Category Archives: LOL

That Blank Page Luv

Y’all start the track playing (below) and then sing along with the lyrics I have composed for y’alls:


Blank Page Luv

Radio Ad Killa,
MBLTM
The Advertising Dream
Hey yo writers
Come up off them keyboards
Write a lil something for the creatives
Let em know how we feelin’


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save my ass
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

Yeah they love it when I put it on them
In the boardroom when I’m clickin my pen
I make it rhyme and they like it
They get the ad like a psychic (izzy)
Next thing we talking bout shoot dates
I’m like don’t this need more debate
But they say that they loving my flow
Finally found a creative that knows
What it’s like to pimp FMCG
So pumped they fired the old agency
Like cool, you dig it, it’s sold
Get it while its hot before idea gets cold
Mock it up and print it up nice
Use a spot UV coz them consumers dig ice


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab

I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I get a call in the middle of the night
It’s the client sayin shiz not right
The wrong logo, that shiz too small
Model looks like she ran a brick wall
Coz I’m a prankster, I ask if it can wait
Been up all night writing ads til late
Client’s angry don’t get my joke
Hit me up and flush my coke
Holla back you be starting again
New ideas gonna solve this thing
Client’s over all them other ideas
Tho they signed their name here, here and here
So I’m up and I’m pullin new page
Clicking Bic to contain this rage


Chorus:

Everytime I write an ad
Client send it back
Run off on me like cut that
Throw it like it’s not on-brand
Make me redo what I do how I do still writing in the back of the lab
I’m tryina save the ad
And everynight I gotta work late

I got That blank-page that blank-page b-blank page love
I got that blank-page that blank-page b-blank-page love

I just wanna be awesome y’ulz.

Y’ulz, I so bad wanna be awesome.
I just want ppl 2 look at me & think “wish I was that sisbro”.
Just want ppl 2 covet my Opel Corsa that now looks like a ‘real car’ (via all cars looking like the Peugot 206)
Just want ppl 2 look at my real leather hand / manbag and think ‘wow that’s a bro who srsly knows their quality shiz, must stop buying Mr Pricebro’
Just want ppl 2 know that I buy Country Road when they finger the thick seams & say “but who BUYS this stuff?!”
So bad just wanna be awesome.



Y’ulz, I so bad just wanna be awesome.
Gonna get super tight jeans that “cre8 a camel-toe ambience” & wear them in front of my chubby sister,
See how she likes ‘getting the brains in the family’ now
Gonna move into a house with “all my best guy friends” (via being a guys’-girl / the village indie bicycle)
Gonna sleep with them all (via parental divorce-issues), even though all of them have girlfriends, some of whom are my best friends forever y’all! (via going 2 film school 2 getha)
Gonna sleep with them all and ‘be besties & climb lions head on adventures!’ with them all
So bad just wanna be awesome y’all!



Y’ulz, I am fucking desperate 2 be awesome.
Gonna make peace signs while I do cheap coke off the toilets at Assembly while taking a self-portrait profile shot 4 my blog
Gonna wear empty-lensed paedo-glasses 2 ‘invoke the nerd look’ (via looking like a tard)
Gonna wear an Indian head-dress minus feathers 2 ‘give them something 2 talk about’ (via yawning) so my head looks like a phimosis-victim (via Google it)
Gonna take a non-paying job in a crap magazine that had street-cred in 1994 (via articles on drugs via back then ppl not knowing that drinking / taking drugs / being ‘reckless with your body’ makes you ‘lose ur looks’)
So fucking desperate 2 be awesome!
Y’ulz!



Y’ulz, basically, I would do anything 2 be awesome.
Gonna housesit my bestie’s house & ‘trash the place’ (how awesome? Bro…)
Gonna ‘get pregnant’ with my b/f’s babybro & then ‘lose the baby’ on a coke binge
So I can be “hot pregnant chick” minus “all that baby admin”
Y’ulz, gonna “turn down paying design jobs” 4 “jobs that are awesome” (via getting free entrance 2 clubs where the band whose flyer I designed is playing at)
Y’ulz, I’m gonna be awesome.
Can’t wait!
Y’alls!

I’ll mock it up, show u what I got

OMG y’ulz. Think I might just binge eat KFC 2 deal with the waves of extremely positive emotion washing over me right now.

Lady Gaga +  typeface = You can read my Neutra Face



Am I authentic enough?

Worried y’ulle. Posted a bunch of my Shake It ‘roids on Facebook and some cre8ive said I was ‘inauthentic’. Want 2 die. FML. What’s the point in living if I’m not ‘authentic’. Need 2 get on this ASAP. Been thinking of ways to ‘increase my levels of  authentic output’. Since Polaroid doesn’t make film any more, am considering taking the negatives of my MSWord copywriting documents to ORMS ‘to be scanned’. Heard scanning negs is quite authentic. What do y’ulle think? Should I ‘write short stories about being high with my Yashica & submit them to VICE mag’? Should I quit my job and ‘go work in Amsterdam’? Heard that’s also quite authentic, but maybe a bit faddy.* Maybe I’ll take a job in an ‘exotic country in the East’ and then just not deal with the authenticity overload and not be real enough to stick it out and ‘get over being authentic’ & come back to my ‘reality in suburban Cape Town’. Am kinda desperate 4 some cre8ive approval here so pls let me know what u think I should do before i ‘die from being inauthentic’. Peace y’ulz. Just need ur help. And affirmation. So insecure right now.

Please send any authenticity u can spare 2 alex@mybrandedlife.com

Please send any authenticity u can spare 2 alex@mybrandedlife.com

*Don’t know the difference between a Trend and a fad? no probs. Dr Dre will explain:

“I’m a trend, I set one every time I’m in
I go out and just come back full circle again
You a fad, that means you’re something that we already had
But once you’re gone, you don’t come back, too bad.”

– Dr Dre aka the ultimate ‘authentic cre8ive’

“you don’t have to go all the way you can just kiss!!”

Got this email earlier in response to this post.

I wasn’t going to even write this but I feel like i must express how i feel and since your article caused my anger I  thought why not. You endless tirades about people who drink are just lame because you don’t drink youself. You are probably a freak and are up your own ass!!  Your latest article was worst because it made people who are nearly 30 and go out for a good time seem like there is something wrong with them. Well for FYI I love my life!!!! an am nearly 30 and can drink as much as I want. I have fun! I don’t feel bad because I have no boyfriend and I have no shame in having a little fun on the weekend, plenty of men love me and my attitude and hit on me all the time!! In case you are saving yourself to be ‘pure’. I am never with the same guy a weekend and you don’t have to go all the way you can just kiss!! It doesn’t mean you are a slut. You obviously don’t have any fun. Are you jealous. Maybe your upbringing. . I am just living my life and when the right guy comes along I will settle down just like everyone else. But until then I will have as much fun as I can. You should try it!!!


You should stop blogging and go out and have a drink and dance and yu will see that actually it’s a lot of fun. Talk to some sexy guys at the bar.  You might even meet a man who loves you and ends up marrying you!! You are just closing the doors to any FUN and opportunity for happiness. You are anti-feminist because you always pick on woman who drink. I may act a little wild but is better than your ice queen judgement. I am proud of how much I can drink, and so I should be, why should men have all the fun? Do yourself favour and put short skirt on and get motherless and you will see a whole new world open to you. You will even discover who you really are. In the meantime I will pray for you and you should pray to. Pray that Jesus doesn’t judge your soul the way you judge the beautiful souls who just want to have fun. I do understand if you do not drink because you were an alcoholic thought because both my parents were alcoholics but if not then lighten up chick!!!!!


I think I’ve been put in my place.

Warning: this video is EXTREMELY offensive

This is Tony Kaye’s tribute to Paul Arden, who wrote both ‘It’s not how good you are, it’s how good you want to be’ and ‘Whatever you think, think the opposite’ – 2 books that you’ll find on the desks of advertising creatives around the world. I’m guessing Arden has died, because why else would there be cause to make a tribute. That is very sad news. Paul Arden has inspired so many of us to be zany and kreative in our thinking to believe in ourselves and to be ‘Reckless Erica’ from ‘Whatever you think, think the opposite’.

Which is why I warn you about viewing this video. The first time I watched it, my eyes popped out of my head and hid in the pile of vomit that appeared on my lap, so hold yours close. This might truly be the most terrible video you ever have to watch. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it. Talk about it. Get support. You do NOT have to go through this alone.

PS. What’s with advertising people making music videos these days? Everyone seems to be doing it. Which makes me think I should be doing it too (via my basic need to belong).

so you want to get into advertising?

then read this, and remember:



watch and learn

How to take over the world, one big dick at a time:


get your money for nothing and your clicks for free

How agency-client negotiations would sound in real life:

got this little gem from JontyFisher (who’s being quoted all over the world these days..ahem ahem New York Times) . thanks dude. funny stuff. speaking of wanting something for nothing, i got the following email this morning (i kid you not):

Hey Alix.

Found your blog on 2oceans and I can dig it. My name’s Jonah* and I’m studying Marketing at Rhodes. What I really dig about your blog is the real-world insight it gives me into advertising and it has made me set that this is the career for me. I loved your article on trendspotters – classic! I have even come across trendspotters in Rhodes.

The reason I’m writing is I’m doing my thesis on How The Conversation Killed Advertising and was wondering if you could give me some pointers. I’m basically looking for businesses that are been using alternative media for their advertising campaigns rather than TV, radio, billboards etc. Basically businesses using facebook or youtube and such. Could you send me a write-up of your XXXXXXX Campaign? I heard it was a great success from reading some other marketing blogs, and one of my course tutors said he saw you speak at a short course he did. It doesn’t have to be long, point-form is fine, and include any relevant pictures. Thanks I’d appreciate it very much if you could oblige me. The first draft of my thesis is due at the end of June so if you could basically get it to me by the end of next week it would be fine.

Jonah*

*Name has been changed to prevent extreme ridicule.


~~~~~ He actually gave me a deadline. It’s too good. When I received this, I printed it out and rubbed it all over my face, letting the ink seep into my skin in an attempt to become *one* with the email. My reply: ~~~~~

Dear Jonah

Thank you so much for contacting me. I have heard about you – in fact, we as an industry have all heard about you and your talent, and are waiting with sweet anticipation for you to get your degree so that we might snap you up into our ranks where we have no doubt you will use your insight into non-traditional advertising to transform the industry.

I will begin my write-up on the XXXXXX campaign immediately. Basically, I have a host of deadlines going on, including writing rationales for my agency’s Loerie Awards Entries, which I will put on hold so that I can get to writing up the case study of the XXXXXX campaign. I will be sure to place all information in succinct prose where point form does not suffice, and will send an instruction to DTP immediately for them to resize all images from the campaign so that you are satisfied. Would you like me to courier over the disc with the information in it? Or would you prefer that I deliver the disc in person? Basically, I’d be honoured to be of service to you in any way. It’s my grandmother’s birthday this evening but I will happily cancel and drive through to the Eastern Cape to make sure you get all the information you might need.

Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s anything more I can do for you. I could offer to write your thesis for you, perhaps? I am a copywriter after all. Anything. You just basically let me know.

Yours in anticipation, basically,

Alex

Psychographic Profile: I am a TrendSpotter

Please excuse my purple leotard, it is because I am an early-adopter and trend-aware.

Please excuse my purple leotard, it is because I am an early-adopter and trend-aware.

I am a TrendSpotter
I am employed by that company who’s name you can’t quite remember,
That tells you things you already know,
That’s run by some old guy who has a crush on my youth,
But you nod and smile politely and what I have ‘spotted’
Because I am young and enthusiastic,
And you kind of feel sorry for me
And my misguided efforts.

Im just another trendwatcher / telling you something you already know

"I'm just another trendwatcher / telling you something you already know"

I am a TrendSpotter.
I say this with pride because in high school
I was never very ‘trendy’,
I was always kind of nerdy,
And I always got the badly-fitted, cheap version of the Latest Thing
Because my parents aren’t all that wealthy
And never aspired to much more,
Which always grated me,
Because I know I am born to be someone special.

Spending some quality time with my uniqueness. Just being there / with myself.

Spending some quality time with my uniqueness. Just being there / with myself.

I am a TrendSpotter
I scour all the cool websites the night before my deadlines,
Even though I know that everyone reads those same websites.
I take self-portraits of myself in sunglasses to make me look hot,
And I never get my whole body in, because I am overweight
(not much, but enough that it’s noticeable),
I figure when I get famous / published / a boyfriend
I will make more of an effort with what I eat
And I will be so hot
I’ll show all of you.

Am i or am i not hot? Youll never know for sure.

Am i or am i not hot? You'll never know for sure.

I am a TrendSpotter
I get worked into a frenzy over ‘new stuff’,
Even though I rarely explore the potential that the stuff has to change my life.
I’d rather move quickly onto another new thing
And get all frenzied up about that,
Because I am a trendspotter
And I cling to my title like I cling to my excuses
For drinking too much / eating too much / not getting any sex.

Hey check out this new [insert random object from coolhunting / trenwatching / neatorama / springwise / boingboing here]

I am a TrendSpotter
I tell my friends that it is ‘good experience’ for my future career in marketing,
But really it’s just a small way I can feel superior to them
For once in my life.

Like, duh.

Like, duh.

I am a TrendSpotter now
But I will eventually grow up and see
That the world of TrendSpotting is a redundant sham thanks to
googleRSStwitterfacebookcameraphonesMxitSmartPeopleInMarketing

WhoWatchTrendsBecauseTheyAreNaturallyCompetent
I will realize that the word ‘cool’ makes me sound like a naïve retard,
And I will get a real job.

All good lays come to an end, - Nelly Furtado

"All good lays come to an end," - Nelly Furtado

But right now, I am a TrendSpotter
And if anything, it’s an easy way to make money / conversation with people whose photo I take without permission / find an excuse to take photos of myself
And if anything, I already know how lame I am
But I will bury that knowledge
In my affected passion for ‘all things new’
That I will broadcast on my street fashion blog
And my twitter
And my facebook status updates.

Just updating my trend blog.

Just updating my trend blog.

I am a TrendSpotter.

“I like big brands and I cannot lie.”

Counting 1 x cringe for every laugh. thanks Chris.

voting special: celebrity endorsement of the year

Love is free, yall.

Love is free, y'all.

you gotta give it to Nando’s. they took on the nation’s most notorious stand-up comedian, Julius Malema, and he, very predictably, just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. in his threats and tyrades he’s come up with some of the raddest viral material. it’s the kind of stuff you just can’t write. it’s amazing. check this out:

“If Nando’s does not withdraw the adverts, the ANCYL will mobilise the people of South Africa to take militant action against Nando’s and anything associated with Nando’s.” – the ANC League of Extraordinary Youthgentlemen

it’s just too good. this is the kind of name drop most brands can only DREAM about getting in their wildest brandy dreams. and it gets better. they even use the word ‘instruct‘ – totally awesome:

“While awaiting the legal advice, the ANCYL instructs the Nando’s company and those who did the advertisement to promptly withdraw the advert from all television screens and radio channels.” – ANC League Of Extraordinary Youths.

this – my friends – is groundbreaking advertising. this campaign deserves the Grand Black Clio Lion Loerie Eagle Prix best use of PR / social media / digital / tv / integrated / craft / viral / radness / tactical / extreme LOL category.

Nandos 4 EVA.

Nando's 4 EVA.

I hope the agency is getting their Loerie Stage Gimmick together. Would suck to win this big and be unprepared to do something zany and memorable on stage. Now’s your chance to introduce your personal creative brands to the industry – don’t be shy now.


photoshop disasters

it could happen to you. bummer if you spot any of your work here.

Nice, erm, shoulder pads.

Nice, erm, shoulder pads.

thanks @spoOky.

psychographic profile: i am a white South African

I am a white South African.
This makes it my duty to a) complain and
b) complain about whatever’s done in response to my complaints.
I have a blog, and a twitter page, and a small audience. I am an ‘influencer’.
So I feel the need to influence, but also, to point out how refined,
educated and intellectuarllll I am.

I am a white South African and even though I,
like most educated people in this country,
am petrified of He Who Shall Not Be Named becoming President,
I’m not going to go right out and say it because that would not be very
politically correct, progressive or liberal.
(also it would be laaaaank obvious bro, need to ‘be special’).
Instead I will complain about ‘government’ as an homogeneous mass
and focus my complaints on white people in government
so my white friends understand just how liberal and progressive I am.

I am a white South African,
Maintaining my positioning as liberal is highly NB,
because my white friends believe that if you are not liberal, you are racist
and there are no grey areas in between.
My educated black friends LOL at me behind my back,
but mostly they pity me and my suppressed fear,
and send me digital snaps from London, where they have moved,
which I complain about,
because if black people are moving overseas,
then things must be bad.

I am a white South African,
and
I am paranoid about coming across as racist
because we have the sins of our “fathers” forced on us
all the time by our scapegoat-loving government and its
sycophantic media,
even though most of our fathers were actually against Apartheid,
but they had as much choice then
as we do now when it comes to policy (ie. No choice)
but you can bet your lobola
that I’m going to complain about it.

I am a white South African
(and proudly so)
and I’m going to complain
and through my interlektuarll complaining
I’m going to be superior to my fellow men
(who will complain about my complaints because they are as scared as me)
but I’m going to complain with pride
because I am a South African
And this is my home
and I don’t want to leave this country to complain somewhere else
I want to feel safe when I complain down the streets
and I want my children to feel safe about complaining while they play
I want women to feel that they can complain without suffering abuse
or discrimination

I am a white South African
even though South Africa’s a political mess
I’m going to stay and fight for my right to complain in the country of my birth.

I shall complain about the beaches
I shall complain about the landing grounds
I shall complain about the fields and the streets
I shall complain about the hills
and I shall never surrender