Tag Archives: horlicks

weekly roundup: stuff and things

if i was still doing tv ads i would probably be obsessing about how i can get wes anderson to direct one of my commercials. good thing i am now focusing on design and more through-the-line, experiental / real-life/ meaningful concepts, because i can imagine i would do a lot of lame things like get dressed up like Angelica Houston in Life Aquatic / Royal Tennenbaums and re-enact classic scenes from those movies just so i could fit getting all celebrity-director feverish into my 9-5. i would post lots of movies on youtube which no one but my colleagues and stalker ex boyfriend would view, while they cringed for me. anyway here is an ad starring brad pitt that wes directed.

Hello I am Wes Anderson. I directed classics you might have heard of such as A Life Aquatic, which was inspired by me drinking this glass of water. I also directed The Royal Tennenbaums. Plus I directed that quirky movie about 3 brothers who find themselves on a train in India. I forgot the name because I dont define myself by what i do but rather by who I am. I am confidant and down-to-earth. I am sorry but i cant direct your fragrance commercial because it doesnt align with my personal brand, even though you wrote it for me. I guess Ive changed. Youve changed. Change is part of life. Sorry.

Hello I am Wes Anderson. I directed classics you might have heard of such as A Life Aquatic, which was inspired by me drinking this glass of water. I also directed The Royal Tennenbaums. Plus I directed that quirky movie about 3 brothers who find themselves on a train in India. I forgot the name because I don't define myself by what i do but rather by who I am. I am confident and down-to-earth. I am sorry but i can't direct your fragrance commercial because it doesn't align with my personal brand, even though you wrote it for me. I guess I've changed. You've changed. Change is part of life. Sorry.

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in other news, i spent an amazing day at the South African History Museum on Saturday. went and investigated all the fossils. learnt about where we come from. learnt about how we evolved from small 1-bit file sizes to full on 500 GB living breathing human hard drives. remembered how small we are in the greater scheme of things. i even met a really nice shark with whom i hit it off immediately. we might get lunch next week.

Its good to make friends with people who are different to you, so that you can learn about yourself through your differences.

It's good to make friends with people who are different to you, so that you can learn about yourself through your differences.

this followed a most intense full-body massage i had at the Paris Spa right here below our offices at Wembley Square. a girl called Abigail took me for an Aromatherapy treatment, and managed to coax out via sheer force all the tension that’s been building in my shoulders for the past year or so. i came out feeling like i’d found god in the form of a plump and smiley masseuse with hair extensions. big thanks must go to my mum, who got me the massage as a christmas present.

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I bumped into Kanye West on a blog this morning, and he told me he’s giving up rapping for fashion. says he just wants to do something normal, now that he is at the apex of his career / everybody’s career.

Kanye with this summers new menswear pattern. Swirly vibes are the new pinstripe.

Kanye with this summer's new menswear pattern. Swirly vibes are the new pinstripe.

So i asked him what of that great idea i had where he could come be President of South Africanland. I pointed out that it would be pretty similar to being a rapper but he said he wasn’t sure if a seat in parliament would ‘bring it’ enough for him to feel motivated every day. sad news. got my hopes up. at least kanye has enough $ with which to bribe central st. martin’s. ask anyone who has any real talent and they’ll tell you they didn’t get accepted into central st. martin’s because their father doesn’t belong to the Old Boys Oxford St Martin’s Old English Money Lord Alumni. life’s tough when you’re just a nobody from southafricanland who didn’t make a ‘high art’ rap album to get you a foot in the fashion door.

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one more week til holidays. i go off on friday and come back on monday 5 jan. i know if i was *really* committed to being a real blogger i would blog all the way through but i’ve already committed to a tan and a book and a swimming pool. plus the screen on my new Macbook pro-Pod Steve Jobs Worx is too glossy for the outdoors. and i’ll be damned if i sacrifice reasonable exchange rates on Horlicks in Africa and then not make use of the sunshine.

Only 4 more days, horsey. Just put one hoof in front of the other. Think of all the carrots and sugarlumps waiting for you at the end of this week.

Only 4 more days, horsey. Just put one hoof in front of the other. Think of all the carrots and sugarlumps waiting for you at the end of this week.

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a free and fair celebrity endorsement: please chat to client service if you have any questions.

guys. GUYS. Daniel Craig got papparazzied with a Southafricanland keyring. serial guys. i’m totally confused. one thing i have learnt from hours of gazing at celebrity websites is that celebs do NOTHING by accident. celebrities are very important people and as economy-driving-thought-leaders every little detail of their lives is planned, and is usually sold as advertising space.

i present a photo i found on cherryflava:

Diamonds are forever. And they are found in Joburg. - D Craig

"Diamonds are forever. And they are found in Joburg." - D Craig

the first question is how is Daniel Craig’s personal brand affecting the country’s brand? (actually, the first question is IS THAT REALLY DANIEL CRAIG? JEES WHAT HAPPENED HE LOOKS LIKE SHIT but let’s leave that for websites who do mean for a living)

well, he’s known for playing a super famous spy – old 007. so perhaps ‘Southafricanlanders are crafty and smart’ is the message, since spies are known for being crafty and smart. Daniel is also an outdoorsy wholesome kinda guy, which is how you could describe Southafricanland before its ruling party, the ANC, erupted boils all over its face and ‘divorced itself’ (you can’t make this stuff up).

DCs pitch to the SA Brand Manager probably went something like this.

DC's pitch to the SA Brand Manager probably went something like this.

The other big question is WHO PAID HIM? Is this the reason our interest rates aren’t being cut? Is this the reason I am STILL paying a premium for Horlicks? Dear god in heaven.

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Question: Do you think the people of Southafricanland should have a say in which celeb endorses the national brand? Should celeb endorsements be subject to a free and fair election like the election we are supposed to have to determine the country’s president? Who would YOU vote for?

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here are some suggestions followed by a possible reason:

a) Pete Wentz, because of that THAT PHOTO. You’ll have to go google to find the uncensored version. He would appeal to the women of this country looking for a more progressive take on what it means to be a man that does not involve being treated like a piece of cattle. Is a piece of cattle a cow? more importantly:

Because masculinity is not about anything but being comfortable with holding your peen on camera.

Because masculinity is not about anything but being comfortable with holding your peen on camera.

b) Lourdes Leon and Rocco Ritchie – Madonna’s children – who will be the victims in her upcoming divorce, kind of like we as citizens are victims now that our government has decided to divorce itself. Hopefully our government doesn’t use us as a weapon against its estranged other halves / quarters / eighths / a million little pieces by james frey.

c)  Legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin, who was caught checking facebook during the presidential debate last night. He would be the ‘accessible celebrity’ due to his inability to control his obsession with The Glorified Message Board, appealing to the Late Majority, and he would also have the benefit of a rapid expiry date (famous fast, never last) which could be used for some rapid-fire publicity before we move onto something more long term.

JT for South Africa - yeah! JT 3 JZ 4 Eva! (or maybe a few days)

JT for South Africa - yeah! JT ❤ JZ 4 Eva! (or maybe a few days)

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>>>Remember the Southafricanland keyring needs to fit naturally into the life of the celebrities we nominate so choose wisely and don’t nominate someone like Tom Cruise because he lives on a space ship and space technology does not use keys to open, it just slides open on hybrid-buffer-hydraulic-interfacing-proxima technology but we all know that, just using him as an example. in case you get lazy with your thinking. oh BTW, client wants your suggestions by tomorrow morning as he is going to Zanzibar for 2 weeks and then we need to start shooting. sorry! :p <<<

want: ghost lamp

BoooOOOOoooooOOOOoooo for me. No Ikea here.

BoooOOOOoooooOOOOoooo for me. No Ikea here.

boy am i sick of seeing objects i would like to buy and feather my home with from ikea. it happens at least once a week. not always from Ikea, but often. with globalililililisation and all, shouldn’t anything we can conceive of here in South Africa be available to us? is the unavailability of cool stuff like Ghost Lamp because of the recession? or are we still paying double for Horlicks here compared to what you pay in the rest of the world because Horlicks thinks us Southafricanlanders don’t know the price of a bag of malt? isn’t the price of malt the only thing that HASN’T gone up? this sounds like a case for the Mothman Prophecy.

What good is a President if he cannot negotiate cheaper retail prices for Horlicks?

What good is a President if he cannot negotiate cheaper retail prices for Horlicks?

I must say, a few weeks on into the new presidency and i feel optimistic about Southafricanland politics. it must be noted that this is not something I thought i’d ever write, but every time i look at that picture of our new prez, i feel happy. his glasses say ‘caring father figure who knows how to balance the books with enough left over to hire his daughter some fake paparazzi for her Matric Dance at Crawford College‘. that comforts me.

a spot of tennis on Sunday

Tennis Time. Outfits are most important. We have gone for a mixture of retro Royal Tannenbaum (Rei) and silly ra-ra skirt from YDE ie. Herschel schoolgirl (me). Together we are not so cool as to be intimidating, not so uncool as to be mistaken as a couple from outside of the city bowl area.

Tennis Time. Outfits are most important. We have gone for a mixture of retro Royal Tannenbaum (Rei) and silly ra-ra skirt from YDE ie. Herschel schoolgirl (me). Together we are not so cool as to be intimidating, not so uncool as to be mistaken as a couple from outside of the city bowl area.

even though the weather was nothing like Paradise Island Saturday, we got up at 9 and munched down some oats with apple and syrup and almonds, and got ourselves off to the Gardens Lawn Tennis Club. we go there because they have a general attitude best embodied by this sign:

If one is to be authentically Capetonian, it is important to be closed to new people and things, and to uphold every small and insignificant rule in the hopes that you will offend anyone who doesnt know that this is the way. If done correctly, you need never meet anyone from outside of Cape Town - ever - nor will you find yourself having to broaden your mind or use your imagination.

If one is to be authentically Capetonian, it is important to be closed to new people and things, and to uphold every small and insignificant rule in the hopes that you will offend anyone who doesn't know that this is the way. If done correctly, you need never meet anyone from outside of Cape Town - ever - nor will you find yourself having to broaden your mind or use your imagination.

of course, Rei and I are not actually members. this is not on purpose – every time we arrive someone official-looking just buzzes us in and never asks us for money. who are we to make conversation with someone we don’t know, let alone make conversation about tennis club payments?

Life in Cape Town - pretty confusing.

Life in Cape Town - pretty confusing.

A grey day for tennis.

A grey day for tennis.

after a few games and some rallies and a lot of chilly cloudy air blowing on our sweaty hocks, we thought we’d better go home and get changed so we could go shopping. this was to be a big shop since our cupboards have been bare for quite some time. this is due to the fact that there’s a recession so the money we’d normally spend on food has been cut out of our budget, which now looks something like this:

Wallpaper Magazine ********** R5 000

Monocle Magazine************R4 000

iPhone 3G x 2****************R10 000 (we have both broken the ones we got free from Apple – hey who knew touch-screen Mario could be so addictive)

Medium broadband connection****R15 000 (South African internet prices tsk tsk)

3rd World Ambient Trauma Counselling (it’s the latest thing, helps you stop worrying about crime and getting hijacked or diseased or when Horlicks will finally become affordable here)************R20 000

Parking Retainer outside The Waiting Room on Long Street (a new thing, so we don’t have to drive around the Long Street block over and over on a Saturday night) *******R2 000

Flickr Pro Accounts*********$50 (don’t know how much that is in Rands)

So that pretty much uses up our disposable income, which is why this shop had to be good and last us at least a week or so until we can sell some art on Etsy or sell our friends taste in fashion and music out to some market research company in order to earn some extra monies.

Are you ready for Gardens Centre?

"Are you ready for Garden's Centre?"

Ready as Ill ever be!

"Ready as I'll ever be!"

Staple diet for young professionals in the creative industry.

Staple diet for young professionals in the creative industry.

Moooooooooslie! Makes those days you forgot lunch bearable. Alpen is cheap and less molasses-coated than many mueslies on the market. That is why it wins with us.

Moooooooooslie! Makes those days you forgot lunch bearable. Alpen is cheap and less molasses-coated than many mueslie's on the market. That is why it wins with us.

Coconut milk - because conditioner is too expensive these days and if theres one thing we both need, its hair shine.

Coconut milk - because conditioner is too expensive these days and if there's one thing we both need, it's hair shine.

Because the internet will soon be a luxury for us middle class folk, we are stocking up on fax paper. Email me if you want my fax number so you can send me your comments. I promise a personalised reply to each and every one.

Because the internet will soon be a luxury for us middle class folk, we are stocking up on fax paper. Email me if you want my fax number so you can send me your comments. I promise a personalised reply to each and every one.

Guavas - the it fruit at the moment. Fruit is similar to hair accessories - they go in and out from week to week. Luckily fruit also goes off. Imagine those pink extensions you got just rotted out of your hair in a week? Anyhow this week is guavas, and we are happy to embrace them. I cant figure out why a makeup brand hasnt covered certain fruits with their stickers yet. A gloss brand in particular. Juicy Tubes?

Guavas - the 'it' fruit at the moment. I can't figure out why a makeup brand hasn't covered certain fruits with their stickers yet. A gloss brand in particular. Juicy Tubes? I am wearing Elizabeth Arden Gloss in this pic in case you're wondering.

Shopping took a lot out of us, so we napped a large part of the afternoon away. Then Rei got down to making dinner while I took photos of him, and then me and him.

Chopping stuff to go in the wok.

Chopping stuff to go in the wok.

Dinner anticipation builds in the kitchen.

Dinner anticipation builds in the kitchen.

Dinner gets down to cooking. Rei is an amazing cook - this is the first phase of an elaborate pasta meal.

Dinner gets down to cooking. Rei is an amazing cook - this is the first phase of an elaborate pasta meal.

Dinner is served. Not so bad for a pair of creative young professionals in a recession.

Dinner is served. Not so bad for a pair of creative young professionals in a recession.