Category Archives: handmade

what does this photo say about me?

Photo thanks to @5starRich (click)

a) I am ‘wild at heart’, even though I scorn drinkers

b) I love Cheetahs

c) I have a vicious personal brand (via my mom’s old hip-hop dancing costume)

d) I am both fierce and vulnerable (by way of cheetah face and bunny ears and deer-in-deadlight face)

e) I am affiliated with Green organisations such as WWF and therefore a conscious individual

f) I Am Awesome ( would only be authentic if it had a we-are-awesome watermark on it tho)

g) I don’t fuck around when I tweet that I’m wearing a top with a giant cheetah’s face on it to my birthday dinner

h) Even though I work in advertising I am still connected to nature via inferrence

i) Infurrance is a more appropriate word

j) Fur is in again

k) Obama’s campaign will win the Grand Prix at this year’s Loeries so don’t even bother getting your hopes up

l) I am listening for the banana phone

m) everyone needs a bosom for a pillow

n) mine’s on the 45

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Happy Valentine’s Day y’ulle.

Hope you all had a good day on Saturday. Hope your boyfriend / girlfriend / sympathetic parent bought you something red, shiney and heart-shaped. You can be sure they got it free in the queue at Woolworths when they were doing groceries on their WW card because times are hard.

I had a good V-day. Managed to score 2 free heart choccies from Woolies. Managed to score a dining room table and a knife set. Nothing like a knife set for V-day.

Cut out this template with a knife and create your very own V-day promo at home. Your BF / BFF will think you are a premium retailer with a future.

Cut out this template with a knife and create your very own V-day promo at home. Your BF / BFF will think you have official ties to a premium retailer.

Just want to say thanks to Virgin Active for hanging cut-out paper hearts in their foyer. It definitely made me feel all loved-up coming to gym and walking under some cut-out paper hearts on my way to the change room. They were even cut out by hand, which made me think warm thoughts about off-duty personal trainers sitting in the staff lounge, cutting hearts out of red, pink and white paper, not even noticing the smell of foot in the furniture because they are so used to it. ❤ personal trainers.

Make.Your.Own.Ambient.V-day.Media.

Make.Your.Own.Ambient.V-day.Media.

Also want to say thanks to glomobi for offering me a pink dancing bear that I can ‘order’ via SMS and send to my loved one(s) / personal trainer. Just can’t get enough of cute animated vibes speaking in a helium voice on my cellphone. Cute animated helium vibes is the new coal. Gonna stop before I get all nostalgic about ‘a simpler time’.

Also want to thank the big 3  Mass Market LSM 4 – 8 major retailers (Louis Vuitton, Guess and Gucci) for sending me Valentine’s messages, and notifying me of the various specials, promos and great deals available in store today. Not sure if I would be this content with my current life choices had I not picked up a new handbag as a Gift With Purchase (GWP) when I bought another 75ml tube of 8-hour cream that I don’t use. ❤ being in an economic boom while rest of earth is in a recession.

Make.Your.Own.V-day.Tactical.Media.Blitz.

Make.Your.Own.V-day.Tactical.Media.Blitz.

Did y’ulle manage to get any good deals on cosmetics / cool GWPs / experience any lovey ambient media / get free heart chocolates NOT made from cooking chocolate / flyers for Valentine’s Day tyre specials on your windscreen this V-day? MSG me with details, can’t wait to trade stories / choccies.

“when i grow up, wanna be famous, wanna be a star, wanna be in movies, wanna have boobies” – the tigercat dollfaces

but no movies here.

no castings. no expensive theatre school.

no obssessive, economy-driving celebrity culture.

no reality shows where i can take my clothes off.

no one to make a sex tape with to ‘launch my career’.

no retouchers to make me look hotter than i am.

no lecherous men with money to ‘discover’ me.

just savanna, the locally produced ‘it’s-dry-but-you-can-drink-it’ cider. who makes a site that lets me make my own ad. makes me dress up like a monkey. and garble nonsense. make your own savanna ad here. and watch mine below. it stars me as the monkey, jabu as the black guy and alistair as the barman.


do y’ulle think i should quit my dayjob? does this count as a demo tape? is it strong enough to be an acting / dancing portfolio? do you think it shows that i have potential to look hot in music videos, if they spray water on me to make me look like i’m sweating? do you think it shows off my toned, tanned body? could i be the next brutney spears / leona lewis / brian searle-tripp (local advertising pop star) / mike schalit (local advertising pop star)? does this give me mass appeal as opposed to simply appealing to a handful of marketing types and social media gurus?

need some feedback so i know where to take my career / what kind of headlines i should be writing / what kind of headlines i should be appearing in / whether i should just make a sex tape on my own and upload it onto vimeo and hope 4 the best.

the strange gift collection.

who doesn’t know (and love) a bona fide weirdo? here’s a great list of stocking-fillers for your favourite freaky friends.

Just what i wanted! Some freeze-dried squirrel-foot earrings!

Just what i wanted! Some freeze-dried squirrel-foot earrings!

Ah man! Ive been looking for a feotus cookie cutter everywhere!

Ah man! I've been looking for a feotus cookie cutter everywhere!

Oh how awesome! Now we can both wear the same underwear.

Oh how awesome! Now we can both wear the same underwear.

via neatorama.

weekly roundup: stuff’s going down

phwhoar. been away from the computer doing all sorts of things. spent the morning with a company called Kunye which is a company run by a lady by the name of Allison. it’s her personal mission to create jobs / recycle plastic bags. and by the looks of things Kunye’s doing pretty well.

Funky chicken. Southafricanlanders know these chickens well - theyre on many a street corner. Kunye sources the guys who make them and structure commissions and shiz. Apparently they get loads of overseas orders. Very cool.

Funky chicken. Southafricanlanders know these chickens well.

Cool little reindeer dude.

Cool little reindeer dude.

Cool shoe vibes. All this stuff made from recycled plastic.

Cool shoe vibes. All this stuff made from recycled plastic.

Close up of Chappies placemat.

Close up of Chappies placemat.

then i came across these HUMAN HAMSTER BALLS at the V&A Waterfront. sweet holy mother. if only they’d had these babies when i was little. and you ball around in a pool, no less. actually it’s for the best that we didn’t have these when i was little. i would have spent my whole childhood rolling around in one, and probably a large part of my adolescence too. in fact i’d probably still be in one. hmm. anyone know where you can buy these at cost price?

Hell yeah flipping rad and awesome.

Hell yeah flipping rad and awesome.

Bye mom! See you never!

Bye mom! See you never!

then my friend Jono – who DID spend his adolescence in a Human Hamster Ball – had his birthday on Friday night at Banana Jam Cafe. Banana Jam has a lot of good memories for me, mostly of the days when reggae was the original version of chilled indie/emo music and Cool Running was too ‘young’ for us mature 18 year olds. Going to Banana Jam said you were ‘with it’ enough to know Observatory was actually dirty not ‘arty’. Back then, 2nd Avenue Harfield was at its height of being the Lower Main Road of the Southern Suburbs High School Belt. Then Jack Johnson came on the pirate ships and reggae became what you played in your car at trance parties, if you still went to them, and pretended that hippie was a lifestyle choice and not just an easy way to disguise the fact that you never had any money, and Banana Jam became the home of the Observatory refugees who were cultivating their yuppie. today, Banana Jam is a thriving biome of post-trance-head-young-professionals-who-live-in-town-but-like-to-get-in-touch-with-their-roots(ie. get drunk where no one will recognise them)-from-time-to-time.

My friend Jono. He has outgrown his Hamster Ball as a character prop and has instead embraced the Jason mask. This tells the world that he has a ruthless side yet values the loyalty of his true friends, all of whom know what he looks like yet accept him no matter what kind of plastic appendage he chooses to embrace depending on his mood.

Exhibit A: My friend Jono. He has outgrown his Hamster Ball as a character prop and has instead embraced the Jason mask. This tells the world that he has a ruthless side yet values the loyalty of his 'true friends', all of whom know what he looks like yet accept him no matter what kind of plastic appendage he chooses to embrace depending on his mood.

Before the Banana Jam madness, the agency went to lunch at The Fat Cactus. The Fat Cactus vibe is somewhere in the middle between Cool Runnings in Obs and Banana Jam in Harfield. By that I mean Fat Cactus is like the awkward teenage years of regular drinking holes, frequented by the company I work for partly because they are close by, but also because if one of us (hypothetically say, Nicole) were to climb up the wall to steal a sign that makes a visual pun out of a pair of chillies and a girl’s bum, and in the process knocks a wrought iron light fitting off the wall, which in turn smashes a large neon bottle sign and causes all the lighting in the restaurant to go out, The Fat Cactus staff will simply ask us if we’re all okay, bring more frozen margaritas and give my boss a free T-shirt. You don’t get that kind of treatment at many establishments.

After frozen margarita jug round 4, Anth, Yollie and Jakkie said they were going to flash their boobs for us. Of course, only Anth had any kind of follow-through on this. Kids, please learn from this. One thing you must NEVER do if you work at an ad agency is tell your colleagues you will flash your boobs, and then go back on your word. Nothing will get you ostracised sooner. Why at this very moment, Yollie and Jakkie can be heard banging in the broom cupboard. But were not going to let them out. They need to be ignored, so they realise they have done something wrong.

After frozen margarita jug 4, Anth, Yollie and Jakkie said they were going to flash their boobs.

Of course, only Anth had any kind of follow-through on this. Kids, please learn from this. One thing you must NEVER do if you work at an ad agency is tell your colleagues you will flash your boobs, and then go back on your word. Nothing will get you ostracised sooner. Why at this very moment, Yollie and Jakkie can be heard banging in the broom cupboard. But we’re not going to let them out. They need to be ignored, so they realise they have done something wrong.

*****************************So anyway************************************

To top off a fine week, I noticed that I got a personal Thank You in the sleeve of the new New Academics album, The Apple. There is nothing quite like getting love from a band, especially a band that I like, and especially a band whose music has been described in critical reviews as ‘hard fucking’. I’m not making that up. You can read about it on their website. Love you too guys.

I 3 PDAs. Spesh from musicians.

I ❤ PDAs. Spesh from musicians.

connecting with my inner predator via a cake

For your Jaws. To. Masticate. Nom Nom Nom.

For your Jaws. To. Masticate. Nom Nom Nom.

i’ve always maintained that if i were a shark in captivity, i would fling myself against the glass of my tank until it cracked, or die trying. i would be vicious and predatorial, and i would eat anything they put in the tank with me. i feel that this cake captures some of that primeval desire to connect with the .02% of my genes that was once a prehistoric shark in the first waters before we all became land mammals.

consumption tour 1: ice sculpting

Dont worry - theyre way better with ice than they are with signwriting.

Don't worry - they're way better with ice than they are with signwriting.

we do this cool thing at our agency once a month, which we call Consumption Tours. it consists of going out into the world and finding out a little more about just about anything. this time we paid a visit to the HQ of Ice Art, a company that specialises in creating ice sculptures for corporate events. we knew it was going to be good while we were still in the car on the way there, since we were following these amusing instructions from owner of the company:

From: ICE ART [mailto:james@iceart.co.za]
Sent: 23 July 2008 03:27 PM
To:
Subject: RE: Directions to KiefnessOK, take the M5 to kiefness, get off at the Berkley road offramp about 1km before the N1, then turn right, back under the M5 – go to the first robots of kiefness, then turn left and head over the bridge down to voortrekker road kiefness. Go through these robots boytjie and go to the next set of robots – at this point of kiefness you would head over to Paarden Eiland should you continue… But you don’t… You turn left at these robots and then immediately left again ( double back on yourself ) and then you take your first right (  next to the HUGE silencer city of kiefness ) – this is Basson Street, the sign is bent over from a truck ramming it. Go right to the very very end of the cul-de-sac where you see the brick wall – don’t be scared, you are almost in the land of kiefness. We are the very very last unit on the right hand side against this brick wall – Unit number 7…

anyway. it was fascinating to observe the process. i will attempt to take you through it here:

James, the owner of Ice Art, meets us outside and instructs us to put on our coats while using the word kiff more than anyone ever should.

James, the owner of Ice Art, meets us outside and instructs us to put on our coats while using the word 'kief' more than anyone ever should.

These freezers are where the ice is made. Ice Art has 3 freezers, and it takes 4 days to make 1 block of ice. It takes 1 day to freeze half the ice, and then 3 more days to freeze the rest, since the already frozen ice acts as an insulator against the rest of the water.

These freezers are where the ice is made. Ice Art has 3 freezers, and it takes 4 days to make 1 block of ice. It takes 1 day to freeze half the ice, and then 3 more days to freeze the rest, since the already frozen ice acts as an insulator against the rest of the water.

The water used to make sculpted ice has to be treated so that it doesnt freeze milky. So these freezers keep the water moving and the addition of chemicals takes out trace elements. Here, Craig and Dave are in the middle of a competition to see who can hold their hands in the below-freezing water for the longest. Craig on the left won, with a 2.5 minute record.

The water used to make sculpted ice has to be treated so that it doesn't freeze milky. So these freezers keep the water moving and the addition of chemicals takes out trace elements. Here, Craig and Dave are in the middle of a competition to see who can hold their hands in the below-freezing water for the longest. Craig on the left won, with a 2.5 minute record.

A little chainsaw, and a spade. Not pictured is the planing tool, and the curved saw.

Some of the tools used for ice sculpting: A little chainsaw, and a spade. Not pictured is the planing tool, and the curved saw.

First things first, Ice Art have a whole bunch of reserve blocks lined up for carving in their freezer.

First things first, Ice Art have a whole bunch of reserve blocks lined up for carving in their freezer.

Next, the ice is trimmed to cut away rough edges. The by-product of this process is snow - fun waste.

Next, the ice is trimmed to cut away rough edges. The by-product of this process is snow - fun waste.

Then, the outline of the design is cut into the block. The Sculptor (pictured) works simply with picture reference. He tells us he used to be a diesel mechanic before he got into sculpting. He spends his whole day sculpting in this walk-in cold room, which is normally a happy -15 degrees celcius, but was at -5 when we were there.

Then, the outline of the design is cut into the block. The Sculptor (pictured) works simply with picture reference. He tells us he used to be a diesel mechanic before he got into sculpting. He spends his whole day sculpting in this walk-in cold room, which is normally a happy -15 degrees celcius, but was at -5 when we were there.

Then, a small axe thing is used to slice away the ice. Because of how the ice is frozen, it is really easy to chip away. In fact its actually pretty cathartic. This is Dave, getting some snow spray.

Then, a small axe thing is used to slice away the ice. Because of how the ice is frozen, it is really easy to chip away. In fact it's actually pretty cathartic. This is Dave, getting some snow spray.

This is me, chipping away like an arctic woodchuck. Its a lot of fun.

This is me, chipping away like an arctic woodchuck. It's a lot of fun.

Thing get rounded and smoothed with a curved saw. To make the ice as smooth as glass, you can literally smooth it with your fingers, until they get too cold to be a source of heat.

Thing get rounded and smoothed with a curved saw. To make the ice as smooth as glass, you can literally smooth it with your fingers, until they get too cold to be a source of heat.

15 minutes later, and this is what the former raw chunk of frozen water looks like. Very impressive.

15 minutes later, and this is what the former raw chunk of frozen water looks like. Very impressive.

All in all, it was a good outing. We scrunched in the snow in the freezer and even chewed on hacked off pieces of ice, which is a truly fine way to spend a lunch hour.

Mallix holds a piece of his heart up to the light. Such clarity. Such potential for inflicting pain.

Mallix holds a piece of his heart up to the light.