Tag Archives: online

Are there beggars ‘fucking everywhere’?

Can you spare some of your online influence?

Y’ulz, this is a srs post. Sometimes I feel, when am driving my Bugatti thru the streets of ‘the most beautiful city in the world’ (Gardens), that there are beggars ‘fucking everywhere’. Think I am kind of over winding down my window BEFORE they approach 2 tell them 2 ‘lean on some other car like that Polo’. FFS y’ulle.

You'd better wash that stump b4 u click on my profile

And as if having to ‘decline stealing from myself 2 give 2 the poor’ on a daily basis is not painful enough, some beggar walked up to my window on facebook 2day (via an internal fbook email) and begged for me to ‘just go to this page and scroll down to the photo of the yam and like it, but don’t open the photo and like the photo, just like the link or it wont count as a vote, so I can win a free yamboat’.
Maybe just send this pic of my child 2 ur mailing list
Y’ulle can imagine my reply.
No, y’ulle actually can’t because I used a word I made up.

I said:

“Fangbags! Did u rly just send me this??????? H8 u.”

Maybe u can fwd round your office or summin.
Srsly. Are there beggars ‘fucking everywhere’? Gonna write my next pro-bono article for the Big Issue about the beggar endemic. Have ‘had it in chunks’. What are y’ulz feelings about this topical issue? Has our social networking society ‘gone 2 the dogs tonight’? is fbook ‘the new Zim’?

i’m gonna add you. and then delete you. i’m gonna add you.

Strangers are just friends waiting to be met. Lets just be strangers.

Strangers are just friends waiting to be met. "Let's just be strangers".

today i’m going through my facebook friends list, and checking it twice. feel like some of your wide-angle profile pics aren’t really doing much for my reading pleasure. and now that marketing has reached glorious new heights, if i delete you, you’ll know. because i’m gonna get something out of deleting you. i’m gonna get a free burger. that’s right, a free burger.

Me and my best facebook friend. We have so much fun.

Me and my best facebook friend. We have so much fun.

it’s no big deal. we were never great friends anyway. i met you through a friend of a friend and you’d just read Hey Whipple and you thought we had soooo much in common. i accepted your friend request because i figured i might be able to use you for my own gain, some day. delete.

We had this amazing connection. Yeah. Its called the internet.

"We had this amazing connection." Yeah. It's called "the internet".

and it ain’t no thang with you either. we went to primary school together, back when it was still called ‘primary school’. i had a crush on you because i was limited for choice. now i see your insipid little face for what it is: white trash. delete.

Friendship is only real when the age gap is at least 15 years and you all sit on a bus together.

Friendship is only real when the age gap is at least 15 years and you all sit on a bus together.

as for you. i met you one night backstage at some band thing i was covering. back when i used to write for that cute little mag that liked to think of itself as a post-modern Rolling Stone. later that night you covered yourself in your own vomit. it’s the only thing we talk about, when i actually reply to your mails. delete.

Real friends like to get their digits stuck in finger traps for days (forces intimate conversation and sharing of living spaces, boyfriends, etc).

Real friends like to get their digits stuck in finger traps for days (forces intimate conversation and sharing of living spaces, boyfriends, etc).

and then of course, there’s you. i guess there was a time when i might have called you my ‘boss’. guess that was back before you revealed yourself to be a liar. you lied about the job description, you lied about company resources, you lied to your clients, and then you were caught plagiarising. real world’s a bitch. delete.

Youre not officially friends until you have an attic clubhouse where you can look at each others clothes and talk about having a yard sale.

You're not officially "friends" until you have an attic clubhouse where you can look at each others clothes and talk about having a yard sale.

hey. it’s you! we were best friends once. now we lurk around each other’s profiles, spying on each other’s friends, reading a little too much into everything. i still like you, though. you can stay.

Youre not friends until youre a band of white horses, running free and groovy through the electro orchards of contemporary Cape Town.

You're not friends until you're a band of white horses, running free and groovy through the electro orchards of contemporary Cape Town.

oh, but you. i don’t even know how i know you, though facebook says we have 15 friends in common. i don’t even know what you look like. you could be Sadam Hussein for all i know. but no. you are some arb with some arb name, polluting my news feed with your status updates and your photo tags and your notes. you send me requests to put me on your BFF birthday calendar, and you send me growing gifts. this isn’t healthy. i’m ending this for us. maybe some day our paths will cross and we will never even know that we were once fbook friends. until then, adieu. delete.

Were not friends until you adore me and carry me around.

We're not friends until you adore me and carry me around.

hey you. we once lived together, for a bit. we could have been best friends, but life – and a landlord – got in the way. every time i see your status i feel a little guilty because i should see you more. since i feel guilty about everything from putting an extra half spoon of sugar in my tea (bad G.I.) to not updating my blog to ignoring my phone on the odd Friday night (ok, every Friday night), i’m gonna scrape your name off my guilt platter, to give myself a break. love ya. delete.

Were not friends until we cross a cultural barrier and offend the people we love. So i can stroke your soft white feathers.

We're not friends until we cross a cultural barrier and offend the people we love. So i can stroke your soft white feathers.

oh, and you! we once worked together for that lame promo company. i was nice to you because everyone pretended to be nice to everyone. the truth is i think you’re bland, dull and gormless. delete.

*********************************************************2 more to go til burger time….******************************************

and then there is you, mr generic person who added me because all your friends added me. there’s no nice way to say this but…you’re lame. go tag a wall in Rondebosch or something. delete.

Were not friends until you take ambient shots of me with your Polaroid in your bedroom.

We're not friends until you take ambient shots of me with your Polaroid in your bedroom.

and lastly, we have you, friend of friends. you, who has not much else to talk about (not that we talk – by talk i mean ‘update your fbook status’) but how drunk you got last night. or how hungover you are this morning. it’s like being inside the Ground Hog Day of your Loser’s Complex. as fascinating as it is to read about how drunk you did / can / will / want to get, i’m sorry, it’s time for you to go now. delete.

Were not friends unless youre a little white bird that brings me dreams while i sleep.

We're not friends unless you're a little white bird that brings me dreams while i sleep.

and now. for my burger. mwah ha ha. see you in fbook hell, fuckers.


found in the bathroom of TJDR cape town

Something to do with the Christmas Party theme being The Great Depression. Anyone else spotted zany agency xmas party invites? Anyone out there work at an agency thats cancelled their xmas party to save $$?

Something to do with the Christmas Party theme being 'The Great Depression'. Anyone else spotted zany agency xmas party invites? Anyone out there work at an agency that's cancelled their xmas party to save $$?

see how much effort goes into agency christmas parties? can you imagine the costume pressure involved in this one? what is great depression attire? great gatsby’s last night out? having second thoughts about my amy winehouse idea. scared i’ll be judged for not being conceptual enough. can’t my work speak for myself? can’t they accept me as an artist despite the fact that i have personal flaws like not digging conceptual costumes? not sure. the last KJ xmas party i attended i dressed up as a ‘Security God’ when the theme was ‘gods and godesses’. feel i put in enough effort there to warrant a simple excuse to rock a beehive.

“I fell down a flight of refrigerators.”

now South African woman have their very own portal for uploading men who are asshats and warning other women about them.

donotdatehim.co.za got sent to me by a friend who is putting her ex on the site.

Dont Date Him.co.za

Don't Date Him.co.za

this is good because there are a lot of asshats out there preying on nice sweet ladies. of course there are asshat ladies out there preying on nice sweet guys but the guys must get their act together and get their own website. i have some A – Z tips on how to spot an asshat – the creative capetonians guide:

- A is for Arty: Most arty dudes are asshats, especially the ones that LOOK arty from a 50 metres plus distance. Subtle arty detail means less narcissism, but generally you should stay away with men who have better / more creative hair than you do. Note if YOU are arty this does not nec apply since you are probably also not a very nice character and very into yourself in which case you will probably make a good asshat couple who pains everyone but yourselves, then you can coccoon as a couple and not bother other people.

- B is for Big: like, Really Big. If a man looks like he spends a lot of time making his muscles huge (legally or illegally) chances are he’ll use them any chance he gets, even if that chance is to teach you a lesson for asking why he can’t clean the steroid syringe after he’s used it.

- C is for Claws. A man who has lobster claws for hands probably can’t be trusted. I don’t speak with any experience here, but I once watched a documentary called South Park about Crab People, and let me tell you, they look like they could do some damage to a woman.

That is all i have time or attention for. You can complete the rest.

God: “Are you sure the kids will think this is cool?” Jesus: “DUH Dad, sheesh, just trust me will ya.”

a fine example of a very old brand doing its best to keep up with social media, new marketing, theworld2.0. found on Camps Bay, Cape Town, via ideate.

It is important for old brands like Christianity to use young slang and jargon such as facebook. But it looks like God does not fully understand the powerplay that happens in a Facebook friend request. See, God requests MY friendship. And if he doesnt get his attitude right, I will IGNORE him, or even worse, BLOCK him.

It is important for old brands like Christianity to use young slang and jargon such as 'facebook'. But it looks like God does not fully understand the powerplay that happens in a Facebook friend request. See, God requests MY friendship. And if he doesn't get his attitude right, I will IGNORE him, or even worse, BLOCK him.

calling all South African T-shirt designers (yes, that means pretty much everyone)

The call to entries for the Uniqlo T-shirt Grand Prix 2009 – ‘The Olympics of T-shirt Design’ – ends 21 September 2008. which means you have just under 2 months to get your most designy design to them. i know they are very keen for South African designers to get involved so don’t have that ‘I’m just a South African therefor I won’t win’ attitude. seriously, send your stuff through. you could be big in Japan. plus, the prize money is something stupid like R200 000. for a t-shirt. for real. this could be your lucky break.

T-shirt by SA designer Rikus Ferreira

T-shirt by SA designer Rikus Ferreira

if you’re young, make some noise

while there are a lot of companies out there hoping to capitalise on youth opinion, i was recently introduced to a company that manages to facilitate not only hearing opinions and dreams but making them into a reality, too. Youth Noise describes itself on their website thus:

“YN is a social networking site for people under the age of 27 who like to connect based on deeper interests than Paris Hilton’s wardrobe and want to get engaged within a cause. Find a cause, search for friends, and get involved. Want to free Tibet? Passionate about human rights?Whatever your cause, network it here.”

Under their causes tab is listed anything from Animal Rights to Arts and Media, to Economy to Business to Government to Poverty to  Religion, to name but a few. You can also join existing youth projects, create a personalised profile, connect to government and gain access to registries of companies and sponsors who can help with your cause or dream. i think it’s an awesome idea, and wish there was a company like that in South Africa whose disillusioned youth so desperately need a voice.

South Africa presents a unique challenge, however, because mass market youth don’t have the kind of internet access something like Youth Noise. a mobile version of the site would be a prerequisite here. i can only imagine that everything that is wrong with South Africa - crime, unemployment, poverty – will only be compounded as upcoming generations realise that as much as the word democracy gets thrown around here, they really don’t have a voice. what do you say, Youth Noise? are you ready for a challenge?

what the f&*% is social media?

information overload

thanks to thecopyninja for this great presentation that simplifies social media.

fun with tag galaxy

searching for ‘hyrax’ on Tag Galaxy:

taggalaxyhyrax

taggalaxyhyrax2

a day of lists

first one being South African Twitter users wiki.

and then second being number 1638 on the Million Blog List experiment.

cool things found on the internets

i spend so much time online, and the more time i spend online the more cool stuff i find, and the more cool stuff i find the more fragmented my time spent in any given place becomes. i’ve resolved to make a concerted effort to document more of the things that inspire me, for whatever reason. starting with this rad sofa box i found at swissmiss:

ffffound.com is an image bookmarking site i like to frequent for sheer viewing pleasure, or what i call a Brain Massage. some gems include:

and then i see that Courvoisier is kicking their latest branding efforts up a notch by collaborating with urban/skate / hip hop brand LRG this (USA) spring. some of the awesomeness includes these branded gadgets – iPhone and BlackBerry. mmm, me please.

thanks NotCot.

i also came across this article on a speech given by Bill Cosby on how to combat racism, and i find it pretty inspiring. as someone who lives in a racially charged country, it’s refreshing to hear someone speak from a rational place on the topic.

notes from my googlereader

i’ve only just got into google reader. and if i was completely honest i’d name this post ‘notes from my delicious’ but where googlereader wins is that i actually check it whereas i’m not great at checking my delicious network. we’re busy developing and changes our IT structures at work, and are in the process of building a social networking type system as a brief submission alternative to email for our grasses – very exciting but i won’t say too much just yet as we’re just about to test it. we’re also exploring getting our office onto a google server and synchronising our calendars etc etc so i’ve been playing around with google, and i’m pleasantly surprised.

anyhow googlereader pulls all your RSS feeds from your favourite sites into an email type format, which you can open while you’re logged into your email, so it’s a lot easier than trying to check all those sites again or even remember what they are. here’s what googlereader brought me this week:

oh the irony: a short article about beijing’s fakes market developing its own ‘Silk Street’ brand.

silicon valley insider talks about how perhaps people don’t value music enough to pay for it in any format, on an article on the slowing of digital music sales.

i’ve been talking to a lot of our clients about personal branding lately, and this company that you can hire to get photographers to follow you around as if you are famous is a great example of this trend manifested.

an article about how much of your positioning is in your price tag, especially if you sell wine.

a thought-provoking argument from the guardian about how facebook’s on a mission to take over the world. i mean, how much do we know about the company anyway? (not dissing, just saying)

and then on the topic, this speaks about the popularity of virtual or ‘concept’ products, and how consumers are as much into buying stories as they are things.

found quote of the day: talking about facebook not allowed

facebook

at an article talking about facebook being valued at $15 billion. madness.

how to use twitter – a beginner’s guide

for those of you who just can’t bring yourself to set up another account, reading the do’s and don’t’s offers a lot of insight into how Twitter works. Extract from full article Don’t tweet like a n00b by Brian Oberkirch.

“Do:

allow for a bit of mystery. Showing a little leg is far sexier than parading all your bits about: look at meeeeee. Go for pointilism & not photorealism. A little daub will do ya.

Try not to:

reveal that you are a crazy person.

Don’t:
overdo the @ tweets. It’s a stage whisper. For everything else, there is the D command. Learn it. Love it.”

 

 

twitter users, as defined by Jeremiah Owyang

“Twitter is for the highly engaged, early-adopter, pro-technology user. This is the ‘influence’ community, meaning they will shape the direction of others in each of their respective lives. It’s highly likely that these users participate in other forms of online publishing and communication like blogging, Facebook, or use mobile activity. In short, it’s the ‘coolkids’ of the webspace, and yes, that includes John Edwards.”

as you may be able to tell, i’m spending a lot of time on Jeremiah’s site. for the full article, click here.