Category Archives: on the move

Dear “friends”.

Talking at 27 Dinners tonight. And they’re picking me up in this. Yes, a 6-star limousine. Suck it up. Smoke-machines and Playstations, come to mama.

Oh you drive yourself to your speaking engagements? I guess we can't be friends anymore. Think of this as 'the moment I transcended'. Miss u.

found: A Wild Book

found a book that had been ‘released into the wild’ yesterday. no jokes. see for yourself:

I found it at Vida in Wembley Square while going for our morning dose. Mark and I had a scuffle over it and (obviously) I won.

I went to and filled in its details and it seems the book has travelled from Coffee Bean in Rondebosch, to Sinnful Ice Cream Parlour in Camps Bay, and now to Vida Wembley. Riveting in a small-town kind of way.

I guess now I’m supposed to read it and then ‘unleash’ it once more. Hmm. Maybe if it was the new Lauren Beukes I’d think about it, but am starting to feel like life’s too short to read books that might be good?

A tribute to Space Bat.

Because a bat who launches himself into space deserves to be remembered.

Because not everyone believes as much in their personal branding strategy as Space Bat.

Because should you be so lucky to know a bat like this in your lifetime, you should get down on your knees and prays the lawd.

Space Bat: We Salute You.

moving house. again.

2007 was a record moving year for me. i moved 17 million times. half the time i was moving across the country between my wine farm in Cape Town and the gold mine I inherited in Joburg. the rest of the time i was micro-moving within Joburg and Cape Town, on an eternal quest for A Place to Call Home. now, i am looking to move again. and since i have done this so many times, i feel qualified to write a generalised but fairly accurate guide to moving house in the 2 cities i call home.


How to Move House in Joburg:

1. Get hold of paper, decide what you’re looking for, peruse paper, find endless affordable and beautifully renovated options, select one you like most, rent. Live happily ever after. The End.


How to Move House in Cape Town:

1. Get into fistfight with bergies on way to find CapeAds vendor. Buy CapeAds, fork out half your salary for cup of coffee at pricey yet trendy coffee shop in Gardens while you go through paper holding thumbs.

2. Find options that are kind of right, but never exactly what you’re looking for. You pick your battles: BICs vs. security vs. fitted stove vs. view of a vacant parking lot. Decide which ‘feature’ is going to be least soul-destroying.

3. Settle for option that sounds least crap. Call estate agent, maintain smile while she treats you like a bergie and judges your shoes (these are 9 West, i’ll have you know. f-off. you’re an estate agent, not The Queen Mother. though you kind of look like Jabba the Hut.)

4. Make appointment to see flat. Lovingly run your hand over the nicotine-stained walls and stop and smell the faeces in the corner. Tell estate agent this wasn’t really what you had in mind. You were thinking maybe a view. Maybe freshly painted walls. Maybe less cockcroaches. Definitely less starving mothers breast-feeding wide-eyed babies in the hallways.

5. Courageously maintain smile while estate agent kicks you in the shins, insults your mother and calls you an ungrateful wretch. Wince (you have now learnt) while estate agent asks you what you expect, since this is Cape Town, and actually Nigerian Drug Lords are fantastic neighbours because criminals are too scared to break in.

6. Consider her point for a second before politely thanking her and speeding home so you can cry into your 300 thread count percale pillow while rocking back and forth, staring at your view of garden’s centre, wondering why it has to be this way. Why, oh why. Drink a bottle of meths because whisky won’t make you forget fast enough. Repeat entire process the next day for 6 months. Decide to move back to Joburg. The End.


Just looking for a clean, quiet place I can love into a home. Buffalo roaming optional. Security and off-street parking a must.

Just looking for a clean, quiet place I can love into a home. Buffalo roaming optional. Security and off-street parking a must.

PS. as you may have gathered, i’m looking for a new home. Either a bachelor / one-bedroomed place, fully or semi-furnished. Must be clean and secure. Preferably close to Gardens. I am not averse to sharing a place with someone chilled who works full time. Sharing prevents hermiting, which is a good thing. If you hear about anything special, mail me:

why people don’t get much done in Cape Town





i’m on The Grid

so roundabout monday one of my twitter pals sends this:

“SMS the word ‘Grid’ to 33313 to get an invite’.

doesn’t sound exciting if you live under a rock, but i got pretty amped and started flapping around the office as i normally do about new technology, and everyone just ignored me, as they normally do when i do this. but truth is Vodacom’s offering to the SNS (social networking site) market is not only cool, it’s a first in that it tracks where you are in relation to your friends. here’s what they say about it (believe the site went public on Friday):

“When you use TheGRID it immediately shows your approximate position on a street map. This is done by utilising network-positioning systems that map the location of your cellphone. If you are signed-in, the profiles of your friends in your immediate area will be displayed, allowing you to share content with them in a number of different ways.
TheGRID users can leave “blogs” around the city: virtual notes to share experiences with other users, for example, a review of a meal at a restaurant. These notes may include anything from basic text messages to photos and even video clips. TheGRID will also show users which of their friends are in the area – they are then able to make contact with them through IM, and, for example, invite them to lunch.”

their official site can be found here.

i’d recommend signing up, you’ll only really get the benefit of this kind of thing if all your friends and associates are on it. you can also use it as a personal navigation system – came in quite handy for me twice this weekend. go forth and embrace the future, south africa. happy stalking.

more wine on the move

arniston bay


looks like the cloop – as the sound of a cork leaving the bottle is called – is soon going to be one of those things we tell our kids about while they look at us funny. here’s some new packaging for arniston bay and versus.