trying to come up with a Loeries stage gimmick. need to make a lasting impression in the industry’s inebriated minds.

Under all sorts of pressure right now. The agency xmas party is on Friday and I still don’t have what I need for my beehive, or my satin ballet slippers. Irksome. Been thinking a lot of about Loeries next year. You know when that book The Secret came out and everyone started ‘being positive’ and ‘following the laws of attraction’ and writing affirmations about money in the gratitude journals? Was wondering if the law of attraction applies to awards. Should I imagine a lot of Loeries flying towards me like magnets? Or is that a bit unrealistic.

Maybe if I flap my hands it will call The Loeries to me and my life will be like a advertising remake of Hitchcocks The Birds.

Maybe if I flap my hands it will call The Loeries to me and my life will be like a advertising remake of Hitchcock's 'The Birds'.

Been thinking about what kind of crazy zany antic I can do when I go on stage to collect my gold Loerie award. You know how some really crazy creatives like to do hand-stands when they collect their awards? I need some sort of stage gimmick like that. Some creatives get zany by throwing their panties at the mayor of Margate. Others have lollopped up the stage like monkeys. I’m not feeling like any of these antics really reflects my deeply introspective yet also fun and lighthearted creative nature.

Should i take a giant crusty fake hot dog / banana on stage with me and hump it? Such a big decision for me to make.

Should i take a giant crusty fake hot dog / banana on stage with me and hump it? Such a big decision for me to make.

I could take a fire extinguisher up with me and set it off onstage. Setting off fire extinguishers unnecessarily is pretty kooky, hey?

Maybe I could roll up a banner that says something about how immersed in the industry I am, such as ‘Interns are for mounting’ or ‘Life’s a pitch’. Do you think anyone will notice that I took those sayings from the zany stickers Net#work BBDO made last year? Ppl will probably shout ‘that’s been done before’ because they will be pretty bitter about my gold.

I could reinterpret a South African classic and do the Nik Nak man dance on stage to show ppl how I have an appreciation of all things local and retro. Hopefully the camera will zoom in on my Casio Gold Calculator watch that I got from ShelfLife, and really bring retro to life.

Maybe I should reinvent myself as a retro electronics brand? Is that more meaningful than strapping a retro electronics bag to your wrist? Sometimes always pushing for concept is a lot of work.

Maybe I should reinvent myself as a retro electronics brand? Is that more meaningful than strapping a retro electronics brand to your wrist? Sometimes 'always pushing for concept' is a lot of work.

Maybe I should be more subtle, and wear some Coverse High-Tops with a flouncy ballgown (a visual contradiction / irony / the tension of opposites), thereby telling ppl that even tho I win gold Loeries and wear ballgowns and shiz, I am still able to keep it real in my All Stars, while retaining township cred (important for a white girl).

I would have to practise my nonchalant shrug. Need to keep it real in my All Stars.

I would have to practise my nonchalant shrug. Need to keep it real in my All Stars.

It’s all a bit much to think about right now. Maybe y’ulle have some cool gimmick ideas that you can send me, for which I won’t credit you but will use in order to advance my social standing and industry credibility. Mail me.

How to Not Keep It Real in your All Stars. For shame, this bro is a 90s surf brand, not a retro electronics brand.

How to Not Keep It Real in your All Stars. For shame, this bro is a 90s surf brand, not a retro electronics brand.

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One response to “trying to come up with a Loeries stage gimmick. need to make a lasting impression in the industry’s inebriated minds.

  1. what about a Big Bird (from Sesame Street) costume?

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