psychographic profile: i am a white South African

I am a white South African.
This makes it my duty to a) complain and
b) complain about whatever’s done in response to my complaints.
I have a blog, and a twitter page, and a small audience. I am an ‘influencer’.
So I feel the need to influence, but also, to point out how refined,
educated and intellectuarllll I am.

I am a white South African and even though I,
like most educated people in this country,
am petrified of He Who Shall Not Be Named becoming President,
I’m not going to go right out and say it because that would not be very
politically correct, progressive or liberal.
(also it would be laaaaank obvious bro, need to ‘be special’).
Instead I will complain about ‘government’ as an homogeneous mass
and focus my complaints on white people in government
so my white friends understand just how liberal and progressive I am.

I am a white South African,
Maintaining my positioning as liberal is highly NB,
because my white friends believe that if you are not liberal, you are racist
and there are no grey areas in between.
My educated black friends LOL at me behind my back,
but mostly they pity me and my suppressed fear,
and send me digital snaps from London, where they have moved,
which I complain about,
because if black people are moving overseas,
then things must be bad.

I am a white South African,
and
I am paranoid about coming across as racist
because we have the sins of our “fathers” forced on us
all the time by our scapegoat-loving government and its
sycophantic media,
even though most of our fathers were actually against Apartheid,
but they had as much choice then
as we do now when it comes to policy (ie. No choice)
but you can bet your lobola
that I’m going to complain about it.

I am a white South African
(and proudly so)
and I’m going to complain
and through my interlektuarll complaining
I’m going to be superior to my fellow men
(who will complain about my complaints because they are as scared as me)
but I’m going to complain with pride
because I am a South African
And this is my home
and I don’t want to leave this country to complain somewhere else
I want to feel safe when I complain down the streets
and I want my children to feel safe about complaining while they play
I want women to feel that they can complain without suffering abuse
or discrimination

I am a white South African
even though South Africa’s a political mess
I’m going to stay and fight for my right to complain in the country of my birth.

I shall complain about the beaches
I shall complain about the landing grounds
I shall complain about the fields and the streets
I shall complain about the hills
and I shall never surrender


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One response to “psychographic profile: i am a white South African

  1. This is brilliant.

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