Category Archives: office fun

rebranding phase 1: trying a new look

As y’all know, I’m going through a ‘rebranding’ process. So i’ll be trying out a few new look & feels, messaging, tone, etc over the next few weeks. My first experimental hypothesis is: Should I speak about people as if they are animals, and where possible, make them wear animal masks around me? This would be a strategic move on my behalf that would create a key differentiating factor between this blog & other advertising blogs. After all, ‘we are just animals anyway’. Plus animals are generally ‘genuine at heart’ and without any ‘personal agenda’ which results in their being ‘highly accessible and well-liked’ by a variety of demographics, regardless of the confusing fact that I ‘own a sewing machine yet am not LSM 9’. What y’ulz thank?

Portrait of the author as a horse.

Portrait of the copywriter as a 'horse'.

The Production dept shall be known from now on as the elephant parade.

The Production dept shall be known from now on as 'the elephant parade'.

Designer shall henceforth be referred to as Budgies, or, Budgerigars.

Designers shall henceforth be referred to as 'Budgies', or, 'Budgerigars'.

The head of production, while an elephant, is able to speak horse to get through to the copywriters.

The head of production, while an elephant, is able to 'speak horse' to get through to the copywriters.

The director of Operations is a sheep, because it is ironic, and heaven forbid there not be some form of irony in this post.

The director of Operations is a sheep, because it is ironic, and heaven forbid there not be some form of irony in this post.

Advertisements

Sick of ppl underestimating me.

Im more than just an art director, okay.

I'm more than 'just an art director' okay.

Look. I’ve decided to GMFST (Get My Fucking Shit Together). Have had enough sitting in the corner being ‘the agency’s quirky designer who knows online’. I’m gonna develop my niche and show my employers I know my shit. Gonna campaign for a promotion, and gonna do that by sending out mails about ‘measuring social media’ to make the older ppl in the agency shit their pants and realise how invaluable I am.

Step 1: Scour some sites for relevant articles. Maybe follow some links on twitter.
Step 2: Copy gist of article into a mail and provide a link, knowing no one will click the link and will assume I wrote the article even tho I di’int.
Step 3: Send to allstaff with Subject that makes most people in agency feel like they don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, and don’t want to know, hence will recommend me to be responsible for anything vaguely related to social media.
Step 4: Get raise.

Ill never be afraid. Not even of the nasty writers who reply to my mails saying Im a dupe.

I'll never be afraid. Not even of the nasty writers who reply to my mails saying I'm a conartist.

Cha-ching bitches! (Just did a SIM-Alexa-Twitta-rater test on this approach and it gets a 9.5 score on the fuck-me-I’m-smart scale). PS. Don’t think I’m gonna sit on facebook executing the lame-ass campaign I came up with, just FYI. Best you hire an intern or something. I’m headed out of nowhereville going straight to the top of this food chain (that’s what the quiz I did on facebook says – you can quote it if you like). PPS. Now that I’m a social media hot-shot, don’t expect me to hang out with y’all ‘traditional creatives’ at Loeries any more. I’ve moved on.

oh, it’s on!

My loyal readers will remember way back to the week before last, when Jenny and I spotted a spelling error in a kitkat URL (we’re that kind of agency) and decided to register the correct spelling, so that we could place a humourous tactical ad there, or something equally thrilling such as a photo of our breasts.

Alas, alack, we never got to upload the photo of our breasts because the guy who owned the incorrectly spelt URL woke up about it, and what followed was a fairly amusing email and hand-made sign exchange.

The debarcle was posted by Seth over at 2oceansvibe, and it seems a certain Ryan has a little beef with us. Actually, a lot of beef with us. He’s started one hell of a comments war, which really only makes it funnier. Love ya, Ryan. Shame, we’ll make you a sign tomorrow, okay?

Jenny and Alex

What could have been.

What could have been.

What I’m reading right now.

Fascinating. Hoping it will heal my family.

Fascinating. Hoping it will heal my family.

The boyfriend is quite demanding.

The boyfriend is quite demanding.

A guide to dealing with client service.

A guide to dealing with client service.

Exploring some new exercise options.

Exploring some new exercise options.

Kidding, kids. These are the new King James Coporate Gifts. You get a blank book, with ‘What’s your Story?’ printed on the front, and 2 reversable dust jackets that you can change according to how badly you feel like shocking people at Vida.

Oooooh, clever.

Oooooh, clever.

agency xmas party report: a few mornings after, to get perspective

wow. so much pressure to be zany and conceptual. it paid off though, because you could walk around the party and not know anyone and spend all night guessing what rock/pop stars people were dressed as and it could pass as genuine and meaningful conversation. some snapshots:

Black Sabbath, A Dead Kennedy and Simple Red.

Black Sabbath, A Dead Kennedy and Simple Red.

Michael Jackson and Gwen Stefani. A collision of extreme personal brands.

Michael Jackson and Gwen Stefani. A collision of extreme personal brands.

The Dirty Skirts and a Sister of Mercy.

The Dirty Skirts and a Sister of Mercy.

Dolly Parton, post breast-reduction. Or, were her breasts actually that big? Feel like the pasts version of big breasts distorts things somewhat.

Dolly Parton, post breast-reduction. Or, were her breasts actually that big? Feel like the past's version of big breasts distorts things somewhat.

The Village People. 2 of them. the other 2 passed out at the pool earlier.

The Village People. 2 of them. the other 2 passed out at the pool earlier.

The Cure (to AIDS).

The Cure (to AIDS).

Mark normally wears a gimp mask to every single party. This year it was Devin Kennedys face blown up huge, x quite a few, as The Dead Kennedies. Creepy? Ya thank?

Mark normally wears a gimp mask to every single party. This year it was Devin Kennedy's face blown up huge, x quite a few, as The Dead Kennedies. Creepy? Ya thank? PLus he didn't take it off all night and the mouth got all soft and pithy.

Sister of Mercy and Ozzy Osbourne.

Sister of Mercy and Ozzy Osbourne.

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss.

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss.

Crowded House.

"Crowded House".

all in all it was a good party. lots of fun happy times. lots of hugs. lots more drinks than Jupiter had. word is that Jupiter handed out 5 drinks vouchers to staff, who had to buy their own drinks once they were done. word is also that they served bread and soup at their party. issokay. sometimes bread and soup can be… wholesome.

************************************************************

I didn’t drink most of the night because after we left the pool they stopped making cocktails and forced me to choose what i wanted to drink. And we all know why that’s very hard for me to do.

trying to come up with a Loeries stage gimmick. need to make a lasting impression in the industry’s inebriated minds.

Under all sorts of pressure right now. The agency xmas party is on Friday and I still don’t have what I need for my beehive, or my satin ballet slippers. Irksome. Been thinking a lot of about Loeries next year. You know when that book The Secret came out and everyone started ‘being positive’ and ‘following the laws of attraction’ and writing affirmations about money in the gratitude journals? Was wondering if the law of attraction applies to awards. Should I imagine a lot of Loeries flying towards me like magnets? Or is that a bit unrealistic.

Maybe if I flap my hands it will call The Loeries to me and my life will be like a advertising remake of Hitchcocks The Birds.

Maybe if I flap my hands it will call The Loeries to me and my life will be like a advertising remake of Hitchcock's 'The Birds'.

Been thinking about what kind of crazy zany antic I can do when I go on stage to collect my gold Loerie award. You know how some really crazy creatives like to do hand-stands when they collect their awards? I need some sort of stage gimmick like that. Some creatives get zany by throwing their panties at the mayor of Margate. Others have lollopped up the stage like monkeys. I’m not feeling like any of these antics really reflects my deeply introspective yet also fun and lighthearted creative nature.

Should i take a giant crusty fake hot dog / banana on stage with me and hump it? Such a big decision for me to make.

Should i take a giant crusty fake hot dog / banana on stage with me and hump it? Such a big decision for me to make.

I could take a fire extinguisher up with me and set it off onstage. Setting off fire extinguishers unnecessarily is pretty kooky, hey?

Maybe I could roll up a banner that says something about how immersed in the industry I am, such as ‘Interns are for mounting’ or ‘Life’s a pitch’. Do you think anyone will notice that I took those sayings from the zany stickers Net#work BBDO made last year? Ppl will probably shout ‘that’s been done before’ because they will be pretty bitter about my gold.

I could reinterpret a South African classic and do the Nik Nak man dance on stage to show ppl how I have an appreciation of all things local and retro. Hopefully the camera will zoom in on my Casio Gold Calculator watch that I got from ShelfLife, and really bring retro to life.

Maybe I should reinvent myself as a retro electronics brand? Is that more meaningful than strapping a retro electronics bag to your wrist? Sometimes always pushing for concept is a lot of work.

Maybe I should reinvent myself as a retro electronics brand? Is that more meaningful than strapping a retro electronics brand to your wrist? Sometimes 'always pushing for concept' is a lot of work.

Maybe I should be more subtle, and wear some Coverse High-Tops with a flouncy ballgown (a visual contradiction / irony / the tension of opposites), thereby telling ppl that even tho I win gold Loeries and wear ballgowns and shiz, I am still able to keep it real in my All Stars, while retaining township cred (important for a white girl).

I would have to practise my nonchalant shrug. Need to keep it real in my All Stars.

I would have to practise my nonchalant shrug. Need to keep it real in my All Stars.

It’s all a bit much to think about right now. Maybe y’ulle have some cool gimmick ideas that you can send me, for which I won’t credit you but will use in order to advance my social standing and industry credibility. Mail me.

How to Not Keep It Real in your All Stars. For shame, this bro is a 90s surf brand, not a retro electronics brand.

How to Not Keep It Real in your All Stars. For shame, this bro is a 90s surf brand, not a retro electronics brand.

thinking of starting an awards show. building a ‘voice of authority and measure of standards’.

feeling the whole awards vibe. adfocus has got me all excited. feel like i want to invent an awards show for ‘great, vibey and rad ideas’. that way i could label everything i do and like as ‘great, vibey and rad’ and everything else as whatever.

it could have a complicated and obscure title like The Capybara Street Pole & Radio Awards and it could focus on those 2 categories only. i could sell adspace at my awards show. and i could accept bribes from people who wanted to be called winners. it would basically be like any other awards show except i would be in charge, which is what would make it great.

i’d probably have to have some sort of disclosure on my judging criteria. the rough draught might look something like this:

– did the idea make people LOL?

– did the idea give people a ready-made opinion that they could use immediately as they go about their daily quest for low G.I. and the iPod with the most memory for their money?

– did the idea creators copy an internet genius and not credit them as the original idea creators, and did it cause a clutch of crusading creatives to get up in arms about it on bizcommunity [mandatory]?

– did the idea namedrop any famous SA tech bloggers so as to maximise Afrigator and Muti ratings?

– did the idea come into this world on some unknown foreign college kid’s blog as a drunken karaoke video with ‘untapped viral value’?

– is the idea available for download, and did they make a facebook app that you can forward to friends on their superwalls?

– does the idea come with a press pack for easy understanding on behalf of the awards writers in a word doccie so they can cut and paste and have ready-made content for their website and make them seem like they know what they are talking about?

****************************************************************************

not very inspired about sussing out awards criteria. maybe i can just get a part time job handing out awards on stage at various events. i could be the ashley hayden of advertising, and i’d keep my upper body completely stiff like a robot so viewers on tv question whether i am actually real.

The Face of The Loeries. Miss those days when you used to hand out grand prixes on tv.

The Face of The Loeries. Miss those days when you used to hand out grand prixes on tv.

****************************************************************

“An Ad Man measures his contribution to society and his weight as a person of integrity by the number of guilded roaring wild feline friends adorning the shelf above the photocopy machine. ” -Bill Bernback