Tag Archives: free

i’m gonna add you. and then delete you. i’m gonna add you.

Strangers are just friends waiting to be met. Lets just be strangers.

Strangers are just friends waiting to be met. "Let's just be strangers".

today i’m going through my facebook friends list, and checking it twice. feel like some of your wide-angle profile pics aren’t really doing much for my reading pleasure. and now that marketing has reached glorious new heights, if i delete you, you’ll know. because i’m gonna get something out of deleting you. i’m gonna get a free burger. that’s right, a free burger.

Me and my best facebook friend. We have so much fun.

Me and my best facebook friend. We have so much fun.

it’s no big deal. we were never great friends anyway. i met you through a friend of a friend and you’d just read Hey Whipple and you thought we had soooo much in common. i accepted your friend request because i figured i might be able to use you for my own gain, some day. delete.

We had this amazing connection. Yeah. Its called the internet.

"We had this amazing connection." Yeah. It's called "the internet".

and it ain’t no thang with you either. we went to primary school together, back when it was still called ‘primary school’. i had a crush on you because i was limited for choice. now i see your insipid little face for what it is: white trash. delete.

Friendship is only real when the age gap is at least 15 years and you all sit on a bus together.

Friendship is only real when the age gap is at least 15 years and you all sit on a bus together.

as for you. i met you one night backstage at some band thing i was covering. back when i used to write for that cute little mag that liked to think of itself as a post-modern Rolling Stone. later that night you covered yourself in your own vomit. it’s the only thing we talk about, when i actually reply to your mails. delete.

Real friends like to get their digits stuck in finger traps for days (forces intimate conversation and sharing of living spaces, boyfriends, etc).

Real friends like to get their digits stuck in finger traps for days (forces intimate conversation and sharing of living spaces, boyfriends, etc).

and then of course, there’s you. i guess there was a time when i might have called you my ‘boss’. guess that was back before you revealed yourself to be a liar. you lied about the job description, you lied about company resources, you lied to your clients, and then you were caught plagiarising. real world’s a bitch. delete.

Youre not officially friends until you have an attic clubhouse where you can look at each others clothes and talk about having a yard sale.

You're not officially "friends" until you have an attic clubhouse where you can look at each others clothes and talk about having a yard sale.

hey. it’s you! we were best friends once. now we lurk around each other’s profiles, spying on each other’s friends, reading a little too much into everything. i still like you, though. you can stay.

Youre not friends until youre a band of white horses, running free and groovy through the electro orchards of contemporary Cape Town.

You're not friends until you're a band of white horses, running free and groovy through the electro orchards of contemporary Cape Town.

oh, but you. i don’t even know how i know you, though facebook says we have 15 friends in common. i don’t even know what you look like. you could be Sadam Hussein for all i know. but no. you are some arb with some arb name, polluting my news feed with your status updates and your photo tags and your notes. you send me requests to put me on your BFF birthday calendar, and you send me growing gifts. this isn’t healthy. i’m ending this for us. maybe some day our paths will cross and we will never even know that we were once fbook friends. until then, adieu. delete.

Were not friends until you adore me and carry me around.

We're not friends until you adore me and carry me around.

hey you. we once lived together, for a bit. we could have been best friends, but life – and a landlord – got in the way. every time i see your status i feel a little guilty because i should see you more. since i feel guilty about everything from putting an extra half spoon of sugar in my tea (bad G.I.) to not updating my blog to ignoring my phone on the odd Friday night (ok, every Friday night), i’m gonna scrape your name off my guilt platter, to give myself a break. love ya. delete.

Were not friends until we cross a cultural barrier and offend the people we love. So i can stroke your soft white feathers.

We're not friends until we cross a cultural barrier and offend the people we love. So i can stroke your soft white feathers.

oh, and you! we once worked together for that lame promo company. i was nice to you because everyone pretended to be nice to everyone. the truth is i think you’re bland, dull and gormless. delete.

*********************************************************2 more to go til burger time….******************************************

and then there is you, mr generic person who added me because all your friends added me. there’s no nice way to say this but…you’re lame. go tag a wall in Rondebosch or something. delete.

Were not friends until you take ambient shots of me with your Polaroid in your bedroom.

We're not friends until you take ambient shots of me with your Polaroid in your bedroom.

and lastly, we have you, friend of friends. you, who has not much else to talk about (not that we talk – by talk i mean ‘update your fbook status’) but how drunk you got last night. or how hungover you are this morning. it’s like being inside the Ground Hog Day of your Loser’s Complex. as fascinating as it is to read about how drunk you did / can / will / want to get, i’m sorry, it’s time for you to go now. delete.

Were not friends unless youre a little white bird that brings me dreams while i sleep.

We're not friends unless you're a little white bird that brings me dreams while i sleep.

and now. for my burger. mwah ha ha. see you in fbook hell, fuckers.


Psychographic Flash Cards for Marketers: Print them out and improve your skills

as a writer who crossed over into strategy (and by that i mean tripped, hit my head and woke up on the other side of the fence with a throbbing skull and the desire to speak, live and think rhetorically), my favourite part of the marketing and advertising process was always the part where i got to write up consumer psychographics. i’ve been told i’m quite good at it. i’ve also been told i’m quite good at lying and manipulating people, but i guess like everything in life it depends on your attitude.

one thing i noticed about market research is how deeply marketers read between the lines. if a consumer says “I like Coke Zero”, a bunch of invisible subtitles that only us marketers can see comes up which translates that sentence into:

“I am a young female who was once naturally skinny except now i have passed the age of 21 and got some muffin tops which have caused me to stop buying Levi’s jeans since they only really fit hip-less girls and now I buy my jeans at Woolworths because I am scared if I spend too much money on a brand it will be a waste because I will probably get fatter and have to buy more jeans anyway. My ideal car would be a Mini Cooper and while I don’t save yet I appreciate Standard Bank’s attempts to lure me into their Achiever Plan with neat discounts from Apple. Apple 4 Ever. PC sucks. I aspire to Scarlett Johanssen because she is sexy and proud of her curves and has a brain because she did an album of Tom Waits covers.”

so when i discovered this site called Beforeidieiwantto.org i thought it would be handy resource for marketers. What you do is print out the Polaroids and use them as Flash Cards to flex your psychographic muscles when you’re sitting around sharpening your pencils and pretending to put briefs into the system. treat the statements about what the consumers want to do before they die as insights into the mind of the consumer, and translate it into strategy speak.

>>>>>beforeidieiwantto is a site set up by some Polaroid fans to protest Polaroid’s decision to stop making film. basically they go around taking Polaroids of people and asking them to name one thing they want to do before they die. i guess it captures the spontaneity and spirit of Polaroid while turning each photo into something meaningful and completely non-disposable, ie. the total opposite digital photography.let’s take a look at what kind of conclusions you can draw from the following consumers and their Polaroid statements:

Age 18 - 23, LSM 6+, Male.

Demographics: Age 18 - 23, LSM 6+, Male.

Psychographic interpretation:

“My parents love me and want me to succeed in my own time so they buy me tops from Guess and Diesel (sometimes) and my jeans from Levi’s from Edgars because my mom has a card there. I tell people I drink Heineken because it makes me feel like I am absorbing a bit of the zany-ness in their ads through osmosis but I’ll drink anything really. I listen to 5fm and i belong to the Junior Rotary Club (a.k.a i pay a Tiger Tiger VIP membership fee so i can skip the queue). I drive an Opel Corsa but I aspire to a Hummer and I once entered that 5fm competiton to win one but i kept forgetting to phone in so I didn’t. I have a girlfriend but she hates me because i play Xbox when she’s over and the one time she thought i gave her herpes. I watch TV as often as I can because I believe an education is really important.”

age 21 - 25, LSM 6+, Female

Demographics: age 21 - 25, LSM 6+, Female

Psychographic interpretation:

“I was one of those awkward teenagers who eschewed mainstream cool culture, and used words like ‘eschewed’. Because I am of above average intelligence i realise that not buying into mainstream means i buy into alternative, and i looked to art for my inspiration eg. Rammstein, mIRC, Doc Martens. Marketers who want to get my attention should appeal to the fact that I consider myself above my peers because i don’t buy into MTV culture. I do have some insecure moments and I have caught myself comparing diet products. I am and always will be a PC person and think people who use Apples are dupes. I spend my spare money on figurines and fantasy novels and i get a LOT of cashback vouchers from Exclusive Books. I don’t watch TV because i get my series downloaded. I drink White Horse whisky because it’s actually a good blend and Lagavulin is its core malt, which means I use knowledge of exclusive brands as status symbols. If I were a car I would be a Black Vintage Chevrolet, or whatever the car is in Death Proof. Tarantino is a genius.”

**********Get Practising your psychographic skills HERE**************

PS. I really respect this initiative, since i have a Polaroid camera and I really really don’t want to run out of film.

Levi’s Live Unbuttoned Laser Graffiti videos

the event

the making of

secret Levi’s Laser Show & a free pair of 501s

so a really cool thing happened last night. the boyfriend and i had heard there would be some sort of ‘happening’ on the corner of Long Street and Wale Street (Cape Town) at 8pm. so we braved the cold to go check it out. upon arrival we saw a small crowd of people clustered on the street corner. we waited around for about 15 minutes and then a laser projection appeared on the side of one of the buildings. the projection was of a graffiti artist, who appeared out of nowhere and started spraypainting the wall. at first it looked realistic, then the lasers started making all sorts of interesting shapes and effects on the words, which read: “Live Unbuttoned.” periodically the guy would disappear and reappear, bouncing over geometric shapes and doing Parkour-type jumping off the walls and roof of the building. then he would start his graffiti over again.

in the beginning were the words. and the words were ‘Live Unbuttoned.’

the artist starts playing with lights.

things get a little more interesting on the laser front.

jumping over laser shapes.

laser squiggles

missioning around with his materials

and this is where it gets interesting. suddenly, he’s no longer painting, but he’s playing on his mobile phone. next thing a number appears on the projection, and a word to SMS to the number. so we all frantically SMS, and receive a text back instructing us to find the ‘Live Unbuttoned’ truck, which is apparently parked nearby. we spot it in seconds and run across the road and bang on the door. a young guy asks me to show him the text message, and next thing i have a brand new pair of 501s in my hand. fantastic!

if you want to get your hands on a free pair of 501s, i’ve heard that there will be more laser shows in and around Cape Town. And Levi’s, if you’re reading this, please tell me why you didn’t throw any girls jeans into the mix? Because as rad and as cool as this stunt was, i can’t wear a guy’s cut, which makes it a bit of a let-down. How about something for us ladies?

wireless sponsored by kent

sitting in one of the “Kent nodes” they have stationed around cape town, this one in Sinn’s restaurant at Wembley Square in Cape Town. in an attempt to beat the sunday blues, what better way than spending an hour in the swimming pool then popping on down for some cappuccino and free internet. thanks kent.