Tag Archives: aids

getting to grips with recent paranormal political activity – please email through any sightings or information you may have

so there’s some sTrAnGe things happening in Southafricaland. Um, basically overnight we’ve got a new president. his name is… er… hang on i have never heard of him before so i need to do some research… Kgalema Motlanthe. yes. that guy. this is what he looks like:

Kgalema Mot-Mot is on the left. The guy on the right is the politician everyone makes fun of the whole time.

Kgalema Molanthe is on the left. The guy on the right is the politician everyone makes fun of the whole time.

first things first, that’s a major mouthful of a name for a president. it doesn’t roll of the tongue the way Mandela or Mbeki does. so he needs a nickname – I’m going to Christen him unofficially as The Mothman Prophecy from now on. because he is a bit like a Mothman Prophecy – he emerged from the deep ANC forest in a way that can only be described as science-fiction / paranormal activity.

this article about him says he digs the Broederbond. FYI, this is like a secret boys club that was a big part of the Apartheid regime. The Mothman Prophecy says he thinks they knew what they were doing. that’s quite weird because i thought we didn’t want things to be like apartheid, but anyhooooo… maybe that is just part of his hotheaded youth.

he also used to be down with that whole weirdness about HIV not causing AIDS… do you think there’s any link between a country who’s ex and current president questions whether HIV causes AIDS and the fact that 1/3 of the country is dying of AIDS? just a question…it says he has changed his Mothmind.

anyway this is a really long article, and even though i am educated it’s taking a lot out of me just to find out who exactly this Mothman Prophecy is, the president of Southafricaland. so i skipped to the end of the article and it says no one has anything bad to say about him in the ANC, and that both the Mbeki peeps and the Zuma ones like him. which is cool. it sucks when no one likes the president. i felt a pang in my heart watching the ANC be mean to thabo mbeki.

Go well Thabo. You should start a new party up with Helen Zille. It can be the United Educated Front.

Hamba kahle Thabo. You should start a new party up with Helen Zille. It can be the United Educated Front.

In my youth I used to be very politically hotblooded, and I might have blogged passionately ALL IN CAPS about What This Means. in my old age though i have calmed down somewhat and am only really concerned with 2 things:

1) how am i going to explain this to all my online friends? (seriously, they won’t understand) and

2) how is this affecting my own personal brand indirectly (ie. I am a Southafricalander, how do people perceive me now)?

i won’t bother with question 1 since that is the purpose of this post, but i will address question 2. the political instability could make people think i am stressed out and unstable, like my country. they could also see me as someone who does things with little regard for other people’s feelings, like my country’s leadership party. to answer my question, i guess it doesn’t affect how people perceive me at all then. although they could also think that i am someone who voted for The Mothman Prophecy, which would remind them of that really bad movie —> just because my President is now The Mothman Prophecy does NOT mean i liked that movie. please understand that nobody voted for The Mothman Prophecy, and he was simply put in front of us like The Rib Burger at Spur and we were told to eat. which is NOT always a bad thing! I’m a person with a taste for life, ok? nom nom rib burger.

**********My Personal Message to The Mothman Prophecy a.k.a. Kgalema Motlanthe a.k.a. The President of Southafricanland****************

Yoh man! Bet last week you didn’t think you were going to be president of the whole of Southafricanland this week? Bet you just thought you’d fit in some golf if the rain let up (which it didn’t – i hear political debates are great on rainy indoor days).

i don’t have much to say but these few humble points:

– everyone’s really nervous right now because no one knows what to believe about the ANC in the media. apparently some people are saying the ANC was behind the plane that never crashed into the pentagon and that an ANC ship crashed at Area 51 back in the 60s. now whatever the truth is, please just be honest with us and don’t do anything dodgy. we’re all just trying to make a life for ourselves and everyone just wants a president we can trust.

– please make smart business decisions. i just had to renew my Flickr Pro account and $25 dollars is a lot more than it used to be. plus i have maxed out my credit card on tinned food just in case there’s a paranormal invasion so you need to help the interest rates go down in whatever way you can. i am aiming to get a new MacBook Pro in December so it would really help if you could help me pay off my credit card so i can fill it up with debt again.

– please take Southafricanland’s brand into consideration when you speak in public. we know that not everyone does this which is why Europe thinks we take showers instead of using condoms and why no one will shake Southafricanlander’s hands at customs when we are going on holiday to Disneyland in Australia.

welcome on board Sir Mothman Prophecy. I hope you like your nickname – i thought it had a regal air about it, as if you are descended from paranormal royalty. i look forward to your reign and hope you will make friends with Helen Zille as her brand is the closest one i can identify with as a young educated lady in Southafricaland. so you guys should do a Crossover Brand Collaboration and in that way you will get access to audiences you never had access to before.

some fine examples of this can be seen in Opel Corsa’s collaboration with Morgan and all sorts of brands on TV at the moment. Also look at what Phillipe Starck and Puma have done together. Adidas and Diesel are making rad jeans love. Just think what you and Helen Zille could do? Maybe a fragrance, just to get things started?

A good fragrance collaboration could boost the South African economy and restore its citizens faith in the leading party.

A good fragrance collaboration could boost the South African economy and restore its citizens faith in the leading party.

Much love and good luck with leading the country and being president and getting the kids under control again. I really do have faith in you.

**********Alex******************

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Afrika’s in fashion – tell your marketing friends

are you ready? now that American Apparel’s gone Authentic African (they should change their name) on America, you can bet there’s going to be a backlash. when i look at this i wonder what kind of person will buy and wear these clothes. maybe The Cobra Snake since he has been on a mission to print T-shirts for kids in Africa so they can be cool, too. maybe Paris Hilton would buy the boob tube for her trip down here when her Madden brother played in Africa, except that has already happened. Maybe all the rich Nigerian kids will buy their own patterns in another country when they do their yearly shop overseas and bring back stuff for their friends to buy (see how i slipped in that free nugget of market research info in there? i do that a lot, if you’re observant you should see loads of free ‘research’, like free love, on my site).

Afrika with a K - now in fashion.

Afrika with a 'K' - now in fashion.

i was just thinking it would be really cool to bring out a Jacob Zuma range which is the same as what you see here except they throw in a really short skirt that shows your knees (American Apparel fans will be pleased to know that in AfriCa, if you show your knees, it means you’re a dirty slut who’ll have sex in exchange for money – which is a LOT ¬†easier than the American equivalent where you actually have to flash your hoo-hoo when you’re getting out of your limo).

i was also thinking they should make a print of the AIDS virus because that is very much in fashion in AfriCa (seriously, almost every 3rd person has it. How far will you really go to be cool, American Apparel fans? only those who have REAL COOL AMBITION will make it to this level. you have to really WANT it.).

The AIDS print. This seasons must-have in AfriCa. Flannel is so last century.

The AIDS print. This season's must-have in AfriCa. Flannel is so last century.

Anyway, it’s actually awesome to have some of our indigenous stuff getting respect in mainstream retail outlets world wide. big up to AA.

store cards: who’s getting it right

every time i open my wallet i get this sick feeling, probably not uncommon to many people since opening your wallet is synonymous with dishing out hard earned cash, but the reason for my mounting nausea is the fact that i have, oh, 6 billion store cards confronting me every time i want to do something simple, like get change for a card guard or pull out that worn fortune cookie with the lotto numbers on it.
the nausea reached fever pitch over the holidays, when i was doing a large amount of opening my wallet, and something inside me snapped. as a kind of consumer extraordinaire (truly, i sign up for everything i lay my eyes on partly because it’s my job and party because i’m curious that these brands may have something meaningful to offer me) i am exposed to vast amounts of brand propaganda, most of which i can say (with good authority) is a load of gunk. and i just kind of had enough.

even though there are benefits to buying with a store / loyalty card over cash, i can’t help but feel i’m being duped every single time, especially since i’m not really into buying when i can’t afford stuff (one of the perks of not being a ‘Black Diamond’, whatever that is anyway), which is precisely what a store card is designed to do. so i emptied my wallet onto the kitchen counter and stared at my plastic fairweather friends for a good long time before i decided to act on Oprah’s advice and ‘cut the bad people out of my life’.

as more and more marketers realise that niching is the way to go in terms of communication, store cards are one area where i just don’t think it works, because you take for granted the fact that the consumer actually wants to remember what benefit you’re delivering. while staring at the cards i’d accumulated, i couldn’t think of a single benefit meaningful enough to stop me cutting up the cards.

discount movies? i don’t watch enough movies at the cinema to care. my movies come to me through the internet, through friends, through registered mail from the UK since i can’t be bothered to wait a whole year to watch what i want to watch.

the ability to return goods for cash? okay this one works. the woolworths card made it out whole.

points that contribute to flights? um, no thanks. i don’t desperately need to fly anywhere. plus you have to use this particular card as your everyday card in order for this to truly pay off. plus there’s a limit to how many points you can earn anyway, so that card got the chop.

being able to buy fast moving consumer goods (ie. crap) at particular stores on credit? i already have a credit card, a bank based one, which is admin enough to manage anyway so you’ll forgive me for seeing superfluous credit the same way i see men who flirt with you while you’re in a relationship, ie. it’s fun but essentially useless and a waste of time. oooh, 6 months interest free? okay, that’s a bonus. but again, if it’s taking me 6 months to pay off any kind of credit i’d say it’s time to think about your life, because unless you’re paying off some kind of emergency, you’re probably living in denial.

my exclusive books fanatics card made it through, because i buy on average 6 books a month and always get some sort of decent return. my vide e loyalty card got scrapped though, since i spend enough money there to have shares in the company and in my entire 2 years of having the card i have quite possibly only ever received one free coffee. and as for my levi’s card…i’ve just got some old post and it seems the card scheme closed in September 07. guess it didn’t really take off.

anyway, after having made a flower sculpture out of all the excess cards, i strolled into kenilworth medi clinic for a routine doctor’s appointment and saw this:

edcongroupcards

paying your medical bills with a shoe store card? talk about an incentive. big up to Edcon, who realise that if there’s one thing their consumers are likely to need on credit it’s medicine, since 2 out of every 3 people in this country is HIV positive.