Hey yulz. Been feeling down lately. Been worried that I am ‘stuck in the 90s’. The other day was driving and saw a Calvin Klein orgy billboard and it ‘appealed to my sensibilities’ and ‘spoke to my aspirations of being a liberal individual who is also hot’, which planted the seed of worry.
Then I walked past Ed Hardy at the waterfront and actually considered ‘paying money to look like some trashy slut’ who digs rhinestones and skulls and tattoo-vibes, which is when the warning bells really kicked in.
Then, as I was perusing this season’s handbags, I almost dropped 1k on a piece of shit Guess handbag, because I momentarily forgot the rules.
Then I experienced an urge to ‘push social boundaries’ by being free-spirited and zany and ‘experimenting with social taboos’ by sleeping with all my friends (guys and girls). Was a low point. Might as well drench myself in CK1 and put Nevermind on repeat.
Then sat at home and felt crap about myself, and decided that I need bigger boobs, which sent me spiralling, because if anything is soooo last decade, it’s big boobs. Mother of god.
And then came the last straw: I was catching up on the mandatory morning reading and saw that Britney had died her hair dark again, and I wondered if I should exclaim loudly about how much I hate her. Maybe subject a few innocent colleagues to my opinions about ‘how dumb Britney is’. Which was when I realised it: I am stuck in the 90s.
Feel very down. Can’t believe I thought I was a child of the new millennium. Thought I was original and intellectual and free-spirited and one-of-a-kind and ‘unique’. Thought that people ‘see something different and special’ in me because I go against the social grain and ‘cannot be controlled’. But now I realised I’m just a retard loser stuck in the 90s. FML.