Category Archives: viral

Psychographic Profile: I am a Client Looking To Capitalise On Social Media

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
To be honest, I don’t know WTF I’m doing.
Went to some talk,
Where there was some chick,
Talking about ‘conversations not campaigns’,
She made some good points ,
She was quite hot,
Think I’m just gonna start a facebook group and ‘see how it goes’.

Back in Advertisings Heyday. Miss u

Back in 'Advertising's Heyday'. Miss u

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media ,
I just joined this site called ‘Twitter’.
Have y’all heard of it?
Not really sure what the point is,
It’s kind of like I’m talking to myself,
“Just trying to get the hang of this Twitter thing”.
I got my first follower today,
Some chick who sells Britney Spears Sex Tapes,
Guess everyone’s trying to ‘push their brand’ on Twitter,
Everyone’s an entrepreneur on the internet.

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

Hey There, Thanks for the follow!

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I’m fucking sick of these little social media brats
Who come into my office with their ‘netbooks’,
And their “keynote”,
And their mobile marketing statistics,
And get their buddies to ‘tweet at me’,
And tell me ‘agencies don’t get digital’.
You know what agencies DO get? Sales.
These little social media brats know nothing about business,
About the bottom line,
Show me my ROI you little shits,
And then I’ll assign you a PO,
You little brat.
I’ve fucking built a branded empire,
And you’ve built a blog.
I’d buy and sell your blog tomorrow,
Except all you blog about is social-fucking-media.
Fuck.

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who I am?

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
But I’m not into this whole ‘logging in’ thing.
Besides facebook is blocked at my office,
Because my staff spend too much time on it
When they should be focusing on their targets.
Can’t I just pay you to do it for me?
Can’t you just start a facebook group?
Can’t I pay you to write my blog? Can’t be too much work?
Or what are these new things? ‘Fan pages’.
My son says ‘fan pages’ are the new thing.
Yes, my son keeps me up to date with this ‘social media stuff’
He’s 14, so he’s very in touch with ‘what’s cool’.
He also hates my guts so our family shrink recommended we ‘bond over his love for technology’.
Can you do my facebook page?

Sure Ill run your blog.

Sure I'll run your blog.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
I’m sick of spending too much money on TV ads,
Only to be outdone by our competitor brands ,
Who spent double on their TV ad,
Sucks.
Just wanted be named the Sunday Times Markinor Marketer of the Year,
So decided 2 do a ‘viral campaign’,
Hired that Zany New Media Social Word of Marketing company,
They came up with this social media ‘touchpoint plan’,
But some chick reported us to twitter.
Said we were “spamming” her.
Guess we got a little overzealous with the DMs,
Just wanted to get to a million followers soooooo bad.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

Watch me do this dance about our new offering.

I am a client-looking-to-capitalise-on-social-media,
And I am scared.
The race is on for a best practise model,
And I have no fucking clue how to develop one.
Should have stayed in sales,
At least I got a commission,
This is just a mission,
Gonna go get lunch and stuff myself since I gave up smoking and drinking after my 1st bypass.
So scared y’all,
So scared.

Anybody out there?

Hello?


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Close encounters with the TBG while brainstorming

See kids? THIS is what can happen if you get into advertising. You work late nights without being paid overtime. You present endless options on ideas, and they all get bombed for whatever reason. You get harangued for being on the internet ‘when you should be working’. You mooch around Wembley Square for hours on end, “brainstorming”.  And then the TBG walks in, and makes it all worthwhile.

And suddenly everything is wonderful.

And suddenly everything is wonderful.

Read more about similarly inspiring encounters with TBG here.

Is Swineflu the new Crocs?

Wonder if they will send me home from work if i wear Crox.

Wonder if they will send me home from work if i wear Crox.

So eeeeeeveryone in gladvertising is buzzing about Swineflu – ‘did you hear? Ogilvy has 2 cases’ – etc etc. Makes me wonder why nobody learnt their lesson through Crocs / Von Zipper (the quicker the rise of a fad brand the harder the fall). Hope Swineflu’s marketing team realise that they may be getting loads of attention now, but in a month or so nobody will give a shit about your illness, just like what happened to AIDS / HIV / Ed Hardy, or they will be making jokes about your virus.

Cover your eyes when viewing to prevent contamination.

Cover your eyes when viewing to prevent contamination.


Hope the rest of y’ulle innovators are ‘spotting the opportunity’ in this ‘crisis’ (hey remember the Red Bull-cocaine ‘crisis’? Apparently they sold double what they normally do while it was peaking). There are loads of opps for smarty pants out there, for example, ‘getting the Swineflu’ (10 days off work no questions asked), ‘saying you think you’re getting Swineflu’ (getting sent home by para boss), ‘staying home in case you get the Swineflu from work’ (if you work at Ogilvy), ‘making viral ads’ (if you work anywhere else).

Should I eat of the Moonfruit?

I’m a human. A social being. So whenever other humans do something, I get all frenzied and scared I’m missing out and am sure to copy them right away, and then do my research on the topic later. Right now everyone’s hash-tagging #moonfruit in their tweets, which is kind of like forwarding that mail about penis enlargement to all your friends. Love it when my friends spam me. Makes me feel closer to them.

Just want 2 win a MacBook Pro. Will basically do anything for Mac products.

Just want 2 win a MacBook Pro. Will basically do anything for Mac products.

Should I hashtag moonfruit? What is a moonfruit? Sounds like something Alanis Morissette would use to describe her vajayjay. Does hash-tagging a brand on twitter have a negative effect on your personal brand? I kind of think it makes ppl look ‘desperate’ and poor, not rly the kind of ppl I would choose to win my competition (oh did I say it was a lucky draw? Oops).

Howling at the moonfruit.

Howling at the moonfruit.

I guess ppl who hash-tag to enter competitions see poverty as being a glam part of their personal brands. Much like the ppl who drop out of college and get jobs at Royale see waittressing and ‘struggling through life’ as glam. I think the poverty-as-glam trend is a negative trend, because the truth is that we are in a recession, and we should be aspiring to more. Dunno. Just a thought.

The MoonFruitDanceTM

The MoonFruitDanceTM

“And the dogs were barking at the new moonfruit

whistling a new tune

hoping it would come soon

so that they could die.”

–    Nelly Retardo, popculture embracifist

bibliotheque online TV

creepy, but it made me watch it 3 times.


buying a new phone. feeling ‘depressed’. i think.

Hey y’ulle. Feeling a little weirded out. Think I’ve lost touch with how I really feel. When I feel something, I’m not sure I’m feeling it because of something inside me, or whether I am being influenced by external factors, such as a viral online marketing campaign. Doesn’t thousands of people singing a Beatles’ song all together make you feel depressed? The following video is NOT for sensitive viewers.


I’m about to buy a new phone, but when I contemplate my future holding an iPhone / BlackBerry / HTC, I don’t feel thrilled and elated, like I should. I feel empty and meaningless, like I’m just a small part of one massive augmented reality campaign brought to you buy KingSaatchilvyCB, sponsored by ExclusiveWorthBookwords.

The cycle of life (you might remember this from elementary school biology).

The cycle of life (you might remember this from elementary school biology).

Wouldn’t really be surprised if ‘life as we know it’ is one big augmented reality campaign, brought to you by the Apple superbrand.

Guess the trick is to break out of ‘modern day emotional constraints’ by doing something meaningful, like going for a hike up the mountain, or ‘picking up the phone’ and talking to someone.  Maybe there are even more meaningful things to be done, like ‘imagining rocket-powered unicorns’ or ‘imagining water-melon boats’. I don’t really get this whole ‘imagining’ thing tho. Will maybe get my teenage brother to make a rocket-powered unicorn app for facebook for my phone, or something.

How wonderful life could be.

How wonderful life could be.

Truly spiffy.

Truly spiffy.

How am I supposed to tell whether I really feel something or not?
Should I post how I feel in my SpaceBook status so as to get sympathy from those of my friends who are drawn to a victim? Or should I conceptualise an integrated campaign on twitter that will ‘generate buzz’ about user-generated emotions?


Wish I could upload emotions and share them with my friends. Not sure my online friends ‘get’ emotions though. Guess if my emotions fell into one of the following categories it would be fine: 1) Sober or 2) Wasted.

OR

OR

OR

————————————————————————————————————-

BONUS ‘wasted’ 4 YOU: CONGRATS YOU ARE THE 14 BILLIONTH VIEWER OF THIS POST.  please accept this pic of 2 wasted chicks kissing. wish you were here.

Will I really not feel better if I buy a phone that is more expensive than I can afford? Think I must be ‘depressed’. Guess I have identified an ’emotional niche’ that can be exploited for capital gains. Will open up my depression as a media space for ads to buy as soon as I can get out of bed. Will use the revenue I generate to buy my new phone. Hope I will be able to appreciate my new phone now that I’ve actually had to work for something in my life.

is this a good ‘viral’ ad for MacDonalds?

hey y’ulle. been thinking a lot lately about viral. and ‘content’. about “the nature of the beast”. been doing some doodles on notepads. i found this video:

what do y’ulle think? Give it a rating out of 5, 5 being very’fwdable/extreme viralability. maybe this isn’t even viral and but rather the evolution / next step in personal branding? feel like i’ve got lots to think about.