Tag Archives: alex van tonder

Psychographic profile: I am teh ghost of a dead blog

I am the ghost of a dead blog
booooo
did i scare u?
hope so. y’all woke me up from ‘the dreamless sleep’.
am pissed y’all. what do y’all think i died 4???
just want 2 die.
tired of bein ‘zany ‘n smart’.
is fun, but like, ‘u can’t be cool 4eva’ +
‘cool doesn’t pay da billz’ +
‘enjoy urself, take only what you need from it’
etc.
was kinda enjoying being dead.
is real peaceful.
no 1 to get all up in my facebook
no 3G here in hell


don’t hav 2 maintain ur personal brand (via being on fire all the time)
plus satan kinda keeeeeeeewl.
but now i went andgot all resurrected
by a reputable publication with a ‘niche-but-influential and educated readership’
(kinda wish it was heat magazine but whatevs)

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
boooOOOOOoooooo
gonna rattle my alexander mcqueen chain bags at u
keeping u up in the dark night of ur blog
feeling kinda vengeful
since when i was still alive
ppl were like, u r stupid
now i’m dead, ppl are like, u  were so like, clevs
“the blog artist’s value is only recognised posthumounguously”
isn’t it typical

“it’s like that, and that’s the way it is” – run dmc

don’t worry – not very vengeful. just l’il bit.
just gonna make ur light bulbs flicker some.
not gonna go polty on you. boooOOOOoo.

i am the ghost of a dead blog.
woke up coz i rolled in my grave
kinda just feel like we need to talk about ‘letting go’


did y’all get pissed at MJ when Thriller the song ends?
Do y’all get pissed when the movie u hired is finished?
stupid f-ing movie! u came to an end!

This is a meme joke. Do u get it?

did y’all get pissed at JK Rowling when she finished Harry Potter?
(ok so bad example. f-u JK. you got me hooked.)
NEwayz just trying to help you let go

This is a pooooOOOooetry joke. Do u get it?

boooOOOOOoooooooo

I am the ghost of a dead blog
was ‘summoned by the oujja board of journalistic truthful objective unbiased integritay’
never imagined dis blowgn thang would ‘get all intellectualised’
just wanted to be awesome y’ulz.
never dreamed my personal brand would have such ‘residual value attached to its key branding paradigm pillars of differentiation’.
kinda emotional about it.
(via wishing i was still dead)
there is only one feeling in hell (being burned)
sad, was just betterin my table tennis scores
was just getting 2 know satan (miss u bro. next time i see you PING PONG IS ON LIKE KING KONG!)

I am the ghost of a dead blog.
Gonna go ‘back 2 bed now’.
it was ‘nice chatting’.
off you go now to the new blog.
know that i am always with you.
am there in the new blog
though u cannot always see me.
if u look carefully, i am there.


am just ‘talking in a different accent’.
am just ‘trying on some new blogshoes’.
just ‘exploring a new personal sub-brand’.
da holding company stays da same. 4evs y’all. pinkie swear.

miss y’ulz.
love y’ulz.
h8 y’ulz.
ditto.


Reading Comprehension Test

Hey y’ulz. Read this thrillsome interview with me and answer the following questions based on what you learnt:

1. What is my favourite colour?

2. What is my favourite food?

3. Team Edward or Team Jacob?

4. Am I in love with Eric Northman?

5. Do I prefer chunky or smooth peanut butter?

6. Am I a cat or a dog person?

7. Chocolate or vanilla?

8. Should I ‘go blonde for summer’?

9. True or False: I am a hermaphrobro

10. Should I sue my parents for not getting me a CitiGolf?

Please leave your answers in the comments section. The first person to answer all 10 correctly will win ‘my love & loyalty 4 life’ as symbolised by the fern leaf I am wearing in this picture.


Y’ulz think about that now.


what has been occurring.

Jees. So many occurrences. Y’ulz won’t believe how crazy the life of a non-international weblebrity can be. Went through a break-up. Dire. But rising like phoenix flying in the face of calamity. Been keeping myself busy doing shiz that blogs don’t normally do, like ‘seeing friends’ and ‘hanging out with good mates over dinner’ and ‘watching crappy TV’ and ‘reading books on spirituality’ and ‘sobbing my heart out’ and ‘winning gold loeries’.

Friends. Real life friends. And their real-life baby. Love them.

Friends. Real life friends. And their real-life baby. Love them.

Clutching at gold loerie award with fellow writer Jakkie. Gold Loerie saved my life and gave me positive affirmation when I needed it most.

Clutching at gold loerie award with fellow writer Jakkie. Gold Loerie 'saved my life' and 'gave me positive affirmation when I needed it most'.

Clapped loudly for Helen Zille on stage at the Loeries. Loeries was basically a DA rally.

Clapped loudly for Helen Zille on stage at the Loeries. Loeries was basically a DA rally.

Got my nails did a zany retro teal colour.

Got my nails did a zany retro teal colour.

Met this fat piggeh at the Tamboerskloof farm.

Met this fat piggeh at the Tamboerskloof farm.

Met this other piggeh who has tusks and snuffled my foot with its tusks.

Met this other piggeh who has tusks and snuffled my foot with its tusks.

Bought me lots of  flowers for my dining room table to generate a bright, happy atmosphere in my home.

Bought me lots of flowers for my dining room table to 'generate a bright, happy atmosphere' in my home.

Relived being a student via having my photo taken by Thunda.com

Relived 'being a student' via having my photo taken by Thunda.com

Invaded my bosss desk while she was still there. But I was in disguise so at least she wont know it was me.

Invaded my boss's desk while she was still there. But I was in disguise so at least she won't know it was me.

Gonna get back into my ‘rigorous blogging regime’ by the end of the week. Gonna ‘rediscover my voice’. Can’t wait y’ulz. Thanks for ‘being on this journey with me’ via clicking on links to my blog on my facebook status updates and tweets. Really appreciate y’al support. ‘Lets do this together’ now that I am ‘remotivated, reinspired and reinvolved’.

my Big Day Out

Hey y’ulz. Had a serious reality check this am. Just kind of realised that there’s more to Cape Town than Wembley Square. Seriously – this is massive progress for me. Had my morning Vida at Green Point Vida as opposed to the usual Wembley Square, which threw me for starters. A lot of mommies with Dior glasses chumming little brats in babygap with pasteis de coco. Anyway, then made my way with my mucho Meie de Leit over to the Cape Royal hotel (which is very pleasant indeed – I could probably be quite happy there were it my official residence) where I was to drop nugget bombs of web marketing wisdom for the Huddlemind Word of Mouse course (which I did quite well – even wore a dress, showed some leg). Finished my talk and then stayed to hear Seth Rotherham talk about his rise to internet stardom via 2oceansvibe, which is a great story, btw, try corner him in the bathrooms at Caprice and make him tell it to you some day. MAKE him.  All in all this was a lot of stimulation for one morning and am nowly safely back at Wembley, ‘getting on with work’. Am considering branching out and going to Camps Bay vida tomorrow am, but that might just be too much for one week.

The man, the legend.

The man, the legend.

Id be pretty happy staying in one of these swanky bathrooms.

I'd be pretty happy staying in one of these swanky bathrooms.

27 Dinners

27 Dinners was supremely legendary. First up was our pimp-assed limo trip around the peninsula, which was a little like being on the Starship Enterprise.

Warp speed ON!

Warp speed ON!

There was champagne everywhere.

A little champagne before the show.

Mirrors and LCDs everywhere.

Mirrors and LCDs everywhere.

The boys from From The Couch, and Matt Buckland and his lady on the left

The boys from From The Couch, and Matt Buckland on the left

The view from the window as the sun went down

The view from the window as the sun went down

Arrival at Bombay Bicycle Club (the 7-Eleven makes this pic so special)

Arrival at Bombay Bicycle Club (the 7-Eleven makes this pic so special)

Red carpet paparazzi razzle dazzle

Red carpet paparazzi razzle dazzle

One of my fav LBDs - Woolworths Studio W, ladies.

One of my fav LBDs - Woolworths Studio W, ladies.

Presenting Steri Stumpie work.

Presenting Steri Stumpie work.

Getting a T-shirt thanks to RSA web.

Getting a T-shirt thanks to RSA web (click for more)

Some chill time.

Some chill time.

Onto the minor details, I gave a talk that contextualised the Steri Stumpie work we’ve been doing. I tried to show the geeks just what goes into a good messaging campaign, and how social media can be used to enhance and drive home the message, rather than social media being the idea. Sounds very complex but is basically the exact opposite of ‘The Medium is the Message’ (sorry McLuhan), which was really just some catchy l’il viral mnemonic that spread around when tactical had just exploded onto the scene. Must  say congrats to Dave and Chris for organising a supremely awesome 27 Dinners. It rocked. PS. Red carpet photos courtesy of Brandon Golding.

day before birthday terror

So this is it y’ulle. Tomorrow I’ll be 26, and I’ll have failed at one of my life’s key ambitions – to be inducted into the Creative Circle Hall of Fame before the age of 26. Which makes me feel a bit like this horse:

Ya know?

Ya know?

Was wondering how I should deal with this massive failure. I’ve never actually failed to accomplish any of my goals before. This is a new feeling for me. I know I have to ‘process the feelings’, but I’ve never processed feelings before either. Just usually suppress them with drugs / overeating / sex with strangers / getting a new job. But who will hire me now that I’m a total and utter piece of shit failure?

Just binged* ‘coping with failure’ and it says I shouldn’t blame other people for my failure. But I feel like someone has to take the rap. I blame MJ. I faked my death before he did, but then he ‘died’ the next day and took all the glory. You can even follow the posts chronologically if you don’t believe me. Screw you MJ, all the way in Australia, or wherever you are.

Celebrities get away with anything.

I died first you f*cker.

It also says I should write down ‘what I have learned from my failure’. Guess I have learned that I should have slept with more ppl in the Creative Circle. Guess I should have ‘tried harder’ at being the agency bicycle. Should have given more blowjobs on the pretence of ‘taking work in for review’. Should have called myself ‘the number 1 creative in South Africa’ before Paul Warner did. Probably should have worn more heels. Ah well, no time for regrets. F my life. I better get some nice presents.

Just another idea Michael stole.

Just another idea Michael stole.

*Bing is the new google, laggards.

read my writings in print

i’m opting out of blogging today because i’m so damn busy. but if you so desperately need your fix you’ll find an article of mine in the latest edition of onesmallseed (issue 13), on shelves today. it looks like it’s covered in bubblewrap. the mag, not the article. the article is just some garble about these shapes i see around town. it’s on page 34 and it’s called “The Jesus Saves Graffiti Eaters”. peace, y’ulle.  ps. i renewed my entry into the US National Green Card Lottery today. did you?

Feel me.

Feel me.