Y’alls probably all heard about that zany-brain copywriter who’s selling a Gold Cannes Lion Award on eBay for $1 million. Don’t know zane-brain personally but surmising that he is doing this to ‘differentiate his personal brand’ from other copywriters via ‘getting zany on eBay’ (via being ‘sick of copychecking day-in day-out, this is bullshit! want 2 die!’)
Due my ‘volatile cre8ive ego’ am now ‘feeling threatened’ that my PB no longer ‘retains it’s zany edge’ hence have been brainstorming ‘something outrageously witty’ I can sell on eBay. Some might say I should be ‘original-zany’ and ‘think of a whole new gimmick’, but am sure y’ulz experienced ad-peeps will agree that ‘people don’t understand sumfing that is not a cliché’ (via ‘not giving a shit due 2 their baby having colic or whatevs’) therefore it would be most beneficial 2 my PB 2 ‘jump on an existing gravywagon’ (thanks all you zany writers who have gone before me, laying the foundies 4 this particular cliché).
Came up with the following things I can sell on eBay:
My art director’s son (is child of 2 art directors – purebred MacMonkey – what a thrill)
My Cre8ive Director’s ‘Keep Calm, Carry On, It’s All Been Done Before’ poster (this is a meta-gimmick, because is a ‘zany spin’ on an existing ‘hot cre8ive item’)
My sheet of zany ‘This brief is crap’ stickers (via actually ‘being useful’)
The Client Service Dept (“like mail-order brides with extra phone-skillz!”)
That video of that Art Director tea-bagging Finance (via being uncontrollably zany while drunk)
That’s all I’ve come up with so far. Feel like the solution should be ‘a simple one that is staring me in my face’. What would y’als sell on eBay? An NB job bag? A DPS spread? The agency mascot?
Hey y’ulle. Not sure if you all heard but there is some majah advertising awards vibe going down in this place in Francey called Cannes. It’s apparently quite important for your career to win at Cannes. Word is a Cannes Lion will ‘open a lot of doors’ for you. I think it’s because carrying a Cannes Lion requires both hands (is made of calcified semen spray painted gold – the densest material on planet earth) so people will just have to help you open doors because your hands are full.
Lots of advertising people have been calling me asking ‘whether I know anything’ since I am a blogger. Have to keep turning them away empty-eared because I don’t know anything. I don’t really follow awards y’uls. Just not really my thing. Being a copywriter, I just know too much about people and life and the cycles of fortune and flavour and public attention to be able to believe the hype around awards. Also, I kind of don’t really see the point in collecting more crap you have to store on your desk / in your home. Kind of feel like displaying awards is ‘trying too hard’. Is a bit like wearing your Converse High-Tops with a dress. Just seems a l’il desperate for approval / attention. But I know I am an over-privileged brat since I have won many awards in my life for many things and came from award-winning parents and have been fortunate enough to ‘take winning for granted’, so maybe ignore me and just keep reaching for the stars and landing on the moonface5. I’ll see y’uls you on the top-rung some day. See you when you get dere. If you ever get dere.
This graph is copyrighted to Alex van Tonderwonder (c) and first appeared in her 2015 study entitled "How to work in advertising without turning into a tard".
PS. Have you ever won a Canned Lion? Once watched this show on Carte Blanche about how people were bribing officials so they could pretend they actually shot the lion themselves. Sad what people will do for awardz. 😦