Tag Archives: advertising agency

What should I go as to the Agency Halloween party?

Is the agency Halloween Party on Friday. Have pre-filled my timesheets with work so I can ‘get lunch at Garden’s Centre’ while picking up a l’il something a Party Tricks / Mardi Gras / Tinka Tonka Toys. Feel like I rly need 2 ‘bring it’ this yr since the USA took Halloween to a whole new level (via Noah Cyrus aka Miley’s sister aged 9)
Is okay y'als, I'm Christian. The Lord made my body in his image.
Could always recycle my Amy Winehouse costume from the xmas party but will risk creatives saying ‘it’s been done b4’. Dress code is ‘your baddest self’ which is kinda vague (via PR organising a party & not rly getting the idea of “single-minded messaging”).

Fond xmas party memories.

Considering ‘showing some tit’ via saying I’m “dressed as Client Service”, but worried no one will ask me what I’m dressed as (via thinking I rly am Client Service) & will have to drop the words I AM CLIENT SERVICE into casual conversation while ppl stare at my tits & don’t listen 2 what I am saying. Is quite catch-22. Very confused. Will draw a graph.

A graphical representation of the 'excuse 2 dress like a slag' Halloween trend

Don’t rly understand my graph. What are y’ulz gonna be this Halloween? Mike Schalit? John Farqhar? Brian Searle-Tripp? (miss u BST).

Thinking about ‘breaking out’ y’ulle.

Been preoccupied lately. Have so much to think about.

Been preoccupied lately. Have so much to think about.

I am an art director / copywriter
But I feel like my talents are not being used to my full potential
See, I have vision.
I am an all-round creative,
But I have been pigeon-holed as a crayon hugger / wordbird,
And I’m just not down with that shiz.
When I was at high school, I got the writing AND the art AND the drama prize,
Now, no one even knows that I can sing,
Even though I always monopolise the microphone at agency karaoke parties,
Despite the drunk sluts who try steal it to sing ‘Lady Marmalade’.
Just want people to know who I really am.
Sooooooo sick of it.

I am like the caged cheetah who chews its own paw off.

I am like the caged cheetah who chews its own paw off.

Had a deep chat with my friend last night.
We drank some wine, smoked some pot and imagined a perfect world,
Where we creatives could work together collaboratively,
And just make cool stuff,
Which made me decide to ‘break out’.
Gonna put together a Flickr site of some of my Lomo photos,
And become a film /commercials director / photographer.
I know it’s gonna be hard,
Gonna start right at the bottom again,
Will be a bitch since I now have a middle-management salary,
But you can’t put a price on creative expression,
Even if for everything else there’s Mr Card.
It’s going to be so great, working for myself,
Just me and a producer,
Making sweet black and white movies,
Taking wide-angle stills of my friends at parties,
Desaturating everything,
Living off one job for 6 months,
And not putting any money aside for tax.
I’m gonna be my own boss.

New business pitch - my way.

New business pitch - my way.

But-
Now that it’s morning and the weed is finished,
The idea doesn’t seem so great anymore.
At least the filter coffee is free at work,
Man, I have such a headache,
At least they have free panados at work,
I think I’m getting sick,
Should maybe see a doctor,
It could be ‘swine flu’,
So glad my work pays 1/3 of my medical aid.
Maybe I’ll break out and become a director next year.
Just about to pay off my car anyway,
So glad I get a car allowance from my work.
Heard you can just ‘claim back everything from tax’ if you’re freelance
But don’t really know how that stuff works.
Things get kind of fuzzy when people talk about ‘tax returns’.
I just wanna make cool stuff.
Gonna go home and open some wine and smoke a joint.

I have a lot of things to think about.

I have a lot of things to think about.

Feel so relaxed at home,
Wish I could work here always.
Maybe I should go freelance
Maybe I should start a ‘street design trendwatching’ agency
Maybe I should become a full-time illustrator
Maybe I should import cushions from China and ‘focus on money’
Maybe I should ‘start the next Melissa’s’
Maybe I should start a band
Want to make my music happen for me
Going to finish my book
Gonna enter the Fox Network animation competition
But maybe tomorrow.
Way too stoned to do it now.
Gonna rather chill on my balcony and stare at table mountain,
And make a list of what I’m gonna do.

Need some time to think.

Need some time to think.

Sick of ppl underestimating me.

Im more than just an art director, okay.

I'm more than 'just an art director' okay.

Look. I’ve decided to GMFST (Get My Fucking Shit Together). Have had enough sitting in the corner being ‘the agency’s quirky designer who knows online’. I’m gonna develop my niche and show my employers I know my shit. Gonna campaign for a promotion, and gonna do that by sending out mails about ‘measuring social media’ to make the older ppl in the agency shit their pants and realise how invaluable I am.

Step 1: Scour some sites for relevant articles. Maybe follow some links on twitter.
Step 2: Copy gist of article into a mail and provide a link, knowing no one will click the link and will assume I wrote the article even tho I di’int.
Step 3: Send to allstaff with Subject that makes most people in agency feel like they don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, and don’t want to know, hence will recommend me to be responsible for anything vaguely related to social media.
Step 4: Get raise.

Ill never be afraid. Not even of the nasty writers who reply to my mails saying Im a dupe.

I'll never be afraid. Not even of the nasty writers who reply to my mails saying I'm a conartist.

Cha-ching bitches! (Just did a SIM-Alexa-Twitta-rater test on this approach and it gets a 9.5 score on the fuck-me-I’m-smart scale). PS. Don’t think I’m gonna sit on facebook executing the lame-ass campaign I came up with, just FYI. Best you hire an intern or something. I’m headed out of nowhereville going straight to the top of this food chain (that’s what the quiz I did on facebook says – you can quote it if you like). PPS. Now that I’m a social media hot-shot, don’t expect me to hang out with y’all ‘traditional creatives’ at Loeries any more. I’ve moved on.

“I like big brands and I cannot lie.”

Counting 1 x cringe for every laugh. thanks Chris.

voting special: MyBrandedVoteTM

Nandos work by Black River JHB (thanks @thecopyninja)

Nando's work by Black River JHB (thanks @thecopyninja)

Nando’s goodness (via 10and5), not forgetting this ad ripping of Julius Malema (head of the ANC Youth League, famous for using Hitler as inspiration for his personal brand).


That’s apparently done by a small agency called Stick. URL anyone? We’re still waiting for Julius Malema to ‘take militant action’ against Nando’s.  And then there’s this fantastic collection of election posters also at 10and5 (check it out, it’s hilarious) where you can see this ‘good shepherd’:

I need a hug.

"I need a hug."

and many many more, all here.


should i sell my personal brand?

so Jupiter sold just under half their company to WPP, which owns every ad agency on the planet that those other 2 big holding companies don’t. I’ll bet shareholders at Jupiter had a grand old day and maybe went out and bought 10 Porsches and Damien Hirst’s Diamond Skull to celebrate. that’s cool. it takes something special to make a place named after a big gassy planet work.

Hi, Im a Jupiter Shareholder and Im so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. Im very dedicated to my health.

"Hi, I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and I'm so rich I only drink water that collects in the cup of the rare Eagle Moon Orchid that flowers once a year. I'm very dedicated to my health."

Hi Im a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid.

"Hi I'm a Jupiter Shareholder and this is my car. I keep it this white by washing it with water collected from the petals of the rare Moon Eagle Orchid."

In light of this deal, I’m considering accepting WPP’s proposal to buy my personal brand. i guess it would be quite a mission because i would have to be audited, and then ‘placed under review’. I’d have to freeze my assets and bonuses and standardise the salary increase i give myself every few days. this might be a problem since i am of the ‘old school’ that believes in living fast and dancing in the rain like no one is watching tomorrow, so my assets are ethereal things, ideals, really. has anyone ever had their ideals audited? does it involve a written questionnaire? I am not very into multiple choice.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students singing the song, thinking this is the life d) freelance film directors brainstorming at Royale.

The people in this photo are a) art directors b) copywriters with iPhoto c) advertising students 'singing the song, thinking this is the life' d) AFDA students brainstorming at Royale.

I sure wish I was a Jupiter shareholder right now. i would mos def exceed my daily withdrawal limit / electronic transfer limit / inter-account transfer limit. I’d stroll down the road and buy the Fat Cactus. And then burn it to the ground. I’d burn R200 notes in front of my middle-class friends, so that they understand that i have matured and am no longer the same person i was in high school. sometimes friends tend to see you as the gawky, pimpled fat person you were when you met in high school. burning money would probably cement my new identity as ‘one of the top 100 rich ppl in Southafricanland’, and it would might make them fear me slightly and therefore be nicer to me because that’s what true friendship is all about.

Its not about doing the fan for your facebook profile pic.

True friendship: It's not about 'doing the fan' for your facebook profile pic.

has a holding company ever bought a personal brand before? I know that deals like this have to be very ‘carefully structured’ and stuff like that. things i would insist in my contract would include:

– I would retain 51% ownership so that when the time came to diss one of my friends / pull out of a party i committed to / buy a new pair of All Stars, I would have control over who was dissed / whether I excuse myself via SMS or just not pitch / which colour or hi-top vs. ankle jacks.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

Wanna be free to hang out in my bedroom while my friends take photos of me lying against my bed with my All Stars casually positioned strategically.

– I would be able to insist that 50% of my friends and all people who approach me with free drinks and offers of sex at The Assembly / poke me on facebook / add me on myspace / @MyBrandedLifeTM me on Twitter are all black because black peeps are notoriously cooler than whites or coloured or any other ethnicity. Also black peeps will enhance my street cred and will result in possible collaborations with other strong personal brands like Eminem / Dr Dre / Whoopi Goldberg.

A black person. Cooler than youll ever be.

A black person. Cooler than you'll ever be.

Black people 4 eva.

Black people 4 eva.

– I would work some sort of automatic Jewishness into the contract because it’ll stand me in good business stead, plus it’ll hopefully bring body to my very straight, very uncurly hair. Always wanted wavy, curly hair. Even willing to drop my GHD endorsement for it.

– A permanent spot at the front of the Woolies queue. Nothing is more devastating to my PB than the reflection of myself in the Woolies plexiglass, kicking my basket of Fat Free White Peach Yoghurt and Chuckles forward in front of me, as I inch closer to the till.

Double points on my Vida card every time I swipe. Am kind of tired of buying 7 cups of coffee a day so I can get a free coffee every Friday. Paying for Vida is kind of what plebby City Varsity Students who have just discovered Vida do. Feel like I’m beyond this. Pls organise.

Somebody to write and think of cool stuff for my contract because this is getting boring.

****************************************************************

question: do y’ulle think it’s hypocritical to build an agency and call it ‘independent’ and then sell it for loads of $$$$$$? some ppl who live in the comments of this article think so. i kind of don’t know what the point of being creative for other ppl is if you don’t make $$$$$$$$$. ya know?

Using your god-given talents to make people who are not you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear. - The richest oppenheimer

"Using your god-given talents to make people who are not-you rich is like shooting yourself in the nose to spite your ear." - The richest oppenheimer

***************************************************************

Sub-topic: The Money Effect

A study into consumer / employee behaviour by Alex van Tonder.

Insight: People feel happy and free to be productive and amazing and fulfilled and valued and inspired to reach unchartered territories and be loyal when you pay them lots of $$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

Recommendation: Pay the ppl you like most lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$ and give them Macbooks.

****************************************************************

See how simple life is? Oh, what’s that? You want me to run your company? Send your proposal of my employment contract to alex@mybrandedlife.com.


seen around town: random hate speech

not really. these were from Halloween drinks at Jupiter a few weeks ago. nostalgia vibes. the interns made them. you can’t hold it against them, except when they come job-hunting. mail me for their names.

The Living Dead.

The Living Dead.

Isnt this their logo anyway?

Isn't this their logo anyway?

Werewolves.

I'm dating one of these so nothing bad to say here.


Ballad for David Ogilvy

I’m just going to withhold judgement on this and let you watch it.

Louis Armstrong made me do it.

this just went out to allstaff:

Hi everyone

Over a few days, over the next few weeks, we are going to be bringing a little bit of melody into our working environment.

We ran an ill-fated trial a couple of Fridays ago, but my optimistic sense is that the complainants were the more vocal, and so before we had time to really evaluate, the wires were cut. I missed the entire drama altogether!

The music will be discreet (in terms of volume) and the final decision as to whether it stays or goes will be determined by popular choice. I will run the poll personally with  [Finance Director] verifying my arithmetic. (Please note that this does not mean I am asking for comment prior to the end of the test!)

The choice of music however, will be entirely autocratic I.e. [Managing Director’s] Collection.

Before you jump to your conclusion, change can be difficult I know, I ask that you give it some time. Although at the outset, it might seem intrusive, I am hoping that over time that it will fade into acceptable?

[Deputy Managing Director]

*************************************************************************************

hmm. this should be interesting. do you have music playing over the speakers where you work? (note: i am only really interested in your response if you work for Google, who manages to keep its employees the way a premenstrual IBS sufferer retains water.)

*************************************************************************************

i remember the first round of this experiment, as mentioned in the mail. it was a Friday afternoon, and the office was gearing up for its usual themed friday afternoon bash. when all of a sudden, a dreadful wailing erupted through the airconditioning ducts. within seconds, we evacuated the building the way we’d been told to in case of fire or bomb threat. an innocent error, but clearly management sees a benefit to knocking up the general noise levels a notch or 2. stay tuned to see how this pans out…

Practising my get away in case the agency decides to play SlipKnot. The last thing we need is some intern coming to work with a sword.

Practising my getaway dance just in case the agency decides to play SlipKnot. The last thing we need is some intern coming to work with a sword and the desperately need to 'get a campaign passed while still at college'.

there’s no ‘i’ in team; there’s no internet connection at a rugby stadium

on friday we all got chased out of the studio and told to meet at a door on the side of the Newlands Rugby Stadium. for those of you who abhorr rugby as much as myself, this was a bit like being told to meet at the Red Door in Woodstock. not that i know what the Red Door is. maybe it was Yellow Door?

above the rules.

Mallix: above the rules.

anyway, we were taken into the bowels of Newlands, and treated to a career peptalk that went something like, Work Harder, Win More Awards, Make Ideas That People Notice, Win More Awards. which got us all really inspired, so we ran out onto the field and practised our ambition lunges:

Ambition lunges are a very if not THE most important part of your workout, so be sure to factor them into your training schedule.

Ambition lunges are a very if not THE most important part of your workout, so be sure to factor them into your training schedule.

fair enough. What i enjoyed most was being exposed to what the JDR Creative Directors believe to be legendary work. all too often you get used to work getting bombed or approved, but you don’t really know what appeals to the people approving your work. Jo showed us a lot of fashion-related ideas. Ross showed us some of the old Musica work, which was simple but great. And Livio showed us this really long video about Ferrari… (No he di’nt!) Yes, he did.

Random picture of rugby stadium so you can pretend you were there.

Random picture of rugby stadium so you can pretend you were there.

once we’d been inspired, we were all tasked with brainstorming a billboard for Hyundai, along the lines of 2010 if we felt so inclined. watching a bunch of indoorsy creative types pitter-pattering-cigarette-puffering around an empty rugby stadium did bring the LOLs a bit. then, we all painted our ideas up on a giant canvas that was set up inside.

Pushed to our limits by the introduction of unconventional scamping media.

Pushed to our limits by the introduction of unconventional scamping media.

Our staid ways of conveying ideas are obliterated as we adjust to this new way of communicating with those judging our work.

Our staid ways of conveying ideas are obliterated as we adjust to this new way of communicating with those judging our work.

Jarred gets fully into it while everyone else gets into the butternut samoosas.

Jarred gets fully into it while everyone else gets into the butternut samoosas.

Good times, good times.