Tag Archives: psychographic profile

Psychographic profile: I am teh ghost of a dead blog

I am the ghost of a dead blog
booooo
did i scare u?
hope so. y’all woke me up from ‘the dreamless sleep’.
am pissed y’all. what do y’all think i died 4???
just want 2 die.
tired of bein ‘zany ‘n smart’.
is fun, but like, ‘u can’t be cool 4eva’ +
‘cool doesn’t pay da billz’ +
‘enjoy urself, take only what you need from it’
etc.
was kinda enjoying being dead.
is real peaceful.
no 1 to get all up in my facebook
no 3G here in hell


don’t hav 2 maintain ur personal brand (via being on fire all the time)
plus satan kinda keeeeeeeewl.
but now i went andgot all resurrected
by a reputable publication with a ‘niche-but-influential and educated readership’
(kinda wish it was heat magazine but whatevs)

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
boooOOOOOoooooo
gonna rattle my alexander mcqueen chain bags at u
keeping u up in the dark night of ur blog
feeling kinda vengeful
since when i was still alive
ppl were like, u r stupid
now i’m dead, ppl are like, u  were so like, clevs
“the blog artist’s value is only recognised posthumounguously”
isn’t it typical

“it’s like that, and that’s the way it is” – run dmc

don’t worry – not very vengeful. just l’il bit.
just gonna make ur light bulbs flicker some.
not gonna go polty on you. boooOOOOoo.

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
woke up coz i rolled in my grave
kinda just feel like we need to talk about ‘letting go’


did y’all get pissed at MJ when Thriller the song ends?
Do y’all get pissed when the movie u hired is finished?
stupid f-ing movie! u came to an end!

This is a meme joke. Do u get it?

did y’all get pissed at JK Rowling when she finished Harry Potter?
(ok so bad example. f-u JK. you got me hooked.)
NEwayz just trying to help you let go

This is a pooooOOOooetry joke. Do u get it?

boooOOOOOoooooooo

I am the ghost of a dead blog
was ‘summoned by the oujja board of journalistic truthful objective unbiased integritay’
never imagined dis blowgn thang would ‘get all intellectualised’
just wanted to be awesome y’ulz.
never dreamed my personal brand would have such ‘residual value attached to its key branding paradigm pillars of differentiation’.
kinda emotional about it.
(via wishing i was still dead)
there is only one feeling in hell (being burned)
sad, was just betterin my table tennis scores
was just getting 2 know satan (miss u bro. next time i see you PING PONG IS ON LIKE KING KONG!)

I am the ghost of a dead blog.
Gonna go ‘back 2 bed now’.
it was ‘nice chatting’.
off you go now to the new blog.
know that i am always with you.
am there in the new blog
though u cannot always see me.
if u look carefully, i am there.


am just ‘talking in a different accent’.
am just ‘trying on some new blogshoes’.
just ‘exploring a new personal sub-brand’.
da holding company stays da same. 4evs y’all. pinkie swear.

miss y’ulz.
love y’ulz.
h8 y’ulz.
ditto.


Psychographic Profile: I am a blogger


I am a blogger, y’ulz.
Kinda realised it for real
When I got Thando’s request 2 ‘blog as a contributor’
When I got RTed 100+ times in one day
When I got a bunch of free stuff from Citi Golf / Woman’s Health / Nomu
But it really hit home when some small-time “designer”
Insulted me in the open on a friend’s facebook page
Because I wasn’t a person 2 him
2 him, I was a “subject”
“somefing 2 gtalk about while waiting 4 illustrator 2 render pattern-heavy-repetitive designs”
(even tho I know his wife, & that they had 2 get married 2 have sex, via extreme Christianity)
I am no longer a person y’ulz
“Sad face”



I am a blogger y’alls
In the beginning, was just me & wordpress
Just wanted 2 ‘write outside of work”
Just wanted 2 develop a discipline I could apply 2 my “novel-in-progress”
Just wanted 2 make others out there “feel less alone”
While copychecking financial reports / advertorials / pushing a 2cent coin around the gaps in the Checkers spreads
Just wanted 2 pay homage 2 “god” (via blog-god hipsterrunoff)
But “life finds a way” (miss u John Hammond. Miss u Jurassic Park)
And even though my blog was cre8ed a female
It changed sex and mated with itself 2 create “a life of its own”.
Shazam y’uls. Just like that.


I am a blogger, y’alls.
Just wanted 2 reach ppl via “speaking their own language”
Just wanted 2 cre8 an efficient self-marketing tool
(That wasn’t a cruddy bunch of layouts in a big heavy leatherbound portfoliobro)
Instead, cre8ed a monster munch of a non-personality
4 ppl 2 judge me on b4 they meet me
or LOL at if they have already met me
or stalk if they have met me, romanced me, gone Britney on me & been rejected by me
Miss the days b4 ppl recognised me in Gardens Centre
Miss the days when I could share my “innermost thoughts” without being misquoted by myself (via being “a different character at the time”)



I am a blogger
Had such big dreams y’all.
Was going 2 ‘become a writer’ 2 ‘honour my cre8ive spirit’
Not sure how it “all went so pear-shaped”
Can’t figure out “Where I went wrong”
Thinking of doing “The Artists Way” to reconnect with my soul (miss u soul)
Hope I can some day “find my way back home” y’ulz.
In the meantime, I can haz a favour?
Pray 4 me. 4 eva. And checkmyblogeverydaysomyhitrategoesupsoicanchargemoreforads kthanksbye.


Peace y’ulz.

This post also appears on SA blog That’s How It Is.

Psychographic Profile: I am a Holiday

I am a holiday y’ulz
And boy I am awesome
I don’t work in an office
I am outside times
Happy lovely sunshine outside times
Happy lovely happy times
Dancey dance
In the sunshine
Pat pat a cat friend
Lie on a rock

I am a holiday y’ulz
I’m a beachy called Clifton
I am a The Rock
I am those ppl in the malls that make y’als thank:
What do these ppl do all day? Don’t they have jobs?
Happy happy Diana Camera snappy snap
Dancey dance
Lovely happy sunshine dancey holiday time
Laugh laugh love and friends
Happy splish splosh

I am a holiday y’ulz
I am long runs on the beach
Hikes up a mountain
A pat pat a sausage dog friend you meet on the way down
Smell of braai
Windless nights
Lots of laugh laugh in the night
Early morning sleeping late

I am a holiday y’ulz.
Y’alls feel me?
See you on the 4th of the New Year.

Miss y’ulz.


Psychographic Profile: I have an invite to Googlewave

I have an invite to Googlewave
I don’t know anyone else who has one
Which makes me feel awesome
But at the same time lonely
Since Googlewave is useless without other ppl to wave to
No matter, gonna gloat about it on the twitter
Gonna sync my twitter to my fbook status
So everyone knows how ahead and technologically “on it” I am
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLE WAVE

Yeah! Googlewave! Yeah!

Yeah! Googlewave! Yeah!

Gonna excuse myself from this meeting
And lock myself in the stall at the end in the bathrooms of my office
And do a dance out of excitement at my GOOGLEWAVE invite (maybe touch my peen)
Jiggy jiggy, jiggy jiggy
You like that huh? Jiggy Jiggy
Applebottom googlewaveboots with the googlewave…”
Gonna go back to the meeting room
Just drop this l’il bomb
“Oh, shoot, looks like I just got a Googlewave invite,”
And jizz on my face at the blank expressions on the faces of my colleagues
(they’ll never understand me or my ideas. I’m a visionary, they are laggards.)

Yeah! Googlewave! Fuck me!

Yeah! Googlewave! Fuck me!

I have an invite to Googlewave
Gonna watch lots of videos on ‘how Googlewave works’
Gonna tweet them out, with commentary
(“I find the function that allows you to collapse or expand inline comments really useful” - cue sound of my sperm hitting you in the forehead)
Gonna get all frenzied up when ppl tweet about ‘how dumb it is to get excited about Googlewave since you need other ppl 2 B on it’
Gonna defend it ‘to the death’ from the fucking tards who don’t “get it”
“You’ll see – Googlewave is gonna change EVERYTHING!”
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
Googlewave 4 eva!!!!!!1!

Fuckyfuckyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhgooooglewave!

Fuckyfuckyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhgooooglewave!

I have an invite to Googlewave
I used to be married but that was lame (couldn’t collapse the inline fighting over remote control)
My wife divorced me because I had to wake up at 3am to ‘wave’ to ppl in America (is what U get when U marry a laggard)
Totally don’t regret it – Googlewave is gonna “change the way we do business”, you’ll see
Just let me know if you want 2 know how it works (via a link to googlewave.com/help)
So I can point out how STUPID your LIFE is compared to Googlewave’s GENIUS
If you don’t have Googlewave you might as well tattoo STUPID PERSON WHO IS BEHIND AND STUPID on your forehead
Unless you want me 2 invite u. I can hook u up.
U want an invite? Coz I can hook u up. I can change your life. You just have to say yes. I’ll hook U up.
Googlewave is LOVE. Anything else is FEAR.
Love or Fear?
LOVE OR FEAR?
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
I’M SO FUCKINGARGHKJFGJHERGFKJHDFBVKJHDFBVJDHSFBV,JSDHFBVGOOGLEWAVE!!!!


I'm gonna fuck my face yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Fuck! Googlewave!

Psychographic Profile: I am a model at the Velocity Party


I am a model at the Velocity Party
Dunno what ‘Velocity’ is
But they’re paying me in bags of cocaine
Not that I do cocaine
Just keep it around for those dry months
When I can’t afford diet pills.

I am a model at the Velocity Party
Apparently this event is ‘the party everyone wants to go to’
Not really impressed
The people here are so ‘normal’
Most of them are midgets
And overweight
Good thing they have ‘craft skills’ and can make pretty things to sell
Bless them.

I am a model at the Velocity Party
And some blonde chick just puked on her dress
Then sat up and yelled ‘whoo hoo!’
Ew.
I’m supposed to socialize
But these midgets keep talking about ‘loories’
Have no clue what ‘loories’ are
Would ask but will probably get puked on
How long does this thing last?

I am a model at the Velocity Party
Some midget just told me he ‘made the mouse ad’
I’m not sure but I think it was a pickup line
Does anyone know what ‘mouse ad’ means?
Is it code for ‘owning a porsche’?
I’m more of a Lambo girl, myself.

I am a model at the Velocity Party
Some midget just asked me if I was in a ‘sell sea ad’
Why does everyone keep talking about ads?
This is so lame.
Have these people never heard of PVR?
Just wish it was finished so I can go home and concentrate on not eating.

I am a model at the Velocity Party.

Anyone want to do tequila shots out of my navel even though tequila makes u fat?

All photos from some post about the Loeries on Bizcommunity. If you want any removed you just let me know.

Psychographic Profile: I am a Client Looking To Capitalise On Social Media

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
To be honest, I don’t know WTF I’m doing.
Went to some talk,
Where there was some chick,
Talking about ‘conversations not campaigns’,
She made some good points ,
She was quite hot,
Think I’m just gonna start a facebook group and ‘see how it goes’.

Back in Advertisings Heyday. Miss u

Back in 'Advertising's Heyday'. Miss u

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media ,
I just joined this site called ‘Twitter’.
Have y’all heard of it?
Not really sure what the point is,
It’s kind of like I’m talking to myself,
“Just trying to get the hang of this Twitter thing”.
I got my first follower today,
Some chick who sells Britney Spears Sex Tapes,
Guess everyone’s trying to ‘push their brand’ on Twitter,
Everyone’s an entrepreneur on the internet.

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I’m fucking sick of these little social media brats
Who come into my office with their ‘netbooks’,
And their “keynote”,
And their mobile marketing statistics,
And get their buddies to ‘tweet at me’,
And tell me ‘agencies don’t get digital’.
You know what agencies DO get? Sales.
These little social media brats know nothing about business,
About the bottom line,
Show me my ROI you little shits,
And then I’ll assign you a PO,
You little brat.
I’ve fucking built a branded empire,
And you’ve built a blog.
I’d buy and sell your blog tomorrow,
Except all you blog about is social-fucking-media.
Fuck.

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am?

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
But I’m not into this whole ‘logging in’ thing.
Besides facebook is blocked at my office,
Because my staff spend too much time on it
When they should be focusing on their targets.
Can’t I just pay you to do it for me?
Can’t you just start a facebook group?
Can’t I pay you to write my blog? Can’t be too much work?
Or what are these new things? ‘Fan pages’.
My son says ‘fan pages’ are the new thing.
Yes, my son keeps me up to date with this ‘social media stuff’
He’s 14, so he’s very in touch with ‘what’s cool’.
He also hates my guts so our family shrink recommended we ‘bond over his love for technology’.
Can you do my facebook page?

Sure Ill run your blog.

Sure I'll run your blog.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
I’m sick of spending too much money on TV ads,
Only to be outdone by our competitor brands ,
Who spent double on their TV ad,
Sucks.
Just wanted be named the Sunday Times Markinor Marketer of the Year,
So decided 2 do a ‘viral campaign’,
Hired that Zany New Media Social Word of Marketing company,
They came up with this social media ‘touchpoint plan’,
But some chick reported us to twitter.
Said we were “spamming” her.
Guess we got a little overzealous with the DMs,
Just wanted to get to a million followers soooooo bad.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I am scared.
The race is on for a best practise model,
And I have no fucking clue how to develop one.
Should have stayed in sales,
At least I got a commission,
This is just a mission,
Gonna go get lunch and stuff myself since I gave up smoking and drinking after my 1st bypass.
So scared y’all,
So scared.

Anybody out there?

Hello?


Psychographic Profile: I am Michael Jackson

Say my name, tards.

Say my name, tards.

I am Michael Jackson
I am dead now and, to be honest,
It’s a bit of a relief
Things were getting tense there.
I was supposed to go on tour,
My ‘comeback’ tour,
But I was nowhere near up for that shiz.
I was fragile and scared
And sick,
My body totally let me down,
But I guess I let it down too.
NEwayz, no regrets,
I had a good run,
And I am free now.

This was my shout-out to spidey-bro.

This was my shout-out to spidey-bro.

I am Michael Jackson
But I don’t really identify with my personal brand anymore,
Kind of felt I was living a lie for the past 10 years,
But too much $$ depended on it.
So many people with kids who needed a salary out of my name
That I felt bad,
But I really couldn’t deal,
So I hid away in Dubai
Where people wouldn’t think I was weird for covering my face.
I just wanted to be alone.

The Portrait of Michael Dorian Jackson Gray.

The Portrait of Michael Dorian Jackson Gray.

I am Michael Jackson
Deep down, I just wanted to dance,
But that made some peeps think I was gay,
Which made me even sadder.
The only people who didn’t judge me or want something from me
Were children,
So I hung out with them.
Then people said I was a paed.
If only they knew I had lost so much faith in the world
That sex with anyone
Was the last thing on my mind.

At least kids were honest with me about my fucked-up face, unlike all my sycophantic manager bros.

At least kids were honest with me about my fucked-up face, unlike all my sycophantic manager bros.

I am Michael Jackson
I just wanted to make people happy.
My shrink said I had a ‘need 2 please’
But I never really saw what was wrong with that,
Until I tried to please everyone too many times
By having another surgery
And my face fell apart.
Which was kind of ironic because while my ‘image’ was melting,
My soul was soaring and I thought
Maybe I can carve myself into someone else,
And then everyone will leave me alone
And let me dance with my kids at my house
In private.

Just want to walk down the street without being hassled.

Just want to walk down the street without being hassled.

I am Michael Jackson
And though I wanted ppl to leave me alone,
I wish my friends had called more often-
Neverland got really quiet on Sundays,
When everyone was with their families,
Happy and loved.
So I decided to have children of my own,
To love and be loved by,
When the fans went home.
And I loved my kids,
And I did my best to protect them,
I even called my one kid ‘Blanket’ so he could feel real protected,
Even though ppl thought I was a freak.

My gift 2 my kids will be their faces.

My gift 2 my kids will be their faces.

I am Michael Jackson
Hope you liked my work.
Please don’t go all crazy now that I’m gone,
Because y’all weren’t that nice to me when I was alive,
But it’s okay.
We’re all just ppl.
Just trying to be happy.

Try be nice 2 yall next King of Pop, K?

Try be nice 2 y'all next King of Pop, K?

I am Michael Jackson
And I am free now.

Psychographic Profile: I am on Holiday

I am on holiday
Going to take long leisurely runs
Followed by long leisurely massages
Followed by long leisurely lunches
During which I won’t overeat because I’m vaguely tense about some deadline
Which I’ll procrastinate against because the internet exists
And what more of a reason do you need.

I am on holiday
A tiny holiday, really only 5 days
But I’ll savour it like an extra Lindt chocolate with my double mucho Meie de Leit
from the Vida e barristas
Who were feeling extra generous this morning
Or maybe they just feel sorry for me
Because I am there every day.

I am on holiday
Not going to blog, facebook, but maybe tweet
But probably not
Not going to write a load of garbled psychographic marketing poetry
To amuse the other marketers procrastinating against their deadlines
Because I don’t give a rat’s ass
Because I am on holiday.

See y’ulle in a week.
xx


Psychographic profile: I am a GirlJock

Wish I could be in High School for ever. Might go back and coach Girls soccer.

Wish I could be in High School for ever. Might go back and coach Girls' soccer.

I am a GirlJock
In high school my identity was defined by my place in the hockey team
And my place at the sidelines of every ‘big game’ that ‘my’ boys played
And not much has changed except now
I am allowed to drink (legally)
And Thank god (I mean that, I am Christian, Anglican in fact),
because drinking is probably the biggest part of my identity today.

Just another AMAZING NIGHT OUT  with one of my BEST FRIENDS.

Just another AMAZING NIGHT OUT with one of my BEST FRIENDS.

I am a GirlJock
I have over 1000 friends on facebook
All of them love me because I am the life of the party
I am always smiling
There are over 1000 photos on facebook of me smiling
I have sooooo much fun
With all my friends who love my smile
We have so much fun because we are sooooo pissed
We get up to soooooo much craziness at the game / the ball / the girlz night out / the J&B Met
When we get together
And get pissed

Hey such great times at the Met. I 3 the Met, its my best.

Hey such great times at the Met. I <3 the Met, it's my best.

I am a GirlJock
All my friends wish they were me
Even the hot skinny blonde ones
Even though I can’t shake the extra weight I carry around
(it’s because of my drinking, but who cares what you look like when you can party!)
but being overweight doesn’t stop like, a million guys being my best friend
I have soooooo many guy friends
I am in love with like, all of them, but I’ll never risk telling them because
“I don’t want to ruin the friendship”
though I am actually scared they will reject me
because I am not at my ‘ideal weight’
but I keep ordering another drink hoping that
we will be sooo pissed and end up kissing on the dancefloor / at the rugby
and it will turn into something meaningful

I 3 him so much it hurts.

I <3 him so much it hurts.

I am a GirlJock
I studied whatever my older brother studied
And in some ways, I think my older brother is my soul mate
He said I should have been HeadGirl of my highschool
And I totally agree with him
**SMOOCHIESS!!!**
We are the best of friends
4 ever

My brother and I are very close.

My brother and I are very close.

I am a GirlJock
I am highly sociable and am able to be ‘friends with everyone’ (it actually says that on my CV)
Even the zany little creative people
Who don’t work at my accounting firm and claim to ‘hate rugby’ (cute!)
I am a GirlJock
Can’t wait for the weekend
So I can get soooo pissed and partay with like, all my millions of friends
And take photos and post them on facebook
So everyone can see how much fun I am
And how awesome my life is.

Hangovers R us. We are sooo crazy.

Hangovers R us. We are sooo crazy.

I am a GirlJock.