Category Archives: my real life

the new project: Cape Town Girl

Go check it out y’all! Still early days but whatevs! Is ‘just the beginning’.

y’all, this is it.

This is it y’all.


Y’all is time 4 me to ‘hit the proverbial demerol’ via some shady docbro and ‘accidentally commit suicide’ via intentionally ‘leaving this world’ and ‘quitting the game while i am ahead’ so my ‘legend can live on’ and i don’t get ‘old and ugly’, like MJ. Miss you MJ. Some people have emailed me 2 say ‘WTF is happening with ur blog’ and ‘U R not srs R u?’ and ‘do u rly rly read Marian Keyes? F U penguin’.  Y’ulz, don’t stress. This is not ‘goodbye 4 eva’. Just facing up 2 the fact that ‘i have changed’ and ‘things have changed’ and as a ‘cre8ive person’ i am ‘too zany 2 do something too specific 4 too long’ (via ADD).

Have ‘taken my learnings into account’ and have ‘cre8ed a new vision’, one with ‘space 2 let me grow’ and ‘realise my potential’. NEwayz. Gonna miss some things so much, like making interns cry. And being in love with ideas. And reminiscing bout bein an ad student. Y’ulz just gotta know that these things will ‘live on’ via this blog and via my new blog identity. I think. Kinda  ‘not rly sure’. But app ‘life is a rollercoaster jus gotta ride it’.

See y’ulz monday, ‘all shiney & new’. So long & thanks 4 all the RT’s.

MBLTM


Conversation with a CRM manager

Phone rings. I answer.


CRM dude:     Hello, is that Mr van Tonder?


Me:                  No it’s not Mr van Tonder.


CRM dude:    Um, is that Queen van Tonder?


Me:                  Uh…sure. Let’s go with ‘Queen’ (flashbacks to a very varied Title drop-down menu…).


CRM dude:     Okay, Queen van Tonder, I’m calling from [Premium Alcohol Brand],   and I’d just like to confirm your details are still the same.


Me:                  Sure. How can I help you?


CRM dude:     Is your address still ‘Castle Greyskull, Wembley Square’?


Me:         Uh… (thinks back to that one evening years ago when I was asked to ‘fill in your details if you would like to experience further     communication from Premium Alcohol Brand’) No. It’s Castle Greyskull, 3rd Floor North Block, Wembley Square.


CRM dude:    Thanks. Enjoy the rest of your day!



Sick y’alls.

Y’alls, was hijacked at gunpoint by a majah ear infection this Friday. Started off after I went for a run, and then my ear was itchy, and then I was in ER. Basically just writing this to ‘clear up da rumours’ about me being in rehab – would never do drugs y’all, they ‘make you ugly’ (via premature ageing).

NE wayz was in hospital for 3 days on a drip and all, but my doctors caught the infection before it could chopshop my ass up the border to be ‘resprayed & sold 4 parts’ so gonna be ok. Just chilling at home with my cortisone bros til all’s better.

Also want to take this opportunity to thank all my friend bros for all the support and flowers and treats over the past few days. Blogging from iPhone here so not sure I can hyperlink but y’alls can follow my Twitter (MyBrandedTwitterTM) to see progress on this sudden & unexpected ‘turn of fate’ that has become my reality. Never take healthy ears for granted y’all. I too thought I was infallible, that I was ‘street-smart’ & that if I were 2 be ‘felled’ by something it would be a worthy foe, like ‘megatron’ or ‘the Volturi’ or ‘John Farquar’. So wrong y’all.

Lastly just want to say that ‘life is too short to use earbuds’ so just let your body do it’s thang & hopefully y’all don’t become another victim of this senseless pharmaceutically-manufactured tragedy. Miss you healthy ear. Hope we can run as one again in no time.

Peace & pills y’all. Xoxo

bookclub

What a bunch of wild bitches. Need some bitchslapping if you ask mizzles.

Summer in the City: December 09

Had a magical summer holiday y’all. Going to ‘let the pictures do the talking’.

Llandudno

Hotel California

Pool party

Luncheons

Downtown Gardens

The Mountain and The Moon

Sushi

Secret Beach

BFFs

Pool Party New Year's

Birthdays

Beach Days

Cupcakes

Gifts

Sunshine

Pool Party New Years

Blue Moon at Midnight New Year's Eve

La Perla

Camps Bay

Aquatic Opera

Reunions

Treasures

City Bowl Paradise

And that concludes another stunning summer in Cape Town. You can see the rest of my photos here. What did y’all do with your holidays?

Psychographic Profile: I am a Holiday

I am a holiday y’ulz
And boy I am awesome
I don’t work in an office
I am outside times
Happy lovely sunshine outside times
Happy lovely happy times
Dancey dance
In the sunshine
Pat pat a cat friend
Lie on a rock

I am a holiday y’ulz
I’m a beachy called Clifton
I am a The Rock
I am those ppl in the malls that make y’als thank:
What do these ppl do all day? Don’t they have jobs?
Happy happy Diana Camera snappy snap
Dancey dance
Lovely happy sunshine dancey holiday time
Laugh laugh love and friends
Happy splish splosh

I am a holiday y’ulz
I am long runs on the beach
Hikes up a mountain
A pat pat a sausage dog friend you meet on the way down
Smell of braai
Windless nights
Lots of laugh laugh in the night
Early morning sleeping late

I am a holiday y’ulz.
Y’alls feel me?
See you on the 4th of the New Year.

Miss y’ulz.


holiday on Friday

Can you feel it?

Mac crashy time.

My Mac crashed today. For no “real reason”. Went all “blue screen on my ass”, then restarted and opened up everything as if nothing ever happened. Was highly perplexing.

I said: Mac, why did you crash?

Mac said:

Wheeeeee crashy time.

Is it time 2 grow the fuck up and love rugby just like everyone else?

Y’ulz. There comes a point in every blog’s life where y’all gotta realise ur destiny. But y’als I am scared.

I am so scared.

Why is MY destiny all gross and orcy?

When I was in high school and still ‘developing my personal brand (via my personality)’ I looked to my parents 4 guidance. Basically, they were OBSESSED with rugby, so I decided 2 HATE rugby. Pls see equation of Teenage Personality Development rule.

Developed this equation myself. Proved it myself too (via slamming my door @ roughly 3pm every Saturday). Felt like I had ‘found myself’ back then (via dating the skinny arty bros & taking them 2 the Bosch vs Bishops game as an ‘act of defiance’.).

Those were the days.

But now am an older / wiser / faster / stronger blog. Have realised ‘there is more 2 life than defying the ppl who mortgaged all their 4 of their Bishopscourt properties’ so I couldafford 2 go 2 ad school’. Have realised that ‘cool don’t pay the bills’. Have been contemplating ‘dating a normal guy’ in aid of ‘living a herp- / tattoo– / converse-shoes-plus-dress – free happy life’. Was mulling this stuff over quietly in my cre8ive bloggy mind when 2OceansVibe DM@tweeted me that I made a blogger XV side.

Srsly?

Srsly y’ulz – basically the unthinkable just happened. MyBrandedLifeTM just got picked 2 be on a ‘blogger rugby team’. Srsly. That just happened. Maybe just drive your car inside coz it might be “raining blue moons”.

First came shock. Oh my word y’ulz.

Then came denial. This is not happening y’ulz.

Then came this other feeling. It feels kind of warm. Almost like how I would imagine ‘potential’ 2 feel y’ulz. Then the theme song from Invictus started playing (via time travel) & I had a ‘transferred memory’ (that actually belongs 2 Francois Pienaarvanwykdewaal) from that time Nelson Mandelabro told me 2 ‘unite a nation’ (via winning the rugby world cup 05).

Matt Damon as Frankypants

Am thinking y’ulle – what if ‘loving rugby’ is actually my destiny?
It would be kind of ‘extremely ironic’, and y’all know I love my irony.
What do y’ulz thank?

Scared, y’ulz.

PS. Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Should I sue myself for not buying myself a ghd sooner?

Okay. Every once in a while, I experience something that prompts me to ‘drop that stupid, irritating voice’ i use to write on my blog and ‘just get real’. The ghd Style Lounge – which i was privileged enough to attend on Friday evening – is one such brand activation which has prompted such drastic action. In all seriousness – “srsly y’all” – this event blew my mind. “O RLY?” i hear you say. “Howcome y’ulz?” I hear you say. I’ll attempt to do justice to the sheer delight that was having my makeup done by Benefit, my hair styled by 2 ghd Angels, then being styled by Accessorize and being given a remote control with which to shoot myself. Not in the foot, but on an infinity curve that had been set up, “just like a real-life photo shoot”. Oh my word. Oh my hat.

Firstly, the venue was just amazing. Roodebloem Studios in Woodstock, for those interested:

A magical wonderland.

You walked in, were greeted with a glass of Krone and a Vitamin Water, and then you went and waited with sumptuous snacks until a Benefit artist could start doing your makeup.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Sumptuous snacky treats.

Waiting area.

Delicious product display.

More delicious product display.

Benefit's Beauty Bootcamp

The Result: Makeup by Benefit

Once you got your makeup did, you had a little more Krone before heading over to the Style Stations (see above) to have your hair done by 2 lovely ghd Angels. Since my hair is naturally straight, I asked for them to ‘get a l’il zany y’ulz’ and give me some curls and, most importantly, show me how to make curls with a ghd (Creation Mist, Hold Spray, Obedience cream and…go!). This really was revelatory to me – I had no idea you could curl with an iron. “Srsly y’ulz” – no idea.

A before photo: hair is still untouched.

Hair: a work in progress

No hair “After” pic yet because those were a part of the shoot we had on location, but I’ll upload them as soon as I get them. Once hair got did, we were taken in hand by a stylist who added a little something special to the look we were creating, to make us a little more ‘shoot ready’.

Accessories! Yay!

Getting styled. Glove love.

And then I was given the top 2 ghd products to suit my hair as recommended by one of the ghd Angels.

Miracle mist and obedience cream.

In the words of my blog:

“Srsly y’ulz – should I sue myself for not buying a GHD sooner?”

Check out all the pics from the other ghd Style Lounge activations here on facebook, or at the ghd Style Diary. PS. Benefit makeup can only be bought at Woolworths. Anyone looking to ‘treat me for xmas y’ulz’, hit me up with one of their fab products.

The unboxing of my Lady Diana

Me, copywriter, iPhone owner, spoilt for photography choice

Me Love Lomo Lady Diana


Me Love Lady Diana so pretty in her plastic


Me Love Lady “never know what you’re going to get” Diana


Me Love Lady “unpacking it is part of the fun” Diana

Me Love you Lady Diana, me take you on holiday, take photos like this


If you want free Lady Diana, you go buy something at Hang Ten stores in December, you maybe win one (secret tip)

Movie Night y’als!

Sometimes, in this weird world just filled with people looking to ‘take down your personal brand’ a little light shines in the darkness (via an email Subject: Delivery at Reception. ta). And the delivery turns out to be a box of DVDs, some of which were designed specifically for OCD home-consumption (for eg. Flashdance starring Jennifer Beale as “Alex Owens” in the 1983 hit). Did y’als know I was born in 1983? I haven’t even watched Flashdance. I have a feeling (What a feeling!) it’s gonna change my (branded) life 4 eva y’als.

What. A. Feeling. Y. 'ulz.

 

But that’s  not all. Cleverly, there were a selection of movies, each ‘strategically chosen to represent the core values that represent the Women’s Health brand and how it relates 2 its consumers via demonstrating its relevance via each movie strategically chosen to represent the core values that represent the Women’s Health brand and how it relates 2 its consumers via demonstrating its relevance via each movie strategically chosen to represent the core values that represent the Women’s Health brand and how it relates 2 its consumers via

Whoa

Did you see wha just happened there?

UR brand 4 eva

I just made an infinity loop with a positioning statement leading into a USP. I am basically an “Ad Escher bro” “trapped in a never-ending world of targeted touchpoints”. Jees Y’als. Thought this post was gonna be about something simple, like MOVIES. Welcome 2 da night train bros.

Can almost smell this y'ulz

Back to the point: yesterday the heavens opened and the skies rained down

Movies y'als!

Super amped about all this. Not kidding when I say the only one of these I’ve actually seen is The Notebook & Something About Mary (1983 remember…) basically had a life-changing experience last night when I watched Breakfast At Tiffany’s and I found out the lead character is a ‘lady of the night’ – did y’als know that? Thought it ironic that an image of a woman who has ‘become synonymous with class’ is actually a ‘portrait of a prozzie bro’. Love the world y’ulz, always filled with surprisies!

Anyways just wanted 2 say thanks to Woman’s Health for the gift. Getting a box of movies was enough to make me ‘seriously consider reading your mag’ (via reading it). Actually read the whole thing and have also changed my leg routine to Backwards Thigh Extensions over Lunges & Squats which is what I have been doing to keep my thighs in Beyonce, all based on the nifty tear-outs. Thanks y’als. Thanks thanks.

Thanks

Thanks

Thanks thanks thanks (via tangling my hand up in my shirt while blogging this)



Gonna bark at the New Moon

Whistlin’ a new tune

Hopin’ it will “come soon”

So that I can die.

Just kidding y’ulz. Always get soooo wrapped up in Nelly Furtado lyrics. Think it’s because she ‘sings pop with soul’ and let’s Timbaland drop his beats on her. Am actually referring to the New Moon movie, which I won tickets to (for realz. Just can’t stop the ‘winniness’ from taking over. Thanks to y’als at Exclusive Books for making my life a better place to blog about). Not sure if y’ulz have heard but vampires are ‘really big’ right now therefore it is imperative that i ‘incorporate vampiric cues into my personal brand’. Have y’ulz made an effort to “add a touch of vamp vibes” 2 your PB? Or are you more of a “down-to-earth stinking werewolf dog scum hippie” type of person? Not judging, it takes all liquorice allsorts. Y’all be pleased 2 know that I had some veneers fitted the other day that give me a ‘subtle touch of vamp’ without being too ‘in your face’. My denty had to “sand down the incisors” to get a proper fit, which will probably cause tooth issues that i need “like a hole in the head” in later life but whatevs. All that matters is “being cool right now”. Soooo glad y’all understand!

Y'ulz like my new dentals? Feel like this has really moved me into a "whole new sphere of relevance".

PS. If y’ulz would like to attend the New Moon Midnight Screening with me, send your best vampy pic to alex@mybrandedlife.com and I’ll basically pick the strongest 3 personal brands to be my “vamptourage”. Yes yes y’ulz!

Reading Comprehension Test

Hey y’ulz. Read this thrillsome interview with me and answer the following questions based on what you learnt:

1. What is my favourite colour?

2. What is my favourite food?

3. Team Edward or Team Jacob?

4. Am I in love with Eric Northman?

5. Do I prefer chunky or smooth peanut butter?

6. Am I a cat or a dog person?

7. Chocolate or vanilla?

8. Should I ‘go blonde for summer’?

9. True or False: I am a hermaphrobro

10. Should I sue my parents for not getting me a CitiGolf?

Please leave your answers in the comments section. The first person to answer all 10 correctly will win ‘my love & loyalty 4 life’ as symbolised by the fern leaf I am wearing in this picture.


Y’ulz think about that now.