the old ‘make a giant shoe’ trick. works every time.

it’s summer, which means it’s summer promo season, and i thought i’d share with you the first of the promos to catch my eye. we headed over to the neighbourgoods market on saturday at the old biscuit mill and parked right outside, blocking the entrance was this enormous high-heeled shoe.

Frightening. Makes you reconsider your priorities.

Frightening. Makes you reconsider your priorities.

i switched into consumer drive and made sure to get a side-angle shot, too. i pondered, what could this giant shoe mean? i am intrigued? and then i spotted the naughty devil ladybug logo and clicked that it was brutal fruit.

Just as big from the side. Nice, um, Comic San Serif. And whats that funny thing wrapped around its heel?

Just as big from the side. Nice, um, Comic San Serif. And what's that funny thing wrapped around its heel?

so i smsed the number. i got sent back a URL, and i opened it. i then got a bunch of pretty neon colourful messages saying things like ‘Do you want in’ and ‘Full colour is the new black’. There was some mention about some fashion parties, and then i figured i’d download some wallpaper to try and plug the emotional void in my life.

another elite branded secret society to make me feel special and valued.

Just what i need: another elite branded secret society to make me feel special and valued.

Wallpaper. This is on my phone, filling the void my iPhone left when i dropped it off the balcony of my house on Clifton 3rd.

Wallpaper. This is on my phone, filling the void my iPhone left when i dropped it off the balcony of my house on Clifton 3rd.

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Do you ever get the Fear Of Missing Out when it comes to summer promos? Summer is such a happy, bright, branded time. Sometimes i worry about getting to Clifton 3rd later than 12 because all the best summer promo giveaways might be gone by then. I’m not sure i’d be okay with summer if i didn’t get my free Cell C frisbee or my free Nivea Suntan Lotion sample that i can put in my free summer beach bag that i got free with December’s Glamour mag. I look forward to hitting the beach wearing the same free sunglasses i bought in the Elle magazine that every second girl on the beach bought. These branded freebies make me feel like i have a place, like i have a home. they make me feel a part of something bigger than myself.

Summer is not just about sunshine and swimming in the sea. Summer is about getting as much free stuff as you can from brands that save their whole BTL budget for this time of year. I resolve to make the most of this up-and-coming summer.

I WILL NOT languish by my pool when i could be reaching out to promo girls with zinc on their noses and accepting offers of sun lotion squirts by promo boys.

I WILL NOT set foot in a mall or anywhere else that requires me to pay for iced tea, suntan lotion, self-tan, moisturises, air time, lip balm or deodorant, all of which fall under the summer freebie category.

I WILL put on an accessible, happy expression that attracts promo ambassadors towards me.

I WILL pretend that i smoke when the Camel reps offer everyone on the beach free tickets to the Camel Summer Experience 3.0

I WILL roll down my window when pretty young people wave flyers at me while i’m waiting at the traffic lights, and i WILL take what they have to offer.

I WILL take their shiney flyers with attached samples and press them to my face and inhale their plastickey, gloss-printed goodness.

I WILL wipe branded fake tattoos onto pertinent parts of my body that i find at the bottom of assorted summer promo goodie packs.

And I WILL drink the free flavoured fizzy water that the Aquarelle Girls give me, even though it’s slightly warm and there’s sand in the cap.

I WILL BUY SUMMER 2008. And it will be awesome.

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