Monthly Archives: January 2010

Sick y’alls.

Y’alls, was hijacked at gunpoint by a majah ear infection this Friday. Started off after I went for a run, and then my ear was itchy, and then I was in ER. Basically just writing this to ‘clear up da rumours’ about me being in rehab – would never do drugs y’all, they ‘make you ugly’ (via premature ageing).

NE wayz was in hospital for 3 days on a drip and all, but my doctors caught the infection before it could chopshop my ass up the border to be ‘resprayed & sold 4 parts’ so gonna be ok. Just chilling at home with my cortisone bros til all’s better.

Also want to take this opportunity to thank all my friend bros for all the support and flowers and treats over the past few days. Blogging from iPhone here so not sure I can hyperlink but y’alls can follow my Twitter (MyBrandedTwitterTM) to see progress on this sudden & unexpected ‘turn of fate’ that has become my reality. Never take healthy ears for granted y’all. I too thought I was infallible, that I was ‘street-smart’ & that if I were 2 be ‘felled’ by something it would be a worthy foe, like ‘megatron’ or ‘the Volturi’ or ‘John Farquar’. So wrong y’all.

Lastly just want to say that ‘life is too short to use earbuds’ so just let your body do it’s thang & hopefully y’all don’t become another victim of this senseless pharmaceutically-manufactured tragedy. Miss you healthy ear. Hope we can run as one again in no time.

Peace & pills y’all. Xoxo

bookclub

What a bunch of wild bitches. Need some bitchslapping if you ask mizzles.

That Blank Page Luv

Y’all start the track playing (below) and then sing along with the lyrics I have composed for y’alls:


Blank Page Luv

Radio Ad Killa,
MBLTM
The Advertising Dream
Hey yo writers
Come up off them keyboards
Write a lil something for the creatives
Let em know how we feelin’


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save my ass
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Yeah they love it when I put it on them
In the boardroom when I’m clickin my pen
I make it rhyme and they like it
They get the ad like a psychic (izzy)
Next thing we talking bout shoot dates
I’m like don’t this need more debate
But they say that they loving my flow
Finally found a creative that knows
What it’s like to pimp FMCG
So pumped they fired the old agency
Like cool, you dig it, it’s sold
Get it while its hot before idea gets cold
Mock it up and print it up nice
Use a spot UV coz them consumers dig ice


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab

I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I get a call in the middle of the night
It’s the client sayin shiz not right
The wrong logo, that shiz too small
Model looks like she ran a brick wall
Coz I’m a prankster, I ask if it can wait
Been up all night writing ads til late
Client’s angry don’t get my joke
Hit me up and flush my coke
Holla back you be starting again
New ideas gonna solve this thing
Client’s over all them other ideas
Tho they signed their name here, here and here
So I’m up and I’m pullin new page
Clicking Bic to contain this rage


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Now that I use Nomu products must I buy a new car?

Y’ulz been pondering something. I recently was introduced to Nomu foods, and now ‘nothing but Nomuwill do when it comes 2 ‘rubbing my chops’ prior 2 grilling. Even have the Nomu range of ‘fonds’ (bet NONE of y’all have a fond in ur kitchen – whachu a-gonna do?). Has basically “changed my life”. Can now ‘invite ppl from higher social echelons’ 2 ‘talk shop over dinner’ (always kinda felt inadequate with my Knorr pasta mixes. Like I wanted 2 die.).

Add 2 that the fact that I am recently 26 and no longer qualify in the ‘youth demographic’, am starting 2 question whether I need to ‘adapt or die’ (via evolving my brand repertoire & social echelon steadily upwards, as opposed 2 growing intermittently & possibly remaining in a social echelon doldrums & ‘living an ordinary life’ via ‘looking averagely wealthy / poor’.).

All this has led 2 the most NB question a ‘young professional who eats Nomu and is looking 2 purchase her first property & attract a mate’ must consider in her life:

“Is it time 2 trade in my car 4 a car that ‘makes me look more rich’ and in-keeping with the Appearance Description under the Psychographic segmentation for “Young Professionals”?”



I know y’ulz. Wish I didn’t have 2 ‘keep up with myself’. Wish I wasn’t so competitive. Wish I could ‘eat Nomu & drive a Yaris with clear conscience”, but I can’t. Life is so ‘filled with important decisions’ we must make that will ‘test my character’ and help me achieve my goal 2 ‘make my BFF feel inadequate’ via being better dressed / thinner than her / having a better facebook profile pic / driving a better car / owning a set of Nomu Fonds before they are officially launched.


What do y’ulz think? Is it ‘mini cooper time’? Mini cooper sport? Are Mini Cooper’s still cool or have they “aged badly”? Would y’alls ‘get offended’ if I ‘leap-frog’ my place in the ‘consumption cycle’ and just “go straight 2 a 1-series”?


A Ninterview!

Y’alls can listen to me ‘in my real voice’ on The Digital Edge, who interviewed myself, Tertia Albertyn (What an honour!), Georgina Michelmoore and Diane Charton on what it’s like to “be a woman in digital”. While you listen to the interview, allow me to provide you with this beautiful photo of Bakoven beach, taken yesterday, for you to stare at. Yes yes y’all. Enjoy! xx

What zany advertising thing can I sell on eBay?


Y’alls probably all heard about that zany-brain copywriter who’s selling a Gold Cannes Lion Award on eBay for $1 million. Don’t know zane-brain personally but surmising that he is doing this to ‘differentiate his personal brand’ from other copywriters via ‘getting zany on eBay’ (via being ‘sick of copychecking day-in day-out, this is bullshit! want 2 die!’)



Due my ‘volatile cre8ive ego’ am now ‘feeling threatened’ that my PB no longer ‘retains it’s zany edge’ hence have been brainstorming ‘something outrageously witty’ I can sell on eBay. Some might say I should be ‘original-zany’ and ‘think of a whole new gimmick’, but am sure y’ulz experienced ad-peeps will agree that ‘people don’t understand sumfing that is not a cliché’ (via ‘not giving a shit due 2 their baby having colic or whatevs’) therefore it would be most beneficial 2 my PB 2 ‘jump on an existing gravywagon’ (thanks all you zany writers who have gone before me, laying the foundies 4 this particular cliché).

Came up with the following things I can sell on eBay:

My art director’s son
(is child of 2 art directors – purebred MacMonkey – what a thrill)
My Cre8ive Director’s ‘Keep Calm, Carry On, It’s All Been Done Before’ poster (this is a meta-gimmick, because is a ‘zany spin’ on an existing ‘hot cre8ive item’)
My sheet of zany ‘This brief is crap’ stickers (via actually ‘being useful’)
The Client Service Dept (“like mail-order brides with extra phone-skillz!”)
That video of that Art Director tea-bagging Finance (via being uncontrollably zany while drunk)


That’s all I’ve come up with so far. Feel like the solution should be ‘a simple one that is staring me in my face’. What would y’als sell on eBay? An NB job bag? A DPS spread? The agency mascot?


I just wanna be awesome y’ulz.

Y’ulz, I so bad wanna be awesome.
I just want ppl 2 look at me & think “wish I was that sisbro”.
Just want ppl 2 covet my Opel Corsa that now looks like a ‘real car’ (via all cars looking like the Peugot 206)
Just want ppl 2 look at my real leather hand / manbag and think ‘wow that’s a bro who srsly knows their quality shiz, must stop buying Mr Pricebro’
Just want ppl 2 know that I buy Country Road when they finger the thick seams & say “but who BUYS this stuff?!”
So bad just wanna be awesome.



Y’ulz, I so bad just wanna be awesome.
Gonna get super tight jeans that “cre8 a camel-toe ambience” & wear them in front of my chubby sister,
See how she likes ‘getting the brains in the family’ now
Gonna move into a house with “all my best guy friends” (via being a guys’-girl / the village indie bicycle)
Gonna sleep with them all (via parental divorce-issues), even though all of them have girlfriends, some of whom are my best friends forever y’all! (via going 2 film school 2 getha)
Gonna sleep with them all and ‘be besties & climb lions head on adventures!’ with them all
So bad just wanna be awesome y’all!



Y’ulz, I am fucking desperate 2 be awesome.
Gonna make peace signs while I do cheap coke off the toilets at Assembly while taking a self-portrait profile shot 4 my blog
Gonna wear empty-lensed paedo-glasses 2 ‘invoke the nerd look’ (via looking like a tard)
Gonna wear an Indian head-dress minus feathers 2 ‘give them something 2 talk about’ (via yawning) so my head looks like a phimosis-victim (via Google it)
Gonna take a non-paying job in a crap magazine that had street-cred in 1994 (via articles on drugs via back then ppl not knowing that drinking / taking drugs / being ‘reckless with your body’ makes you ‘lose ur looks’)
So fucking desperate 2 be awesome!
Y’ulz!



Y’ulz, basically, I would do anything 2 be awesome.
Gonna housesit my bestie’s house & ‘trash the place’ (how awesome? Bro…)
Gonna ‘get pregnant’ with my b/f’s babybro & then ‘lose the baby’ on a coke binge
So I can be “hot pregnant chick” minus “all that baby admin”
Y’ulz, gonna “turn down paying design jobs” 4 “jobs that are awesome” (via getting free entrance 2 clubs where the band whose flyer I designed is playing at)
Y’ulz, I’m gonna be awesome.
Can’t wait!
Y’alls!

Psychographic Profile: I am a blogger


I am a blogger, y’ulz.
Kinda realised it for real
When I got Thando’s request 2 ‘blog as a contributor’
When I got RTed 100+ times in one day
When I got a bunch of free stuff from Citi Golf / Woman’s Health / Nomu
But it really hit home when some small-time “designer”
Insulted me in the open on a friend’s facebook page
Because I wasn’t a person 2 him
2 him, I was a “subject”
“somefing 2 gtalk about while waiting 4 illustrator 2 render pattern-heavy-repetitive designs”
(even tho I know his wife, & that they had 2 get married 2 have sex, via extreme Christianity)
I am no longer a person y’ulz
“Sad face”



I am a blogger y’alls
In the beginning, was just me & wordpress
Just wanted 2 ‘write outside of work”
Just wanted 2 develop a discipline I could apply 2 my “novel-in-progress”
Just wanted 2 make others out there “feel less alone”
While copychecking financial reports / advertorials / pushing a 2cent coin around the gaps in the Checkers spreads
Just wanted 2 pay homage 2 “god” (via blog-god hipsterrunoff)
But “life finds a way” (miss u John Hammond. Miss u Jurassic Park)
And even though my blog was cre8ed a female
It changed sex and mated with itself 2 create “a life of its own”.
Shazam y’uls. Just like that.


I am a blogger, y’alls.
Just wanted 2 reach ppl via “speaking their own language”
Just wanted 2 cre8 an efficient self-marketing tool
(That wasn’t a cruddy bunch of layouts in a big heavy leatherbound portfoliobro)
Instead, cre8ed a monster munch of a non-personality
4 ppl 2 judge me on b4 they meet me
or LOL at if they have already met me
or stalk if they have met me, romanced me, gone Britney on me & been rejected by me
Miss the days b4 ppl recognised me in Gardens Centre
Miss the days when I could share my “innermost thoughts” without being misquoted by myself (via being “a different character at the time”)



I am a blogger
Had such big dreams y’all.
Was going 2 ‘become a writer’ 2 ‘honour my cre8ive spirit’
Not sure how it “all went so pear-shaped”
Can’t figure out “Where I went wrong”
Thinking of doing “The Artists Way” to reconnect with my soul (miss u soul)
Hope I can some day “find my way back home” y’ulz.
In the meantime, I can haz a favour?
Pray 4 me. 4 eva. And checkmyblogeverydaysomyhitrategoesupsoicanchargemoreforads kthanksbye.


Peace y’ulz.

This post also appears on SA blog That’s How It Is.

Yalls what is Google trying 2 tell us via the Nexus One?

Y’ulz. Been thinking about Google lately. Trying to figure out whether 2 be excited about the Nexus One, and just how excited I should get. Should I get so amped about the Nexus One that I bash my head against a wall until my skull cracks like an egg and blood seeps into my kaftan that I bought at Kalk Bay because it came all squashed like a brick (packaging gimmick), like the rest of Twitter (via herd-mentality)?



Should I ALLCAPS on my twitter about ‘finally’ and ‘at last – the iPhone eater’ (via a good downfall-gawk?)



Should I RT EVERYTHING about the Nexus so that ppl who follow me (& pay my ‘social media salary’) will think I am ‘down with the latest developments in cellular technology’ and that I am ‘passionate about the future of technology’ & not just mooching off my employer 2 get cheap prozac (thanks Discovery) which I will negate via drinking anyway because I am actually gay and Prozac ‘don’t make u straight’?



Y’ulz, truth is I don’t know how to deal with the new contestant in the smartphone showdown. Just seems like I’d made peace with not wanting 2 ‘murder’ the retards who buy Blackberries over iPhones (y’alls SERIOUSLY – can we just take a moment here).



Feel like we should look closely at the Nexus. From my first inspeksh seems quite ordinary. Wasn’t ‘grabbed’ enough 2 take a second inspeksh so y’all enjoy:


2 quote gussilber,

“Wouldn’t it be nice if Google came up with a phone that didn’t look as if they’d just Googled an iPhone.”

Just another smartphone y’ulz. Is really just confusing things for us plebs. This kind of reminds of that one time when Jack Welch decided 2 ‘save GE’ (via investing more in plastics & pulling out in appliances). Does the arrival of the Nexus mean ‘Search is Dead’? Are GoogleAdWords the new ‘Book of the Dead’? What is Google trying 2 tell us y’ulz. Soooo confused. Just CANNOT comprehend why Googley would ‘branch out into hardware’.


Scared y’alls. Something is looming in the Googley distance. Miss you Jack. You’d know which phone 2 buy that would ‘see GE into the 21st century’ (via your email synched with your twitter). Maybe if u had an iPhone / BlackBurr / Nexus you could have prevented the recesh.

My boss’s dog

His master's couch.

I know, right? Yet ANOTHER reason to get into advertising.

Summer in the City: December 09

Had a magical summer holiday y’all. Going to ‘let the pictures do the talking’.

Llandudno

Hotel California

Pool party

Luncheons

Downtown Gardens

The Mountain and The Moon

Sushi

Secret Beach

BFFs

Pool Party New Year's

Birthdays

Beach Days

Cupcakes

Gifts

Sunshine

Pool Party New Years

Blue Moon at Midnight New Year's Eve

La Perla

Camps Bay

Aquatic Opera

Reunions

Treasures

City Bowl Paradise

And that concludes another stunning summer in Cape Town. You can see the rest of my photos here. What did y’all do with your holidays?