trying to channel my inner PR chick. want to be the ‘life of the party’.

it’s the final countdown. we’re leaving the agency at 11am tomorrow to head to the xmas party. they haven’t told us where it is because they want what happens there to stay there. apparently there is no cellphone reception and the staff don’t have teeth. scared of people who don’t have teeth after i read an article about them hanging out at the seattle coffee company in kloof street. let that be a lesson to the vida defectors.

went to the mall today and dropped half my salary on high-res fake tattoos. very ironic because they look low-res because they are designed to mimic ‘the bleed’ of a real tattoo. also bought ballet shoes, lots of hairpieces, 4 hair nets (in case one broke), 2 combs, a hair rose, liquid eyeliner and 5 billion hair clips.

i’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to get the beehive right. problem is this involves brushing out the knots i’ve already got in my hair. i don’t know how i got them but it prob has something to do with the fact that i don’t brush my hair 100 times before i go to sleep every night.

Unfortunately I have a very time-consuming recorder hobby that eats into my hair-brushing time.

Unfortunately I have a very time-consuming recorder hobby that eats into my hair-brushing time.

also feeling nervous about experiencing an agency christmas party as a non-smoker. i’m not worried about starting smoking again, i’m just worried i don’t have enough of a reason to stay up late and that i end up going to sleep at 9 and shouting at anyone who has fun near my Luxury Safari Tent (sic).

wish i had a ‘fun bouncy party slag’ button i could flip in order to be the fun party slag. it just seems like getting drunk and having fun is a lot of hard work. what if i burn more calories than i take in? it’s a very real risk. heaven forbid i end up emaciated and looking like the real amy winehouse. wish i was one of those people who had to work hard to keep the weight off. wish i wasn’t naturally skinny. wish i didn’t have naturally white teeth, eyes and nails. wish i didn’t have exotic asian looks while having the benefit of being classified of caucasian. wish i wasn’t born with a photographic memory that makes functioning in a world of mediocrity dissatisfyingly easy. wish my parents weren’t oil billionaires so i’d know what it felt like to actually achieve something.

When life makes you a pig, make bacon out of yourself. - Alex van Tonder

"When life makes you a pig, make bacon out of yourself." - Alex van Tonder

one thing i have learnt through my adversity is that even though things may be tough and the fates may be against you by always being on your side, it’s no excuse not to smile. smiling brings you one step closer to being the PR slag at the party, and by golly, what more could you aspire to, apart fro maybe being sexually harrassed by the PR slag of the party.

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