Category Archives: confectionary

Snickers snicker at missed opportunity

Lollers – If only Bar One’s ads didn’t always feature firemen. The Snickers peeps here are seen helping out the firefighters during last week’s mad fires.

Bar None

Bar None

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A reason to marry an Axe Murderer.

Hey y’ulle. So a funny thing happened last night. I was lying and moaning and feeling sorry for myself for being all sickly, when I passed out from the stabs of pain in my stomach and had this nightmare.

In my nightmare, there was this ad on TV where there was this guy made of chocolate, and all these chicks running after him wanting to eat him. They wanted to chew his face. He lets pieces of himself flake off everywhere, like chunky brown dandruff. He even cuts off his nose and sprinkles it around like an eczema party. It was really gross. I woke up crying and nauseous. It might have been from the virus, but it might have been from the nightmare. The boyfriend had to console me and hold me close and promise me it wasn’t real.

It wasn’t, right? Please tell me it wasn’t real.

Hey this is our latest concept for your latest campaign, aimed at penetrating horny men. You know. Women cant resist chocolate. Women cant resist men who wear your product. Make so much sense.

"Hey this is our latest concept for your latest campaign, aimed at penetrating horny men. You know. Women can't resist chocolate. Women can't resist men who wear your product. Makes so much sense. Can we drink now? Just wanna party."

product name generation 101

Lots more genius here.

making the ‘trendies’.

so cherryflava wrote about the trailer park hotel opening at the Grand Daddy in Long Street and posted this fine ol’ pic of me and my bear:

Me and my boo (bear). Things are just fine now that Mama Bears left.

Me and my boo (bear). Things are just fine now that Mama Bear's left.

should i go blonde y’ulle? should i quit my job and be goldilocks full time? i could probably do Snow White and Jasmine from Aladdin too, if i don’t cut my hair as planned on Wednesday. maybe i could sign some sort of endorsement deal with various sponsors looking to add some sort of ingenue /sex fetish appeal. maybe Jessica Simpson Hair ExtensionsTM ‘n me should talk.

have any of y’ulle ever been featured on a ‘trend blog’? not sure how i feel about it. wondering if i’ve accomplished a subconscious lifetime dream. thank goodness i wasn’t featured for not wearing panties at the Assembly / for having 8 babies / for slashing toddlers at a daycare / for being ‘too real’. all of the above would suck as trends. am feeling a bit worried because now that i have been featured once, i’ve had a taste of trend fame. i want more.

i want to BE the superbowl. i want to BE the amy winehouse beehive. i want to BE the intriguing diagram that conveys how men think about nothing but sex and beer. i want to BE the ‘funniest complain letter in the world, ever’. i want to BE sneezing baby panda.

maybe i’ll just settle for blonde. life’s confusing enough as it is. speaking of confusing, have y’ulle seen the Cadbury’s Drumming Gorilla ad 2.0? it features 2 kids who move their eyebrows to the rhythm of the backing track, and presumably, the rhythm of their souls.

hmm. really makes me think. did y’ulle rush off to the bathroom right after you favourited this on your youtube to see if you could do that with your eyebrows? i can’t, in case you were wondering. did y’ulle rush out and buy (cadbury’s) chocolate right after you saw this ad? (i didn’t. only eat lindt even though i have to draw from my mortgage to pay for it, but i’d never compromise my personalbrand 4 money). maybe this ad is aimed at kids and we just don’t get it.

do you think this ad is exploiting childrens? you know how weird childrens can be – almost every children has some sort of strange nervous tick that their parents have to wean them off through expensive therapy / ritalin / mood stabilizers / beating the shit out of them / being alcoholic parents ‘to give the kid something real 2 worry about’. i’m not sure whether advertisers should be exploiting this insight into children and family dynamics. will someone report this to the ACA? the CIA? the AA? not sure what kind of help these 2 exploited young ‘uns need. maybe someone can sponsor a doll for them so they can point out where they were touched on their faces when this ad was made.

i’m also scared of what kind of repercussions this ad is going to have. what if popular clubs like The Assembly and Bassline and 88 start playing a beaty remix of this track, thereby encouraging drunk patrons to mimic these offensively naff eyebrow movements? what if squeeky balloons become the new rave whistles / glow sticks / lollipops / vuvuzelas? what if i never stop asking silly questions on my blog followed by forward-slash-separated-variables? sigh. it’s going to be a really tough one because eyebrows are a lot harder to print branding on than rave whistles / glow sticks / lollipops / vuvuzelas, and the balloon will eventually deflate and is only a ‘temporary solution’.

not sure how to finish this post. hey look. more pictures of me as goldilocks.

Just ate some hot porridge.

Just ate some hot porridge.

Bears tell great jokes.

Bears tell great jokes.

getting my poker on. proving more lucrative than freelance.

Rei, Rei’s copywriter Justin and i mooched on over to Jody’s quaint seapoint palacio to play poker on thursday night. the night began with chips and beer, peaked at imported butter biscuits with chocolate on them and shuddered to a climax with bags of woolies gum sweets and some coke light. the life of the young and the risky.

The flailing neck in the corner is Jody. His contortion followed him mumbling something about a bald spot.

The flailing neck in the corner is Jody. His contortion followed him mumbling something about a bald spot.

things went really well considering it was the first time i played for money. in fact around half way through the evening i was a veritable mogul and the rest of the players were wagering their iMacs, their Flickr Pro accounts and one brave sod offered up a removable hard drive to make up for the fact that they didn’t have any chips left. then i went and did what every overconfident, sugar-rushing poker players does; i started abusing my power and making silly bets that i didn’t even care that much about when i really should have folded until 10 minutes before cutoff time and then forced the remaining chips out of the corners of my dwindling foes. but i didn’t do that – i lost my wealth and my power, miserably. i went all in and came out all out. but it did teach me a few very valuable lessons that i can apply to every day agency life.

Head down, game face on, dignity left at the door. A bit like presenting a concept to a client who doesnt like concepts.

Head down, game face on, dignity left at the door. A bit like presenting a concept to a client who doesn't like concepts.

lesson #1: if you don’t have money to start with, you’re not going to make money. you might make a little money. pussy money. but this is not going to make you rich, and you should keep visualising that wine farmer / applying for a management position / ‘moving into PR’.

lesson #2: once you click how the game works, you will think you own it, and that it’s your bitch. the game, like advertising, is not your bitch. it will lull you into a false sense of confidence in your wildly wonderful creative skills / card flare / luck vibes, but ultimately, you will spend a lot of time beating yourself up for folding before you saw the cards / doubling up the blinds when you were rich / talking like a texan oil baron because that’s the effect money has on you.

lesson #3: the person to your left, whom you call a friend during daylight hours, is fucking you over and cheating you out of your money. i don’t even need to put an advertising spin on that one.

lesson #4: the drunker you can be while playing, the better. sucks for me, since i still haven’t decided on a brand alignment or signed an endorsement deal with an alcopop. 2 cans of coke light down and you get a little jittery. you get annoyed that you have to keep telling the person to the left that it’s their turn. when you tap out your host thinks there’s someone at the door and when he jumps up to answer it, you want to kill him, so you shove a handful of woolies sweets in your mouth and make a resolution not to eat carbs tomorrow. gah!

lesson #5: poker is way better than ad agency-based book club. and i don’t just say this because the king james book club has rejected my application to join them in their naff little meets in the library on fridays. i don’t even want to join their bookclub. i already have a bookclub, even though it’s in jozi, and i hardly get to see them, but i get to watch them on tv because they are so fabulous top billing and the like enjoy following them around. i say this because when we play poker, we all start out as equals, whereas agency bookclub seems to have some sort of strange heirarchy built into it involving a chairman who doesn’t even work at the agency and looks like stephen king. i’m not bitter. i’m just saying.

connecting with my inner predator via a cake

For your Jaws. To. Masticate. Nom Nom Nom.

For your Jaws. To. Masticate. Nom Nom Nom.

i’ve always maintained that if i were a shark in captivity, i would fling myself against the glass of my tank until it cracked, or die trying. i would be vicious and predatorial, and i would eat anything they put in the tank with me. i feel that this cake captures some of that primeval desire to connect with the .02% of my genes that was once a prehistoric shark in the first waters before we all became land mammals.

seaweed flavoured kit kat and other cool stuff from JP

this is a pretty alt post, but hey. nicole got a parcel of rad shiz from a friend of hers who is teaching English in Japan. if you’re a Japanese person, you’d probably think it was filled with junk. but to us cool-arb-stuff-starved saffers, it’s like a gold mine. a pot of happy at the end of the rainbow. or just a pot, with hello kitty’s face on the side. here’s some of the loot.

At first we thought it was wasabi flavoured kit kat, but the salty aftertaste soon taught us otherwise.

At first we thought it was wasabi flavoured kit kat, but the salty aftertaste soon taught us otherwise.

Mmm. The chocolate is green, and tastes like salty white chocolate.

Mmm. The chocolate is green, and tastes like salty white chocolate.

OMG! Sushi stickers!

OMG! Sushi stickers!

Some lost in translation sticker goodness. Make Love! Have a nice f*ck!

Some lost in translation sticker goodness. Make Love! Have a nice f*ck!

Hi-fi badge. To be placed next to Thundacats badge and Bionic 6 snap bangle.

Hi-fi badge. To be placed next to Thundacats badge and Bionic 6 snap bangle.

OMG! Stickers of everyday stuff like hamburgers, except really small and therefore cool!

OMG! Stickers of everyday stuff like hamburgers, except really small and therefore cool!

Happy Time is not free (please note the copyright sign) but I will pay for happy on a sticker.

Happy Time is not free (please note the copyright sign) but I will pay for happy on a sticker.

Nicole is sideways but only because it is easier for her to bath in the happiness of the JP parcel.

Nicole is sideways but only because it is easier for her to bath in the happiness of the JP parcel.