Category Archives: accessible premium

Obsessin’ over ur BlackBerry makes ur Personal Brand look poor.

Jus’ saying y’alls. I’m real sorry u can’t afford 2 pay 4 ur internet but pls don’t ‘pretend it’s a plus’. Maybe y’alls can apply 4 ‘government aids’. Remember 2 ‘use a condom’ (y’all know gov is ‘down with sleepin’ around’). ‘Such is life’ states that BlackBerry’s R crap. I can substantiate this via a sample study done by the NielsenAmpTrendScaleBrandVibeWatchReport, unpacked below:

Amanda Bynes - who is she?

Amanda Bynes - who is she?

Tara Reid. 'nuff said.

Who dis chick again? Oh ja, Brooke Hogan.

Observation: Only poor D-listers use BBs.

Conclusion: Only poor D-listers use BBs.

And ‘now we know 4 sure’. Peace.

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Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Okay. Every once in a while, I experience something that prompts me to ‘drop that stupid, irritating voice’ i use to write on my blog and ‘just get real’. The ghd Style Lounge – which i was privileged enough to attend on Friday evening – is one such brand activation which has prompted such drastic action. In all seriousness – “srsly y’all” – this event blew my mind. “O RLY?” i hear you say. “Howcome y’ulz?” I hear you say. I’ll attempt to do justice to the sheer delight that was having my makeup done by Benefit, my hair styled by 2 ghd Angels, then being styled by Accessorize and being given a remote control with which to shoot myself. Not in the foot, but on an infinity curve that had been set up, “just like a real-life photo shoot”. Oh my word. Oh my hat.

Firstly, the venue was just amazing. Roodebloem Studios in Woodstock, for those interested:

A magical wonderland.

You walked in, were greeted with a glass of Krone and a Vitamin Water, and then you went and waited with sumptuous snacks until a Benefit artist could start doing your makeup.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Waiting area.

Delicious product display.

More delicious product display.

Benefit's Beauty Bootcamp

The Result: Makeup by Benefit

Once you got your makeup did, you had a little more Krone before heading over to the Style Stations (see above) to have your hair done by 2 lovely ghd Angels. Since my hair is naturally straight, I asked for them to ‘get a l’il zany y’ulz’ and give me some curls and, most importantly, show me how to make curls with a ghd (Creation Mist, Hold Spray, Obedience cream and…go!). This really was revelatory to me – I had no idea you could curl with an iron. “Srsly y’ulz” – no idea.

A before photo: hair is still untouched.

Hair: a work in progress

No hair “After” pic yet because those were a part of the shoot we had on location, but I’ll upload them as soon as I get them. Once hair got did, we were taken in hand by a stylist who added a little something special to the look we were creating, to make us a little more ‘shoot ready’.

Accessories! Yay!

Getting styled. Glove love.

And then I was given the top 2 ghd products to suit my hair as recommended by one of the ghd Angels.

Miracle mist and obedience cream.

In the words of my blog:

“Srsly y’ulz – should I sue myself for not buying a GHD sooner?”

Check out all the pics from the other ghd Style Lounge activations here on facebook, or at the ghd Style Diary. PS. Benefit makeup can only be bought at Woolworths. Anyone looking to ‘treat me for xmas y’ulz’, hit me up with one of their fab products.

Dear “friends”.

Talking at 27 Dinners tonight. And they’re picking me up in this. Yes, a 6-star limousine. Suck it up. Smoke-machines and Playstations, come to mama.


Oh you drive yourself to your speaking engagements? I guess we can't be friends anymore. Think of this as 'the moment I transcended'. Miss u.

Am I stuck in the 90s?

Hey yulz. Been feeling down lately. Been worried that I am ‘stuck in the 90s’. The other day was driving and saw a Calvin Klein orgy billboard and it ‘appealed to my sensibilities’ and ‘spoke to my aspirations of being a liberal individual who is also hot’, which planted the seed of worry.

Then I walked past Ed Hardy at the waterfront and actually considered ‘paying money to look like some trashy slut’ who digs rhinestones and skulls and tattoo-vibes, which is when the warning bells really kicked in.

A picture of class.

A picture of class.


Then, as I was perusing this season’s handbags, I almost dropped 1k on a piece of shit Guess handbag, because I momentarily forgot the rules.

How to smell rich.

How to smell 'rich'.

Then I experienced an urge to ‘push social boundaries’ by being free-spirited and zany and ‘experimenting with social taboos’ by sleeping with all my friends (guys and girls). Was a low point. Might as well drench myself in CK1 and put Nevermind on repeat.

Anyone got a vial of blood I can wear round my neck? Is 4 my image.

Anyone got a vial of blood I can wear round my neck? Is 4 my image.

Then sat at home and felt crap about myself, and decided that I need bigger boobs, which sent me spiralling, because if anything is soooo last decade, it’s big boobs. Mother of god.

Big Boobs. Not renowned for dating well.

Big Boobs. Not renowned for dating well.

And then came the last straw: I was catching up on the mandatory morning reading and saw that Britney had died her hair dark again, and I wondered if I should exclaim loudly about how much I hate her. Maybe subject a few innocent colleagues to my opinions about ‘how dumb Britney is’. Which was when I realised it: I am stuck in the 90s.

Britney-hating: the ultimate 90s opinion.

Britney-hating: the ultimate 90s opinion.

Feel very down. Can’t believe I thought I was a child of the new millennium. Thought I was original and intellectual and free-spirited and one-of-a-kind and ‘unique’. Thought that people ‘see something different and special’ in me because I go against the social grain and ‘cannot be controlled’. But now I realised I’m just a retard loser stuck in the 90s. FML.

Free Radness Inside: The Unboxing of the Macbook

 

Free camera that came with Macbook.

Free camera that came with Macbook.

mmm. dig getting to experience a CCR (Cult Consumer Ritual – mine) for first hand, espesh one that I’ve spoken about so often in focus groups and paradigm-shifting-strategic-brand-alignment-brainstorm-preprod-review-workshops: opening a macbook.

 

Happy time. Happy times are here.

Happy time. Happy times are here.

was totally rad getting a free camera, even though it’s a cheap piece of honky tonk. still – free camera – hello? talk about value-add. 

Happy times. Never ending.

Happy times. Never ending.

DM of the day.

Too good not to share.

Hey, have you ever emailed someone asking for a ffffound.com invite?

What was it like? Did they LOL @yourusername? Or did they send you a really nice email explaining yet apologising at the same time for ‘the way of the world’? Wish I had a ffffound.com username. But on the brightside, at least I have something to aspire to in life.

Do y’ulle know enough about me?

Been educating myself, doing night courses and reading books by Seth Godin. Am worried that my target audience ‘can’t get enough of me’. The new branding rules dictate that I should make every part of my brand available to all my consumers across all touchpoints, and once I’ve built it, ‘they will come’. Y’ulle know you can follow my every move on twitter, right? Is that not enough?

“No matter how many battles I been in and won

No matter how many magazines on my nuts

No matter how many MC’s I eat up

Ooh ooh, it’s never enough” – Eminem


Been considering adopting contemporary strategies to amplify my consumer touch-points, such as filling in ’25 random things you didn’t know about me’ and telling y’ulle to forward it on to everyone you know. Would that be enough for you? Would filling your inbox with the minutae of my minutae make you feel ‘connected and close’ to me?

Maybe I’ll randomly search Wikipedia pages and google images and then tag y’ulle in ‘Album Artwork’. Because random images with random words on them is totally the coolest, raddest most innovative innovation ever, right? And doing it will totally make us better friends / give you more ownership of my personal brand. Wish I’d thought of it first.

Or maybe I’ll answer questions using my iTunes music playlist, and then tag y’ulle in it so I get to brag about my enlightened taste in music AND talk about myself for 10 pages (if you paste the email into MSWord).

“More and more and more” – some techno band from the 90s


Should I make a facebook app that y’ulle can spam your friends with? I will call it MyBrandedCircleofTopFriendsTM©® and if you add it I’d basically own you and spam you with facts like ‘Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla’. ❤ owning stuff, is my best. ❤ vanilla.

And even if you find 25 random facts about me annoying, you can always sympathise with how desperate I am to be ‘unique’ and how desperate I am for you to see me as your higly unique and interesting friend, that I’d  FWD you an excuse to talk about myself and my enlightened musical choices that include radiohead, MGMT, crystal castles, Perfect Circle, CSS and that guitar dude from Deep Purple whose new album is called something like Professor Snatchifunkius or something.

Whatever y’ulle. You just let me know if you need more random, narcissistic info disguised as a friendship-bond-building exercise. I understand if it’s ‘never enough’. BFFs 4 eva y’ulle. 4eva is not enough.

“Gimme gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme more,” – Britney Jean Spears

Just want yulle to be okay with how much you know me. Want to be there for yulle. Want us 2 engage meaningfully at all strategic touchpoints. Want my POS to be like a warm hand in the night. Want my visibility to be visible.

Just want y'ulle to be okay with how much you 'know me'. Want to be there for y'ulle. Want us 2 engage meaningfully at all strategic touchpoints. Want my POS to be like a warm hand in the night. Want my visibility to be visible.