Monthly Archives: September 2009

what has been occurring.

Jees. So many occurrences. Y’ulz won’t believe how crazy the life of a non-international weblebrity can be. Went through a break-up. Dire. But rising like phoenix flying in the face of calamity. Been keeping myself busy doing shiz that blogs don’t normally do, like ‘seeing friends’ and ‘hanging out with good mates over dinner’ and ‘watching crappy TV’ and ‘reading books on spirituality’ and ‘sobbing my heart out’ and ‘winning gold loeries’.

Friends. Real life friends. And their real-life baby. Love them.

Friends. Real life friends. And their real-life baby. Love them.

Clutching at gold loerie award with fellow writer Jakkie. Gold Loerie saved my life and gave me positive affirmation when I needed it most.

Clutching at gold loerie award with fellow writer Jakkie. Gold Loerie 'saved my life' and 'gave me positive affirmation when I needed it most'.

Clapped loudly for Helen Zille on stage at the Loeries. Loeries was basically a DA rally.

Clapped loudly for Helen Zille on stage at the Loeries. Loeries was basically a DA rally.

Got my nails did a zany retro teal colour.

Got my nails did a zany retro teal colour.

Met this fat piggeh at the Tamboerskloof farm.

Met this fat piggeh at the Tamboerskloof farm.

Met this other piggeh who has tusks and snuffled my foot with its tusks.

Met this other piggeh who has tusks and snuffled my foot with its tusks.

Bought me lots of  flowers for my dining room table to generate a bright, happy atmosphere in my home.

Bought me lots of flowers for my dining room table to 'generate a bright, happy atmosphere' in my home.

Relived being a student via having my photo taken by Thunda.com

Relived 'being a student' via having my photo taken by Thunda.com

Invaded my bosss desk while she was still there. But I was in disguise so at least she wont know it was me.

Invaded my boss's desk while she was still there. But I was in disguise so at least she won't know it was me.

Gonna get back into my ‘rigorous blogging regime’ by the end of the week. Gonna ‘rediscover my voice’. Can’t wait y’ulz. Thanks for ‘being on this journey with me’ via clicking on links to my blog on my facebook status updates and tweets. Really appreciate y’al support. ‘Lets do this together’ now that I am ‘remotivated, reinspired and reinvolved’.

it’s all gonna be okay y’ulz.

Hey Y’ulz. Just want to use this post to illustrate the extreme complexity of the hooman mind. Basically interrupted my whole branded life ‘to rebrand’, When all I needed 2 do is cut a fringe. So just want y’all to relax – is just me, same old same new, is all gonna be okay. Just gonna let my fringe grow out a few days, and I’ll be back to normal. Apologies for ‘freaking out like Britney‘ and ‘going dead like Michael’.

Fringe is as good as a rebrand.

Fringe is as good as a rebrand.

who am i? (behind the scenes of a Personal ReBrand)

who am i?

why am i here?

Rebranding Strategy:

1) Background

MyBrandedLifeTM is a blog. It has been around for nearly 2 years. It used to be a fairly serious journal of a young advertising hopeful, which evolved into a snarkie tongue-in-cheek commentary on life in advertising. It has a readership of 500 – 600 locals every day, the most views for any given post being 2 000 in one day (ie. very niche & can thus afford to ‘be specific’). Currently the author is going through a series of major life-changes which have forced her to reassess ‘why she even bothers’.

2. Competitors

The author has no real direct competitors, but loads of indirect competitors, including ‘real life’ which threaten to take away her readers. The author’s innate ‘sense of optimism’ also competes with her ‘snarkie insight’ in a never-ending ‘internal struggle’, except the author knows that nobody likes to read ‘positive, uplifting garbage’.

3. Unique Selling Proposition

??????????

??????????

To be continued.

Should I make a giant inflatable blog?

As y’all know, I’m rebranding. Today I’m asking myself whether I should be exploiting some sort of gimmick to ‘attract readers driving past’. I got this idea when somebody tweeted about a ‘brilliant piece of MacDonald’s advertising’, which was just a streetpole that had been dressed to look like a giant McD’s coffee pot pouring coffee into a giant McD’s coffee cup. Should I get a giant inflatable version of my blog and tie it to the roof of Wembley Square?

Click here for fun.

Click here for fun.

Maybe an over-sized vagina? (just to prove to y’all I’m not a man)

notahermie.blogspot.com

notahermie.blogspot.com

Employing this kind of gimmick ‘flies in the face of convention you fools!’. It says that even though I have been educated about what is and isn’t good advertising, I’m still going to go with the gimmick because ‘it attracts attention’ and will ‘drive footfall through my blog store’ and ‘has talkability’ and ‘will generate an instant reaction’. Guess I will just have to binge on fast food to ‘make myself forget’ that I have sacrificed the integrity of my blog brand for a moment’s attention. No matter – y’all are reading this, right?

Load of crap. Really big one.

Load of crap. Really big one.

I guess the twitter equivalent of getting a giant inflatable blog and tying it to Wembley Square would be tweeting something like ‘Look at my newly waxed vagina’ and then posting a link to this post. Might just do that to ‘prove my point’, even though my readers will be annoyed at being misled for such an averagely interesting post on ‘ethics and integrity in advertising’ on my journey towards a total rebrand. Sorry y’all. Just wanted 2 be loved. Just wanted you to ‘boost my pageviews’ which is the blog equivalent to ‘driving volume’ in the  FMCG world that is online consumer-created content (ie. blogs).  Feeling a bit confused. Maybe I need to ‘hire a consultant’ to guide me in this rebranding process and bleed me dry while telling me stuff I already know. Is there anyone y’all can recommend?


rebranding phase 1: trying a new look

As y’all know, I’m going through a ‘rebranding’ process. So i’ll be trying out a few new look & feels, messaging, tone, etc over the next few weeks. My first experimental hypothesis is: Should I speak about people as if they are animals, and where possible, make them wear animal masks around me? This would be a strategic move on my behalf that would create a key differentiating factor between this blog & other advertising blogs. After all, ‘we are just animals anyway’. Plus animals are generally ‘genuine at heart’ and without any ‘personal agenda’ which results in their being ‘highly accessible and well-liked’ by a variety of demographics, regardless of the confusing fact that I ‘own a sewing machine yet am not LSM 9’. What y’ulz thank?

Portrait of the author as a horse.

Portrait of the copywriter as a 'horse'.

The Production dept shall be known from now on as the elephant parade.

The Production dept shall be known from now on as 'the elephant parade'.

Designer shall henceforth be referred to as Budgies, or, Budgerigars.

Designers shall henceforth be referred to as 'Budgies', or, 'Budgerigars'.

The head of production, while an elephant, is able to speak horse to get through to the copywriters.

The head of production, while an elephant, is able to 'speak horse' to get through to the copywriters.

The director of Operations is a sheep, because it is ironic, and heaven forbid there not be some form of irony in this post.

The director of Operations is a sheep, because it is ironic, and heaven forbid there not be some form of irony in this post.

Has my blog reached its ‘tipping point’?

Hey y’alz. Read this new age book with crazy ideas in it the other day called The Tipping Paint. Bought it coz I thought I’d learn how to ‘apply PVA properly’ but turns out there’s a typo on the cover and its actually about how trends & shiz hit the mainstream.

Reading it made me think about my blog. I thought some sad thoughts. When I first started this blog I was inspired to ‘sing for the king and queen in the coat I borrowed 4rm James Dean’, but now I’m kind of over it. Now that it’s popular and ppl actually like it I kind of don’t know what the point is anymore?

Wish theyd covered this in LifeSkills class. Can someone tell LifeSkills to get on twitter?

Wish they'd covered this in LifeSkills class. Can someone tell LifeSkills to 'get on twitter'?

Why am I writing here?
Why do my blog posts exist?
What product am I selling?
Am I about to become a Prawn?

Is my prawn claw weighing me down? Should I embrace my new species?

Is my 'prawn claw' weighing me down? Should I embrace my new species?

Have y’all heard of cannibalism in brands? Kind of worried my blog is cannibalizing my personal brand. It used to be kind of ironic because I was a ‘consummate professional who blogged like a tard’, now I am a ‘tard who is a consummate professional at blogging like a tard’ who is hated by client service. Basically it means I have no friends left, and want 2 die.

Nom Nom Nom.

Nom Nom Nom.

Have any of y’all faced this?
Is there a blogging crisis helpline I can call?
Is there a point?

Keep on trucking?

Keep on trucking?

Really want 2 turn my life around and become a ‘beacon of hope’ for young advertising bloggers who look up to me instead of being a ‘sarkie l’il brat who actually just needs to Shut The Fuck Up’. What do y’ulz think? Should I donate this personal brand to a charitable organisation and buy a new one?

my Big Day Out

Hey y’ulz. Had a serious reality check this am. Just kind of realised that there’s more to Cape Town than Wembley Square. Seriously – this is massive progress for me. Had my morning Vida at Green Point Vida as opposed to the usual Wembley Square, which threw me for starters. A lot of mommies with Dior glasses chumming little brats in babygap with pasteis de coco. Anyway, then made my way with my mucho Meie de Leit over to the Cape Royal hotel (which is very pleasant indeed – I could probably be quite happy there were it my official residence) where I was to drop nugget bombs of web marketing wisdom for the Huddlemind Word of Mouse course (which I did quite well – even wore a dress, showed some leg). Finished my talk and then stayed to hear Seth Rotherham talk about his rise to internet stardom via 2oceansvibe, which is a great story, btw, try corner him in the bathrooms at Caprice and make him tell it to you some day. MAKE him.  All in all this was a lot of stimulation for one morning and am nowly safely back at Wembley, ‘getting on with work’. Am considering branching out and going to Camps Bay vida tomorrow am, but that might just be too much for one week.

The man, the legend.

The man, the legend.

Id be pretty happy staying in one of these swanky bathrooms.

I'd be pretty happy staying in one of these swanky bathrooms.

kill client service, spare the art directors

Only shoot the suits.

Only shoot the suits.

Click here to play the awesome flash version of our jobs. Thanks Mkaigwa

ATL vs BTL

I am ATL. I ONLY do TV, Radio, Print & Billboards. But I won’t do any of those if there is a ‘promotional’ aspect involved. I am above ‘promotional aspects’ and all that ‘selling’ stuff. I am an artiste.

I am BTL. I do a lot of promotional work, but I’ll do anything really. My main concern is reaching consumers in a way that makes a real impact, whatever that way may be. But I’m not fussy.

I am ATL. The other day I was asked to contribute to a ‘strategic workshop’. I didn’t know WTF I was supposed to do. I mean, WTF. I make billboards? I was like, why am I here? Such a waste of my, like, time. Like, what am I supposed to do?

I am BTL. Very often, our job starts long before the work becomes a brochure, or a piece of direct marketing / design / digital. We spend a lot of time refining strategic insights so that our work is focused. It’s interesting because we are able to holistically tackle real business challenges and make work that makes a difference.

I am ATL. The other day I got a print ad brief with only 2 weeks to work on it. 2 weeks? How am I supposed to come up with genius in only 2 weeks? What are they thinking? So I had a temper tantrum until they gave me an extra week.

I am BTL. We generally have to work very fast, but that’s okay. We’re used to it. Usually I work on about 15 jobs at once, all in different stages of production. Our average deadline is about 2 days. This means we work late a lot but hey, that which doesn’t kill me will only make me smarter, right?

I am ATL. This basically means I’m at the top of the advertising food chain. I know, I know, you’d never think so since I’m so humble, right?

I am BTL. A lot of people think BTL is all the stuff ATL doesn’t want to do. Sometimes ATL bullies traffic into giving us the jobs they think is ‘beneath them’, but that’s cool, whatever. We’re used to working hard so its no sweat really. Besides we kind of feel sorry for ATL since we all know no one watches TV / reads print ads anymore? So we just try to make everyone feel okay about things.


Psychographic Profile: I am a Client Looking To Capitalise On Social Media

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
To be honest, I don’t know WTF I’m doing.
Went to some talk,
Where there was some chick,
Talking about ‘conversations not campaigns’,
She made some good points ,
She was quite hot,
Think I’m just gonna start a facebook group and ‘see how it goes’.

Back in Advertisings Heyday. Miss u

Back in 'Advertising's Heyday'. Miss u

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media ,
I just joined this site called ‘Twitter’.
Have y’all heard of it?
Not really sure what the point is,
It’s kind of like I’m talking to myself,
“Just trying to get the hang of this Twitter thing”.
I got my first follower today,
Some chick who sells Britney Spears Sex Tapes,
Guess everyone’s trying to ‘push their brand’ on Twitter,
Everyone’s an entrepreneur on the internet.

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I’m fucking sick of these little social media brats
Who come into my office with their ‘netbooks’,
And their “keynote”,
And their mobile marketing statistics,
And get their buddies to ‘tweet at me’,
And tell me ‘agencies don’t get digital’.
You know what agencies DO get? Sales.
These little social media brats know nothing about business,
About the bottom line,
Show me my ROI you little shits,
And then I’ll assign you a PO,
You little brat.
I’ve fucking built a branded empire,
And you’ve built a blog.
I’d buy and sell your blog tomorrow,
Except all you blog about is social-fucking-media.
Fuck.

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am?

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
But I’m not into this whole ‘logging in’ thing.
Besides facebook is blocked at my office,
Because my staff spend too much time on it
When they should be focusing on their targets.
Can’t I just pay you to do it for me?
Can’t you just start a facebook group?
Can’t I pay you to write my blog? Can’t be too much work?
Or what are these new things? ‘Fan pages’.
My son says ‘fan pages’ are the new thing.
Yes, my son keeps me up to date with this ‘social media stuff’
He’s 14, so he’s very in touch with ‘what’s cool’.
He also hates my guts so our family shrink recommended we ‘bond over his love for technology’.
Can you do my facebook page?

Sure Ill run your blog.

Sure I'll run your blog.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
I’m sick of spending too much money on TV ads,
Only to be outdone by our competitor brands ,
Who spent double on their TV ad,
Sucks.
Just wanted be named the Sunday Times Markinor Marketer of the Year,
So decided 2 do a ‘viral campaign’,
Hired that Zany New Media Social Word of Marketing company,
They came up with this social media ‘touchpoint plan’,
But some chick reported us to twitter.
Said we were “spamming” her.
Guess we got a little overzealous with the DMs,
Just wanted to get to a million followers soooooo bad.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I am scared.
The race is on for a best practise model,
And I have no fucking clue how to develop one.
Should have stayed in sales,
At least I got a commission,
This is just a mission,
Gonna go get lunch and stuff myself since I gave up smoking and drinking after my 1st bypass.
So scared y’all,
So scared.

Anybody out there?

Hello?


Close encounters with the TBG while brainstorming

See kids? THIS is what can happen if you get into advertising. You work late nights without being paid overtime. You present endless options on ideas, and they all get bombed for whatever reason. You get harangued for being on the internet ‘when you should be working’. You mooch around Wembley Square for hours on end, “brainstorming”.  And then the TBG walks in, and makes it all worthwhile.

And suddenly everything is wonderful.

And suddenly everything is wonderful.

Read more about similarly inspiring encounters with TBG here.

From the Couch Episode 176

Check out this banging video of us 27 Dinner bros riding dirty in our Limo (if you’re wondering when I’m going to stop ‘going on about this’, it won’t be any time soon). Filmed by Marc and Dave, the boys at From The Couch, a very funny online talk show on all things 2.0, it’s worth checking our the rest of their site for their amiable banter and good happy Hout Bay times. I have a good story to tell about Marc. We once had a ‘twitter fight’ over whether Follow Friday sucked or not (it sucks). He #FFed me just to annoy me. I told him to do it one more time ‘at his Perel’ (his surname is Perel). Then he #FFed me again, so I twitter punched him, and then we both called for peace and that was that.

Pre-Loeries Panic Attack #1

Uh-oh yulz. Is Loerie Awards in less than a month. In dire panic mode. Don’t have a dress. Don’t even have a designer to dress me yet. Am up a shitty cove with a creaky paddleboat in a stormdrain. Haven’t even started thinking about possible sponsored alcoholic beverage of choice for the night.

Just want people to see me as feminine yet casually cool, too.

Just want people to see me as feminine yet casually cool, too.

So much to worry about. So much to organise. Need to slip pair of Nike soles into my 9-West Choo-fakes so I can ‘go 4 miles if u kno wot I mean’. Need to organise small bag of miscellaneous white powder so can appear ‘authentically wasted’ if pulled over by the police. Must line-up strategic opportunities to be photographed ‘pushing cleavage’ / ‘getting spanked by male bosses while making an O with my mouth’ / in classic ‘whoo-hoo’ pose plus devil-horn hand-signals.

We are having sooooo much fun! Its the Loeries! Partay!

We are having sooooo much fun! It's the Loeries! Partay!

Whoo hoo!

Whoo hoo!

Must make sure iPhone is charged so can take repetitive photos of me and my 5-person ad clique over and over with an arty LOMOHOLGA filter that I can desaturate after and clog up everyone’s newsfeeds on facebook with. Must think of a zanier and louder Loerie Gimmick than a vuvuzela so Jupiter doesn’t have the crazy-spirit-monopoly at the actual event (miss u Jupiter).

Getting ready to party.

Getting ready to party.

Getting our party on at the awards. What a blast!

Getting our party on at the awards. What a blast!

Doing the SIngle LAdies dance at 3am! Dont tell my mommy!

Doing the SIngle LAdies dance at 3am! Don't tell my mommy!

We are like sooooo wasted in this pic! Cant remember having it taken!

We are like sooooo wasted in this pic! Can't remember having it taken!

Mmmm eggs yes please! Might as well keep on drinking!

Mmmm eggs yes please! Might as well keep on drinking!

Does anyone know where I can buy fake vomit 2 smear on my halter-neck top so my industry peers can ‘take me srsly’? Would make myself puke but kind of ‘worried about my teeth’.