Tag Archives: fads

what is global warming?

Hey y’ulle. I’ve noticed a lot of people talking about this thing called ‘Global Warming’ lately. They also talk about ‘sustainability‘ and ‘going green‘. Apparently it’s all because of some consumer fad called ‘Recycling‘. I read on some trend blog that Recycling is the 80s Shoulder Pad Fad reinterpreted. Not sure I should buy into it. My personal brand says I should stick to trends and ignore fads.

“You a fad / that means it somethin’ that we already had / but once you gone / you don’t come back” – Dr Dre featured in Eminem’s Anthem for a Generation “Encore”

I just did some research and according to The Diesel Global World Report, Global Warming is gonna be rad. Diesel has paid an artist to render their findings so that you can better get an idea of what will happen when Global Warming hits. These are the results:

Cant wait for the ice caps to melt.

Can't wait for the ice caps to melt.

Gonna go make a nest on a building.

Gonna go make a nest on a building.

Cant wait.

Can't wait for the endless summer.

Not sure what everyone’s on about. Just looks like the world will eventually become one big beach, which is what we’ve all been working for, anyway. Also, I heard at some blog party that all the ‘green this, green that’ is just a viral campaign for Hyperrama. Nice one. They’ll probably win a Loerie Grand Eagle Prix for it.

Guess I don’t want to be completely out of what’s in, you know? I’ve been thinking about how I can tastefully incorporate this new socially-aware movement into my life so it makes me look like a person who is ‘responsible, enlightened and aware‘. Maybe I should get some hemp socks from Woolworths or some Hemp Hand Cream from the Body Shop and just tell myself that the tube isn’t made of lead. Maybe I can preach to my friends but just ignore the fact that I drive a Hummer. Like I said, don’t want to get too into this fad coz it’s about to tip mainstream any minute now, like pencil skirts.

are you peeing in the pool? because we put that stuff in that makes the water turn red when you do. so we’ll know it’s you. just so you know.

as some of you may know, i have left facebook. not completely – i haven’t deleted my account – but i won’t be logging in again any time soon, and i have joined the Facebook Suicide cult which means from 12 December you will no longer be able to write on my wall or send me your stupid applications. which begs the questions….

“But Alex, how will this affect your online presence? Isn’t deleting your facebook taking a huge swipe at all the hard blogging you’ve done so far? Can you still be a credible new media consultant without a facebook account? You must be hanging out online SOMEWHERE, so where is it?”

My answer to this relevant line of questioning would be:

Facebook is for laggards. If you don’t know what laggards are, here’s a handy little graph all of us fall onto in some way, whether you like it or not.

This could be you.

This could be you.

Before you start telling me how unique you are and how you don’t buy into society’s idea of who you are and what other people think, let me stop you by saying, i don’t give a shit, because every product you ever buy and every service you ever buy into and every magazine you pick up and read or even gloss over, will place you somewhere on one of these graphs. denying it would be like denying god, or jacob zuma. you might not agree with them, or like them, but they are as real as the macbook you’re staring at. and now you know.

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Question: For those of you who ARE concerned with where you fall on Roger’s Curve of Adoption, do you think it’s only right for companies and services to place a warning on what they’re selling, kind of like the health warnings on cigarette packs?

What? You just dropped 2k on these? Sucks for you. Dont you remember Fergie singing about these babies way back when? Seven Jeans, True Religion, I say no but they keep giving. That was back when she was still part of Black Eyed Peas. Almost 3 years ago. And you thought they would make you cool? Dont say you didnt, because how else do you explain dropping 2k on jeans? Its okay. If anyone notices just say youre going retro for summer. Also, if you bring up the Nerd is the new cool trend in conversation while wearing these you might be able to loop yourself back in time to early majority. But be warned - thats only going to keep you safe for about a month before youre right back in late majority. Trends move fast, yo.

What? You just dropped 2k on these? Sucks for you. Don't you remember Fergie singing about these babies way back when? "Seven Jeans, True Religion, I say no but they keep giving." That was back when she was still part of Black Eyed Peas. That was MY HUMPS. Almost 3 years ago. And you thought they would make you cool? Don't say you didn't, because how else do you explain dropping 2k on jeans? It's okay. If anyone notices just say you're 'going retro for summer'. Also, if you bring up the 'Being uncool is the new cool trend' in conversation while wearing these you might be able to loop yourself back in time to early majority. But be warned - that's only going to keep you safe for about a month before you're right back in late majority. Trends move fast, yo.

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BACK TO THE TOPIC:

So, as i was saying, I’m not on facebook. And I’ve given you my reason. So I guess the new question is WHERE ARE THE INNOVATORS RIGHT NOW? They’re here.

Even though this moment this post goes live, they will have to find somewhere else to be. But hey. Sometimes its good to take a break from innovating and just sit pretty like bullfrogs in the crisp cool waters of the Early Majority Pool. We’ll have about 6 months in there before the Late Majorities start peeing in it, and then the neighbourhood will eventually go stale as the Laggards move in, bring their waterwinged kids and coolerboxes full of the Diesel SFW XXX video. Enjoy it while it lasts.

existential crisis: should i send myself the Asp application?

I dont want to live on your friendslist anymore. Life has no meaning.

I don't want to live on your friendslist anymore. Life has no meaning.

so i’ve been thinking a lot about committing facebook suicide. i mean, it used to be fun, but now that i’ve been clean for so long it just feels a bit irrelevant to my life.it wasn’t always this way. i was once a junkie too, online pretty much all day, commenting on walls, sending people growing gifts. i never stooped so low as to send the What is your Stripper Name app, and i am proud to say that i was never desperate enough to add the Zombie vs Werewolves app, but i was right in there. i was poking back.

One of the worlds most devastating wars. Ever. We are still slightly crippled from the damage it caused to the world economy.

One of the world's most devastating wars. Ever. There are some who say the Poke War of 2007 is what's responsible for the present crash of the world's economy.

then, i changed jobs, and my new employer blocked facebook all day except for an hour at lunch. and not even the withdrawal pangs could keep me at my desk at lunch just to check facebook. turns out it was for the best, because once i’d had a long enough break i realised just what a shadow of myself i’d become (ok quite a pretty, airbrushed, pouting shadow, but still a shadow), slave to this glorified message board.

Look how hot I am.

Look how hot I am.

Me in Real Life Book.

Me in Real Life Book.


the thing is, so many of my friends are still hooked and very much caught up in its web. and, like some of my smoker friends who know that I’ve quit, they continue to offer me cigarettes in the form of L’il Green Patch application invites, to which i am always tempted to respond:

Dont send me apps. Srsly. If I wanted it Id already have it.

Don't send me apps. Srsly. If I wanted it I'd already have it.

The only reason I can see to keep my account open is to provide people with a place they can go to find my email address and my web addresses. maybe i should delete everything except my most basic information. but even that seems like too much effort.to me, facebook is one of those 2007 fads. the online equivalent of the palestinian scarf or the shutter shades.
I just dont want to be in a committed scarf relationship right now. But you will always be in my heart.

I just don't want to be in a committed scarf relationship right now. But you will always be in my heart.

An ancient relic. Yes people used to actually wear these. You can find fossils in Margate from the Loerie Awards back in 2008.

An ancient relic. Yes people used to actually wear these. You can find fossils in Margate from the Loerie Awards back in 2008.

i am still in a quandary about what the right thing to do is. i am worried that if i commit facebook suicide my facebook life insurance won’t pay out and i will go to facebook hell. or does facebook send its unhappy souls to facebook heaven? what is facebook heaven? is it filled with pokes and pouts? hopefully no one reading this knows the answer to that question.