Category Archives: arts and culture

Psychographic Profile: I am Michael Jackson

Say my name, tards.

Say my name, tards.

I am Michael Jackson
I am dead now and, to be honest,
It’s a bit of a relief
Things were getting tense there.
I was supposed to go on tour,
My ‘comeback’ tour,
But I was nowhere near up for that shiz.
I was fragile and scared
And sick,
My body totally let me down,
But I guess I let it down too.
NEwayz, no regrets,
I had a good run,
And I am free now.

This was my shout-out to spidey-bro.

This was my shout-out to spidey-bro.

I am Michael Jackson
But I don’t really identify with my personal brand anymore,
Kind of felt I was living a lie for the past 10 years,
But too much $$ depended on it.
So many people with kids who needed a salary out of my name
That I felt bad,
But I really couldn’t deal,
So I hid away in Dubai
Where people wouldn’t think I was weird for covering my face.
I just wanted to be alone.

The Portrait of Michael Dorian Jackson Gray.

The Portrait of Michael Dorian Jackson Gray.

I am Michael Jackson
Deep down, I just wanted to dance,
But that made some peeps think I was gay,
Which made me even sadder.
The only people who didn’t judge me or want something from me
Were children,
So I hung out with them.
Then people said I was a paed.
If only they knew I had lost so much faith in the world
That sex with anyone
Was the last thing on my mind.

At least kids were honest with me about my fucked-up face, unlike all my sycophantic manager bros.

At least kids were honest with me about my fucked-up face, unlike all my sycophantic manager bros.

I am Michael Jackson
I just wanted to make people happy.
My shrink said I had a ‘need 2 please’
But I never really saw what was wrong with that,
Until I tried to please everyone too many times
By having another surgery
And my face fell apart.
Which was kind of ironic because while my ‘image’ was melting,
My soul was soaring and I thought
Maybe I can carve myself into someone else,
And then everyone will leave me alone
And let me dance with my kids at my house
In private.

Just want to walk down the street without being hassled.

Just want to walk down the street without being hassled.

I am Michael Jackson
And though I wanted ppl to leave me alone,
I wish my friends had called more often-
Neverland got really quiet on Sundays,
When everyone was with their families,
Happy and loved.
So I decided to have children of my own,
To love and be loved by,
When the fans went home.
And I loved my kids,
And I did my best to protect them,
I even called my one kid ‘Blanket’ so he could feel real protected,
Even though ppl thought I was a freak.

My gift 2 my kids will be their faces.

My gift 2 my kids will be their faces.

I am Michael Jackson
Hope you liked my work.
Please don’t go all crazy now that I’m gone,
Because y’all weren’t that nice to me when I was alive,
But it’s okay.
We’re all just ppl.
Just trying to be happy.

Try be nice 2 yall next King of Pop, K?

Try be nice 2 y'all next King of Pop, K?

I am Michael Jackson
And I am free now.

thought for the week: advertising’s bad, but art is worse.

thanks @JadeDsantos.

the disposable memory project


being a massive fan of taking photos (note how I don’t use the word photography, I’m anything but a photographer) I came  across this awesome project called the Disposable Memory Project. in their words:

we’re leaving disposable cameras around the world.
hopefully, people will pick them up, take a few photos and pass them on, eventually returning home – so we can tell their stories.

they have some amazing shots in their collection. i really love this because i have a few old disposables and undeveloped rolls of film lying around my apartment (and even one in my bag) which I have yet to develop, and I have no idea what’s on them – how exciting, digital does not compare. i’ll get at least one developed this week. anyway you can totally get involved yourself. here’s how.


Alex from MyBrandedLifeTM interviewed by Glitter Zebra

Happy Friday y’ulle. It’s a good one because today I was interviewed by some real life Generation Y kids who run this zany site called Glitter Zebra. Glitter Zebra contacted me because the girl who runs the site (Katie) and her brother (Jerome) have been arguing about ‘What is cool’. So they googled it and found my site, and I have to say, I’m a little flattered. They even gave me The Singing Lion Award for my blog!

What a privilege!

What a privilege!

You can read the full interview here.

An extract to get you all juiced up:

“Basically, pies are cool, yes. They were made cool by that movie with the man who did a lot of Maths, and for a while then Maths was cool, but it was the pies who eventually came out on top.” Alex, interview with Glitter Zebra

A screenshot of the interview

A screenshot of the interview

Design indaba. It was cool.

Loved Design Indaba, even though our traffic managers are in their ‘experimenting with heroine’ phase and scheduled us on Massive Intense Campaign throughout the duration of it. It meant we had to screech across the city and work late a lot. But whatever.

Tried to provide ‘live twitter coverage’ but it didn’t really work because my battery died (iPhone tut tut) plus I’m just not altruistic enough to follow through with that sort of thing.

Speakers I loved were Adams Morioka because they like making design that makes people happy and they don’t take themselves too seriously. Also liked all the uber nano-genetic-bio-tech that Dunne and Raby presented. Didn’t they just make you realize that design is on this whole other level in the EU? Last time I checked the only ‘tech’ you get in design school in this country is CapeTech.

Sigh. Wish I could’ve grown myself a new pair of barcode-reading, cancer-sniffing breasts / arms / ears at college.

Pleasant surprise was Keith Rose. Wish he was my dad so he could give me advice on my digi home movies. Had to watch him carefully as he is also in Creative Circle of Fame and I only have 5 months before I turn 26 which is when I need to be inducted into CCHF. Everyone clapped and got all teary when they showed the elephant IBM ad (back then it was ISM?) and the Dunlop staffie. I personally sobbed into my La Senza bra (it was stuffed in my bag because is too uncomfortable to wear).

Brace yourself.

Brace yourself.


Then the BMW mouse-on-the-steering-wheel ad came on and nobody knew quite what to do so they gave it a standing ovation. Warcrime. Really. Over it.


Also liked Li Edelkoort. I felt like one of her minions when she said Grey-everything, and then played a video about people wearing grey from head-to-toe, as I was wearing grey from head-to-toe. Guess it’s a good thing. Guess I’ve still got my ‘early adopter edge’.

3 ya Li. Wanted to run up and touch her to get some of her special dust.

❤ ya Li. Wanted to run up and touch her to get some of her 'special dust'.

Marian Bantjes also very cool. Like her doodle vibe.

Spent half of Friday frothing at the mouth in anticipation of Javier Mariscal. “Oh you HAVE to see him,” they said. “His last talk was so amazing it made me cry,” they said. He made us wait 45 mins while he constructed a rocket launcher on stage, and proceeded to babble like a madman with a bad case of crack-throat when he finally got up to speak. Was mortified. Kept making eyes at Mallix as if to say “Do you know what’s going on / do you have any valium?” Mallix fed me sweets to shut me up and then I passed out due to sugar low and woke up when the screen was flashing all funny colours. Camera kept switching back to 2 weird little characters who spoke with crack throat. He then finished his talk with some cracked out Freddie Mercury performance, and started shrieking the names of all the other speakers on stage, for no particular reason. Just for fun. The best part of his talk was when he pinned the Anglo Platinum Pin presented to him to his crotch. F-ing designers.

Raving lunatic. I missed the Oprah birthday special for this man.

Raving lunatic. I missed the Oprah birthday special for this man.

But, the star of Design Indaba was undeniably Nobumichi Tosa, a Japanese engineer / designer who makes ‘nonsense machines’, such as a machine that pops ‘all the bubble wrap in a sheet of bubble wrap at once’. For reals. Check out his site, his work truly was mindblowing. He’s also invented a singing robot (creepy in a rad way) and a whole bunch of weird musical instruments, all based on a simple knocker. I also loved his fish power cable, and his funny mask thing, and his wing-knockers, which he wore on stage. Mind.Blowing.

Mad, but in a good, interesting way. Take notes, Mariscal.

Mad, but in a good, interesting way. Take notes, Mariscal.

End of year poem. Time to reflect. Remembering this time last year.

Happy holidays everyone. May all your online xmas pre-orders ship on time.

weekly roundup: stuff and things

if i was still doing tv ads i would probably be obsessing about how i can get wes anderson to direct one of my commercials. good thing i am now focusing on design and more through-the-line, experiental / real-life/ meaningful concepts, because i can imagine i would do a lot of lame things like get dressed up like Angelica Houston in Life Aquatic / Royal Tennenbaums and re-enact classic scenes from those movies just so i could fit getting all celebrity-director feverish into my 9-5. i would post lots of movies on youtube which no one but my colleagues and stalker ex boyfriend would view, while they cringed for me. anyway here is an ad starring brad pitt that wes directed.

Hello I am Wes Anderson. I directed classics you might have heard of such as A Life Aquatic, which was inspired by me drinking this glass of water. I also directed The Royal Tennenbaums. Plus I directed that quirky movie about 3 brothers who find themselves on a train in India. I forgot the name because I dont define myself by what i do but rather by who I am. I am confidant and down-to-earth. I am sorry but i cant direct your fragrance commercial because it doesnt align with my personal brand, even though you wrote it for me. I guess Ive changed. Youve changed. Change is part of life. Sorry.

Hello I am Wes Anderson. I directed classics you might have heard of such as A Life Aquatic, which was inspired by me drinking this glass of water. I also directed The Royal Tennenbaums. Plus I directed that quirky movie about 3 brothers who find themselves on a train in India. I forgot the name because I don't define myself by what i do but rather by who I am. I am confident and down-to-earth. I am sorry but i can't direct your fragrance commercial because it doesn't align with my personal brand, even though you wrote it for me. I guess I've changed. You've changed. Change is part of life. Sorry.

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in other news, i spent an amazing day at the South African History Museum on Saturday. went and investigated all the fossils. learnt about where we come from. learnt about how we evolved from small 1-bit file sizes to full on 500 GB living breathing human hard drives. remembered how small we are in the greater scheme of things. i even met a really nice shark with whom i hit it off immediately. we might get lunch next week.

Its good to make friends with people who are different to you, so that you can learn about yourself through your differences.

It's good to make friends with people who are different to you, so that you can learn about yourself through your differences.

this followed a most intense full-body massage i had at the Paris Spa right here below our offices at Wembley Square. a girl called Abigail took me for an Aromatherapy treatment, and managed to coax out via sheer force all the tension that’s been building in my shoulders for the past year or so. i came out feeling like i’d found god in the form of a plump and smiley masseuse with hair extensions. big thanks must go to my mum, who got me the massage as a christmas present.

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I bumped into Kanye West on a blog this morning, and he told me he’s giving up rapping for fashion. says he just wants to do something normal, now that he is at the apex of his career / everybody’s career.

Kanye with this summers new menswear pattern. Swirly vibes are the new pinstripe.

Kanye with this summer's new menswear pattern. Swirly vibes are the new pinstripe.

So i asked him what of that great idea i had where he could come be President of South Africanland. I pointed out that it would be pretty similar to being a rapper but he said he wasn’t sure if a seat in parliament would ‘bring it’ enough for him to feel motivated every day. sad news. got my hopes up. at least kanye has enough $ with which to bribe central st. martin’s. ask anyone who has any real talent and they’ll tell you they didn’t get accepted into central st. martin’s because their father doesn’t belong to the Old Boys Oxford St Martin’s Old English Money Lord Alumni. life’s tough when you’re just a nobody from southafricanland who didn’t make a ‘high art’ rap album to get you a foot in the fashion door.

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one more week til holidays. i go off on friday and come back on monday 5 jan. i know if i was *really* committed to being a real blogger i would blog all the way through but i’ve already committed to a tan and a book and a swimming pool. plus the screen on my new Macbook pro-Pod Steve Jobs Worx is too glossy for the outdoors. and i’ll be damned if i sacrifice reasonable exchange rates on Horlicks in Africa and then not make use of the sunshine.

Only 4 more days, horsey. Just put one hoof in front of the other. Think of all the carrots and sugarlumps waiting for you at the end of this week.

Only 4 more days, horsey. Just put one hoof in front of the other. Think of all the carrots and sugarlumps waiting for you at the end of this week.