpie out for Santa.

Peace, love and allusions to meaningful Coldplay lyrics that double up as a life-anthem,

Alex

May it be rad like a flaming skull dude who is powerful.

Here's to 2009: May it be rad like a flaming skull dude who is rad.

PS. I’m going to be offline until 5th January. Even living breathing brands need holidays too. But i will be sustaining the microblog by tweeting here. Because tweeting isn’t cheating. xxxx

trying to come up with a Loeries stage gimmick. need to make a lasting impression in the industry’s inebriated minds.

Under all sorts of pressure right now. The agency xmas party is on Friday and I still don’t have what I need for my beehive, or my satin ballet slippers. Irksome. Been thinking a lot of about Loeries next year. You know when that book The Secret came out and everyone started ‘being positive’ and ‘following the laws of attraction’ and writing affirmations about money in the gratitude journals? Was wondering if the law of attraction applies to awards. Should I imagine a lot of Loeries flying towards me like magnets? Or is that a bit unrealistic.

Maybe if I flap my hands it will call The Loeries to me and my life will be like a advertising remake of Hitchcocks The Birds.

Maybe if I flap my hands it will call The Loeries to me and my life will be like a advertising remake of Hitchcock's 'The Birds'.

Been thinking about what kind of crazy zany antic I can do when I go on stage to collect my gold Loerie award. You know how some really crazy creatives like to do hand-stands when they collect their awards? I need some sort of stage gimmick like that. Some creatives get zany by throwing their panties at the mayor of Margate. Others have lollopped up the stage like monkeys. I’m not feeling like any of these antics really reflects my deeply introspective yet also fun and lighthearted creative nature.

Should i take a giant crusty fake hot dog / banana on stage with me and hump it? Such a big decision for me to make.

Should i take a giant crusty fake hot dog / banana on stage with me and hump it? Such a big decision for me to make.

I could take a fire extinguisher up with me and set it off onstage. Setting off fire extinguishers unnecessarily is pretty kooky, hey?

Maybe I could roll up a banner that says something about how immersed in the industry I am, such as ‘Interns are for mounting’ or ‘Life’s a pitch’. Do you think anyone will notice that I took those sayings from the zany stickers Net#work BBDO made last year? Ppl will probably shout ‘that’s been done before’ because they will be pretty bitter about my gold.

I could reinterpret a South African classic and do the Nik Nak man dance on stage to show ppl how I have an appreciation of all things local and retro. Hopefully the camera will zoom in on my Casio Gold Calculator watch that I got from ShelfLife, and really bring retro to life.

Maybe I should reinvent myself as a retro electronics brand? Is that more meaningful than strapping a retro electronics bag to your wrist? Sometimes always pushing for concept is a lot of work.

Maybe I should reinvent myself as a retro electronics brand? Is that more meaningful than strapping a retro electronics brand to your wrist? Sometimes 'always pushing for concept' is a lot of work.

Maybe I should be more subtle, and wear some Coverse High-Tops with a flouncy ballgown (a visual contradiction / irony / the tension of opposites), thereby telling ppl that even tho I win gold Loeries and wear ballgowns and shiz, I am still able to keep it real in my All Stars, while retaining township cred (important for a white girl).

I would have to practise my nonchalant shrug. Need to keep it real in my All Stars.

I would have to practise my nonchalant shrug. Need to keep it real in my All Stars.

It’s all a bit much to think about right now. Maybe y’ulle have some cool gimmick ideas that you can send me, for which I won’t credit you but will use in order to advance my social standing and industry credibility. Mail me.

How to Not Keep It Real in your All Stars. For shame, this bro is a 90s surf brand, not a retro electronics brand.

How to Not Keep It Real in your All Stars. For shame, this bro is a 90s surf brand, not a retro electronics brand.

Film review: How to get ahead in Advertising. Excuse the weird code at the top. Don’t know wtf. Something to do with the font no doubt. There’s always something about the font. Sigh. Deciding to embrace it. Added a ‘Build character’ tag to this post.


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Watched ‘How to get ahead in advertising’ last night. Thought it would give me all sorts of handy tips and tricks, kind of like ‘Hey Whipple, Squeeze This’ did (the book, not the movie. Tho it would make a very useful movie). Tips like ‘Strike while the iron is hot’ which means you should write your headlines while you’re feeling inspired, or while you’re high on cocaine instead of making stupid conversation in the toilets at the agency xmas party.

Categorically incapable of Keeping It Real.

Richard E Grant: Categorically incapable of Keeping It Real.

I’m not sure my how my agency would respond to me writing headlines at the Christmas party. Think they might ostracize me for life. Good thing I don’t work at the kind of agency that encourages or perpetuates drug use. I don’t think I’d ever be naturally inspired to write headlines while at any kind of party.

They should have called the movie ‘How to get severely agitated by watching Richard E Grant get all crazy like he did in Withnail and I’. Because that would be a really accurate descriptor of what kind of take-out you can expect from the film.

Still from the movie Withnail and I, the prequel to How to get Ahead in Advertising.

Still from the movie Withnail and I, the prequel to How to get Ahead in Advertising.

They could have also called it ‘Representation of the pathetic dude at every party who never knows when to stop’ and ‘Character study of a self-obsessed alcoholic idiot who appeals to submissive females with no self-esteem who are suckers for any kind of eloquent opinion’ or even ‘Most unrealistic marriage ever’ or ‘If you know anyone in Advertising who takes their job this seriously, kick them in the face’. The script writer managed to miss a very basic truth. No matter how passionate a copywriter you may be, you are only making ads. Not art. Nothing that warrants the kind of fuss Richard E Grant made.

**********************************************************************************************

Am really disappointed. There are so few Hollywood glamourisations of my career out there. I really thought this would inspire me to be the best copywriter I can be. Instead it made me want to phone my mother and tell her we’re not all like that. I also wanted to phone everyone I know and make amends, as if I had just realized the error of my ways via association.

***************************************************************************************************

Zany and passionate and likes to hold eggs. Thats how passionate. And creative. And zany.

"So crazy I hold eggs."

It made me want to stop smoking, even though I already have stopped smoking. It made me fully comprehend the words “No one likes a know-it-all” really and truly, for the first time in my life. It made me want to think about never having an opinion on anything ever again.

It also made me draw Grant parallels. I thought about how Richard E Grant can only play one type of character, and how Hugh Grant can also only play one type of character. Then I generalized that that’s the case with most actors / actresses out there. Generalizing is always a good way to make ideas immediately relevant to you, yourself, because as I was sipping my first Vida e Double Mucho Meia de Leite Skinny Wet it occurred to me how it was prob true that most writers only have one style of writing ie. One type of character. So I feel inspired to work on my versatility. Gonna write some poems, some haikus, maybe a short story.

I’m gonna write love letters as if I was a grizzly bear in love. Not for versatility though, more because Mark asked me to do them for his Grand Daddy Bear-themed hotel room. Grawr. Snort. Ftttl.

Did no one tells Richard about staring too long into the abyss vibes and how it stares back? Think Richard E IS the abyss.

Did no one tell Richard about staring too long into the abyss vibes? Think Richard E IS the abyss.

christmas party pressure. so much pressure to be clever and funny.

Executive Creative Director sent this mail around yesterday:

It seems people are taking the Christmas theme of dressing up as your favourite singer and/or band very literally. You are, of course, very welcome to put on a wig and short skirt and come as Tina Turner, or wear nothing but black and come as Johnny Cash or Roy Orbison, or get 3 friends and come as ABBA. But here are some thought starters on how to be a little less obvious:

Put a flashing blue light on your head and come as The Police.

You could wrap yourself in a black refuse bag and come as Garbage.

You could dress like James and come as James. Duh.

You could strap a Radio to your head and come as Radiohead.

Two of you girls could come naked with a stuffed springbok under your arm. Yep, you got.

You could get a friend, one of you dress in white, one in black, and come as Salt ‘n Pepa. Even better if you each drilled holes in your head.

We don’t however want anyone coming as The Strokes, ok?.

Good luck.

Over and Out.”

Feeling rly worried that i don’t come up with the smartest costume. Especially since I’m a copywriter and supposed to be strong on concept. Supposed to have a brain for strategy, but what if i’ve just got a brain for wanting to look hot at the Christmas party and dress up like Amy Winehouse because i have as much if not more hair than her. And if i have more than 1 drink (not likely, given brand dilemma) it’ll just look like i’m in character?

Dance floors heating up. Time for the speech about how our agency needs to give an extra 10 %.

Dance floor's heating up. Time for the speech about how our agency needs to give an extra 10 %.

Agency Christmas parties are always big on the pressure like this. See, it all depends on what tribe you belong to within the agency. the PR chicks will make any theme an excuse to dress like slaggy whores. you could make the theme ‘Potato Sack’ and they would put ripped fish nets under the potato sack and cut the sack really short.

Client service are kind of similar. you get those client service chicks who essentially come as themselves and then put a flower in their hair and say they are Madonna in that one video where she had a flower in her hair because they are so scared of not looking hot.

You can count on the events company getting pretty zany, since they go to so many parties and have seen every costume under the sun they will very often have access to the best rental places.

But if you’re in creative, there’s big pressure. Big pressure to make some sort of visual pun, to make people work out what you are. Sigh. Thinking of sticking to my original plan and going as crazy britney. really miss those days of hers. Made me feel really together, like a lifestyle brand as opposed to a niche electro label. Gotta keep innovating, I guess.

Should have been a copywriter not a pop star.

Should have been a copywriter not a pop star.

Need a device like a pink wig to warn ppl im on the rag.

Need a device like a pink wig to warn ppl i'm on the rag.

Test-driving a car im about to write radio ads for.

Test-driving a car i'm about to write radio ads for.

Pulling another all nighter. Need the Bull.

Pulling another all nighter. Need the Bull.

not sure i can take this whole ‘dress up as your favourite band/singer’ brief srsly unless there’s some sort of award going. can someone phone Arlene Donnenberg and ask her if we can get cre8ive circle points for highly conceptual and original xmas party costumes? scared i use up my mental desktop thinking of awesome outfits and don’t have any left for award-winning ideas. what if ideas like are the eggs in your ovaries? as in, are you born with a set amount and once you’ve used them all up they’re gone? can i get my ideas cryogenically frozen, that way if i need an idea when i’m over the age of 35 i can use the ones i stowed away in my youth? is it true that older women have ideas with higher IQs than younger women?

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“Always use christmas parties as an opportunity to show your Creative Director that you are one crazy m*otherf*cker by taking off your top and flashing your breasts. That way he won’t think twice about sending the potentially award-winning new media tactical brief your way next time management has a status meeting at Vida.” – Bill Bernbach

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psychoblog: dealing with my issues part IV

i’m trying to work through my issues with rejection at the moment. two jobs that i’ve been working on just got rejected by a client – for ‘circumstantial reasons’. you know, client had nothing against the ideas, but the one was a mission to produce and the other one was ‘too clever for the target audience’. that’s like breaking up with someone and telling them ‘you’re too good for my love. you deserve someone better’.

Apparently writing poetry can help alleviate feelings of isolation and depression. Writing poetry can also make you seem quite deep and connected to the truth of the human condition, which will translate into a vague sense of authenticity when people talk to you, which they will trust. People will say things behind your back like, I like that girl. She seems real.

Apparently writing poetry can help alleviate feelings of isolation and depression. Writing poetry can also make you seem quite deep and connected to the truth of the human condition, which will translate into a vague sense of authenticity when people talk to you, which they will trust. People will say things behind your back like, "I like that girl. She seems real."


now deep down i know that fear of rejection comes from low self esteem and feeling like i’m not worthy of love. does anyone know of any shortcuts / quick fixes to make yourself feel better about yourself?like get an art director to take pics of me and then photoshop them and upload them onto my Facebook so my frendz comment about how hot i am? or get a fish eye lens Lomo and take pics of myself and scan and upload them onto my Myspace so my frendz comment on how hot i am? maybe i should use my digicam to take pics of myself and upload them onto my Flickr so my frendz comment on how hot i am?

OMG LOL I look so bad here, was having the WoRsT hair day evaaar! Plus Ive put on sooo much weight you guys. Please promise me you WONT let me eat any more KFC Twisters, OK??! OMG I feel so fat.

"OMG LOL I look so bad here, was having the WoRsT hair day evaaar! Plus I've put on sooo much weight you guys. Please promise me you WON'T let me eat any more KFC Twister's, OK??! OMG I feel so fat."


***does anyone know of any other quick fixes for self-esteem issues?*** i have heard drinking alcohol helps, as does having sex with strangers. the problem with alcohol is that what you drink makes such a big statement about who you are and i’m not sure i can make big decisions while i’m low like this. and i think sex with strangers would be really awkward without alcohol.

rejection hurts y’ulle. you don’t know what it’s like being judged on the physical appearance of your ideas everyday. copywriting seems so glamourous but it can seriously damage you if you don’t have a tough skin.

sent around the office yesterday

On 10/1/08 6:06 PM, “” <someone@myworkplace> wrote:

Hi Guys,

I am desperately looking for the poem by William Shakespeare – I think it’s ” how do I love thee/you” and he compares this woman to the stars and the moon kinda thing.

We did it in high school.

Please help – if you have it or have the title so I can google it or something…

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Shakespeare by Burberry as seen in heat magazine.

Shakespeare by Burberry as seen in heat magazine.

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i think one of the sadder truths about marketing is that it attracts people who would otherwise not study anything because it seems easy. don’t get me wrong – it IS easy – but only to the same kind of person who’d find doing a crossword easy. my message to all you cool kids out there who are too cool for class and just want school to hurry up so you can ‘get into advertising’ would be:

STAY IN SCHOOL

DON’T DO DRUGS

DON’T SEND MAILS TO ALLSTAFF

SMILE A LOT

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Some kids think their lives will begin once they get a job in a cool agency that wins awards and they get to ‘do cool work on cool brands’. i have news for those kids. the work might look cool, but the doing of it involves a lot of thinking and refining and arguing and crafting and disagreeing and substantiating and rationalising and post-rationalising and researching and bending over quietly (to pick up the pencils you keep dropping). if that is what your daydreams of being a dezigner or art Director look like, then you won’t need to die to get to heaven. you just need a shit-hot porti.

text speech – the art of abbreviation

a fine example of an educational guide for modern kids / an art review: (yes, I do offer Text Speak as part of my writing services, however when you sign the cost estimate you also need to sign the “Just trust me on this one” clause)

Not one of my pieces of work, but its freaking out marketers everywhere this Monday. Dont. Be. Afraid. There are people out there who can help.

Not one of my pieces of work, but it's freaking out marketers everywhere this Monday. Don't. Be. Afraid. There are people out there who can help.