Monthly Archives: July 2009

be like me kids… drink Stormhoek

Today is the last day of July, hence the last day I can blog about anything birthday related. Which is why I’m dragging myself out of brain-implant / transplant recovery to write about the last bottle of Stormhoek Limited Edition 2004 Guava Pinotage I got from Chris for my birthday. (Luckily I can now ‘Blog Just By Thinking thanks to new brain. rad.) I’m not a drinker (as some of you may have gathered), but reigun and 5starRich will bear witness to my having a quarter-glass of this stuff over the course of the birthday month. It’s also made my guests super happy, who normally have to choose between 5 roses tea / water / Coke Light. Plus it looks totally hot in my kitchen. So I’m thinking I’ll get some more of this stuff and keep my cabinet full. Thanks Chris 🙂

The good stuff.

The good stuff.

PS. Did you know Stormhoek is MASSIVE overseas? Yep. Last time I was in LA it’s the only wine I saw ppl drinking. PPS. Blog BFF Seth is in LA at the moment. Check out his adventures here.

two words

Panda. Bread. I’ll leave you with that. PS. going into hospital tomorrow to have a brain implant that makes me less cynical and ‘more happy’. My first time under general anaesthetic. True Story. Will keep you updated.

Can you handle the rad?

Can you handle the rad?

Should I take out Personality Insurance?

Hey yulle. Been a little concerned lately that I am ‘slightly offensive’ to some ppl. My mom tells me I am funny and that ‘I shouldn’t change my blog for anyone’ but I’m not sold. Am pretty sure there’s a point at which I will offend the fans who LOL at my Psychographic Profiles at some time or other, and then it will just be me, writing and eating chicken wraps, thinking of ‘the good old days when ppl liked me & gave me iPhones and clicked on my links’.

Been looking at some case studies to establish best practice in Personality Insurance strategies. Found this to be pretty true:

Based on Alex’s Celebrity Study 2009 © one can pretty much conclude that ‘parading around telling people you believe in Jesus’ will allow you to get away with being a total sluttard (totally coined a new word).

One of my heroes. And the hero of most ambitious young women out there.

Miss Montag. One of my heroes. And the hero of most ambitious young women out there.

Same study also says that ‘lording around as if you own the place, when you do own the place (and own other places)’ will allow you to get away with being a sluttard.

My runner up hero. I respect her because she came from nothing and earned everything she has herself.

My runner up hero. I respect her because she came from nothing and earned everything she has herself.

Since I don’t really own anything and am more into ‘being given stuff’ I may have to go the Jesus route. What do y’uls think? Does Jesus suit my hair colour? Is it a rad scene? Does my personal brand allow for something like a ‘religious sub-brand’? Will I be cannibalizing my own brand by taking out personality insurance? What does my brand bible say about this?

Hmm. Does anyone know if Jesus is real? Maybe they can test it on Mythbusters or something. That would be a rad episode. To conclude, I drew a graph.

Some insights for your next strategic meeting.

Some insights for your next strategic meeting.

Until Mythbusters proves Jesus is real I’m just gonna sit tight on my Personality Insurance application. Have any of y’ulle got a better deal than being Christian or rich? Should I call the hippo on TV and let it ‘find me the best quote’ for Personality Insurance? Wish it wasn’t so complicated. Feels like the Personality Insurance industry is pretty stuck in the dark ages. Someone tell them to ‘get on twitter’.

How should I tell people about my Loerie finalists?

Hey y’ulz. Been quiet because I like to build up a little anticipation. Plus I have this new job working for free as an intern running a social media campaign for some big brand (because I was cheaper than that social media guru who ppl think is ‘out to make a quick buck’).

Anyway, got some Loerie finalists and was wondering how I can tell everyone I know about my Loerie finalists without coming across as complete fucking tard. Though call. Basically these are my options:

1. tell my boyfriend / best friend via private msg and hope they post a ‘CONGRATZ ON UR LOERIE FINALISTS’ post on my fbook wall / twitter / blog

2. pretend to be disappointed and tweet ‘only got 20 Loerie finalists am soooo bummed was aiming for 35 FML want 2 die’ and  wait for the ‘wow that’s amazing what’s wrong with you, you over-achiever’ comments to fly

3. update my facebook status to read: “Alex hopes her Loerie finalists convert but is ultimately happy because she has done some really good, solid advertising this year, which is what it is all about, ultimately. Thank you Jesus.”

4. Congratulate everyone I know on their finalists on Twitter in the hope that they will say ‘Did you get any finalists’ to which I can reply ‘Oh, not many, just 20. But whatever, holding thumbs you win!’

5. Loudly say stuff like ‘fuck awards, what a joke, how can you measure something that doesn’t matter, sales are all that count, we exist to sell PRODUCT’, in the hopes that someone will say ‘Did you get any Loerie finalists?’ at which I can say, ‘You shouldn’t care, me getting 20 finalists means fucking NOTHING, awards mean NOTHING, fuck this, BST* was right all along.’ (I should also pretend to be drunk and embittered with the world to pull this off effectively and really drive home how much of a fuck I don’t give)

6. Tell my mom and wait for her to tell everyone via making ‘mom-comments’ on my lame fbook profile pic

7. Act like a ‘happy advertising ingenue’ and pretend to be genuinely excited about getting Loerie finalists, clap my hands and dance around the studio and tweet about it

8. Post a lot of crap on my blog about ‘Loerie gimmicks’

9. Forward this post to ppl I know in the hopes that they ask me if I got any finalists (by ‘me’ here I mean ‘you’)

10. Attempt suicide in the agency bar and leave a note with the number of finalists on it

11. Sleep with the same number of colleagues as Loerie finalists I have and make cryptic referrals to ‘my magic number’

12. Not tell people. Be a big girl. ‘Finalists aren’t Loeries’, after all.

Will have to weigh up my options. Will maybe make my way through them in order of me thinking of them. Methodical and thorough. How did y’all tell people about how many Loerie finalists you got without coming across like a complete fucking tard?

*BST = Brian Searle Tripp, local advertising popstar

a little flashback to a magical time

Captured by Reigun and his Diana F+, from the birthday. It is still July. I have until the end of the month to talk about the birthday / accept birthday gifts / refer to the birthday / post pictures  from the birthday.

Portrait of the blogger and her boyfriends chin

Portrait of the blogger and her boyfriend's chin

Portrait of the blogger with her real writer friend Lauren.

Portrait of the blogger with her 'real writer' friend Lauren.

Portrait of the Diana camera by the Diana camera (I dont know how he did it either).

Portrait of the Diana camera by the Diana camera (I don't know how he did it either).

i are art director

I wear Mac Hat while watchy moon landing.

I wear Mac Hat while watchy moon landing.

“Tread softly, for you tread on my dreams.”

Psychographic Profile: I am an intern

I am an intern,
And I take myself very seriously.
I go to an expensive advertising school,
Where they teach me to be a designer and an art director and a copywriter and a marketer and a client service person,
And when I graduate,
I will be the most amazing advertising being,
And you will all bow down to me
And my Cre8ive Recreation sneakers,
That I bought on sale
At Poppa Trunks
(which is more of a T-shirt store than a sneaker store, just FYI)

I am an intern,
And I am frustrated.
How am I supposed to show off my genius
When the internet doesn’t even work in this sh*thole agency
(oops – did I say that aloud?)
Also no one is telling me how to work the frikkin’ printer,
What do you expect me to just ‘figure it out myself’?
What kind of a show is this?

I am an intern.
I’m giving up my holiday so I can be ‘assured of a job’,
So just shut up about the rece$$ion because rece$$ions only affect mediocre people,
And I am not mediocre bro.
I am the top of my class
(why else would I be here?)
All my lecturers say I’m brilliant,
I even have ‘genius’ written across my portfolio
(Just as a joke, but I actually really mean it),
And my lecturer also says I will suit a ‘creative’ agency
More than a corporate one,
Even though my lecturer says  I am versatile enough to handle both.

I am an intern.
The senior copywriter teases me.
I frikking hate her, stupid bitch.
She thinks she is soooo smart,
Always cracking her sarcastic jokes.
I’ll show her, I’ll put her in her place.
I’ll say
“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit”
even though she’s actually using irony
(my writing course wasn’t that in-depth).
I’ll just call her on it,
And she’ll know who she’s dealing with.

I am an intern.
Just wish I could graduate and start working already.
I’m sick of pretend,
I’m ready for the real world.
Just wanna get out there and make some ads.
Am sooooooooo frustrated,
And the frikking internet is soooo slow,
Facebook won’t frikking upload pictures.
Gonna text my friend and invite him to the bar
And pretend I ‘own this joint’,
And offer him beer as if it is my own

I am an intern
Where’s. My. Desk.

what does this photo say about me?

Photo thanks to @5starRich (click)

a) I am ‘wild at heart’, even though I scorn drinkers

b) I love Cheetahs

c) I have a vicious personal brand (via my mom’s old hip-hop dancing costume)

d) I am both fierce and vulnerable (by way of cheetah face and bunny ears and deer-in-deadlight face)

e) I am affiliated with Green organisations such as WWF and therefore a conscious individual

f) I Am Awesome ( would only be authentic if it had a we-are-awesome watermark on it tho)

g) I don’t fuck around when I tweet that I’m wearing a top with a giant cheetah’s face on it to my birthday dinner

h) Even though I work in advertising I am still connected to nature via inferrence

i) Infurrance is a more appropriate word

j) Fur is in again

k) Obama’s campaign will win the Grand Prix at this year’s Loeries so don’t even bother getting your hopes up

l) I am listening for the banana phone

m) everyone needs a bosom for a pillow

n) mine’s on the 45

a nun in the window: a nice story

one night, last week, Rei and I went for sushi at Minato off Long Street with some friends. we ate sushi. we laughed. we ate crying rolls. we cried. we lolled at the evil signs on the door (“Forgot to book? Well we are full. HA HA HA.”). Then we all decided to find dessert and strolled off in the direction of the ice cream shop. While walking past the internet cafe, we spotted a nun in the window at a computer. I begged Rei to take a picture of this fascinating anomaly with his Lomo Diana F+ camera. We snuck around trying to get a good shot before we decided that asking her if we could take her picture would be easiest. We tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned out to be a man who was more than happy to have her photo taken. S/he pulled me onto her lap and squeezed my breasts as the flash went off. Turns out her name is Sister Mary James Costello and she does shows (click here to check out her geocities page – soooo retro). S/he added me on facebook there and then, and now we are facebook friends. What a nice story.

Sister Mary and Me. Like Marley and Me. Heartwarming.

Sister Mary and Me. Like Marley and Me. Heartwarming.

“you don’t have to go all the way you can just kiss!!”

Got this email earlier in response to this post.

I wasn’t going to even write this but I feel like i must express how i feel and since your article caused my anger I  thought why not. You endless tirades about people who drink are just lame because you don’t drink youself. You are probably a freak and are up your own ass!!  Your latest article was worst because it made people who are nearly 30 and go out for a good time seem like there is something wrong with them. Well for FYI I love my life!!!! an am nearly 30 and can drink as much as I want. I have fun! I don’t feel bad because I have no boyfriend and I have no shame in having a little fun on the weekend, plenty of men love me and my attitude and hit on me all the time!! In case you are saving yourself to be ‘pure’. I am never with the same guy a weekend and you don’t have to go all the way you can just kiss!! It doesn’t mean you are a slut. You obviously don’t have any fun. Are you jealous. Maybe your upbringing. . I am just living my life and when the right guy comes along I will settle down just like everyone else. But until then I will have as much fun as I can. You should try it!!!

You should stop blogging and go out and have a drink and dance and yu will see that actually it’s a lot of fun. Talk to some sexy guys at the bar.  You might even meet a man who loves you and ends up marrying you!! You are just closing the doors to any FUN and opportunity for happiness. You are anti-feminist because you always pick on woman who drink. I may act a little wild but is better than your ice queen judgement. I am proud of how much I can drink, and so I should be, why should men have all the fun? Do yourself favour and put short skirt on and get motherless and you will see a whole new world open to you. You will even discover who you really are. In the meantime I will pray for you and you should pray to. Pray that Jesus doesn’t judge your soul the way you judge the beautiful souls who just want to have fun. I do understand if you do not drink because you were an alcoholic thought because both my parents were alcoholics but if not then lighten up chick!!!!!

I think I’ve been put in my place.

should i ‘have a baby to force me to quit smoking’?

Been watching this Lily Allen video over and over. Feeling slightly inspired by England’s ‘drinking epidemic’. Having a birthday has made me introspect about ‘where I am in my career’ and ‘whether I am where I could be’. It’s made me ask important questions like ‘is it time to stop taking my pill and pretend I was still on it to my boyfriend when I fall pregnant’ – a pretty universal question all girls face at one time or another.

Definitely not digging that vibe. Am really glad I’m not ‘nearly 30 and out every night’ with my biological clock blackmailing me into fucking up my life by ‘settling for plan B guy’. Are any of you going through this?

Time to have a baby? Maybe have a baby to quit smoking? So many options. Life is so full of potential.

Time to have a baby? Maybe have a baby to quit smoking? So many options. Life is so full of potential.

Went to the VICE magazine launch on Friday night (thanks weaerawesome). It was basically like The Loeries at Assembly. Loads of advertising people. Loads of ppl passing around this lame rumour about how the band playing ‘had never left Soweto before’. Sigh. Wish I had never moved to Joburg and stopped being a ‘gullible white person’. Definitely would have been a lot of fun if I was 16 and had ‘my whole life ahead of me / my virginity intact / a set of fresh lungs / no fucking clue about “how the world works” ’. But 10 years has changed my idea of a good time, and I spent quite a lot of the evening wishing I hadn’t forgotten my MJ mask in the car, kicking the smoke out the way so I could walk.

Best party of going out is stinking like an ashtray the next day. Is my fav.

LOVE to partay and stink like an ashtray the next day. Is my fav.

A lot of drunk ppl were buzzing about The New Young Pony Club which turned out to be a chick DJ playing Justin Timberlake (true story). Luckily I went home at 11 so never saw all those sad, disappointed faces who had their pony dreams dashed. Is a good thing. Hate seeing people I know drunk because then I feel I have ‘seen their inner tard’ and can never respect them again.

A fan after witnessing the New Young Phony Club DJ set.

A fan after witnessing the New Young Phony Club DJ set.

A cunning plan by a rad hip band.

A cunning plan by 'a rad hip band'.

Saw a lot of chicks in the bathrooms applying coats and coats of lipstick. Some chick pulled her friend into the bathroom stall with her and stayed inside for like half an hour. She must have been ‘having trouble inserting her tampon’. I remember this one time at high school our guidance counsellor offered to help if any of us had any trouble inserting our tampons. There are some really caring people in this world, we should all give thanks. Also give thanks for not being ‘nearly 30 and out every night’, unless you are.

snaps from the birthday

Had a delightful dinner at the Bombay Bicycle Club, a restaurant at the top of Kloof Street which is the latest offering from the Madame Zingara guys (their Springbok Shank comes highly recommended, as does their Malva Pudding). I got 3 cookbooks as gifts – clearly my friends sense a need on my behalf (thanks Emily, Andrew, Maddy, Tatum, Shaun and Jody), 1 gorgeous retro glass vase (thank you Jo and Mark), an awesome framed LIFE poster from WW2 that I love from Rei, a scarf from Sarah, a totally rad card, sparkler, chocolates and tub of body butter from Rich and Kath, a case of Stormhoek Reserve Pinotage from Chris, a Moleskine from Jenny and Paige, and R1 000 000 in vouchers from Canal Walk. I still have R250 000 worth of vouchers left from xmas.  Tough life. Going to have to work hard at spending them.

Jodys trademark grin.

Jody's trademark grin.

Shaun and Tatum

Shaun and Tatum

Lauren and some mildly hysterical-looking chick

Lauren and some mildly hysterical-looking chick

Captain Jennifer and Nige

Captain Jennifer and Nige

Andrew and Maddy

Andrew and Maddy

Emily and Andrew

Emily and Andrew

The poster Rei had framed and set behind glass for me

The poster Rei had framed and set behind glass for me

Thanks for coming, tribal council. Til next year.

“Just get a good shot of my ass on the way out.”

Watch. and. learn. Lady Gaga gives a press conference in Malta:

birthday hair & thanks

birthday hair was done on Saturday courtesy of Cristal at Hand. thanks babe. you make me look like someone who is ‘zany, cool and deserving of a ticket to the VICE magazine launch’. Oh, and thanks  to WeAreAwesome for the ticket to the VICE magazine launch. it’s the hair, right? See y’ulle on friday night (or not, if you’re a laggard. VICE is strictly early adopters y’ulle. time to ‘get nasty’.)

Hair before.

Hair before.

Hair after.

Hair after.

birthday love from Virgin Active

such love! from one of my favourite brands. ❤ you guys. birthday morning runs 4 eva. if any of y’ulle are runners, please join me next week for #lunchrunwednesday – going to try get back into the habit. although, let me tell you, nothing quite beats a morning run. xoxo

Cockles of heart = warmed.

Cockles of heart = warmed.