Pre-Loeries Panic Attack #1

Uh-oh yulz. Is Loerie Awards in less than a month. In dire panic mode. Don’t have a dress. Don’t even have a designer to dress me yet. Am up a shitty cove with a creaky paddleboat in a stormdrain. Haven’t even started thinking about possible sponsored alcoholic beverage of choice for the night.

Just want people to see me as feminine yet casually cool, too.

Just want people to see me as feminine yet casually cool, too.

So much to worry about. So much to organise. Need to slip pair of Nike soles into my 9-West Choo-fakes so I can ‘go 4 miles if u kno wot I mean’. Need to organise small bag of miscellaneous white powder so can appear ‘authentically wasted’ if pulled over by the police. Must line-up strategic opportunities to be photographed ‘pushing cleavage’ / ‘getting spanked by male bosses while making an O with my mouth’ / in classic ‘whoo-hoo’ pose plus devil-horn hand-signals.

We are having sooooo much fun! Its the Loeries! Partay!

We are having sooooo much fun! It's the Loeries! Partay!

Whoo hoo!

Whoo hoo!

Must make sure iPhone is charged so can take repetitive photos of me and my 5-person ad clique over and over with an arty LOMOHOLGA filter that I can desaturate after and clog up everyone’s newsfeeds on facebook with. Must think of a zanier and louder Loerie Gimmick than a vuvuzela so Jupiter doesn’t have the crazy-spirit-monopoly at the actual event (miss u Jupiter).

Getting ready to party.

Getting ready to party.

Getting our party on at the awards. What a blast!

Getting our party on at the awards. What a blast!

Doing the SIngle LAdies dance at 3am! Dont tell my mommy!

Doing the SIngle LAdies dance at 3am! Don't tell my mommy!

We are like sooooo wasted in this pic! Cant remember having it taken!

We are like sooooo wasted in this pic! Can't remember having it taken!

Mmmm eggs yes please! Might as well keep on drinking!

Mmmm eggs yes please! Might as well keep on drinking!

Does anyone know where I can buy fake vomit 2 smear on my halter-neck top so my industry peers can ‘take me srsly’? Would make myself puke but kind of ‘worried about my teeth’.

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