Tag Archives: fashion

feeling stale. going to reinvent myself as some form of trendy reflux.

reflux is in y’ulle! i know because i read a book by kreative missionary visionary dion chang and the title is trend flux 2009. so get stuffing your white rolls from woolies and your burgers and your strawberry pavlova (hey, not really sure what causes reflux as have never been pregnant before, but being pregnant is another trend – set by MIA / Gwen Stefani / Nicole Richie (choose your own psychographic role model, am not phased) – so expect an increase in ‘girls 4getting to take their pill oops’ – and ‘miracle pregnancies’ – “i WAS taking my pill! i promise!” and “fuck i got so drunk last night at Assembly that i forgot to take my pill“).

I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and its not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalfs and then have sex with my friend and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance.

"I went off my pill because it gives me cramps and it's not natural. I am going to go drink at Gandalf's and then have sex with my random, lonely-as-me guy friend, and then masturbate after, just to really give those sperm a chance."

should i get pregnant? should i go off the pill because ‘it’s unnatural‘ and it ‘makes me bloated’ and ‘it makes me moody and fills my face with pimples’, even though it’s 2k9 now and yasmin was invented 10 years ago, so we all know girls who go off the pill are doing so only because they find the risk of getting pregnant when they have sex with their boyfriends / their best friends / their classmates at AFDA a turn on.

I cant come unless theres a possibility of me getting pregnant. - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

"I can't come unless there's a possibility of me getting pregnant." - M.I.A? maybe Anon.

has the possibility of getting pregnant ever turned you on? wish i could get pregnant and then donate the baby to a good cause. not sure if there are any good causes that need healthy babies. maybe someone should start a Replacement Workforce For All Those People Who Have Died And Will Die Of AIDS just so Telkom has someone to employ to throw a cog in their generator that they can blame when we exceed our power capacity in 20 years time.

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Back to Reflux and other things that will be hot in 2k9 (note i didn’t get these from the trend reflux book by Dion Change, i just got them off some arb website but it doesn’t matter because all trends came from the same arb mothership website):

Being classy. “Classism is the new racism”. Does this give me license to discriminate? Just want to be ‘trendy’ y’ulle. Just want ppl to know i am better than them through my ‘social badging‘ or my ‘exclusive knowledge of how brandy is made’. Apparently knowledge about products is the new social currency. Am going to google Apple just now and learn everything there is to know about Steve Jobs so i can make my friends feel bad about themselves.

Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs that Moses wrote the 10 Commodors on, but there wasnt a market until 2 000 years later.

Fact #1: Apple was invented in 70 BC as an alternative to the slabs of stone that Moses wrote the 10 Commodores on, but there wasn't a market until 2 000 years later.

the 90s. the 90s is the new 80s. this would explain all the Kurt Cobain Converse floating around my mall home. yes, i live in a mall, y’ulle. malls are like the new ‘gated communities’ or ‘security complexes’. wonder what i can steal from the 90s to incorporate into my personal brand. shortlist: having ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ as my ringtone; wearing blue lipstick and humming ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ round the office; trading my black car in for a blue one and pumping ‘i’m blue da-ba-dee da-ba-da’ from the subwoofers. which one do y’ulle think best enhances my PB?

twitter goes mainstream. uh-ohs. this means an increase in ppl twittering about how drunk they got last night / how crazy last night was / what a f*cked up time they had last night / how they 4got to take their pill last night / how they are really enjoying ‘Through the Storm’ by Lynne Spears. quick, time to evacuate twitter. tell all your trendleader / thought pioneering friends. this ship is sinking. if you are mainstream, quick, sign up for twitter while humming ‘I will go down with this ship’ by 90s star Dido.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if shes pregnant.

Tweep recovering from a hangover from her night at Assembly, wondering if she's pregnant.

big government will be cool. guess we all have Obamalove to thank for this. wish we had an Obamalove. just so y’ulle don’t think i’ve given up the cause, i’m still emailing Kanye West trying to convince him to come and be President of SouthAfricanland as his next piece of ‘high art’. not sure whether this trend applies in safricanland. especially since the ruling party keeps smacktalking its own president. sigh. I wish America would buy us and then everything would be okay. not likely in these harsh economic times.

other arb things i think will be in (note: these are my hypotheses and do not come off some arb website):

– being a trendwatcher / trend guru / trend collaborator / trend consultant / marketing consultant / web2.0 consultant / iPhone 2.0 consultant. Basically if you can’t hack it in the real world, pick any one of the titles above and start a blog and you’ll be a- for away.

suicide. just coz money doesn’t matter any more. like queen said, nothing really matters, to me.

adopting a web celeb for your brand. feeding them. treating them to VIP consumer experiences. and then watching them blog about your brand. feels good, doesn’t it? tamagotchi 2.0.

falling pregnant ‘accidentally’. because of the rise of organic, females in their mid-twenties who have not yet completed degrees or found jobs will choose this option because they think it will give them more options. outwardly, they will say they have issues putting hormones into their bodies because it is ‘unnatural’ and non-organic. time for phramaceuticals to go organic.

britney spears. like she says, all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F-U-C-K her (track 6, Circus). Parting thought:

All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay.

Sing with me: "All i wanna do is xxxx and xxx and take your monay."

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weekly roundup: stuff and things

if i was still doing tv ads i would probably be obsessing about how i can get wes anderson to direct one of my commercials. good thing i am now focusing on design and more through-the-line, experiental / real-life/ meaningful concepts, because i can imagine i would do a lot of lame things like get dressed up like Angelica Houston in Life Aquatic / Royal Tennenbaums and re-enact classic scenes from those movies just so i could fit getting all celebrity-director feverish into my 9-5. i would post lots of movies on youtube which no one but my colleagues and stalker ex boyfriend would view, while they cringed for me. anyway here is an ad starring brad pitt that wes directed.

Hello I am Wes Anderson. I directed classics you might have heard of such as A Life Aquatic, which was inspired by me drinking this glass of water. I also directed The Royal Tennenbaums. Plus I directed that quirky movie about 3 brothers who find themselves on a train in India. I forgot the name because I dont define myself by what i do but rather by who I am. I am confidant and down-to-earth. I am sorry but i cant direct your fragrance commercial because it doesnt align with my personal brand, even though you wrote it for me. I guess Ive changed. Youve changed. Change is part of life. Sorry.

Hello I am Wes Anderson. I directed classics you might have heard of such as A Life Aquatic, which was inspired by me drinking this glass of water. I also directed The Royal Tennenbaums. Plus I directed that quirky movie about 3 brothers who find themselves on a train in India. I forgot the name because I don't define myself by what i do but rather by who I am. I am confident and down-to-earth. I am sorry but i can't direct your fragrance commercial because it doesn't align with my personal brand, even though you wrote it for me. I guess I've changed. You've changed. Change is part of life. Sorry.

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in other news, i spent an amazing day at the South African History Museum on Saturday. went and investigated all the fossils. learnt about where we come from. learnt about how we evolved from small 1-bit file sizes to full on 500 GB living breathing human hard drives. remembered how small we are in the greater scheme of things. i even met a really nice shark with whom i hit it off immediately. we might get lunch next week.

Its good to make friends with people who are different to you, so that you can learn about yourself through your differences.

It's good to make friends with people who are different to you, so that you can learn about yourself through your differences.

this followed a most intense full-body massage i had at the Paris Spa right here below our offices at Wembley Square. a girl called Abigail took me for an Aromatherapy treatment, and managed to coax out via sheer force all the tension that’s been building in my shoulders for the past year or so. i came out feeling like i’d found god in the form of a plump and smiley masseuse with hair extensions. big thanks must go to my mum, who got me the massage as a christmas present.

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I bumped into Kanye West on a blog this morning, and he told me he’s giving up rapping for fashion. says he just wants to do something normal, now that he is at the apex of his career / everybody’s career.

Kanye with this summers new menswear pattern. Swirly vibes are the new pinstripe.

Kanye with this summer's new menswear pattern. Swirly vibes are the new pinstripe.

So i asked him what of that great idea i had where he could come be President of South Africanland. I pointed out that it would be pretty similar to being a rapper but he said he wasn’t sure if a seat in parliament would ‘bring it’ enough for him to feel motivated every day. sad news. got my hopes up. at least kanye has enough $ with which to bribe central st. martin’s. ask anyone who has any real talent and they’ll tell you they didn’t get accepted into central st. martin’s because their father doesn’t belong to the Old Boys Oxford St Martin’s Old English Money Lord Alumni. life’s tough when you’re just a nobody from southafricanland who didn’t make a ‘high art’ rap album to get you a foot in the fashion door.

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one more week til holidays. i go off on friday and come back on monday 5 jan. i know if i was *really* committed to being a real blogger i would blog all the way through but i’ve already committed to a tan and a book and a swimming pool. plus the screen on my new Macbook pro-Pod Steve Jobs Worx is too glossy for the outdoors. and i’ll be damned if i sacrifice reasonable exchange rates on Horlicks in Africa and then not make use of the sunshine.

Only 4 more days, horsey. Just put one hoof in front of the other. Think of all the carrots and sugarlumps waiting for you at the end of this week.

Only 4 more days, horsey. Just put one hoof in front of the other. Think of all the carrots and sugarlumps waiting for you at the end of this week.

the glamour of poverty

everyone’s a buzzing about this right now – Vogue’s shoot in India where they used really poor (and by poor I mean impoverished) normal people to model ridiculously overpriced pieces of couture. i guess they’ve been doing this for years by using real life crackheads like Kate Moss to convey a sense of irony via heroine chic – let’s face it, when you look like that you generally spend all your money on drugs, not clothes. um, what money, for starters.

i’m not sure how i would feel if they did that here. in one way, i think it would be great for some of the street kids to be exposed to some of the finer things in life (following that theory of giving your kids a taste of the good life so they covet and aspire to it and work harder at school to get it and do hugs not drugs etc etc) but on the other hand i think it might make some really pretty clothes very smelly and covered in sticky glue residue. ew.

to get these shoes free i would…

We can be friends if you buy me these shoes.

We can be friends if you buy me these shoes.

a) Tattoo RBK somewhere prominent yet trendy, eg. the surface of my foot or the back of my neck or on my inner wrist.

b) write to RBK (which i am doing right now in an open letter kind of way) and tell them I Am What I Am (their campaign line for all your philistines) and therefore they should send me the shoes.

c) compromise the part of my personal brand that projects an Independent Woman image and ask my boyfriend to buy them for me (ha ha, i would never do that. Don’t forget when you compromise your personal brand for material things you have to consider what it will do to your relationship, and it’s not really fair to my man. To quote a great cereal company, “if it doesn’t say Kellog’s on the box, it’s not Kellog’s in the box”.)

d)  buy them with my cashmoney and then claim them back when i do my tax at the end of the year since having a personal brand means i am a personal business and get such benefits.

e) do nothing and wait 3 days until i get obsessed with some other equally cool object that I can scheme about getting free.

What’s it gonna be?

site of the week: hipster runoff

Do you love this t-shirt? Then yes, you are alt.

Do you love this t-shirt? Then yes, you are alt.

i guess working with a bunch of people who are ever referring to varying degrees of ‘cool’ made me jaded when i should have been slutting around semi-naked and badly dressed in blue stockings and red Converse High-tops, delighting in my own ‘cool’, but this site Hipster Runoff, has brightened my day and unjaded me thoroughly. i highly recommend it if you have spare time at work / have work you don’t want to do / think of yourself as uncool / think of yourself as cool / spend more than 30 minutes getting ready in the morning / walk around mumbling ‘why so serious?’to yourself the whole time. you won’t regret it.

secret Levi’s Laser Show & a free pair of 501s

so a really cool thing happened last night. the boyfriend and i had heard there would be some sort of ‘happening’ on the corner of Long Street and Wale Street (Cape Town) at 8pm. so we braved the cold to go check it out. upon arrival we saw a small crowd of people clustered on the street corner. we waited around for about 15 minutes and then a laser projection appeared on the side of one of the buildings. the projection was of a graffiti artist, who appeared out of nowhere and started spraypainting the wall. at first it looked realistic, then the lasers started making all sorts of interesting shapes and effects on the words, which read: “Live Unbuttoned.” periodically the guy would disappear and reappear, bouncing over geometric shapes and doing Parkour-type jumping off the walls and roof of the building. then he would start his graffiti over again.

in the beginning were the words. and the words were ‘Live Unbuttoned.’

the artist starts playing with lights.

things get a little more interesting on the laser front.

jumping over laser shapes.

laser squiggles

missioning around with his materials

and this is where it gets interesting. suddenly, he’s no longer painting, but he’s playing on his mobile phone. next thing a number appears on the projection, and a word to SMS to the number. so we all frantically SMS, and receive a text back instructing us to find the ‘Live Unbuttoned’ truck, which is apparently parked nearby. we spot it in seconds and run across the road and bang on the door. a young guy asks me to show him the text message, and next thing i have a brand new pair of 501s in my hand. fantastic!

if you want to get your hands on a free pair of 501s, i’ve heard that there will be more laser shows in and around Cape Town. And Levi’s, if you’re reading this, please tell me why you didn’t throw any girls jeans into the mix? Because as rad and as cool as this stunt was, i can’t wear a guy’s cut, which makes it a bit of a let-down. How about something for us ladies?

Love Jozi now online

Love Jozi, a fashion label i’ve been watching for a while is now online. they have a bunch of super cool stuff, ranging from clothing to collaborative wallpaper. i’m a fan.

lovejozi