Tag Archives: jupiter drawing room

should i sell my personal brand?

so Jupiter sold just under half their company to WPP, which owns every ad agency on the planet that those other 2 big holding companies don’t. I’ll bet shareholders at Jupiter had a grand old day and maybe went out and bought 10 Porsches and Damien Hirst’s Diamond Skull to celebrate. that’s cool. it takes something special to make a place named after a big gassy planet work.

Hi, Im a Jupiter Shareholder and Im so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. Im very dedicated to my health.

"Hi, I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and I'm so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. I'm very dedicated to my health."

Hi Im a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid.

"Hi I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid."

In light of this deal, I’m considering accepting WPP’s proposal to buy my personal brand. i guess it would be quite a mission because i would have to be audited, and then ‘placed under review’. I’d have to freeze my assets and bonuses and standardise the salary increase i give myself every few days. this might be a problem since i am of the ‘old school’ that believes in living fast and dancing in the rain like no one is watching tomorrow, so my assets are ethereal things, ideals, really. has anyone ever had their ideals audited? does it involve a written questionnaire? I am not very into multiple choice.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students singing the song, thinking this is the life d) freelance film directors brainstorming at Royale.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students 'singing the song, thinking this is the life' d) AFDA students brainstorming at Royale.

I sure wish I was a Jupiter shareholder right now. i would mos def exceed my daily withdrawal limit / electronic transfer limit / inter-account transfer limit. I’d stroll down the road and buy the Fat Cactus. And then burn it to the ground. I’d burn R200 notes in front of my middle-class friends, so that they understand that i have matured and am no longer the same person i was in high school. sometimes friends tend to see you as the gawky, pimpled fat person you were when you met in high school. burning money would probably cement my new identity as ‘one of the top 100 rich ppl in Southafricanland’, and it would might make them fear me slightly and therefore be nicer to me because that’s what true friendship is all about.

Its not about doing the fan for your facebook profile pic.

True friendship: It's not about 'doing the fan' for your facebook profile pic.

has a holding company ever bought a personal brand before? I know that deals like this have to be very ‘carefully structured’ and stuff like that. things i would insist in my contract would include:

- I would retain 51% ownership so that when the time came to diss one of my friends / pull out of a party i committed to / buy a new pair of All Stars, I would have control over who was dissed / whether I excuse myself via SMS or just not pitch / which colour or hi-top vs. ankle jacks.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

- I would be able to insist that 50% of my friends and all people who approach me with free drinks and offers of sex at The Assembly / poke me on facebook / add me on myspace / @MyBrandedLifeTM me on Twitter are all black because black peeps are notoriously cooler than whites or coloured or any other ethnicity. Also black peeps will enhance my street cred and will result in possible collaborations with other strong personal brands like Eminem / Dr Dre / Whoopi Goldberg.

A black person. Cooler than youll ever be.

A black person. Cooler than you'll ever be.

Black people 4 eva.

Black people 4 eva.

- I would work some sort of automatic Jewishness into the contract because it’ll stand me in good business stead, plus it’ll hopefully bring body to my very straight, very uncurly hair. Always wanted wavy, curly hair. Even willing to drop my GHD endorsement for it.

- A permanent spot at the front of the Woolies queue. Nothing is more devastating to my PB than the reflection of myself in the Woolies plexiglass, kicking my basket of Fat Free White Peach Yoghurt and Chuckles forward in front of me, as I inch closer to the till.

- Double points on my Vida card every time I swipe. Am kind of tired of buying 7 cups of coffee a day so I can get a free coffee every Friday. Paying for Vida is kind of what plebby City Varsity Students who have just discovered Vida do. Feel like I’m beyond this. Pls organise.

- Somebody to write and think of cool stuff for my contract because this is getting boring.

****************************************************************

question: do y’ulle think it’s hypocritical to build an agency and call it ‘independent’ and then sell it for loads of $$$$$$? some ppl who live in the comments of this article think so. i kind of don’t know what the point of being creative for other ppl is if you don’t make $$$$$$$$$. ya know?

Using your god-given talents to make people who are not you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear. - The richest oppenheimer

"Using your god-given talents to make people who are not-you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear." - The richest oppenheimer

***************************************************************

Sub-topic: The Money Effect

A study into consumer / employee behaviour by Alex van Tonder.

Insight: People feel happy and free to be productive and amazing and fulfilled and valued and inspired to reach unchartered territories and be loyal when you pay them lots of $$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

Recommendation: Pay the ppl you like most lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

****************************************************************

See how simple life is? Oh, what’s that? You want me to run your company? Send your proposal of my employment contract to alex@mybrandedlife.com.


reflecting on some good times

like i said, i’m going to miss jupiter. this whole missing-something has got me thinking about all the good times i had here in my practically lifelong 4 months career i spent on this advertising planet. :

- dialling the interkom and then setting off Brandt’s fart machine during the 3pm slump

- planting the fart machine at farewell speeches near the person who’s leaving

- planting the fart machine under the mike during the Good Hope FM broadcast

- strapping the fart machine to Nicole and following her around the office with the remote

- making giant cut-outs of Jason’s head and carrying them around Margate at the Loerie Awards

- taking the giant cut-out of Jason’s head to agency lunches and not inviting Jason

- giving my Traffic Manager Sarah all my lunch scraps

- framing a pic of an erect penis, putting it on Fred’s desk and waiting a whole day for him to notice

- moving the framed penis to the design studio and watching Jo notice the penis while showing a client around  and pulling a quick ‘hey look over there’ while pointing in opposite direction

- planting the framed penis on the new guy’s desk and watching him say nothing about it for fear of ‘being uncool’

- sending out an email from Traffic Manager’s machine saying ‘I am randy’ and then her dumping the contents of her rubbish bin on my desk while client looked on, fearful

***********************&&&&&&&&&&$$$$$$$$$$***************************

such crazy, zany times y’ulle. do you ever get scared that you will never be able to replicate the level of craziness you have achieved elsewhere? like, what if the model doesn’t work unless atmospheric conditions are just right? being a creative is like being a weird tropical fish that swims backwards or something. the water needs to have plenty of that blue droppy stuff in it, the temperature must be complimentary to scale growth, the tank must be cleaned every 2 – 3 weeks. failing that, regular hugs and maybe a tot of good whisky every now and again will do.

>>>Maybe i’m just thinking too hard about moving jobs and i need to chill out and listen to Cat Power.  <<<

Come and be free, you know who I am.

"Come and be free, you know who I am."

an important announcement

this here week is my last week at TJDR. It’s really sad because i like it here a lot. from my first day here in the design department, i thought that i could spend a good year or 2 here, which says a lot since i am Gen Y and the lifespan of the average Gen Y job is 2.75 days. i’m gonna miss this place.

3 you guys. gonna miss you. will think of you everyday.

<3 you guys. gonna miss you. will think of you everyday.

But, as they say:

and i am excited to say that i have accepted a Group Head position at King James RSVP. which is just a fancy way of saying senior writer, but i like it because it reminds me of the colossal stone heads of the Olmecs.

don’t worry, this isn’t going to change me as a person. i’m not going to let the added responsibility, extra work and longer hours go to my head. i’m going to stay humble, stay focused, stay real. i won’t go getting all convoluted with the philosophies like the guy who wrote this:

Hmm. Deep.

Hmm. Deep.

Does anyone out there know what this means? Does it mean designers shouldn’t try so hard? Do y’ulle out there who went to university get this? My diploma never covered ‘the tension of opposites’ guys. Really wish i was intellectual right now. Then I could GET this. Are there extra lessons i can take in design philosphy that will make me a better Group Head? Or do i just need to concern myself with grammatical stuff since i am a writer and nobody actually reads signs like this anyway but if they do, at least nothing will be spelt wrong.

************************************************************************************

Sometimes I wish spellcheck wasn’t invented yet because then my services would appreciate in value. It’s a designer’s world yo. You never read shiz like this targeted at design writers.

***********************************************************************************

here is a quote i like to keep stuck on my wall in Helvetica Extra Bold Heavy:

“Style = Fart.”

- Stefan Sagmeister

weekly round up vibes: soccer, balls and witches

self-discovery is really important. in this day and age, knowing yourself is almost as important as knowing your enemies when it comes to keeping a competitve edge in the advertising industry. this week i discovered something about myself that i never knew: i am freaking petrified of a soccer ball. luckily i discovered this while i was on the soccer pitch, about to make Jupiter proud as the only (legitimate) girl, so i was able to face my fears right there and then. i faced them by turning my back on the ball and running the other way. in me, the survival instinct is strong. some snaps of the event:

Very enthusiastic crowd of supporters despite awful wind. Note the sign in the background.

Very enthusiastic crowd of supporters despite awful wind. Note the sign in the background.

The sign in the background reads:

“Yet another pitch TBWA wasn’t invited to.”

Very funny. Much LOL. Jupiter’s doing (in fineprint it reads jobs@jupiterct.co.za). One of the highlights of the evening was Fred getting into a fight with some dude from FCB. There was pushing and shoving and pulling apart – for reals. Great stuff. I wouldn’t want to fight with Fred. I mean, who would.

Crazy eyes. Our Fred.

Crazy eyes. Our Fred.

The old open your beer with your teeth trick. Our Fred.

The old 'open your beer with your teeth' trick. Our Fred.

Fred may be mad, but to his credit he once went an entire day without noticing that we’d placed a penis in a picture frame on his desk. He has that kind of focus. That dedication to his craft as Creative Director that makes him so valuable. Also, he’s French, and can make your ‘fuck’ sound like ‘oh poo’. All-in-all, much fun was had, despite the freezing wind.

The more teeth you show the more fun youre having. Standard rules.

The more teeth you show the more fun you're having. Standard rules.

on Friday, Good Hope FM came to the agency and we planted VonBrandis’s fart machine right beneath the DJ’s mike to make things a little more interesting. of course, what seemed like sheer genius at the time fell a little flat since we couldn’t hear it going off. we hope listeners did though.

Brrrlllllrrlllfffffft.

"Brrrlllllrrlllfffffft."

Ha Ha Fart Machine LOL Shhhh.

Ha Ha Fart Machine LOL Shhhh.

the weekend went by pleasantly – spent most of it lazing in the sun trying to brown the pasty chops since it was the first fully sunny hot as hell weekend since the piffly teasers we’ve been having. went shopping on sunday and was totally talked out of buying OMO by one of the Skip witches, who are totally the coolest promo ladies i have seen in a while. the fact that i’m talking about promo ladies says a whole lot.

Sexy Skip witches. In A Gardens Centre Pick n Pay near you.

Sexy Skip witches. In A Gardens Centre Pick 'n Pay near you.

Good Hope FM broadcasting from Jupiter this afternoon

Listen in from 3 – 6pm today. You might even get to hear us talk very meaningfully about design.

Louis Armstrong made me do it.

this just went out to allstaff:

Hi everyone

Over a few days, over the next few weeks, we are going to be bringing a little bit of melody into our working environment.

We ran an ill-fated trial a couple of Fridays ago, but my optimistic sense is that the complainants were the more vocal, and so before we had time to really evaluate, the wires were cut. I missed the entire drama altogether!

The music will be discreet (in terms of volume) and the final decision as to whether it stays or goes will be determined by popular choice. I will run the poll personally with  [Finance Director] verifying my arithmetic. (Please note that this does not mean I am asking for comment prior to the end of the test!)

The choice of music however, will be entirely autocratic I.e. [Managing Director’s] Collection.

Before you jump to your conclusion, change can be difficult I know, I ask that you give it some time. Although at the outset, it might seem intrusive, I am hoping that over time that it will fade into acceptable?

[Deputy Managing Director]

*************************************************************************************

hmm. this should be interesting. do you have music playing over the speakers where you work? (note: i am only really interested in your response if you work for Google, who manages to keep its employees the way a premenstrual IBS sufferer retains water.)

*************************************************************************************

i remember the first round of this experiment, as mentioned in the mail. it was a Friday afternoon, and the office was gearing up for its usual themed friday afternoon bash. when all of a sudden, a dreadful wailing erupted through the airconditioning ducts. within seconds, we evacuated the building the way we’d been told to in case of fire or bomb threat. an innocent error, but clearly management sees a benefit to knocking up the general noise levels a notch or 2. stay tuned to see how this pans out…

Practising my get away in case the agency decides to play SlipKnot. The last thing we need is some intern coming to work with a sword.

Practising my getaway dance just in case the agency decides to play SlipKnot. The last thing we need is some intern coming to work with a sword and the desperately need to 'get a campaign passed while still at college'.

weekly roundup: stuff’s going down

phwhoar. been away from the computer doing all sorts of things. spent the morning with a company called Kunye which is a company run by a lady by the name of Allison. it’s her personal mission to create jobs / recycle plastic bags. and by the looks of things Kunye’s doing pretty well.

Funky chicken. Southafricanlanders know these chickens well - theyre on many a street corner. Kunye sources the guys who make them and structure commissions and shiz. Apparently they get loads of overseas orders. Very cool.

Funky chicken. Southafricanlanders know these chickens well.

Cool little reindeer dude.

Cool little reindeer dude.

Cool shoe vibes. All this stuff made from recycled plastic.

Cool shoe vibes. All this stuff made from recycled plastic.

Close up of Chappies placemat.

Close up of Chappies placemat.

then i came across these HUMAN HAMSTER BALLS at the V&A Waterfront. sweet holy mother. if only they’d had these babies when i was little. and you ball around in a pool, no less. actually it’s for the best that we didn’t have these when i was little. i would have spent my whole childhood rolling around in one, and probably a large part of my adolescence too. in fact i’d probably still be in one. hmm. anyone know where you can buy these at cost price?

Hell yeah flipping rad and awesome.

Hell yeah flipping rad and awesome.

Bye mom! See you never!

Bye mom! See you never!

then my friend Jono – who DID spend his adolescence in a Human Hamster Ball – had his birthday on Friday night at Banana Jam Cafe. Banana Jam has a lot of good memories for me, mostly of the days when reggae was the original version of chilled indie/emo music and Cool Running was too ‘young’ for us mature 18 year olds. Going to Banana Jam said you were ‘with it’ enough to know Observatory was actually dirty not ‘arty’. Back then, 2nd Avenue Harfield was at its height of being the Lower Main Road of the Southern Suburbs High School Belt. Then Jack Johnson came on the pirate ships and reggae became what you played in your car at trance parties, if you still went to them, and pretended that hippie was a lifestyle choice and not just an easy way to disguise the fact that you never had any money, and Banana Jam became the home of the Observatory refugees who were cultivating their yuppie. today, Banana Jam is a thriving biome of post-trance-head-young-professionals-who-live-in-town-but-like-to-get-in-touch-with-their-roots(ie. get drunk where no one will recognise them)-from-time-to-time.

My friend Jono. He has outgrown his Hamster Ball as a character prop and has instead embraced the Jason mask. This tells the world that he has a ruthless side yet values the loyalty of his true friends, all of whom know what he looks like yet accept him no matter what kind of plastic appendage he chooses to embrace depending on his mood.

Exhibit A: My friend Jono. He has outgrown his Hamster Ball as a character prop and has instead embraced the Jason mask. This tells the world that he has a ruthless side yet values the loyalty of his 'true friends', all of whom know what he looks like yet accept him no matter what kind of plastic appendage he chooses to embrace depending on his mood.

Before the Banana Jam madness, the agency went to lunch at The Fat Cactus. The Fat Cactus vibe is somewhere in the middle between Cool Runnings in Obs and Banana Jam in Harfield. By that I mean Fat Cactus is like the awkward teenage years of regular drinking holes, frequented by the company I work for partly because they are close by, but also because if one of us (hypothetically say, Nicole) were to climb up the wall to steal a sign that makes a visual pun out of a pair of chillies and a girl’s bum, and in the process knocks a wrought iron light fitting off the wall, which in turn smashes a large neon bottle sign and causes all the lighting in the restaurant to go out, The Fat Cactus staff will simply ask us if we’re all okay, bring more frozen margaritas and give my boss a free T-shirt. You don’t get that kind of treatment at many establishments.

After frozen margarita jug round 4, Anth, Yollie and Jakkie said they were going to flash their boobs for us. Of course, only Anth had any kind of follow-through on this. Kids, please learn from this. One thing you must NEVER do if you work at an ad agency is tell your colleagues you will flash your boobs, and then go back on your word. Nothing will get you ostracised sooner. Why at this very moment, Yollie and Jakkie can be heard banging in the broom cupboard. But were not going to let them out. They need to be ignored, so they realise they have done something wrong.

After frozen margarita jug 4, Anth, Yollie and Jakkie said they were going to flash their boobs.

Of course, only Anth had any kind of follow-through on this. Kids, please learn from this. One thing you must NEVER do if you work at an ad agency is tell your colleagues you will flash your boobs, and then go back on your word. Nothing will get you ostracised sooner. Why at this very moment, Yollie and Jakkie can be heard banging in the broom cupboard. But we’re not going to let them out. They need to be ignored, so they realise they have done something wrong.

*****************************So anyway************************************

To top off a fine week, I noticed that I got a personal Thank You in the sleeve of the new New Academics album, The Apple. There is nothing quite like getting love from a band, especially a band that I like, and especially a band whose music has been described in critical reviews as ‘hard fucking’. I’m not making that up. You can read about it on their website. Love you too guys.

I 3 PDAs. Spesh from musicians.

I <3 PDAs. Spesh from musicians.