Monthly Archives: November 2008

thinking of starting an awards show. building a ‘voice of authority and measure of standards’.

feeling the whole awards vibe. adfocus has got me all excited. feel like i want to invent an awards show for ‘great, vibey and rad ideas’. that way i could label everything i do and like as ‘great, vibey and rad’ and everything else as whatever.

it could have a complicated and obscure title like The Capybara Street Pole & Radio Awards and it could focus on those 2 categories only. i could sell adspace at my awards show. and i could accept bribes from people who wanted to be called winners. it would basically be like any other awards show except i would be in charge, which is what would make it great.

i’d probably have to have some sort of disclosure on my judging criteria. the rough draught might look something like this:

– did the idea make people LOL?

– did the idea give people a ready-made opinion that they could use immediately as they go about their daily quest for low G.I. and the iPod with the most memory for their money?

– did the idea creators copy an internet genius and not credit them as the original idea creators, and did it cause a clutch of crusading creatives to get up in arms about it on bizcommunity [mandatory]?

– did the idea namedrop any famous SA tech bloggers so as to maximise Afrigator and Muti ratings?

– did the idea come into this world on some unknown foreign college kid’s blog as a drunken karaoke video with ‘untapped viral value’?

– is the idea available for download, and did they make a facebook app that you can forward to friends on their superwalls?

– does the idea come with a press pack for easy understanding on behalf of the awards writers in a word doccie so they can cut and paste and have ready-made content for their website and make them seem like they know what they are talking about?

****************************************************************************

not very inspired about sussing out awards criteria. maybe i can just get a part time job handing out awards on stage at various events. i could be the ashley hayden of advertising, and i’d keep my upper body completely stiff like a robot so viewers on tv question whether i am actually real.

The Face of The Loeries. Miss those days when you used to hand out grand prixes on tv.

The Face of The Loeries. Miss those days when you used to hand out grand prixes on tv.

****************************************************************

“An Ad Man measures his contribution to society and his weight as a person of integrity by the number of guilded roaring wild feline friends adorning the shelf above the photocopy machine. ” -Bill Bernback

big important congratulations

to Alistair King on being named ‘Agency Leader of the Year’ at the Adfocus Awards 2008.

Our Al. A natural leader.

Our Al on the right. A natural leader.

I think we all share the sentiment his wife expressed by writing on Al’s facebook wall, namely that we are all very proud of you, Sparkles. Click here to read about how awesome Al is.

************************************************************************************************************

An open letter to an ex-boyfriend

Dear Archibald*

I know you’ve been googling me. In fact, I know you’ve been googling me for the past 8 months. I know that you google me more than once a day. I know that you have particularly frenetic days when you google me up to 30 times (yes, 30 times).

I know that sometimes you add strange words to my name when you google me. Words like ‘boyfriend’, ‘address’ and ‘wearing a dress’. For half a second I feel flattered by your obsessive googling, but mostly I just feel like it’s time you moved on.

Now, I don’t really mind you googling me. But I would imagine your boss probably doesn’t pay you to google me (I know that you google me from work), and that he pays you to do whatever it is that he pays you to do. You should probably just get on with it. In my experience, getting on with it can be very therapeutic.

I wanted to help you move on, since you are clearly having trouble doing so on your own. And I just wanted to remind you why you and I would never have worked.

You kept snakes, and one night your albino python escaped and entwined itself on our bed between our legs. I woke you up and asked you to move your legs. You told me to move my legs. We looked down, and there was a python. That was the day I moved out, remember? There was a python in our bed, attached to your body, and it wasn’t your penis.

Just wanted to snuggle.

Just wanted to snuggle.

Another reason it didn’t work is because I am hot, and you ‘have character’. Let’s get real. Every girl goes through that phase where she dates a guy who’s beneath her because he ‘makes her laugh’. You know what doesn’t make me laugh? The fact that you’re googling me 20 times a day. That makes me giggle nervously in front of the budget trauma counselor my medical aid suggested I talk to. You need to understand: we only dated for a month, years ago, and I just wasn’t that into you.

I have no doubt in my mind that you are reading this (since you must have found my blog in your google travels), and you’re probably thinking that this is some strange coincidence, that there is no way I could know that you’re googling me. But Archibald, I really do know that it’s you, thanks to this site. This little site called wikiworldbook, which is nothing short of an online, stalker-prevention miracle, has been telling me about your google sessions for months now. It shows me what you’re searching for when you find my name, and it shows me which of my many sites you click on. It shows me where you’re googling from (which is why I know you’re doing it from work). It shows me numbers. And it’s shown me YOU.

NEwayz, lets get real here. Googling my name can’t be that much fun. So I suggest you quit it. Google albino pythons or albino python facebook apps something. I see that you do have a blog about them (yeah, I googled you, except I used the same site that told me how much you were googling me, since it just does people). It also told me that you belong to a flickr group entitled ‘Chicks and pythons’.Chicks. And. Pythons. Now that’s a niche fetish. Not something you wanna go bragging about over dinner / at the watercooler / while you wait for your python documentary to download. So how about you forget about me, and I’ll forget about the pythons.

Sincerely,

Alex

*you know who you are

the old ‘make a giant shoe’ trick. works every time.

it’s summer, which means it’s summer promo season, and i thought i’d share with you the first of the promos to catch my eye. we headed over to the neighbourgoods market on saturday at the old biscuit mill and parked right outside, blocking the entrance was this enormous high-heeled shoe.

Frightening. Makes you reconsider your priorities.

Frightening. Makes you reconsider your priorities.

i switched into consumer drive and made sure to get a side-angle shot, too. i pondered, what could this giant shoe mean? i am intrigued? and then i spotted the naughty devil ladybug logo and clicked that it was brutal fruit.

Just as big from the side. Nice, um, Comic San Serif. And whats that funny thing wrapped around its heel?

Just as big from the side. Nice, um, Comic San Serif. And what's that funny thing wrapped around its heel?

so i smsed the number. i got sent back a URL, and i opened it. i then got a bunch of pretty neon colourful messages saying things like ‘Do you want in’ and ‘Full colour is the new black’. There was some mention about some fashion parties, and then i figured i’d download some wallpaper to try and plug the emotional void in my life.

another elite branded secret society to make me feel special and valued.

Just what i need: another elite branded secret society to make me feel special and valued.

Wallpaper. This is on my phone, filling the void my iPhone left when i dropped it off the balcony of my house on Clifton 3rd.

Wallpaper. This is on my phone, filling the void my iPhone left when i dropped it off the balcony of my house on Clifton 3rd.

**********************************************************************************

Do you ever get the Fear Of Missing Out when it comes to summer promos? Summer is such a happy, bright, branded time. Sometimes i worry about getting to Clifton 3rd later than 12 because all the best summer promo giveaways might be gone by then. I’m not sure i’d be okay with summer if i didn’t get my free Cell C frisbee or my free Nivea Suntan Lotion sample that i can put in my free summer beach bag that i got free with December’s Glamour mag. I look forward to hitting the beach wearing the same free sunglasses i bought in the Elle magazine that every second girl on the beach bought. These branded freebies make me feel like i have a place, like i have a home. they make me feel a part of something bigger than myself.

Summer is not just about sunshine and swimming in the sea. Summer is about getting as much free stuff as you can from brands that save their whole BTL budget for this time of year. I resolve to make the most of this up-and-coming summer.

I WILL NOT languish by my pool when i could be reaching out to promo girls with zinc on their noses and accepting offers of sun lotion squirts by promo boys.

I WILL NOT set foot in a mall or anywhere else that requires me to pay for iced tea, suntan lotion, self-tan, moisturises, air time, lip balm or deodorant, all of which fall under the summer freebie category.

I WILL put on an accessible, happy expression that attracts promo ambassadors towards me.

I WILL pretend that i smoke when the Camel reps offer everyone on the beach free tickets to the Camel Summer Experience 3.0

I WILL roll down my window when pretty young people wave flyers at me while i’m waiting at the traffic lights, and i WILL take what they have to offer.

I WILL take their shiney flyers with attached samples and press them to my face and inhale their plastickey, gloss-printed goodness.

I WILL wipe branded fake tattoos onto pertinent parts of my body that i find at the bottom of assorted summer promo goodie packs.

And I WILL drink the free flavoured fizzy water that the Aquarelle Girls give me, even though it’s slightly warm and there’s sand in the cap.

I WILL BUY SUMMER 2008. And it will be awesome.

why is vodacom’s Summer Loving ad such a success?

All the boys and all the girls want to If You Seek Amy.

"All the boys and all the girls want to If You Seek Amy."

because deep down inside, every woman wishes she was Sandy, and every guy wishes he was the character that John Travolta played. Danny? deep stuff. consumer insight 101. makes me want to reconsider what strategy means to me. sometimes i think strategy – a process put in place to safeguard a brand’s image – can inflict some sort of body dysmorphia on the brand it’s supposed to be working for.

i’ll bet the vodacom meerkat was right on strategy, even though it destroyed a nation’s hopes and dreams, stole our collective democratic innocence and obliterated our basic understanding of what separates right from wrong. sometimes i think we should do a little less thinking and building of complicated charts and do a little more feeling. a little more basic observations. a little more ‘duh’.

How to tell if you’re in control of strategy ie. strategy is not in control of you:

Place the word ‘duh’ behind your observations / positioning statements / SWAT analyses / consumer promise. if the sentence makes sense, then you’re in control of strategy, not the other way round. for example:

Statement 1: Everyone wants to be Sandy and Danny in Grease. Duh. Brilliant. Makes complete sense.

Statement 2: Consumers do not know what they need until you tell them they need it to assauge their lack of brand alignment with target focus of the specified demographic that the product fulfills like no other. Duh. Makes no sense at all.

You could hide the lack of sense making in a strategic diagram or chart. This is a dark art. Does anyone know who the hippest strat chart producer is at the moment? Success of your chart depends very much on whether your powerpoint producer is flavour of the month. my advice to you would be to insist on working with ‘the Timbaland of .ppt’ and accept no less. there is no point in compromising when it comes to charts. you’ve got to ask yourself whether you want to play in the big leagues or not.

Does this make you feel alive? Blame it on the boogie.

Does this make you feel alive? Blame it on the boogie.

CiBiPi - i think ive found the name for my new electro label.

CiBiPi - i think i've found the name for my new electro label.

My brain is round and swirly like a shell. I am smart, you should do everything i tell you to do.

My brain is round and swirly like a shell. I am smart, you should do everything i tell you to do.

I have used a lot of green because i love animals.

I have used a lot of green because i love animals.

This last chart contains the secrets to the universe. Do not let it get into the hands of those who cannot control their powers ie. Sylar.

This last chart contains the secrets to the universe. Don't show Sylar.

wow. totally got distracted by some riveting charts. i was thinking of blowing a few of these up to A2 and getting them block mounted in my house. anyway, well done to whomever made the decisions on Summer Loving. that police lady shaking her boobies was the best thing to happen to my TV since i stopped watching TV way back in the late nineties.

i want a man who gets together with his choir buddies and drinks brandy in tea cups before breaking into a solo. and if i didn’t want a man like that, i would want to BE a man like that.

big, f-ing NOT. but what the hell was klipdrift thinking? that they would make The Great South African Ad? that they would with one fell, swooping television disaster wreak havoc upon attitudes that judge a bunch of men singing songs and clutching teacups as lame? did they think they were going to Change History? i will eat my own hair – all of it – in front of the person who shows me any culture or subculture in the world that aspires to sing in a male choir and drink brandy in tea cups.

Nothing like a spot of brandy eh chaps? Toodle-loo!

Nothing like a spot of brandy eh chaps? Toodle-loo!

well, maybe i am being a little hasty. klipdrift could be starting a trend right under my nose. maybe i am being narrow-minded and ‘not open to new things’. maybe i ‘live under a rock’ and this is ‘what the men of today are vibing to’. it could very well be the case. living out here at the bleeding edge is almost like being a late majority laggard. on the bleeding edge the trends reach you so early you don’t even know they’re trends. same vibe on the laggard side except well… you get the picture.

This curves about facebook but youll find facebook in every trend so *shrug*

This curve's about facebook but you'll find facebook in every trend so *shrug*

“Never underestimate your audience. Most of the time they are smarter than you simply by virtue of the fact that they don’t give a shit about what you have to say.” – David Ogilvie

maybe i just have inherent issues with men harmonising. too many bishops eisteddfods will do that to you. sometimes i wake up sweating from a nightmare where four pubescent boys are serenading me alternately with Elton John and James. my boyfriend has had to unpick the sheets from my semi-epileptic claws. men should never harmonise, unless all men involved are Justin Timberlake.

would never be caught dead drinking anything out a teacup.

JT: would never be caught dead drinking anything out a teacup. 'cept maybe Grey Goose.

Film review: How to get ahead in Advertising. Excuse the weird code at the top. Don’t know wtf. Something to do with the font no doubt. There’s always something about the font. Sigh. Deciding to embrace it. Added a ‘Build character’ tag to this post.


st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) }
<!– /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:””; margin:0cm; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:”Times New Roman”; mso-fareast-font-family:”Times New Roman”;} @page Section1 {size:595.3pt 841.9pt; margin:72.0pt 90.0pt 72.0pt 90.0pt; mso-header-margin:35.4pt; mso-footer-margin:35.4pt; mso-paper-source:0;} div.Section1 {page:Section1;} –>


/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:”Table Normal”;
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-parent:””;
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0cm;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:10.0pt;
font-family:”Times New Roman”;
mso-ansi-language:#0400;
mso-fareast-language:#0400;
mso-bidi-language:#0400;}

Watched ‘How to get ahead in advertising’ last night. Thought it would give me all sorts of handy tips and tricks, kind of like ‘Hey Whipple, Squeeze This’ did (the book, not the movie. Tho it would make a very useful movie). Tips like ‘Strike while the iron is hot’ which means you should write your headlines while you’re feeling inspired, or while you’re high on cocaine instead of making stupid conversation in the toilets at the agency xmas party.

Categorically incapable of Keeping It Real.

Richard E Grant: Categorically incapable of Keeping It Real.

I’m not sure my how my agency would respond to me writing headlines at the Christmas party. Think they might ostracize me for life. Good thing I don’t work at the kind of agency that encourages or perpetuates drug use. I don’t think I’d ever be naturally inspired to write headlines while at any kind of party.

They should have called the movie ‘How to get severely agitated by watching Richard E Grant get all crazy like he did in Withnail and I’. Because that would be a really accurate descriptor of what kind of take-out you can expect from the film.

Still from the movie Withnail and I, the prequel to How to get Ahead in Advertising.

Still from the movie Withnail and I, the prequel to How to get Ahead in Advertising.

They could have also called it ‘Representation of the pathetic dude at every party who never knows when to stop’ and ‘Character study of a self-obsessed alcoholic idiot who appeals to submissive females with no self-esteem who are suckers for any kind of eloquent opinion’ or even ‘Most unrealistic marriage ever’ or ‘If you know anyone in Advertising who takes their job this seriously, kick them in the face’. The script writer managed to miss a very basic truth. No matter how passionate a copywriter you may be, you are only making ads. Not art. Nothing that warrants the kind of fuss Richard E Grant made.

**********************************************************************************************

Am really disappointed. There are so few Hollywood glamourisations of my career out there. I really thought this would inspire me to be the best copywriter I can be. Instead it made me want to phone my mother and tell her we’re not all like that. I also wanted to phone everyone I know and make amends, as if I had just realized the error of my ways via association.

***************************************************************************************************

Zany and passionate and likes to hold eggs. Thats how passionate. And creative. And zany.

"So crazy I hold eggs."

It made me want to stop smoking, even though I already have stopped smoking. It made me fully comprehend the words “No one likes a know-it-all” really and truly, for the first time in my life. It made me want to think about never having an opinion on anything ever again.

It also made me draw Grant parallels. I thought about how Richard E Grant can only play one type of character, and how Hugh Grant can also only play one type of character. Then I generalized that that’s the case with most actors / actresses out there. Generalizing is always a good way to make ideas immediately relevant to you, yourself, because as I was sipping my first Vida e Double Mucho Meia de Leite Skinny Wet it occurred to me how it was prob true that most writers only have one style of writing ie. One type of character. So I feel inspired to work on my versatility. Gonna write some poems, some haikus, maybe a short story.

I’m gonna write love letters as if I was a grizzly bear in love. Not for versatility though, more because Mark asked me to do them for his Grand Daddy Bear-themed hotel room. Grawr. Snort. Ftttl.

Did no one tells Richard about staring too long into the abyss vibes and how it stares back? Think Richard E IS the abyss.

Did no one tell Richard about staring too long into the abyss vibes? Think Richard E IS the abyss.

the three little bears. now with room service.

my pal, my buddy mark stead is working on a pretty interesting project. he’s redoing a caravan that’s been hoisted to the top of a building for a 5-star mobile hotel as part of the Grand Daddy hotel. sounds a bit mad but here’s the evidence:

You know. Just another inner city caravan hoisting on a Sunday.

You know. Just another inner city caravan hoisting on a Sunday.

Mark and his wife Joe are redoing the caravan, and the theme they have chosen is ‘The Three Bears’. it could be amazing. it could be creepy. it’s probably going to be mostly creepy, judging by the work in progress i’ve seen so far.

Mark at work. Creepy.

Mark at work. Creepy.

Goldilocks outfit. Rather enticing. Makes you glad there are no holes in the bear suit.

Goldilocks outfit. Rather enticing. Makes you glad there are no holes in the bear suit.

Bear suit beginnings.

Bear suit beginnings.

Bear head endings.

Bear head endings.

i ate your porridge.

i ate your porridge.

so you can check the whole thing out on Mark’s blog, which he’s set up especially for the project.

found in the bathroom of TJDR cape town

Something to do with the Christmas Party theme being The Great Depression. Anyone else spotted zany agency xmas party invites? Anyone out there work at an agency thats cancelled their xmas party to save $$?

Something to do with the Christmas Party theme being 'The Great Depression'. Anyone else spotted zany agency xmas party invites? Anyone out there work at an agency that's cancelled their xmas party to save $$?

see how much effort goes into agency christmas parties? can you imagine the costume pressure involved in this one? what is great depression attire? great gatsby’s last night out? having second thoughts about my amy winehouse idea. scared i’ll be judged for not being conceptual enough. can’t my work speak for myself? can’t they accept me as an artist despite the fact that i have personal flaws like not digging conceptual costumes? not sure. the last KJ xmas party i attended i dressed up as a ‘Security God’ when the theme was ‘gods and godesses’. feel i put in enough effort there to warrant a simple excuse to rock a beehive.

sticking to the rules. blogging through the storm.

trying not to ‘not blog’, but amount of work in system at the moment is not very accommodating when it comes to doing anything save shovel piles of sand on the flames to keep it from igniting into a furnace that turns me into a ghost who haunts the person who receives my corneas after they get transplanted. you know things are really bad when i start referencing jessica alba movies. rei and i watched ‘the eye’ last night. very jumpy. very freaky. not great since have just recovered from a stephen king novel, and was then subjected to ‘supernatural’ on tv the night before last, and then more malicious paranormal shadows in ‘the eye’.

Me dressed up as a paranormal shadow.

Me dressed up as a paranormal shadow.

been reading stephen king because i have this great idea for a thriller/horror, and i wanted to learn from him since he manages to make quite un-scary and tame monsters heeb and jeeb the smug out of you. boy did i learn. i had a horrible nightmare, so horrible i gathered together all my crystals and placed them in a triangle around my bed so as to deflect any kind of night terrors that might come creeping. fat lot of good it did since i then dreamt that my foot had been chopped off and i found it at the bottom of the virgin active swimming pool, and spent the rest of the nightmare trying to find someone who could take me to hospital (my gran wasn’t sympathetic, my mom had something else to do and my brother accused me of only phoning him when i need something). Rei suggested that i probably stuck my leg out off the bed and my foot exceed the crystal triangle, thus i dreamt it got cut off. which is nauseatingly plausible.

on another note, new party COPE do have a logo / look and feel. not sure i like it. i feel like these super saturated colours are a bit tired. i know it’s supposed to reflect africa and the heart and vibrancy of african people, but i wish politicians would have a little sympathy for our eyes. you gotta think of your rallies. you’re going to have a lot of people wearing shirts the colour of a fast-ripening banana. fast-ripening banana has never been a colour synonymous with progress or revolution. wish the designer working on this would go back to tech and redo their guache colour charts.

I can almost smell banana smell.

I can almost smell banana smell.

i do quite like the star vibes though. reminds me of a colourful diamond. i feel like i could vote for a party like this because diamonds remind me of kanye west (I’m not a businessman i’m a business, MAN) and i would be totally cool with kanye west being the president of southafricanland. he’d definitely have more interesting tunes that that dude who sings the song about his machine gun. not sure how you guys feel about an artist that releases and performs only one song over and over. he definitely doesn’t deserve any awards from MTV, you know what i’m saying?

If Kanye deigned to sing a song about bringing him a gun am pretty sure it would be something like bring me my tazer lazer ripper, yo.

If Kanye deigned to sing a song about bringing him a gun am pretty sure it would be something like 'bring me my tazer lazer ripper, yo'.

If Kanye was president of South Africa hed give the police these rad shutter shades which would enable them to see table tops to what the dodgy politicians were doing beneath them. Bet he could see all the stuff thats been hidden under the carpet, too.

If Kanye was president of South Africa he'd give the police these rad shutter shades which would enable them to see through table tops to what the dodgy politicians were doing beneath them. Bet he could see all the stuff that's been hidden under the carpet, too.

If Kanye West was president of SA he would provide free pool education to all children so that they could snooker their way above the breadline as opposed to killing people for their cellphones.

If Kanye West was president of SA he would provide free pool education to all children so that they could snooker their way above the breadline as opposed to killing people for their cellphones.

anyways will get back to blogging for realz when this big project comes through. shouldn’t be long now. in the meantime i’ll try update my status on facebook more often since then you can feel like me and you are BFFs and be there for me during the hard times.

anybody feeling a hostile vibe from the ANC these days? have they got collective piles?

not sure about y’ulle but i find it weird that the ANC is sueing the new party because of some lame name issue. i mean it’s not like the ANC has consulted anyone on it because if they did they would see that anyone can use the word ‘congress’ because it’s a free country. did someone run an online name check on CIPRO’s site? do we have to spend tax payer money on this? namechecks only take a few days. because i’d really prefer it if the ANC spent money on recovering all the money their departments have lost over the past year. ANC just seems like one of those CEO wives who doesn’t know how her husband makes his money so she spends it all and then next thing they’re eating dog food out the can.

of course the flip side of this is that the ANC giving all this attention to the new party which is cool, because at least people will finally see that all the ANC does is make a lot of noise about how everyone’s out to get it, and maybe people will consider voting for the new party because of all the free PR the ANC’s been giving it. looks like the new party’s smarter than anyone anticipated. great launch strategy. who’s the planning team on the new party, anyone know?

Heard the ANC is using new media to reach the tech-obsessed generation.

Heard the ANC is using fancy new media techniques.

srsly though guys, does anyone still have faith in the ANC?

even after everyone walked out on it? even after they keep saying all this dumb stuff in the media? even after that fat guy who works for them fell off a chair in the middle of the internet? not really feeling the ANC vibe anymore. they used to have this cool brand that was all about liberation and equal rights and now i’m getting some desperate whiffs of Microsoft. next thing you know they’ll be making cheap MP3 players and really bad ads for them that employ cheap slow motion techniques and squirting.

desperate never comes across as cool. voting for the ANC would be like dating one that ex boyfriend who tells you how he’s gonna kill himself without you. it’s just lame. it’s icky. you wish they would find someone else to obsess over so you can get on with cancelling your relationship on facebook.

The new ANC letterhead. Wonder which design agency they used. I like the bold use of colour. Shows theyre an organisation thats not afraid to innovate.

The new ANC letterhead. Wonder which design agency they used. I like the bold use of colour. Shows they're an organisation that's not afraid to take design risks.

***************************SO IN ANY CASE*******************************************

would love to sit down and have a bit of a brainstorm with the new party. you know, throw around some ideas for where they see their brand going. get some mood boards up, maybe do a few logo options. i’m thinking something with a concept behind it, something that will clean up at all the awards shows. maybe we do a spot UV, maybe we do some injection molding. wonder if they’ve given any thought to what kind of impression they want their business cards to leave. i’d imagine it to be something like ‘Don’t worry, we ain’t going Zim on you, all the smart ANC people have joined us, it’s gonna be fine’ would be a good vibe for them.

don’t mind taking the job on proactively either, as long as they don’t mind me entering it into the D&AD Oneshow Loerie Eagle Awards. I mean, screw the rest of the awards shows, that’s the only one that really counts.

Sneak preview of the new ANC packaging. As you can see, they have tweaked the logo a bit, to appeal to Generation Y no doubt. Digging the new font, too.

Sneak preview of the new ANC packaging. As you can see, they have tweaked the logo a bit, to appeal to Generation Y no doubt. Digging the new font, too.

christmas party pressure. so much pressure to be clever and funny.

Executive Creative Director sent this mail around yesterday:

It seems people are taking the Christmas theme of dressing up as your favourite singer and/or band very literally. You are, of course, very welcome to put on a wig and short skirt and come as Tina Turner, or wear nothing but black and come as Johnny Cash or Roy Orbison, or get 3 friends and come as ABBA. But here are some thought starters on how to be a little less obvious:

Put a flashing blue light on your head and come as The Police.

You could wrap yourself in a black refuse bag and come as Garbage.

You could dress like James and come as James. Duh.

You could strap a Radio to your head and come as Radiohead.

Two of you girls could come naked with a stuffed springbok under your arm. Yep, you got.

You could get a friend, one of you dress in white, one in black, and come as Salt ‘n Pepa. Even better if you each drilled holes in your head.

We don’t however want anyone coming as The Strokes, ok?.

Good luck.

Over and Out.”

Feeling rly worried that i don’t come up with the smartest costume. Especially since I’m a copywriter and supposed to be strong on concept. Supposed to have a brain for strategy, but what if i’ve just got a brain for wanting to look hot at the Christmas party and dress up like Amy Winehouse because i have as much if not more hair than her. And if i have more than 1 drink (not likely, given brand dilemma) it’ll just look like i’m in character?

Dance floors heating up. Time for the speech about how our agency needs to give an extra 10 %.

Dance floor's heating up. Time for the speech about how our agency needs to give an extra 10 %.

Agency Christmas parties are always big on the pressure like this. See, it all depends on what tribe you belong to within the agency. the PR chicks will make any theme an excuse to dress like slaggy whores. you could make the theme ‘Potato Sack’ and they would put ripped fish nets under the potato sack and cut the sack really short.

Client service are kind of similar. you get those client service chicks who essentially come as themselves and then put a flower in their hair and say they are Madonna in that one video where she had a flower in her hair because they are so scared of not looking hot.

You can count on the events company getting pretty zany, since they go to so many parties and have seen every costume under the sun they will very often have access to the best rental places.

But if you’re in creative, there’s big pressure. Big pressure to make some sort of visual pun, to make people work out what you are. Sigh. Thinking of sticking to my original plan and going as crazy britney. really miss those days of hers. Made me feel really together, like a lifestyle brand as opposed to a niche electro label. Gotta keep innovating, I guess.

Should have been a copywriter not a pop star.

Should have been a copywriter not a pop star.

Need a device like a pink wig to warn ppl im on the rag.

Need a device like a pink wig to warn ppl i'm on the rag.

Test-driving a car im about to write radio ads for.

Test-driving a car i'm about to write radio ads for.

Pulling another all nighter. Need the Bull.

Pulling another all nighter. Need the Bull.

not sure i can take this whole ‘dress up as your favourite band/singer’ brief srsly unless there’s some sort of award going. can someone phone Arlene Donnenberg and ask her if we can get cre8ive circle points for highly conceptual and original xmas party costumes? scared i use up my mental desktop thinking of awesome outfits and don’t have any left for award-winning ideas. what if ideas like are the eggs in your ovaries? as in, are you born with a set amount and once you’ve used them all up they’re gone? can i get my ideas cryogenically frozen, that way if i need an idea when i’m over the age of 35 i can use the ones i stowed away in my youth? is it true that older women have ideas with higher IQs than younger women?

***********************************************************************************

“Always use christmas parties as an opportunity to show your Creative Director that you are one crazy m*otherf*cker by taking off your top and flashing your breasts. That way he won’t think twice about sending the potentially award-winning new media tactical brief your way next time management has a status meeting at Vida.” – Bill Bernbach

***************************************************************************************


getting my poker on. proving more lucrative than freelance.

Rei, Rei’s copywriter Justin and i mooched on over to Jody’s quaint seapoint palacio to play poker on thursday night. the night began with chips and beer, peaked at imported butter biscuits with chocolate on them and shuddered to a climax with bags of woolies gum sweets and some coke light. the life of the young and the risky.

The flailing neck in the corner is Jody. His contortion followed him mumbling something about a bald spot.

The flailing neck in the corner is Jody. His contortion followed him mumbling something about a bald spot.

things went really well considering it was the first time i played for money. in fact around half way through the evening i was a veritable mogul and the rest of the players were wagering their iMacs, their Flickr Pro accounts and one brave sod offered up a removable hard drive to make up for the fact that they didn’t have any chips left. then i went and did what every overconfident, sugar-rushing poker players does; i started abusing my power and making silly bets that i didn’t even care that much about when i really should have folded until 10 minutes before cutoff time and then forced the remaining chips out of the corners of my dwindling foes. but i didn’t do that – i lost my wealth and my power, miserably. i went all in and came out all out. but it did teach me a few very valuable lessons that i can apply to every day agency life.

Head down, game face on, dignity left at the door. A bit like presenting a concept to a client who doesnt like concepts.

Head down, game face on, dignity left at the door. A bit like presenting a concept to a client who doesn't like concepts.

lesson #1: if you don’t have money to start with, you’re not going to make money. you might make a little money. pussy money. but this is not going to make you rich, and you should keep visualising that wine farmer / applying for a management position / ‘moving into PR’.

lesson #2: once you click how the game works, you will think you own it, and that it’s your bitch. the game, like advertising, is not your bitch. it will lull you into a false sense of confidence in your wildly wonderful creative skills / card flare / luck vibes, but ultimately, you will spend a lot of time beating yourself up for folding before you saw the cards / doubling up the blinds when you were rich / talking like a texan oil baron because that’s the effect money has on you.

lesson #3: the person to your left, whom you call a friend during daylight hours, is fucking you over and cheating you out of your money. i don’t even need to put an advertising spin on that one.

lesson #4: the drunker you can be while playing, the better. sucks for me, since i still haven’t decided on a brand alignment or signed an endorsement deal with an alcopop. 2 cans of coke light down and you get a little jittery. you get annoyed that you have to keep telling the person to the left that it’s their turn. when you tap out your host thinks there’s someone at the door and when he jumps up to answer it, you want to kill him, so you shove a handful of woolies sweets in your mouth and make a resolution not to eat carbs tomorrow. gah!

lesson #5: poker is way better than ad agency-based book club. and i don’t just say this because the king james book club has rejected my application to join them in their naff little meets in the library on fridays. i don’t even want to join their bookclub. i already have a bookclub, even though it’s in jozi, and i hardly get to see them, but i get to watch them on tv because they are so fabulous top billing and the like enjoy following them around. i say this because when we play poker, we all start out as equals, whereas agency bookclub seems to have some sort of strange heirarchy built into it involving a chairman who doesn’t even work at the agency and looks like stephen king. i’m not bitter. i’m just saying.

best note from I.T. guy ever

found on my desk this morning. it reads:

“I spent 2 and a half hours recovering your My Documents folder, after your hard drive crashed.

Only to see all you would of (sic) lost was pictures of your granny.

(Your password is password)

I hope those were very, very, very, very, very important pictures.

Have a lekker day

Morne.”

It brings the LOLs.

Part of the fun that is working on a PC.

Part of the fun that is working on a PC.

is diabetes the new roboraptor? most wanted gift this christmas?

i find this a little weird but i guess if i was diabetic i would want to use the same thing that monitors my blood sugar levels as someone who is good-looking and famous. because if it doesn’t work for them you will know. here one of the jonas brothers gets his endorsement deal on with a Bayer product (hey i use Bayer vitamins in the form of Cal-C-Vita and Supradyn so i a way i feel close to nick jonas):

Making diabetes cool. Like when the cool kids at school got bracesi wanted braces, even though i had perfect teeth. Guess im grateful now LOL.

Like when the cool kids at school got bracesi wanted braces.

rad hey? makes you want to phone Discovery and ask whether this rad Bayer thing is covered in chronic. i feel inspired by this jonas-bayer brand sharing collaboration, and am considering writing a song about what it’s like to have high cholesterol (pity they don’t make fancy pocket testers. a pocket test for cholesterol is just a tapemeasure or the jeans test – when you sit down does your belly roll over your jeans? then your cholesterol is probably high). also considering offering myself to the heart foundation as a cholesterol ambassador. they could play the song i write on the tv commercials where everywhere is carrying their plush toy hearts around.

wonder how my song would go. maybe something like:

even though i’ve got a hot body

got a genetic condition from my daddy

means my arteries are a little fatty

so i gotta take pills, pills, pills

to stop from gettin ill, ill, ill

gotta watch what i eat

gotta stay on my feet and take

pills, pills, pills

You can grow your own cholesterol by eating lots of McDonalds or Crush. Dont be scared - Crush appears healthy but is actually highly fatty and processed.

Many great songs have been written bout living with cholesterol for eg. this bon jovi classic.