Tag Archives: cocaine

Pre-Loeries Panic Attack #1

Uh-oh yulz. Is Loerie Awards in less than a month. In dire panic mode. Don’t have a dress. Don’t even have a designer to dress me yet. Am up a shitty cove with a creaky paddleboat in a stormdrain. Haven’t even started thinking about possible sponsored alcoholic beverage of choice for the night.

Just want people to see me as feminine yet casually cool, too.

Just want people to see me as feminine yet casually cool, too.

So much to worry about. So much to organise. Need to slip pair of Nike soles into my 9-West Choo-fakes so I can ‘go 4 miles if u kno wot I mean’. Need to organise small bag of miscellaneous white powder so can appear ‘authentically wasted’ if pulled over by the police. Must line-up strategic opportunities to be photographed ‘pushing cleavage’ / ‘getting spanked by male bosses while making an O with my mouth’ / in classic ‘whoo-hoo’ pose plus devil-horn hand-signals.

We are having sooooo much fun! Its the Loeries! Partay!

We are having sooooo much fun! It's the Loeries! Partay!

Whoo hoo!

Whoo hoo!

Must make sure iPhone is charged so can take repetitive photos of me and my 5-person ad clique over and over with an arty LOMOHOLGA filter that I can desaturate after and clog up everyone’s newsfeeds on facebook with. Must think of a zanier and louder Loerie Gimmick than a vuvuzela so Jupiter doesn’t have the crazy-spirit-monopoly at the actual event (miss u Jupiter).

Getting ready to party.

Getting ready to party.

Getting our party on at the awards. What a blast!

Getting our party on at the awards. What a blast!

Doing the SIngle LAdies dance at 3am! Dont tell my mommy!

Doing the SIngle LAdies dance at 3am! Don't tell my mommy!

We are like sooooo wasted in this pic! Cant remember having it taken!

We are like sooooo wasted in this pic! Can't remember having it taken!

Mmmm eggs yes please! Might as well keep on drinking!

Mmmm eggs yes please! Might as well keep on drinking!

Does anyone know where I can buy fake vomit 2 smear on my halter-neck top so my industry peers can ‘take me srsly’? Would make myself puke but kind of ‘worried about my teeth’.

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Psychographic Profile: I am an Advertising Student

Lets get vida and take photos of each other and deep etch them.
Let’s get vida and take photos of each other and deep etch them.

i am an advertising student.
i go to red and yellow / triple A / Vega.
i think my school is better than all the others.
i am from Joburg, but i am reinventing myself in Cape Town.
i am open-minded and quirky.
my accent has an American twang that i picked up from my best friend MTV / VH1.

I am an advertising student.
i carry at least 2 moleskines everywhere i go (1 for ideas, 1 for doing sketches of my friends that i will scan later and upload onto facebook so my friends can use them as profile pics).
i am learning to manipulate the minds of the public.
i am learning how to render food, cars and fast moving consumer goods (FMCGs) with my overpriced Copic Markers.
i am adding ppl who work at ad agencies as friends of facebook because it will improve my peer evaluation marks.

i am an advertising student.

i have loads of cool kreative friends at AFDA.i have slept with all of them.
all of them have slept with me.
we do cocaine together at mercury live.
together we are ‘singing the song, singing this is the life’.
i write scripts and we make short films about the role brands play in our lives.
i work for the man. i hate the man. fuck the man. i am the man.
i make out with my female classmates when i go out to Long Street on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.
i am in love with my gay best friend.

i am an advertising student.
i am multitalented. i can write and i can draw.
i can direct short movies on my nokia.
i know how to work a “Mac”.
i am in love with ideas.
i am just an idea. you are just an idea.
together, we have both been done before.

i am an advertising student.
someday i will be an advertising intern.
someday i will sleep with a Creative Director and blackmail him into hiring me.
someday i will write / art direct / design a TV ad / billboard / radio ad / brochure / promotion / meme that your kids will hum along to / fwd on email / fwd on Mxit / fwd on facebook.
someday i will quit my successful job and go ‘work in Dubai’ to kick my cocaine addiction.
someday i will never quit smoking, even though i did that ad about smoking that makes you puke into your mouth.

i am an advertising student.
i take pictures of the nightlife and upload them on my blog.
i work on proactive campaigns for brands like Vespa and Pritt glue.
i earn money by working behind the bar at a nightclub / at Exclusive Books / for a market research company.
i collect scraps of paper / packaging / stickers / quotes and stick them up around my desk / bedroom to feel creative / stimulate my mind.
i go to Vida E Caffe at wembley square every saturday morning so i can see Waddy Jones and his wife drink coffee and write raps.

i am an advertising student.
i go to vortex on the weekends. i dance to the trance music.
i love the vort because i can forget about brands and just ‘let loose’ and ‘be myself’.
i only read wallpaper and monocle magazine because i am progressive and have a global perspective.
i have won a student loerie.
i will get the funnest job at the zaniest agency because of it.

i am an advertising student.
i am my own consumer promise.
this is my tone and manner.
this is my substantiating evidence.
buy into my communication strategy.
buy into me.
buy me.

Film review: How to get ahead in Advertising. Excuse the weird code at the top. Don’t know wtf. Something to do with the font no doubt. There’s always something about the font. Sigh. Deciding to embrace it. Added a ‘Build character’ tag to this post.


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Watched ‘How to get ahead in advertising’ last night. Thought it would give me all sorts of handy tips and tricks, kind of like ‘Hey Whipple, Squeeze This’ did (the book, not the movie. Tho it would make a very useful movie). Tips like ‘Strike while the iron is hot’ which means you should write your headlines while you’re feeling inspired, or while you’re high on cocaine instead of making stupid conversation in the toilets at the agency xmas party.

Categorically incapable of Keeping It Real.

Richard E Grant: Categorically incapable of Keeping It Real.

I’m not sure my how my agency would respond to me writing headlines at the Christmas party. Think they might ostracize me for life. Good thing I don’t work at the kind of agency that encourages or perpetuates drug use. I don’t think I’d ever be naturally inspired to write headlines while at any kind of party.

They should have called the movie ‘How to get severely agitated by watching Richard E Grant get all crazy like he did in Withnail and I’. Because that would be a really accurate descriptor of what kind of take-out you can expect from the film.

Still from the movie Withnail and I, the prequel to How to get Ahead in Advertising.

Still from the movie Withnail and I, the prequel to How to get Ahead in Advertising.

They could have also called it ‘Representation of the pathetic dude at every party who never knows when to stop’ and ‘Character study of a self-obsessed alcoholic idiot who appeals to submissive females with no self-esteem who are suckers for any kind of eloquent opinion’ or even ‘Most unrealistic marriage ever’ or ‘If you know anyone in Advertising who takes their job this seriously, kick them in the face’. The script writer managed to miss a very basic truth. No matter how passionate a copywriter you may be, you are only making ads. Not art. Nothing that warrants the kind of fuss Richard E Grant made.

**********************************************************************************************

Am really disappointed. There are so few Hollywood glamourisations of my career out there. I really thought this would inspire me to be the best copywriter I can be. Instead it made me want to phone my mother and tell her we’re not all like that. I also wanted to phone everyone I know and make amends, as if I had just realized the error of my ways via association.

***************************************************************************************************

Zany and passionate and likes to hold eggs. Thats how passionate. And creative. And zany.

"So crazy I hold eggs."

It made me want to stop smoking, even though I already have stopped smoking. It made me fully comprehend the words “No one likes a know-it-all” really and truly, for the first time in my life. It made me want to think about never having an opinion on anything ever again.

It also made me draw Grant parallels. I thought about how Richard E Grant can only play one type of character, and how Hugh Grant can also only play one type of character. Then I generalized that that’s the case with most actors / actresses out there. Generalizing is always a good way to make ideas immediately relevant to you, yourself, because as I was sipping my first Vida e Double Mucho Meia de Leite Skinny Wet it occurred to me how it was prob true that most writers only have one style of writing ie. One type of character. So I feel inspired to work on my versatility. Gonna write some poems, some haikus, maybe a short story.

I’m gonna write love letters as if I was a grizzly bear in love. Not for versatility though, more because Mark asked me to do them for his Grand Daddy Bear-themed hotel room. Grawr. Snort. Ftttl.

Did no one tells Richard about staring too long into the abyss vibes and how it stares back? Think Richard E IS the abyss.

Did no one tell Richard about staring too long into the abyss vibes? Think Richard E IS the abyss.