Tag Archives: advertising school

Psychographic Profile: I am an intern

I am an intern,
And I take myself very seriously.
I go to an expensive advertising school,
Where they teach me to be a designer and an art director and a copywriter and a marketer and a client service person,
And when I graduate,
I will be the most amazing advertising being,
And you will all bow down to me
And my Cre8ive Recreation sneakers,
That I bought on sale
At Poppa Trunks
(which is more of a T-shirt store than a sneaker store, just FYI)

I am an intern,
And I am frustrated.
How am I supposed to show off my genius
When the internet doesn’t even work in this sh*thole agency
(oops – did I say that aloud?)
Also no one is telling me how to work the frikkin’ printer,
What do you expect me to just ‘figure it out myself’?
What kind of a show is this?

I am an intern.
I’m giving up my holiday so I can be ‘assured of a job’,
So just shut up about the rece$$ion because rece$$ions only affect mediocre people,
And I am not mediocre bro.
I am the top of my class
(why else would I be here?)
All my lecturers say I’m brilliant,
I even have ‘genius’ written across my portfolio
(Just as a joke, but I actually really mean it),
And my lecturer also says I will suit a ‘creative’ agency
More than a corporate one,
Even though my lecturer says  I am versatile enough to handle both.

I am an intern.
The senior copywriter teases me.
I frikking hate her, stupid bitch.
She thinks she is soooo smart,
Always cracking her sarcastic jokes.
I’ll show her, I’ll put her in her place.
I’ll say
“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit”
even though she’s actually using irony
(my writing course wasn’t that in-depth).
I’ll just call her on it,
And she’ll know who she’s dealing with.

I am an intern.
Just wish I could graduate and start working already.
I’m sick of pretend,
I’m ready for the real world.
Just wanna get out there and make some ads.
Am sooooooooo frustrated,
And the frikking internet is soooo slow,
Facebook won’t frikking upload pictures.
Gonna text my friend and invite him to the bar
And pretend I ‘own this joint’,
And offer him beer as if it is my own

I am an intern
Where’s. My. Desk.

what if…?

i recently turned down a Dream Job. the position involved flying around the world, to any and all destinations, blogging about it and creating an online jetsetter personality. insane, right? i know. i turned it down simply because i had already accepted another version of Dream Job, which is slightly less glamourous sounding, but i had accepted it, and i need to know that when i say i’m going to do something, it means i’m really gonna do it. still, declining Dream Job was very hard, and it got me thinking…

…what if i had never gone to ad school. what would i have become? would i be painting smudgey pieces by day and dressing up like a free-spirited-but-stylish-in-a-kooky-way-scenester and hitting up parties at The Waiting Room or The Assembly with my air gun? threatening my nice friends who are just there to take photos of my great sense of fashion?

Photo from We-are-awesome.com

Gun-wielding Photo from We-are-awesome.com

or maybe i would have been a doctor, healing the sick, sewing up wounds with precision and detachment, using my vast sense of compassion to help others?

The Smart But Offbeat Eccentric Chick Doctor, Always Pranking Her Colleagues But Always On Time For Heart Surgery.

I imagine my Doctor Personality to be: The Smart But Offbeat Eccentric Chick Doctor, Always Pranking Her Colleagues But Always On Time For Heart Surgery.

maybe i would have been a secretary working for some high powered business dude who would make me pick up his kids and buy them wholesome low GI lunches? or maybe i would be like Maggie Gyllenhaal in that movie where she gets spanked the whole time and does her filing in handcuffs? maybe i would sing to my boss in a statement-making stripey top and slap him around a bit?

Working 9 to 5.... working 9 to 5....Working 9 - 7...Working late again...

"Working 9 to 5.... working 9 to 5...."

maybe i would have been a model. i would have stopped eating at the age of 20, and my bones would have become weak and there would be fluff growing all over my body but i would be HOT and i would have an equally physically ailing HOT model boyfriend and we could have kept each other company in our autumn years from the age of 25 – 30, when we both finally die from fashion overdoses and ‘the pressure of having to look good’.

its the modern way.

We'd have fights about how being next to one another makes the other feel less hot. Low-cal love: it's the modern way.

maybe i would have been a full time mommy, probably not married because i met the father of my kid during student night at Tiger Tiger and my mom would kick me out and i would live above a convenience store in Obz with another couple in their broom cupboard, suckling my piglet.

You want to Rap Battle.

M.I.A. getting fertile hipsters totally amped about their potential to bloom in pregnancy. Q: How do you know you are pregnant? A: You want to Rap Battle.

i think there will always be times when we wonder, “What if…?” but it’s important to realise that life-purpose-indecision can create a lot of confusion on behalf of the people trying to relate to you, like your friends, colleagues, bosses, etc. if you do have moments where you think you should have done or been someone else, you should just keep them to yourself rather than making everyone nervous around you with your big dreams. Expressing your innermost desires isn’t really socially accepted, despite what people who ‘love’ you might say. Instead, you should make like me and start a blog – it really works. for real yo. Living the dream. Living the dream.