Tag Archives: psychographic profile

Psychographic profile: I am teh ghost of a dead blog

I am the ghost of a dead blog
booooo
did i scare u?
hope so. y’all woke me up from ‘the dreamless sleep’.
am pissed y’all. what do y’all think i died 4???
just want 2 die.
tired of bein ‘zany ‘n smart’.
is fun, but like, ‘u can’t be cool 4eva’ +
‘cool doesn’t pay da billz’ +
‘enjoy urself, take only what you need from it’
etc.
was kinda enjoying being dead.
is real peaceful.
no 1 to get all up in my facebook
no 3G here in hell


don’t hav 2 maintain ur personal brand (via being on fire all the time)
plus satan kinda keeeeeeeewl.
but now i went andgot all resurrected
by a reputable publication with a ‘niche-but-influential and educated readership’
(kinda wish it was heat magazine but whatevs)

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
boooOOOOOoooooo
gonna rattle my alexander mcqueen chain bags at u
keeping u up in the dark night of ur blog
feeling kinda vengeful
since when i was still alive
ppl were like, u r stupid
now i’m dead, ppl are like, u  were so like, clevs
“the blog artist’s value is only recognised posthumounguously”
isn’t it typical

“it’s like that, and that’s the way it is” – run dmc

don’t worry – not very vengeful. just l’il bit.
just gonna make ur light bulbs flicker some.
not gonna go polty on you. boooOOOOoo.

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
woke up coz i rolled in my grave
kinda just feel like we need to talk about ‘letting go’


did y’all get pissed at MJ when Thriller the song ends?
Do y’all get pissed when the movie u hired is finished?
stupid f-ing movie! u came to an end!

This is a meme joke. Do u get it?

did y’all get pissed at JK Rowling when she finished Harry Potter?
(ok so bad example. f-u JK. you got me hooked.)
NEwayz just trying to help you let go

This is a pooooOOOooetry joke. Do u get it?

boooOOOOOoooooooo

I am the ghost of a dead blog
was ‘summoned by the oujja board of journalistic truthful objective unbiased integritay’
never imagined dis blowgn thang would ‘get all intellectualised’
just wanted to be awesome y’ulz.
never dreamed my personal brand would have such ‘residual value attached to its key branding paradigm pillars of differentiation’.
kinda emotional about it.
(via wishing i was still dead)
there is only one feeling in hell (being burned)
sad, was just betterin my table tennis scores
was just getting 2 know satan (miss u bro. next time i see you PING PONG IS ON LIKE KING KONG!)

I am the ghost of a dead blog.
Gonna go ‘back 2 bed now’.
it was ‘nice chatting’.
off you go now to the new blog.
know that i am always with you.
am there in the new blog
though u cannot always see me.
if u look carefully, i am there.


am just ‘talking in a different accent’.
am just ‘trying on some new blogshoes’.
just ‘exploring a new personal sub-brand’.
da holding company stays da same. 4evs y’all. pinkie swear.

miss y’ulz.
love y’ulz.
h8 y’ulz.
ditto.


Psychographic Profile: I am a blogger


I am a blogger, y’ulz.
Kinda realised it for real
When I got Thando’s request 2 ‘blog as a contributor’
When I got RTed 100+ times in one day
When I got a bunch of free stuff from Citi Golf / Woman’s Health / Nomu
But it really hit home when some small-time “designer”
Insulted me in the open on a friend’s facebook page
Because I wasn’t a person 2 him
2 him, I was a “subject”
“somefing 2 gtalk about while waiting 4 illustrator 2 render pattern-heavy-repetitive designs”
(even tho I know his wife, & that they had 2 get married 2 have sex, via extreme Christianity)
I am no longer a person y’ulz
“Sad face”



I am a blogger y’alls
In the beginning, was just me & wordpress
Just wanted 2 ‘write outside of work”
Just wanted 2 develop a discipline I could apply 2 my “novel-in-progress”
Just wanted 2 make others out there “feel less alone”
While copychecking financial reports / advertorials / pushing a 2cent coin around the gaps in the Checkers spreads
Just wanted 2 pay homage 2 “god” (via blog-god hipsterrunoff)
But “life finds a way” (miss u John Hammond. Miss u Jurassic Park)
And even though my blog was cre8ed a female
It changed sex and mated with itself 2 create “a life of its own”.
Shazam y’uls. Just like that.


I am a blogger, y’alls.
Just wanted 2 reach ppl via “speaking their own language”
Just wanted 2 cre8 an efficient self-marketing tool
(That wasn’t a cruddy bunch of layouts in a big heavy leatherbound portfoliobro)
Instead, cre8ed a monster munch of a non-personality
4 ppl 2 judge me on b4 they meet me
or LOL at if they have already met me
or stalk if they have met me, romanced me, gone Britney on me & been rejected by me
Miss the days b4 ppl recognised me in Gardens Centre
Miss the days when I could share my “innermost thoughts” without being misquoted by myself (via being “a different character at the time”)



I am a blogger
Had such big dreams y’all.
Was going 2 ‘become a writer’ 2 ‘honour my cre8ive spirit’
Not sure how it “all went so pear-shaped”
Can’t figure out “Where I went wrong”
Thinking of doing “The Artists Way” to reconnect with my soul (miss u soul)
Hope I can some day “find my way back home” y’ulz.
In the meantime, I can haz a favour?
Pray 4 me. 4 eva. And checkmyblogeverydaysomyhitrategoesupsoicanchargemoreforads kthanksbye.


Peace y’ulz.

This post also appears on SA blog That’s How It Is.

Psychographic Profile: I am a Holiday

I am a holiday y’ulz
And boy I am awesome
I don’t work in an office
I am outside times
Happy lovely sunshine outside times
Happy lovely happy times
Dancey dance
In the sunshine
Pat pat a cat friend
Lie on a rock

I am a holiday y’ulz
I’m a beachy called Clifton
I am a The Rock
I am those ppl in the malls that make y’als thank:
What do these ppl do all day? Don’t they have jobs?
Happy happy Diana Camera snappy snap
Dancey dance
Lovely happy sunshine dancey holiday time
Laugh laugh love and friends
Happy splish splosh

I am a holiday y’ulz
I am long runs on the beach
Hikes up a mountain
A pat pat a sausage dog friend you meet on the way down
Smell of braai
Windless nights
Lots of laugh laugh in the night
Early morning sleeping late

I am a holiday y’ulz.
Y’alls feel me?
See you on the 4th of the New Year.

Miss y’ulz.


Psychographic Profile: I have an invite to Googlewave

I have an invite to Googlewave
I don’t know anyone else who has one
Which makes me feel awesome
But at the same time lonely
Since Googlewave is useless without other ppl to wave to
No matter, gonna gloat about it on the twitter
Gonna sync my twitter to my fbook status
So everyone knows how ahead and technologically “on it” I am
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLE WAVE

Yeah! Googlewave! Yeah!

Yeah! Googlewave! Yeah!

Gonna excuse myself from this meeting
And lock myself in the stall at the end in the bathrooms of my office
And do a dance out of excitement at my GOOGLEWAVE invite (maybe touch my peen)
Jiggy jiggy, jiggy jiggy
You like that huh? Jiggy Jiggy
Applebottom googlewaveboots with the googlewave…”
Gonna go back to the meeting room
Just drop this l’il bomb
“Oh, shoot, looks like I just got a Googlewave invite,”
And jizz on my face at the blank expressions on the faces of my colleagues
(they’ll never understand me or my ideas. I’m a visionary, they are laggards.)

Yeah! Googlewave! Fuck me!

Yeah! Googlewave! Fuck me!

I have an invite to Googlewave
Gonna watch lots of videos on ‘how Googlewave works’
Gonna tweet them out, with commentary
(“I find the function that allows you to collapse or expand inline comments really useful” - cue sound of my sperm hitting you in the forehead)
Gonna get all frenzied up when ppl tweet about ‘how dumb it is to get excited about Googlewave since you need other ppl 2 B on it’
Gonna defend it ‘to the death’ from the fucking tards who don’t “get it”
“You’ll see – Googlewave is gonna change EVERYTHING!”
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
Googlewave 4 eva!!!!!!1!

Fuckyfuckyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhgooooglewave!

Fuckyfuckyyyyeeeeeaaaahhhhgooooglewave!

I have an invite to Googlewave
I used to be married but that was lame (couldn’t collapse the inline fighting over remote control)
My wife divorced me because I had to wake up at 3am to ‘wave’ to ppl in America (is what U get when U marry a laggard)
Totally don’t regret it – Googlewave is gonna “change the way we do business”, you’ll see
Just let me know if you want 2 know how it works (via a link to googlewave.com/help)
So I can point out how STUPID your LIFE is compared to Googlewave’s GENIUS
If you don’t have Googlewave you might as well tattoo STUPID PERSON WHO IS BEHIND AND STUPID on your forehead
Unless you want me 2 invite u. I can hook u up.
U want an invite? Coz I can hook u up. I can change your life. You just have to say yes. I’ll hook U up.
Googlewave is LOVE. Anything else is FEAR.
Love or Fear?
LOVE OR FEAR?
WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE?
I HAVE AN INVITE TO GOOGLEWAVE
I’M SO FUCKINGARGHKJFGJHERGFKJHDFBVKJHDFBVJDHSFBV,JSDHFBVGOOGLEWAVE!!!!


I'm gonna fuck my face yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Fuck! Googlewave!

Psychographic Profile: I am a model at the Velocity Party


I am a model at the Velocity Party
Dunno what ‘Velocity’ is
But they’re paying me in bags of cocaine
Not that I do cocaine
Just keep it around for those dry months
When I can’t afford diet pills.

I am a model at the Velocity Party
Apparently this event is ‘the party everyone wants to go to’
Not really impressed
The people here are so ‘normal’
Most of them are midgets
And overweight
Good thing they have ‘craft skills’ and can make pretty things to sell
Bless them.

I am a model at the Velocity Party
And some blonde chick just puked on her dress
Then sat up and yelled ‘whoo hoo!’
Ew.
I’m supposed to socialize
But these midgets keep talking about ‘loories’
Have no clue what ‘loories’ are
Would ask but will probably get puked on
How long does this thing last?

I am a model at the Velocity Party
Some midget just told me he ‘made the mouse ad’
I’m not sure but I think it was a pickup line
Does anyone know what ‘mouse ad’ means?
Is it code for ‘owning a porsche’?
I’m more of a Lambo girl, myself.

I am a model at the Velocity Party
Some midget just asked me if I was in a ‘sell sea ad’
Why does everyone keep talking about ads?
This is so lame.
Have these people never heard of PVR?
Just wish it was finished so I can go home and concentrate on not eating.

I am a model at the Velocity Party.

Anyone want to do tequila shots out of my navel even though tequila makes u fat?

All photos from some post about the Loeries on Bizcommunity. If you want any removed you just let me know.

Psychographic Profile: I am a Client Looking To Capitalise On Social Media

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
To be honest, I don’t know WTF I’m doing.
Went to some talk,
Where there was some chick,
Talking about ‘conversations not campaigns’,
She made some good points ,
She was quite hot,
Think I’m just gonna start a facebook group and ‘see how it goes’.

Back in Advertisings Heyday. Miss u

Back in 'Advertising's Heyday'. Miss u

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media ,
I just joined this site called ‘Twitter’.
Have y’all heard of it?
Not really sure what the point is,
It’s kind of like I’m talking to myself,
“Just trying to get the hang of this Twitter thing”.
I got my first follower today,
Some chick who sells Britney Spears Sex Tapes,
Guess everyone’s trying to ‘push their brand’ on Twitter,
Everyone’s an entrepreneur on the internet.

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I’m fucking sick of these little social media brats
Who come into my office with their ‘netbooks’,
And their “keynote”,
And their mobile marketing statistics,
And get their buddies to ‘tweet at me’,
And tell me ‘agencies don’t get digital’.
You know what agencies DO get? Sales.
These little social media brats know nothing about business,
About the bottom line,
Show me my ROI you little shits,
And then I’ll assign you a PO,
You little brat.
I’ve fucking built a branded empire,
And you’ve built a blog.
I’d buy and sell your blog tomorrow,
Except all you blog about is social-fucking-media.
Fuck.

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am?

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
But I’m not into this whole ‘logging in’ thing.
Besides facebook is blocked at my office,
Because my staff spend too much time on it
When they should be focusing on their targets.
Can’t I just pay you to do it for me?
Can’t you just start a facebook group?
Can’t I pay you to write my blog? Can’t be too much work?
Or what are these new things? ‘Fan pages’.
My son says ‘fan pages’ are the new thing.
Yes, my son keeps me up to date with this ‘social media stuff’
He’s 14, so he’s very in touch with ‘what’s cool’.
He also hates my guts so our family shrink recommended we ‘bond over his love for technology’.
Can you do my facebook page?

Sure Ill run your blog.

Sure I'll run your blog.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
I’m sick of spending too much money on TV ads,
Only to be outdone by our competitor brands ,
Who spent double on their TV ad,
Sucks.
Just wanted be named the Sunday Times Markinor Marketer of the Year,
So decided 2 do a ‘viral campaign’,
Hired that Zany New Media Social Word of Marketing company,
They came up with this social media ‘touchpoint plan’,
But some chick reported us to twitter.
Said we were “spamming” her.
Guess we got a little overzealous with the DMs,
Just wanted to get to a million followers soooooo bad.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I am scared.
The race is on for a best practise model,
And I have no fucking clue how to develop one.
Should have stayed in sales,
At least I got a commission,
This is just a mission,
Gonna go get lunch and stuff myself since I gave up smoking and drinking after my 1st bypass.
So scared y’all,
So scared.

Anybody out there?

Hello?